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Make dirty videos for him; they don't even get looked at.

Mela

By Mela
in General Relationship Discussion

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Mela New Member

Mela

Posted
Posted

I'll keep this as short and sweet as possible.

 

My fiancee really enjoys getting off to videos of girls dancing around sexy in their panties (usually made with a webcam). As a surprise for him, last night while he was at work I bought a webcam, recorded a few movies of me dancing around in lingerie/panties, and put it on his computer. I showed him the movies (not their entire length, just a few seconds of each so he could get the gist) and he acted very pleased and happy, and took me to the bedroom immediately.

 

Flash forward to tonight. I was gone most of the day, and noticed (by seeing a dirty pair of boxers in the clothes pantry, he uses his boxers to get off with, don't ask, every guy has his method) that he had jerked off today. I was curious if he had used my videos or even looked at them in their entirety at all, and so I clicked into his computer history.

 

Imagine my hurt and shock when I realized that not only had he NOT looked at my videos at ALL, he instead looked up OTHER videos of girls dancing around in panties to download/get his rocks off with instead.

My feelings are so bruised right now. I spent good money on a webcam to record me dancing sexy for him in panties just like I know he likes, and rather than even GLANCING at them he instead looks up other girls' videos...

 

How do I confront him about this? Do I have a right to be upset?

LoveLace Established Member

LoveLace

Posted
Posted

Ouch. Well, I don't know, I guess just flat out ask why he hasn't enjoyed your videos for himself yet since you made them...I can understand why this hurts your feelings, maybe relay that to him in a calming way...but I'd doubt it's that he doesn't want to look at them...but he knows they are always there as an option. : ) Sounds like it's a habit of variety for him, and doesn't want just 1 to look at all the time, but rather different ones at different times. He was clearly appreciative of your gesture and clearly your efforts help the bedroom life...but his pleasurable habits will likely go unchanged regardless of how you add to them. But again, I would also feel a bit hurt and frustrated after all that effort for him.

Green Established Member

Green

Posted
Posted

u should give us the link to the video... I mean is on the internet... how would u know if he watched them?

LucreziaBorgia Established Member

LucreziaBorgia

Posted
Posted (edited)

Some guys get off on variety - perhaps he didn't look at your video because it was something he was already used to seeing and therefore it didn't peak his libido as much as a new and different image would.

 

I think a lot of women think that a guy will get off to any naked image, and he probably will... for a while anyway. Then it is time to find a new image.

 

That doesn't say anything negative to me about you, just that your guy seems to be one of those who requires variety in his spank bank reserves.

 

Do you have a right to be upset? Sure - you went out of your way to do something that you thought your boyfriend would like (though it doesn't sound entirely altruistic - it sounds like you just did it to keep him from looking at other women). Nonetheless, yes - I can understand your feelings being hurt. I wouldn't "confront" him - that sort of approach won't get you anywhere. I'd simply start an honest and heartfelt talk with him. Ask him if it is simply a matter of variety for him. The more you appear to be willing to see his side of things, the more he will be open to yours. Don't do or say anything to put him on the defensive, and above all don't cry and make it seem like a personal thing - no man will have an honest discussion with you under those circumstances.

 

For men, masturbation isn't a personal vendetta against their girlfriends - if you try to make it that, they will shut down and simply become defensive and angry over being accused of hurting you when all they are doing is rubbing one out. A lot of times they will tell you what you want to hear when they are backed into a corner: they will say "I promise not to do it again" while simply going about hiding it better.

 

He needs to know how you feel, but seriously - you have to approach it the right way or you won't get far at all with it.

 

I'm not defending him but women and men think different on these things, and if you want to get to him understanding you, you have to make sure you understand him as well.

Edited by LucreziaBorgia
blair08 Established Member

blair08

Posted
Posted

Ask him to make you a dirty video of himself. Then don't watch it, let him find you watched videos of other guys..then if he says anything to you, just look right thru him like he is crazy. :laugh:

 

Sorry, just kidding. Maybe tell him how you feel?

jamesum Established Member

jamesum

Posted
Posted

Women will never understand that men watch porn to satisfy their hunger for variety.

WintersNightTraveler Established Member

WintersNightTraveler

Posted
Posted
Sounds like it's a habit of variety for him

 

Some guys get off on variety

 

Women will never understand that men watch porn to satisfy their hunger for variety.

 

I don't feel the variety thing has been stressed enough.

 

Really I don't.

 

I understand why you are upset, but you either have to keep getting upset, or accept that it's not a competitive thing (who's the prettiest, why aren't I enough for him, any variation on themes like that). No matter what you give him, he's still going to have a drive to sex up all kinds of different women, and he's going to use porn to satisfy it.

 

It may feel crappy but trying to get him to stop those desires is akin to trying to make him control what he dreams about in his sleep, or his heartrate. Making him stop watching porn is only slightly more realistic. You're not going to get very far so I suggest you change your approach.

 

Also by sexing you up immediately after the gift, he did the right thing. You're being way too hard on him. Please don't confront him about it, that will just make everything so much worse.

jamesum Established Member

jamesum

Posted
Posted

For men, there is no such a thing as the most beautiful woman. There are only beautiful women.

