alex1960 Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 With a young daughter and two executive jobs, my wife and I are pretty busy fellows. She recently received an invitation to a restaurant opening. Problem is, the invitation came from a male friend from work and she had to take the plane to get there. Now I also found out my wife actually paid the bill and their dinner cost over $300! My wife assures me they are just friends and I'm prepared to believe her. However is it me or is there something wrong with this situation? Even if my wife wants to be just friends, I would think this situation gives the other guy some kind of hope that something will happen.
temporaryvisa Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 With a young daughter and two executive jobs, my wife and I are pretty busy fellows. She recently received an invitation to a restaurant opening. Problem is, the invitation came from a male friend from work and she had to take the plane to get there. Now I also found out my wife actually paid the bill and their dinner cost over $300! My wife assures me they are just friends and I'm prepared to believe her. However is it me or is there something wrong with this situation? Even if my wife wants to be just friends, I would think this situation gives the other guy some kind of hope that something will happen. "The plane" ???? How rich are you guys?!
Author alex1960 Posted August 14, 2010 Author Posted August 14, 2010 "The plane" ???? How rich are you guys?! The ticket was covered by her employer.
TaraMaiden Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 "The plane" ???? How rich are you guys?! This is completely irrelevant and pointless question. What does it matter how rich these people are? That's not the issue, and frankly, if you'll forgive me saying so - none of your business. The guy is concerned about the appropriate nature of his wife's actions, and the fact that, on a seemingly official or formal matter, she ended up footing the bill, which would imply a false premise for the invitation. And all you can ask is "How rich are you guys?" I would be asking what their jobs are in relation to the restaurant trade, how long has she been working with this guy, will she get her money back, and are there other issues within the relationship (Lack of communication, too busy with jobs to ever touch base, previous indiscretions and infidelity, length of marriage....) When a relationship hits problems, money is of no relevance whatsoever. Rich as Lords or poor as church mice - hearts shatter regardless.
temporaryvisa Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 OMG OMG OMG! I'm really sorry, okay, I was just curious. Why does everything I sya turn into some kind of argument ? I was very curious, honestly. That's all. Sorry.
brainygirl Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 I dunno the answer for sure because I'm not in your wife's head, but I would think that if certain actions made you, her spouse, uncomfortable, then you ought to at least have a conversation with her about it.
TaraMaiden Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 ..... I'm really sorry, okay, I was just curious. Why does everything I sya turn into some kind of argument ? I will tell you what my mother told me: "Engage brain and put it in gear, before driving mouth." I don't think Everything you say turns into an argument. It's just worth thinking about what you're saying, and trying to see what construct it will bring to a discussion.... If you but knew the amount of posts I've actually deleted BEFORE posting them, because I've though "Ok, what's my point, exactly....?"....you have no idea! Consider appropriateness. That's all....
collegeguy_24 Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 Rich as Lords or poor as church mice - hearts shatter regardless. Not to sound off topic, but thats a really good quote there.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 Sorry to spoil the party for everyone, but... it DOES matter just what "$300" means to the OP and his SO. It is a different situation entirely if they are barely scraping by, and $300 meant the difference between paying the electric bill for two months, vs. not doing so. And as I just happened to reply on another post, "men, when left to their own devices, simply do not do the friends-with-women-for-the-sake-of-friendship thing". Nowthen, IF the wife could afford the $300 and could in any way at all fit the "dinner" into the context of business, then her main offense is only minor. The male on the other side is very likely intent upon getting something from the woman... but as is the case with so many women here at LS, this woman may continue to hold out the faith that it really is just friendship he is interested in. When on the roads of America, whether you know the laws/rules or not, you are responsible for knowing them. In this case, socially, it is entirely possible that the wife truly doesn't know (or believe) how it is with guys, and she must cross a more prominent line in order to be guilty beyond a reasonable doubt. I can't vote to convict just yet.
