Boyfriend is jelous of my Sexual Past, what do i do??

[ButterflyWingz]

To kind of cut it short and to the point. I havnt been with many guys at and I dont have much experience with some things. Well I know my boyfriend has been with a lot of girls before me but I never ask how many or what he has done bc I rather not know. Well I had a bad experience with going down on an EX boyfriend and it was my first and only time. Well I felt like I needed to tell him why I was nervouse with doing that with him so I told him not what haooen but just that I had a bad experience with it and I dont like the smell of cum. mind you ive only done this with one person. So I dont know if its liek that with all guys or what. Well I thought he would of taken it like awe thats all the bothers you, yah know liek we can get past that to make me feel more comfortable with it. Well he got all pissed off because now that I said I had a bad experience with it he thinks the worst and pictures me going down on another guy. He is the tyoe of guy that knows I have a small past and knows he has more experience then me but still gets mad or upset that I even did anything with another guy bc he wants me all to himself and he gets jealous and mad. I dont know what do do. I mean was I wrong to tell him that was a problem I had or should I of just tried getting over it with out telling him. Now i dont know what do to if something comes up about my past do I not talk about it at all. I mean after all I am with him and only him and I want no one else and my past is what made me who i am today. I dont know what to do can someone help me or relate to me??

[BellaBellaBella]

You were right to tell him, that you had a problem. Tell him the truth that you want to work things out with him and you need his help. Let him know that it makes you feel like you can't be honest with the one person who can be there for you and you care about.

 

If your having problems, a caring partner would be there to emotionally support you. Sex can be fun and it can be romantic, but it in a relationship it is my feeling it is based on caring and trust.

[denise_xo]

. Well I thought he would of taken it like awe thats all the bothers you, yah know liek we can get past that to make me feel more comfortable with it.

 

Well, that would have been a much more reasonable response, IMO.

 

Well he got all pissed off because now that I said I had a bad experience with it he thinks the worst and pictures me going down on another guy. He is the tyoe of guy that knows I have a small past and knows he has more experience then me but still gets mad or upset that I even did anything with another guy bc he wants me all to himself and he gets jealous and mad.

 

Well, if this is a deal breaker for him, if he wants a virgin with no previous sexual experience, then he needs to leave you and go and find himself a virgin with no previous sexual experience (and I'm not even going to go into the double standards of that). This is his problem, it's not yours.

 

When I entered my current current relationship, I got together with someone who had next to no sexual experience. I had been sexually active for about thirteen years and had had several previous partners. At first, my new partner found that this was an issue for him. I told him, calmly and clearly, that this was who I was and that I was in no position to change the past, and if he wasn't happy with it and this was a deal breaker for him, then he was free to take the choice to step out of the relationship.

 

T I mean was I wrong to tell him that was a problem I had

 

No, that was the right thing to do. Open communication with your partner about things that might affect your sexual relationship is extremely important.

 

I dont know what to do can someone help me or relate to me??

 

Well, I think you should establish some clear boundaries for yourself and place clear expectations on him for how YOU want this relationship to look like, both in and out of the bedroom. Personally, I would not accept a partner who would be "pissed off/mad/jealous" over the kinds of things that you describe, and it is clear from your OP that you are also bothered by this. Tell him that his behaviour is not OK, and that you need to be with someone who is a supportive sexual partner and who can communicate constructively about how to make your sexual relationship work.

 

Then, explain to him that you can't change your past. He needs to either accept it, or move on to someone else who hasn't been with another man before, if this is so important for him.

[reservoirdog1]

First of all, you told him for a good reason.

 

Secondly, he can be jealous all he wants. However, he has NO RIGHT to inflict his jealousy on you. You have a past (small though it is), he has a past (way more significant than yours), and neither of you owes the other an explanation or an apology for that, as long as you're both STD-free.

 

His jealousy is HIS PROBLEM to deal with. (Also, IMHO, it's the mark of a weak man.) You need to nip this in the bud right now, and tell him that you are not going to accept any more shyt from him about your past experiences, and that if he gives you any future grief or sulky bullshyt about it, you will walk. Then do it, if he does it again.

 

If it sounds like I personally have a low tolerance for this kind of thing, that's because I do. But I think my advice is sound.

[Feelin Frisky]

To kind of cut it short and to the point. I havnt been with many guys at and I dont have much experience with some things. Well I know my boyfriend has been with a lot of girls before me but I never ask how many or what he has done bc I rather not know. Well I had a bad experience with going down on an EX boyfriend and it was my first and only time. Well I felt like I needed to tell him why I was nervouse with doing that with him so I told him not what haooen but just that I had a bad experience with it and I dont like the smell of cum. mind you ive only done this with one person. So I dont know if its liek that with all guys or what. Well I thought he would of taken it like awe thats all the bothers you, yah know liek we can get past that to make me feel more comfortable with it. Well he got all pissed off because now that I said I had a bad experience with it he thinks the worst and pictures me going down on another guy. He is the tyoe of guy that knows I have a small past and knows he has more experience then me but still gets mad or upset that I even did anything with another guy bc he wants me all to himself and he gets jealous and mad. I dont know what do do. I mean was I wrong to tell him that was a problem I had or should I of just tried getting over it with out telling him. Now i dont know what do to if something comes up about my past do I not talk about it at all. I mean after all I am with him and only him and I want no one else and my past is what made me who i am today. I dont know what to do can someone help me or relate to me??

 

 

This is a direct issue of intimacy. Telling your boyfriend of this is a measure of your openness and willingness to extend trust to him. He apparently is not mature enough to see it as a bright sign of your effort to achieve a relationship based on truth, understanding and perhaps a willingness to negotiate something so personal into much less of a hurdle.

I think you deserve better and that you should consider this a deal-breaker with him. He is being a total idiot.

 

I expect a woman to have been a woman and I don't care to hear any details of the specifics of her previous sex life. But it would certainly be intimate and important to know if my new love has a negative attitude toward oral sex based upon a single bad experience. If a woman I was falling for said her former b/f or ex-hubby or whatever blasted off in her mouth and she gagged and she splugged it up through her nose, I'd just hold her close and assure her that that would never happen with me because I know it won't. It might even get me a little hot though.

[denise_xo]

This is a direct issue of intimacy. Telling your boyfriend of this is a measure of your openness and willingness to extend trust to him. He apparently is not mature enough to see it as a bright sign of your effort to achieve a relationship based on truth, understanding and perhaps a willingness to negotiate something so personal into much less of a hurdle.

I think you deserve better and that you should consider this a deal-breaker with him. He is being a total idiot.

 

I expect a woman to have been a woman and I don't care to hear any details of the specifics of her previous sex life. But it would certainly be intimate and important to know if my new love has a negative attitude toward oral sex based upon a single bad experience. If a woman I was falling for said her former b/f or ex-hubby or whatever blasted off in her mouth and she gagged and she splugged it up through her nose, I'd just hold her close and assure her that that would never happen with me because I know it won't. It might even get me a little hot though.

 

This is a very good post. Read it more than once, BW.