lullaby Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 Hey all! I'm back after a few busy days at work. Some of you know my situation, some others don't, but I won't get into detail about it. What you need to know is that he broke up with me 4 1/2 months ago arguing that we were fighting a lot and that we needed time apart. I got so emotional and angry that it got nasty and we ended up breaking. I had THE TALK with my ex three weeks ago, where I told him I didn't want to get back, that I was tired of games and got some replies regarding our break up. I needed to speak my mind and felt good about. Apparently, I wasn't clear enough, because he kept contacting me. The update is that my grandpa passed away two weeks ago. I've been coping with it, with exams at the university, work and THE EX, and I'm stressed out! I need a break from something!!! During THE TALK, we had agreed on having LC, but without games. I thought it wouldn't hurt or whatsoever... at that time. The thing is that when my grandpa died, even though my ex was 'supportive', he wasn't as much as I wanted, and what is even worse is that last week, instead of mourning that loss, I was at a limbo, thinking about my ex. This week was different and I went down really hard, crying a lot and feeling hopeless. He sent me a couple of texts this week, asking how I was doing and bla bla. I didn't reply the last one the sent, didn't feel like it. I know he will reach out to me again, it's his MO, he does it every time, and has been doing it for the past 4 months, but it was different then, I was hopeful, desperately wanting to get back with him, now I don't even know... I'm so fed up with this, F**** So I decided I'm going to start to take a new approach. It'll be different because I've been through the hardest part already and I'm so much confident, been doing a lot of work on myself, got a new job, met new people, gorgeous people by the way, and I felt so close to moving on, but what happened with my grandpa caused a setback and I fell of the wagon again. I was so naive by thinking I was over him, apparently I'm not, or at least, not 100% over. I'm still confused, emotional, not like 4 months ago, but still struggling with memories, wishes, hopes, fears, and all the feelings within this rollercoaster so I need to take a step back and have my time... again. The first time I did NC, it took him a month to reappear, but it took us nowhere, only to that sort of fake friendship. I still love him and know we could be so great together, I still can't believe he gave us up so quickly, without a fight, but I guess it's time to finally forget about that and continue healing. Everything happens for a reason right? One has to suck it up and see to understand. I'm so sad my grandpa is gone, I miss him terribly, but seeing how little effort my ex did to make me feel better, how stupid he was at sending me stupid texts thinking they would make me feel better but they didn't, well.. it changed my perspective. I needed him close to me during this tough time and he wasn't. That opened my eyes. I still believe in second chances, and I can't assure I will never talk to him again, but I won't contact him, I need to keep him out of my life right now even if it hurts. Thanks for reading and I'll appreciate your thoughts.
Perhaps Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 Hey all! I'm back after a few busy days at work. Some of you know my situation, some others don't, but I won't get into detail about it. What you need to know is that he broke up with me 4 1/2 months ago arguing that we were fighting a lot and that we needed time apart. I got so emotional and angry that it got nasty and we ended up breaking. I had THE TALK with my ex three weeks ago, where I told him I didn't want to get back, that I was tired of games and got some replies regarding our break up. I needed to speak my mind and felt good about. Apparently, I wasn't clear enough, because he kept contacting me. The update is that my grandpa passed away two weeks ago. I've been coping with it, with exams at the university, work and THE EX, and I'm stressed out! I need a break from something!!! During THE TALK, we had agreed on having LC, but without games. I thought it wouldn't hurt or whatsoever... at that time. The thing is that when my grandpa died, even though my ex was 'supportive', he wasn't as much as I wanted, and what is even worse is that last week, instead of mourning that loss, I was at a limbo, thinking about my ex. This week was different and I went down really hard, crying a lot and feeling hopeless. He sent me a couple of texts this week, asking how I was doing and bla bla. I didn't reply the last one the sent, didn't feel like it. I know he will reach out to me again, it's his MO, he does it every time, and has been doing it for the past 4 months, but it was different then, I was hopeful, desperately wanting to get back with him, now I don't even know... I'm so fed up with this, F**** So I decided I'm going to start to take a new approach. It'll be different because I've been through the hardest part already and I'm