fiat500 Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 My long distance friend of 12 years got married earlier in the year and she's discussed her old fashioned born again beliefs about marriage with me once before and I totally respect it even though I may not agree with it 100%. She's told me she's not allowed to talk about her marriage to anyone else since it's a private affair so I never bring it up whenever I call her. I'm glad she's happy but soon after getting married she's said some silly things that I question a little bit. I let the not getting an invitation to her wedding slide since I was having money problems and she seemed to be in a stress bubble regarding the friends that actually lived near her who were attending. I sent her a nice gift from her registry though and left a few voice mail to let her know I wished her the best on her special day and to stay in contact of course. But when she finally contacted me through email and I asked about the highlights of her wedding and for pics she coldly replied it was "a private affair" and she'd "rather keep it to herself." Um ...okay? I guess I would have understood if I was a guy or something? But I've been talking on the phone and exchanging texts and emails with her since I was 12 years old. So I thought we were pretty close friends. Guess I was wrong. I called her a few days ago to see how she was doing and when she answered the phone she seemed really down. She even apologized for sounding really upset. So I replied with "Aww. What's wrong? Talk to me." and then she told me she was "not at liberty to discuss" meaning she probably got into a small tiff with the hubby. But wtf. It just seems so weird and a little annoying to me that she talks about her marriage as if she were a CIA agent. I mean if you're feeling bad is that not what having friends are for? Is this normal? Just wondering. She's also mentioned to me that when her hubby gets up in the morning at 5am she also gets up with him and moves to the couch. I asked her why in the world she would do that and she explained to me that when you get used to sleeping next to someone it gets pretty lonely without them But the guy is just going to work for crying out loud. Whatever though. If she wants to be his lost puppy on a leash to each her own.
You Go Girl Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 Not much you can do. Are you friends with her family or other friends of hers? They might shed some light on the situation. It certainly isn't normal not to share a wedding picture with an old friend. It makes me wonder if it was a court appearance, and there was no wedding? Did she marry into an Amish family, which doesn't believe in pictures? Did she marry at a nudist colony? What kind of extreme are we talking about here? What religion is she?
blair08 Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 I think its odd. I hope there is no kind of abuse going on or anything. For example she feels she has to be hush hush about things or she'll get in trouble with her hubby. I dunno, weird though.
Author fiat500 Posted August 14, 2010 Author Posted August 14, 2010 I think it's a little strange too and I worry about her but she and her husband are both born again christians. and she seems happy.
Author fiat500 Posted August 14, 2010 Author Posted August 14, 2010 Not much you can do. Are you friends with her family or other friends of hers? They might shed some light on the situation. It certainly isn't normal not to share a wedding picture with an old friend. It makes me wonder if it was a court appearance, and there was no wedding? Did she marry into an Amish family, which doesn't believe in pictures? Did she marry at a nudist colony? What kind of extreme are we talking about here? What religion is she? I don't know her family personally but I know she disliked living with them for a while. She moved to a completely different state once she got married and talks to them seldom now.
blair08 Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 I think it's a little strange too and I worry about her but she and her husband are both born again christians. and she seems happy. If she seems happy then maybe she is. However I've known many people who claim to be christians, and are in controlling unhealthy situations. Do not let the word "christian" fool you.
Author fiat500 Posted August 14, 2010 Author Posted August 14, 2010 If she seems happy then maybe she is. However I've known many people who claim to be christians, and are in controlling unhealthy situations. Do not let the word "christian" fool you. You're right. All I could really do is hope she is genuinely happy even though she acts like a robot now.
JackJack Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 Is there anyone else you know of, friends or a relative that might could find out more info on what might or might not be going on with her? "she's discussed her old fashioned born again beliefs about marriage with me once before and I totally respect it even though I may not agree with it 100%" What kinds of old fashioned beliefs has she told you about? Are they her beliefs only, and does her husband believe that way as well?
Author fiat500 Posted August 14, 2010 Author Posted August 14, 2010 She mostly follows what the bible says about how woman should act in marriage. She'll go into it a little bit but then it seems like she really doesn't know how to explain it. When I ask for more information on the subject she pretty much brushes it off or suggests I go read the bible to find out for myself. I have to be careful about what I say or how much I ask about her personal life because she'll say she's "not at liberty to say" or it makes her uncomfortable. So it's extremely difficult to relate to her at times. I even have to remember that some of the movies I recommend she go see might not even be appropriate for her! I think she only became a born again in the last 6 or 7 years because I remember I had to start censoring myself whenever we talked but it was never really that difficult until this year.
JackJack Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 "She's not at liberty to say." I'm not sure if this is coming from the Bible or her husband as far as what she's not at liberty to say. It seems to me a healthy relationship/marriage would be one where you could share things with people, like friends/family etc. For example, most people would love to share their wedding pics with others and share things about their special day, but she did not. Moving away to another state and seldom talks to her own family too? Something sounds fishy to me all the way around. However, there really isn't much you can do other than try to be there for her the best you can. of course I'm sure thats hard to do when you can't seem to get much out of her. You never know what she truly might be going through though.
InceptorsRule Posted August 15, 2010 Posted August 15, 2010 Is this normal? Just wondering. Perhaps it is "normal" for people who also believe that Fred Flintstone riding a dinosaur is an accurate depiction of the pre-industrial age.
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