BubbleFreak Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 I think you need to trust your wife that her intentions were innocent (she may genuinely see him as just a friend even if he may be a person who wants more than that), but it's important she also respects you. Whether what she did was right or wrong is beside the point. The important factor here is that you are uncomfortable with what she did. There is no way you can monitor your partner 24/7 so all you have is trust in each other. All you can do is be honest and tell her how you feel. You are not being a control freak.
Simon Attwood Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 OMG OMG OMG! I'm really sorry, okay, I was just curious. Why does everything I sya turn into some kind of argument ? I was very curious, honestly. That's all. Sorry. Tara just likes a good argument
FL Lady Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 With a young daughter and two executive jobs, my wife and I are pretty busy fellows. She recently received an invitation to a restaurant opening. Problem is, the invitation came from a male friend from work and she had to take the plane to get there. Now I also found out my wife actually paid the bill and their dinner cost over $300! My wife assures me they are just friends and I'm prepared to believe her. However is it me or is there something wrong with this situation? Even if my wife wants to be just friends, I would think this situation gives the other guy some kind of hope that something will happen. Hey...Alex1960 $300 in a nice city for dinner for two is not that bad. Chicago is good example. My guess is, if they had a couple of bottles of wine, they split the cost for the dinner. Taxes, gratuity, add up quickly. Plus they were out late that night if I remember correctly? A recent date I had we went to Morton's, drank Cakebread wine (2bottles) ate well, and tipped well. It was well over $500.00. We enjoyed ourselves. I would just pay the bill & let it go. CLEARLY she really enjoyed herself. (hint hint she has a crush on this guy. Trust me). She was able to expense her flight, hotel, but not this expensive meal. So she had to pay a portion of the bill out of her pocket. Hence, she used her credit card. You're not being a control freak. You're just mad that now you have to help cover her dinner date. . I mean that politely of course. I would be too if I was you.
FL Lady Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 (edited) Hey....I didn't answer your original question. I don't think her paying for her portion of the meal gives him a signal. Your wife likely earns a nice income and can afford the meal. That's great. I think the hint she dropped that something may happen in the future was that she went and met him in the first place. But as your friend saw nothing but a fun dinner date happened so no harm done. I'm not sure if you have anything to worry about right now. But- of course she is going to assure you they are just friends, what else is she going to say? Really? Ha ha..... Just keep your radar on. When I started to stray was when my sexual attraction/drive with my Ex hit the major skids. Some of it was my fault, some was his. Edited August 14, 2010 by FL Lady
Author alex1960 Posted August 14, 2010 Author Posted August 14, 2010 Thanks everyone for responding. We are clearly not struggling to pay our utility bills but $300 isn't what I have in mind when I see a friend from work. But mostly it's the indication that the meal could not be expensed as a business meal, which means their meeting was driven by "friendship". Hopefully. Add that to the fact that she planned a business trip around that dinner, and you'll understand why I'm a bit moody even though nothing happened.
carhill Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 Backstory I'd keep an eye on things if I were you. Good luck
InceptorsRule Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 OP: Your wife is cheating on you with the "male friend" unless he's a "beard" (i.e. a subterfuge with the real affair guy being someone else they mutually know). But most likely it's with the identified "male friend." There is no doubt you wife is involved in a sexual and emotional relationship with the "male friend." Probably everyone in their social/professional circle is well aware of it, too. The restaurant wasn't the only thing "opening" on that trip. She opened her legs too.
FL Lady Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 Thanks everyone for responding. We are clearly not struggling to pay our utility bills but $300 isn't what I have in mind when I see a friend from work. But mostly it's the indication that the meal could not be expensed as a business meal, which means their meeting was driven by "friendship". Hopefully. Add that to the fact that she planned a business trip around that dinner, and you'll understand why I'm a bit moody even though nothing happened. Hey.....you seem like a super nice and level headed guy in your posts. I bet you guys will work everything out. Stay very flirty with her, pay attention to her in the evenings and share the load with caring for your daughter, don't forget dates alone with her, keep tv viewing during football season in control so you don't ignore her, and be romantic like you were the first 2 years. Use a restroom on the other side of the house so she has her own. I could go on, but will spare you. . Plus you didn't ask. My ex was obsessed with NCAA sports, so I threw in my 2 cents about controlling tv time. Ha ha......
