LDR problems... bf works too much and not putting enough effort on relationship

[h0neyz]

I have been with my bf for 6 years (we are first bf and gf and are both 21) now and everything has been going so well up until mid last year when he found a job interstate (5 hours away)... well at first things were ok but then after the first six monts or so he started to get very busy at work and had less time for me which in turn resulted into many arguements. About 3 months ago he asked for some space which i reluctantly agreed to but nonetheless i gave him his space .. he said that it was not us that was the problem and that he was just stressed from work. I thought this was just some excuse to get out of the relationship but during our time appart he kinda had a 'break down' (he took a week off work and packed his bags and rented a cabin for himself in the country, he didnt tell anyone where he was going or why he was going.. he just took off which was a bit out of character since he wouldnt just take some time off work even if he was sick) When he returned from this trip he called me and apologized and said that he realised how important i am to him and that he would like to give it another go and i agreed.

 

I dunno what has changed since he went away but the less time he has for me the more i resented him and now i dunno what to feel cause even though we are together things arent the way it used to be ... i mean i feel as though we have lost the spark and maybe its my insecurity but i feel as though he loves me less. He tells me that he loves me and is still very affectionate towards me but he gets caught up in his work that sometimes i feels as though he forgets about our relationship. Recently he was sent overseas for about 6 weeks on a work assignment and during that time i felt as though he wasnt putting any effort into the relationship.. he would forget to call when he said he would and if i emailed him he wouldnt reply for days. He says he is busy at work .. but is this really an excuse to not putting any effort into something that he says he wants? He is always busy at work and most days he has 10-12 hour days so there is hardly anytime for the relationship although we had agreed to spending half and hour each day on the relationship but of course work comes before that.

 

Another thing that i am concerned about is the lack of sexual intimacy well on his side... lately he doesnt seem to want to go beyond kissing ... we both used to be very intimate with each other and he used to be the one who iniates things but now he doesnt seem to want to do anything and says that he prefers to just hold me and kiss me instead of having sex...?? I dunno if there is something wrong with that or if its just a phase he is going through cause he so stressed out at work.. ?

 

He tells me that he loves me very much and wants this relationship to work out but he is not putting any effort into the relationship? I dunno what to do anymore.. am i just asking for too much?

[ladylux]

h0neyz,

 

It sounds like you're going through a tough time. I too have been dating someone for 6 years, and we have been apart for one year (we live on opposite sides of Canada).

 

It sounds to me like your boyfriend wants the best of all worlds. Maybe he doesn't want to let go of you, but maybe he is also pursuing other things in life - the no sex thing is a phase we all go through in relationships, so I don't want to say that he is seeing someone else, but maybe he's trying to distance himself from you in case he does break away - to hurt you less? I don't know. What I do know is you have to take care of yourself first, and if you are feeling uneasy or confused, maybe you should back away and re-consider things. You need to be with someone who you trust, and who brings out the best in you - what's the point if you're not happy? At the same time, I understand that you have a lot invested in this person and you can't just walk away when things get rough, but you could tell him how you feel and let him know that you don't feel like his priority and maybe you think both of you need some more time to figure things out.

 

His trip away sounds odd... maybe there's more to it than he is letting on.

 

I hope things work out - I know it sucks.