LoveLace Established Member

LoveLace

Posted
Posted

He sure did show his appreciation for what you did...but since sex is a short term satisfier, the appreciation will be short term too...

 

You can always make a "variety" of more videos of yourself from time to time...doing or wearing different things...I guarantee he will probably like it every time. But he will probably still like the other videos, too, not any more or less though.

kdark Established Member

kdark

Posted
Posted
For men, there is no such a thing as the most beautiful woman. There are only beautiful women.

 

Quoted for truth.

Fruitpunch Established Member

Fruitpunch

Posted
Posted

If it helps your esteem then i am WELL up for seeing the videos:D

SincereOnlineGuy Established Member

SincereOnlineGuy

Posted
Posted
I'll keep this as short and sweet as possible.

 

My fiancee really enjoys getting off to videos of girls dancing around sexy in their panties (usually made with a webcam). As a surprise for him, last night while he was at work I bought a webcam, recorded a few movies of me dancing around in lingerie/panties, and put it on his computer. I showed him the movies (not their entire length, just a few seconds of each so he could get the gist) and he acted very pleased and happy, and took me to the bedroom immediately.

 

Flash forward to tonight. I was gone most of the day, and noticed (by seeing a dirty pair of boxers in the clothes pantry, he uses his boxers to get off with, don't ask, every guy has his method) that he had jerked off today. I was curious if he had used my videos or even looked at them in their entirety at all, and so I clicked into his computer history.

 

Imagine my hurt and shock when I realized that not only had he NOT looked at my videos at ALL, he instead looked up OTHER videos of girls dancing around in panties to download/get his rocks off with instead.

My feelings are so bruised right now. I spent good money on a webcam to record me dancing sexy for him in panties just like I know he likes, and rather than even GLANCING at them he instead looks up other girls' videos...

 

How do I confront him about this? Do I have a right to be upset?

 

 

Why would you "confront" him about this? You don't have any cause for confrontation. Well, other than the fact that you snooped in his computer history, and in his laundry.

 

I like the initiative you showed in buying the camera and being willing to be the (object) of your own videos, but your understanding of his interests was slightly and understandably off (and that is most of the cause for your hurt).

BentSpine Established Member

BentSpine

Posted
Posted

If I were you I wouldn't confront him at all. I understand that you're disappointed because you wanted a different outcome. Unfortunately you learnt the hard way that it's mainly variety, and not the moves, that is most exciting. Also I think that checking the laundry and computer history is somewhat scary, I wouldn't let him know you did it. At least not until the day when you can talk about this episode without strong feelings bubbling up. I was almost going to write that Trying to influence a man's masturbation is like criticizing his innermost thoughts, but then again maybe it's only a conclusion that looks apparent to me, right now. Otherwise, I like that he makes you feel valuable when you two actually are together.

NancyBotwin Established Member

NancyBotwin

Posted
Posted

Save this pic as his desktop pic. Click here for the link.

He should cut it out. My BFF caught her H jerking his gherkin. She emailed it to him at work.;)

jenifer1972 Established Member

jenifer1972

Posted
Posted

As someone who has been there, been upset at my husband for jerkin the gerkin (ha, like that one:D) when I was perfectly willing to be there for him, and have earned the Tshirt as they say, I am going to advise you NOT to bring this up to him. It won't get you ANYWHERE.

The problem is, he doesn't want to see YOU in underwear at times, but other women, and no matter how we hate that, it doesn't change the truth. You confronting it will just make him upset at you for snooping, and his viewing will go totally underground. You will hear a lot of lame excuses, which are all white noise...don't do it. Just be glad the pics are as benign as they are, and not gay porn or underage girls like some poor women have to deal with here on LS. That's what I tell myself when I see the erased history...

ComeUndone Established Member

ComeUndone

Posted
Posted
As someone who has been there, been upset at my husband for jerkin the gerkin (ha, like that one:D) when I was perfectly willing to be there for him, and have earned the Tshirt as they say, I am going to advise you NOT to bring this up to him. It won't get you ANYWHERE.

The problem is, he doesn't want to see YOU in underwear at times, but other women, and no matter how we hate that, it doesn't change the truth. You confronting it will just make him upset at you for snooping, and his viewing will go totally underground. You will hear a lot of lame excuses, which are all white noise...don't do it. Just be glad the pics are as benign as they are, and not gay porn or underage girls like some poor women have to deal with here on LS. That's what I tell myself when I see the erased history...

 

Ditto this ^

 

Don't say anything to him... you have nothing to gain. Speaking from experience, if you bring this up to him he will either have to admit he whacked off to other videos, which he knows will make him look like an ass in your eyes, OR he will lie altogether, meanwhile taking a mental note that YOU snooped on his computer and in his laundry. Not good for you. I personally would not want my current bf to "go underground" with his porn viewing/jacking off... I'd much rather him be open and upfront about it while I swallow any resulting insecurities. At least I know what he's doing.

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