AverageJoe Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 She may be going to dinner under the pretense of being work related with this guy as friends. I happen to think he does not share that same enthusiasm. If he had his opportunity he would have her legs at the ten and two o'clock position. Especially if alchohol was involved. For some women that stuff can be like wd40 for the panties. In regards to that last post. No way I would be giving up a remote on NFL sundays. Thats just harsh.
mr.dream merchant Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 (edited) I dont get that. A guy's woman is out acting shady, and spending time with other men..and a woman's answer is to be more caring, attentive, and loving towards her..am I missing something here? If my wife/gf/whatever was out spending time with other men in a fashion for me to be suspicious, why would I want to even do all of the above? I'd be ready to toss her ass out on the curb. I'm sorry but FL Lady's advice sounds like some gender biased, feminist, light some chamomile scented candle bull****. Ironically, she's from South Florida..and that's exactly how alot of women out here think. Like they're a god damn princess that needs to be pampered and spoiled. **** that noise! You get that treatment when you've earned it. The OP's wife is testing that, she just may lose her privileges to such actions. Edited August 14, 2010 by mr.dream merchant
You Go Girl Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 Are you sure the meal cannot be expensed? Does she have a work credit card, or does she turn in expense reports? Are you sure that this relationship isn't business related, in that an expensive meal was part of the overall plan to establish rapport? Finally, nobody having an outright affair puts $300 on a credit card for dinner. They go use the ATM. A woman who can afford a $300 dinner is not an idiot. She is not naive. She knows what this relationship is all about, whatever level it is on. She is not a fool who thinks a relationship is a friendship and the guy thinks it is going to be something else. Wake up guys, this woman is smart and knows exactly what she was doing, and if I was her husband, I'd ask about it, and then let it go. She's a successful business woman, not a third grader.
Woggle Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 It is obvious she is cheating on you. I would see a lawyer.
keane2010 Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 Many people cross the line at events that include airfare, trainfare or hotel stays. I'm a married guy. A few years ago, the president of a company I buy from offered that if I extended my travel to Sweden by a couple of days at my personal expense (I was reviewing the progress of equipment we were purchasing), she would show me the sights and take me to a favorite resort. As a manager in my company, I had spent a few million with her company. It was an awesone offer, but didn't take more than a minute to turn it down.
Woggle Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 I go on business trips from time to time and I have to stay for a few days. You would not believe how many women try to hit on me and most of them are married. If a woman seems disloyal chances are she probably is.
TaraMaiden Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 Tara just likes a good argument I think you'll find I don't. So there. I'm a bit bemused by the assumption of many that she's already cheating, but I am of the opinion that something outside the marriage is definitely holding her attention... I think you need to call time out and tell her that it made you distinctly uncomfortable, and you'd rather not suspect her of anything, but you're reluctantly drawn that way.... My take on it is that maybe you should quietly confront her, and tell her you obviously have no proof, but you have your suspicions, so you'd be grateful if she would at least have the decency, honesty, good grace and dignity to let you know if things were awry, and if she wanted to discuss your marriage. Give her ample and full opportunity to open up. Tell her, you can take it, but if she feels something's missing, or there's a void where before there was something good, you feel it would at least be fair on you both, to be open and sincere. Does she think you two could do with counselling? if she still goes into denial, tell her that in that case, this guy can pay back the money, or at least reimburse half of it, and could you have his details please....? .
carhill Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 if she still goes into denial, tell her that in that case, this guy can pay back the money, or at least reimburse half of it, and could you have his details please....?OP, good point, since you only know this former colleague of hers by 'name and reputation' I think it's time to become more acquainted. BTW, loved the suggestion from another poster about a 'beard'. Didn't think of that one. Smooth.
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