TheUnthoughtKnown Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 I was in a club with a friend. I was walking away from the bar when I walked past my ex's friend, and some other girl. I barely registered them coz I was quite drunk and there were lots of people, but the image stayed in my head. Then I realised, with a bit of shock if I'm honest, that the other girl was my ex. I was shaking a little bit, tried to control myself. I turned to my friend and told him what I'd seen, and said I wanted to leave. He agreed, but decided to run to the bar and speak to my ex! He later told me a bit of the conversation went like so Him: So hows things with you and him? Take it you two're still not talking? Her: I don't want to talk bout that, if you don't mind. I've nothing to say about him I'm pretty upset about that. I ended up leaving and getting into an argument with several bouncers to blow off some steam, and maybe kicked a few inanimate objects. Thing is, all the thinking I've done, and the coming to terms with it and dealing with it and trying to figure myself out and who I am in the aftermath of this break, all of that unravels the second I see her and I become that nervous, angry, basket case that I was in the first month or two. I just went right back to the drawing board...sh*t...
bboy Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 No you did not go right back to the drawing board! You walked away as you should have done. Your friend didn't. If this would have been day one. You would have stood there and try to talk to her. That's a major difference. Her reaction is quite normal. You have an ended relationship and she has obviously a bit of issues with it and where standing in a public crowd. If she would have been so secure her answer would have been: Her: Of course, but I think it is the best for both of us to have it this way. I hope he's doing well.
smk Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 Dude you did good... I remember seeing my ex the first time after I went NC I bumped into her at the train station and it was weird like you I got the shakes and could barely function... Forget her reaction, this is about you and no one else... Keep doing what you're doing and focus on yourself...
Author TheUnthoughtKnown Posted August 14, 2010 Author Posted August 14, 2010 I'm thinking of sending an email. Its not a bad one, just a sign-off. Let me know opinions, thanks. _________________________________________________________________ I don't really know where I'm going to begin with this. To start with, this isn't a plea or anything like that. This is me closing the chapter on this whole thing. I've done a lot in the last four months. I got a job, made new friends, went nights out, began working out more, eating less, threw myself into projects etc. I think the last thing I've got left to do is send you this. I don't know if this will mean anything to you. To be honest, I haven't tried to think of your point of view in all this. I went from being utterly furious with you, to pretty much being in denial. I don't know how I've been this last month or two, but I want to explain a few things to you. Maybe you'll understand, maybe not. First of all: It was really hard getting over you. I know you didn't feel as strongly for me as I did for you, probably not even a quarter as much. I knew that then, when we were friends, I knew it when we began dating, and our break-up only reaffirmed what I had thought. Probably a lot of what I did didn't make sense to you because you couldn't see it from my point of view. That makes sense. But you know me. You know me. You know how intense I am, what I'm like with women, you must have known what you were getting yourself into. It was never nice for me to deal with the fact I was so much more invested in us than you. I'm not saying you were uninterested, of course not. And thats not to say I didn't have other things to do, of course I did. I had college, friends, things to sort out. I had just as much as, if not more than, you going on in my life. The difference was I wanted to make you the centre of my life, not just another add-on. I just don't see the point in making you just another thing in my life. I felt like I was trying to wrap my life around you, whereas I was something you were trying to fit into your life. You see where I'm coming from? You said in a text once that we went too fast. Partly thats true. YOU went too fast for yourself. For me you were going too slow. You seemed reluctant sometimes, and I sensed hesitance now and again, it made me uneasy. You blame me for acting out that night. Fine. You weren't aware of how annoyed I was becoming with you. I felt like you were too ignorant. I'm sorry if any of this p*sses you off, its MY point of view. Its how things happened, for me. Anyways, I saw you in that club the other night. And it got me to thinking. I've been doing well in moving on, feeling better etc, and I realised the last thing I needed to do was send you this. I hope you can appreciate what I felt the need to do, and hope you know I don't expect anything from this. It's just my way of finally moving on. I hope you're well.
