WinstonSmith Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 Ok, I kinda feel like I'm going crazy. Here's my predicament: I need to get out, do something, and meet new people. I'm 25, and don't really have any friends anymore. I used to have a handful of good friends, but we've all pretty much drifted apart. I'm generally not a very "social person," but the isolation I've been living in lately is just too much. To make matters worse, I've been working from home over the internet all summer, so pretty much the only social contact I've had is with my grandmother (who I live with to help out with the house work), and my piece-of-****, drug-addict brother who I also live with. And I really can't stand my brother; he's always stealing stuff from me and my grandmother, but my grandmother refuses to kick him out... Ok, got a little off topic here Anyways, I'm not very good at making new friends. I've been commuting to a university for the past 2 years, and have not made a single friend! Lectures aren't really the greatest places to meet people I typically just drive to school, go to lectures, then drive back home. The last semester I'll have to take starts in a couple weeks, and even though I probably won't make any friends, I'm kinda looking forward to it, because at least I'll have some social contact. I used to like going to parties a lot, but I don't know anyone that "parties" anymore I like doing things outdoors, like camping, fishing, and hiking, but again, I don't have any friends to do these things with. I also haven't really ever had a girlfriend, which is pretty pathetic. Thinking back, I remember a lot of lost opportunities, but I'm retarded when it comes to reading "cues" or whatever you call them. This is another reason why I need some kind of social life. I don't ever see myself meeting a woman when I don't have any social contact with single women. So, does anyone have any suggestions on how to start a new social life, or at least find a date? I currently live in rural US, so it's not like I can go to a club or anything (I don't like that kind of music anyways, and I don't "dance"). Although, we do have a strip-club nearby, but those women always want money for some reason We have bars too, but those are mostly filled with old, alcoholic rednecks. I'm just so ****ing bored and lonely I'm going crazy! What should I do?
Blade Runner Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 (edited) I'm a bit younger than you and currently getting myself out of a similar sitatuon. For a start, your living conditions probably aren't helping. You should move. I know that requires money, and time, but everybody who wants to do it has to find it somehow, so you can too. Meeting friends at University/college etc can be tough, but you really just have to put yourself out there. Say Hello to people in your classes youv'e never said hello to. Some people are so shy, so afriad to put themselves out there that you really have to do the work. And it's amazing what a simple "hello" can do. Make an effort to say hello to five people every day. Even if it's a random person on the street, in your campus, whatever. Instead of driving home straight after class, find something else to do. Go to a club (not a dance one, I mean like an art club, a music club, colleges usually have 'em), try and make friends with people in your classes. Unless you're in the classes by yourself, there's nothing stopping you but a little shyness from doing this. Find a social life then find a date. Finding a few friends is what you need right now. That will lead to activities, parties, which will lead to meeting even more people, parties, whatever. I would move out if you could. If you can't, get a job that allows you to, or at least get a job that gets you in contact with people. Work in a cafe, a bar, a shop. Something to get a bit of extra cash. You will meet people here. Even one co-worker who takes a little liking to you and can introduce you to more people. You need to take control of yourself, and take it one step at a time. There's nothing else to it. Stop telling yourself BS like "I probably won't make any friends". That's up to you. Complete losers make friends. All kinds of tossers have friends. You can get 'em. Might take some extra work on your behalf, though. Lots of people already have friends in College so they don't feel the need to push extra and meet other people. Which is why you have to extra work. They don't know that you don't have any friends. Change your approach. Make it all positive. Start with friends. Move to parties, clubs, new situations. New job. New haircut. New clothes. New music. Whatever it takes. Fill your mind with positive stuff. Don't weigh yourself down now. You're 25, not 80. You've got to take control now, before it gets you down. Walk around with a black cloud over your shoulder too long and it becomes a permanent shadow. If you got no friends, that means nobody knows you. That means for all they know you could be a billionaire with six kids and a yacht. It means you can carry yourself any way you want to. How you project yourself to others will determine how easy it is for you to make friends. Start doing things you'd usually never do. Take risks. Put yourself out there. Go. Edited August 14, 2010 by Blade Runner
Eve Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 Ultimately, the answer is to live on Campus, then share a house with new friends at later stages of studying... Get involved in different types of work environments too, even though it sounds as though you have something steady to do. Yeah, I can see why you have been bored. Take care, Eve xx
Author WinstonSmith Posted August 14, 2010 Author Posted August 14, 2010 Thanks Blade Runner. I do have/make enough money to move out, and have been thinking about it, but my grandmother cannot take care of everything herself. She cannot mow the lawn, she can't lift anything heavy, and I'm afraid that her mind is starting to go also. If I move out she'll definitely have to move to a nursing home, and I'm not sure if that would be the best thing for her. She refuses to move in with any other relatives that have offered to take her in as well. The problem with my living conditions is my brother, but my grandmother cannot find it in her heart to kick him out "on the street" (even though I think that'd be the best thing for him). My grandmother likes to feel in control, and I don't want to try to "take-over" the household and force my brother to leave without my grandmother behind me. So, I'm in an internal debate within myself on what to do about this situation. Nevertheless, when I graduate in December, I don't plan on staying in this area, so maybe I should start getting things sorted out with my grandmother now. I go to a very small liberal arts university, but there are some clubs. Can't remember what kind of clubs, but I'll look again and see if there's anything I find interesting. My current job ends in a few days. It was a contract job, directly related to my major (computer science). I don't really regret doing it, but it was tough working alone. It also paid way more than a cafe, bar, or store would pay There are not many "brick-and-mortar" programming jobs in my area, especially ones that would allow me to work around my class schedule, so my next job will probably be another programming contract job working from home again Considering that I get my B.S. in December, I think it's important for me to work on jobs directly related to my major to build good references; plus I can charge a lot I do think I need to think more positively though. You are right about my "shyness" getting in the way, and I tend to stay away from situations that could make me feel vulnerable. I do need to take more chances. Your, "Start doing things you'd usually never do," comment reminds me of Einstein's definition of insanity: "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Thanks. Another thing is that I don't really relate to most of the people that I go to class with. Most are a bit younger than me (I tried working in factories till I was 21, and realized it wasn't for me), and they have come from middle to upper-class backgrounds, where I have lived in poverty most my life. Their parents take care of everything for them, while my father kicked me out on my 18th birthday. Not that I resent my classmates or anything. Good for them. I just feel like an outsider.
GooseChaser Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 (edited) I also recommend school clubs. Look for events in your community! I just went to the library and they had a calendar of events. At my particular local library they play Scrabble two days a month. That sounds fun, doesn't it? You can also grab a brochure full of community events. Look around, and widen your horizons! Think of places you would like to go to-- parks, museums, gyms, places to volunteer, places to hear music or watch movies, church singles' meets, et cetera. You can also work to make friends and get people together yourself to have fun; for a board game or movie, for example. There is also a website called meetup.com that can help a person find a group they share interests with Don't put yourself down for being single! It's nothing to be ashamed of! You just haven't found the right person yet! Edited August 18, 2010 by GooseChaser
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