so much confident, been doing a lot of work on myself, got a new job, met new people, gorgeous people by the way, and I felt so close to moving on, but what happened with my grandpa caused a setback and I fell of the wagon again. I was so naive by thinking I was over him, apparently I'm not, or at least, not 100% over. I'm still confused, emotional, not like 4 months ago, but still struggling with memories, wishes, hopes, fears, and all the feelings within this rollercoaster so I need to take a step back and have my time... again. The first time I did NC, it took him a month to reappear, but it took us nowhere, only to that sort of fake friendship. I still love him and know we could be so great together, I still can't believe he gave us up so quickly, without a fight, but I guess it's time to finally forget about that and continue healing. Everything happens for a reason right? One has to suck it up and see to understand. I'm so sad my grandpa is gone, I miss him terribly, but seeing how little effort my ex did to make me feel better, how stupid he was at sending me stupid texts thinking they would make me feel better but they didn't, well.. it changed my perspective. I needed him close to me during this tough time and he wasn't. That opened my eyes. I still believe in second chances, and I can't assure I will never talk to him again, but I won't contact him, I need to keep him out of my life right now even if it hurts. Thanks for reading and I'll appreciate your thoughts. I'm very sorry to hear about your grandfather. But it's times like these when we automatically run for cover... that cover being your rock aka your ex. The fact that your ex took a month to re appear and still not show any real initiative shows he's not willing to put in any serious effort. Right now, you should be looking for support from family and real friends, not your ex. Cut him out of your life. He will contact you, like you said. NC involves not initiating contact as well as not replying or answering his calls. Take a step back and you'll see LC has caused nothing but pain. You can't move forward if you're looking backward. Stay strong.
smk Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 Hey lul, I hope you and your family are ok after your grandpa... I am now learning NC is the only way forward, as you saw I finally burnt the last of the bridges with my ex yesterday, and as much as I miss her that's it now... I know she will somehow still try to contact me even if it's the odd msg meant for someone else I know I will hear from her... But hey we deserve better so screw em.. Take care and it will get better... We have time on our sides...
Author lullaby Posted August 14, 2010 Author Posted August 14, 2010 I'm very sorry to hear about your grandfather. But it's times like these when we automatically run for cover... that cover being your rock aka your ex. The fact that your ex took a month to re appear and still not show any real initiative shows he's not willing to put in any serious effort. Right now, you should be looking for support from family and real friends, not your ex. Cut him out of your life. He will contact you, like you said. NC involves not initiating contact as well as not replying or answering his calls. Take a step back and you'll see LC has caused nothing but pain. You can't move forward if you're looking backward. Stay strong. Hey lul, I hope you and your family are ok after your grandpa... I am now learning NC is the only way forward, as you saw I finally burnt the last of the bridges with my ex yesterday, and as much as I miss her that's it now... I know she will somehow still try to contact me even if it's the odd msg meant for someone else I know I will hear from her... But hey we deserve better so screw em.. Take care and it will get better... We have time on our sides... Perhaps, you're right. What happened with my grandpa opened my eyes and made me realize that my ex is not willing to put his all for me. I need to focus on my work, friends, family, university and don't rely on him for my happiness. The last time I talked to him he said he was still in love with me and that he thought we needed more time to heal, to see what were our mistakes and then try again... but I can't cling to that hope, right? Thanks both for responding. Smk, of course we deserve better! Let's rely on each other. What you did is almost what I did when I confronted him to talk so I congratulate you for that.
smk Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 That's the spirit we deserve Better and this is just another lesson in life to appreciate that better person when they do come into our lives... I was just so fed up with the pointless texts every now and then and sure I am scared right now because by doing what I did I finally severed all ties and on my terms... I am going into the next chapter with no more of my past in it... And yes te unknown sure looks like a scary place right now, but all things unknown are scary at first then they become the norm... As you said we are all here for each other...
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