bonpaw2008 Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 It was the shock and awe factor of seeing her. You did the right thing by avoiding her. You are definitely not back at square one, there is no way that her reaction (the same as when she broke up with you, that she didn't want to talk to you or about you) changed anything. Go out tonight again and have a fabulous time, you deserve a night of peace!!!
bboy Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 I'm thinking of sending an email. Its not a bad one, just a sign-off. Let me know opinions, thanks. _________________________________________________________________ I don't really know where I'm going to begin with this. To start with, this isn't a plea or anything like that. This is me closing the chapter on this whole thing. I've done a lot in the last four months. I got a job, made new friends, went nights out, began working out more, eating less, threw myself into projects etc. I think the last thing I've got left to do is send you this. I don't know if this will mean anything to you. To be honest, I haven't tried to think of your point of view in all this. I went from being utterly furious with you, to pretty much being in denial. I don't know how I've been this last month or two, but I want to explain a few things to you. Maybe you'll understand, maybe not. First of all: It was really hard getting over you. I know you didn't feel as strongly for me as I did for you, probably not even a quarter as much. I knew that then, when we were friends, I knew it when we began dating, and our break-up only reaffirmed what I had thought. Probably a lot of what I did didn't make sense to you because you couldn't see it from my point of view. That makes sense. But you know me. You know me. You know how intense I am, what I'm like with women, you must have known what you were getting yourself into. It was never nice for me to deal with the fact I was so much more invested in us than you. I'm not saying you were uninterested, of course not. And thats not to say I didn't have other things to do, of course I did. I had college, friends, things to sort out. I had just as much as, if not more than, you going on in my life. The difference was I wanted to make you the centre of my life, not just another add-on. I just don't see the point in making you just another thing in my life. I felt like I was trying to wrap my life around you, whereas I was something you were trying to fit into your life. You see where I'm coming from? You said in a text once that we went too fast. Partly thats true. YOU went too fast for yourself. For me you were going too slow. You seemed reluctant sometimes, and I sensed hesitance now and again, it made me uneasy. You blame me for acting out that night. Fine. You weren't aware of how annoyed I was becoming with you. I felt like you were too ignorant. I'm sorry if any of this p*sses you off, its MY point of view. Its how things happened, for me. Anyways, I saw you in that club the other night. And it got me to thinking. I've been doing well in moving on, feeling better etc, and I realised the last thing I needed to do was send you this. I hope you can appreciate what I felt the need to do, and hope you know I don't expect anything from this. It's just my way of finally moving on. I hope you're well. The short comment is - burn that letter. The long comment is - you're not over her, you want a reaction from her. My opinion. You will only hurt yourself about this. What happened was the best actually. You met briefly and you moved on. She knows that you didn't come up to her, she knows you moved on. Her defence was probably that "He must still have problems". Her female friends probably said, "Yeah, he must be still stuck". And everyone thinks, "why did you give his friend such a stiff comment if you're so over this yourself?!" My solid advice to you is to avoid this letter. I can tell from my own experience that such a letter will not lead to anything but opening your wounds again. Keep moving in the direction you did when you met her at the bar. Away from her. She's the one who saw your back leaving. Let it be that way. P.S Very good that you began writing here and not to her.
Author TheUnthoughtKnown Posted August 15, 2010 Author Posted August 15, 2010 (edited) Hey bboy, thanks for your advice. I didn't send the email. I thought about it, changed my mind then walked away. Then I came back to the computer maybe an hour later and considered sending it again. For now, it won't be sent. There's such a strong force in the form of that person who's inhabited your mind for however long. The need to speak to her, to see her speaking to me, acknowledging me, is so strong. All the things I've done in the last four months I want to so badly to include her in all of it. Seeing her in that club just brought it all back. So what now? Keep moving forward, no contact? This feeling, this urge, is as strong as ever. Yesterday she was literally all I could think about. Edited August 15, 2010 by TheUnthoughtKnown
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