DanielH Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 I have met an exchange student I really like and who lives in my building. She is really short and cute. At first we just started running together. I would ask her to do other stuff but she said no a couple of times. Then last Saturday her and I went to the museum together, then that night we went to a bar to watch some rugby with her flatmate. Then we went back to my room to watch a movie, just her and I. Wednesday she came with me to a friends party and today we got pizza together at lunch. We have known each other for about a month. I'm super quiet and she sort of is too. When we do stuff together we don't talk a huge amount. There is silence a lot. We have been starting to talk more. But I am always really conscious of whether she might be bored or not. Does it sound like she could be interested? Is there a way I could find out without putting myself out there a huge amount? I want to try to make a move, but I'm scared it wouldn't work and then things would be awkward.
Ronni_W Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 Is there a way I could find out without putting myself out there a huge amount? Daniel, Being confident enough (willing and able) to "put yourself out there" is an important life skill. Not just for dating, but finding work, going on job interviews, asking for promotions and raises, etc. In life, sometimes people are going to say 'no' to you. It's fine. You won't die. And it won't mean that you are weak, ugly or pathetic, either. It will just mean that somebody said 'no' to you. You will live to fight a new battle on a new day. This girl could be romantically interested, or she could just be seeing you as a friend. Perhaps you could ask her, "Do you see me more as a friend, or more as a boyfriend?" And then, whatever answer she gives you, just go, "Yeah...me, too. Lucky thing we think alike, huh?"
Sophia8 Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 This girl could be romantically interested, or she could just be seeing you as a friend. Perhaps you could ask her, "Do you see me more as a friend, or more as a boyfriend?" And then, whatever answer she gives you, just go, "Yeah...me, too. Lucky thing we think alike, huh?" I agree with this, if you are shy and would like to avoid any awkwardness then this is probably the best approach. If she does say "as a friend" and asks you why you ask, just say something along the lines of "well we spend a lot of time with each other and I didn't want you to get the wrong idea/lead you on".
gsly Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 I agree with this, if you are shy and would like to avoid any awkwardness then this is probably the best approach. If she does say "as a friend" and asks you why you ask, just say something along the lines of "well we spend a lot of time with each other and I didn't want you to get the wrong idea/lead you on". ding ding ding....that way if she does pull the friend card just say we know each other alot and think it could be a really good friendship! who knows..a really good friendship could lead in to a realtionship with her
Author DanielH Posted August 14, 2010 Author Posted August 14, 2010 Daniel, Being confident enough (willing and able) to "put yourself out there" is an important life skill. Not just for dating, but finding work, going on job interviews, asking for promotions and raises, etc. In life, sometimes people are going to say 'no' to you. It's fine. You won't die. And it won't mean that you are weak, ugly or pathetic, either. It will just mean that somebody said 'no' to you. You will live to fight a new battle on a new day. This girl could be romantically interested, or she could just be seeing you as a friend. Perhaps you could ask her, "Do you see me more as a friend, or more as a boyfriend?" And then, whatever answer she gives you, just go, "Yeah...me, too. Lucky thing we think alike, huh?" I know this is right. But it isn't that easy because at the moment I'm not really seeing much indication that she likes me but maybe that is how she is. Normally I would wait for a time when we are both drunk and try something, but she doesn't drink much. I like her a lot and it frustrates me that I can't go to for it. I'm such a pussy.
Ronni_W Posted August 15, 2010 Posted August 15, 2010 I know it's not easy...that's why I also gave you the "easy way out" -- and Sophia offered a very valuable addition. Are you planning to use some type of strategy along these lines? Normally I would wait for a time when we are both drunk and try something The kind of reputation you establish for yourself is your choice, of course. But if you want women to find you sexy and appealing, then you will spend the time and make the effort to cultivate REAL confidence and learn REAL dating skills. I mean. You sound young so it's okay to act like a boy now...but you are gonna grow up some day, and then you'll have to start all over and learn how to act like a man.
Author DanielH Posted August 15, 2010 Author Posted August 15, 2010 I know it's not easy...that's why I also gave you the "easy way out" -- and Sophia offered a very valuable addition. Are you planning to use some type of strategy along these lines? The kind of reputation you establish for yourself is your choice, of course. But if you want women to find you sexy and appealing, then you will spend the time and make the effort to cultivate REAL confidence and learn REAL dating skills. I mean. You sound young so it's okay to act like a boy now...but you are gonna grow up some day, and then you'll have to start all over and learn how to act like a man. I don't know whether I will use that just yet. I'm still waiting for some sort of sign that she could be interested in me. Apart from being willing to hang out with me alone i don't have anything to suggest that. And when I think about it she has only once invited me to do something, every other time I see her I had to initiate it. In the past if a girl has been interested in me then she would do a little bit to show me like wanting to study together, or suggesting I watched a movie with her. I might have been tricking myself before by thinking this girl is quiet and may not be the type of person to do those things. She probably just isn't interested and I'm probably just going to back off. (hmm...writing this paragraph has given me some perspective). Annoyingly I am a boring person in some ways. I'm quiet and I don't really do much. But I can be funny. It's pretty much the only thing that I pride myself on. I just can't be funny in front of her yet because of the quiet thing. Drunk may have been the wrong word :-) I meant a few drinks so that I am a little less inhibited, but not drunk.
Author DanielH Posted September 4, 2010 Author Posted September 4, 2010 I need more advice on this situation. I ended up telling her how I feel. Basically because another girl had taken an interest in me and had to choose. I almost went with the other girl but at the last minute I decided to tell the one I like just to be sure that there was nothing there and I could just move on. Surprisingly she said she felt the same way so we went out a couple of times. Once for ice cream pretty much right after I talked to her. And then a few days later for a drink and dinner. Now she has gone away for a couple of weeks to see some of the country while we are on spring break. She said we should get a drink again when she comes back. Should I txt her while she is away, just once or twice, asking how it is going? Or just leave it. I'm pretty conscious of coming on too strong or appearing too clingy and needy, especially since we have really gone on two dates.
Recommended Posts