Hurting

[Iselia]

I’m hurting, badly. It’s been 4 months since the break up and I’m still crying like it happened yesterday. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I can’t go a day without crying/feeling sad/disappointed. I can’t seem to keep the NC rule either. I can go 2 weeks without talking to her but I eventually cave and have a very strong desire to talk to her. Why can’t I just push this desire to contact her away? Any advice how to stop myself from contacting her? I already deleted her number, FB, MSN, etc. We just always seem to find a way to talk to each other. I wish my phone blocked numbers ugh!

 

She texts me occasionally at times. Sometimes I ignore it, sometimes I answer. The longer I go without talking to her, the worse I feel. Probably because I feel like I should try to make this work. I keep feeling like there is SOMETHING I can do to make this work. Especially since she keeps telling me that she loves me, but she just doesn’t want a relationship “at this point in time.” She literally said at this point in time. But then she will also tell me that she closed the door and she’s not debating getting back together with me or not (but then she claims to love me still?! ARGH!).

 

She wants to be friends but I don’t think we can do it. She even said we would have to fight the feelings of love for each other. Why the f*ck would she want to do that to me? To herself? If she wants a relationship with someone else eventually why would she keep her feelings in conflict like that?! She says she’s in love with me, so why would she just want to be friends? If she loves me, why doesn’t she want a relationship with me?

 

The last time we talked she said it wasn’t my actions that caused the end of the relationship. It was her trying to adjust to moving to college (on Monday she’s leaving =/). She keeps saying the situation made us breakup, although we both did make some mistakes communication wise, it was college and her desire to know what else is out there that ultimately caused the break up. I’m pretty sure she thinks the grass is greener on the other side. =(

 

I started therapy last week. Second therapy session next week. I hope it helps me; I can’t seem to get out of this rut.

 

I’m not sure how to deal with knowing that she still loves me but doesn’t want to be with me. I just don’t know what to do now (or, how to not do anything really).

Edited August 14, 2010 by Iselia
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[skydiveaddict]

hope his helps

 

 

I know how you feel

Edited August 14, 2010 by skydiveaddict

[Username37]

Hey Iselia,

 

I been broken up since May 16th. 3 fricking months and it still hurts like a mother ****er. Sounds like your ex has GIGS like my ex. My ex wants to see what else is out there. She got tired of our relationship and doesn't want a relationship no and she's now to my knowledge, hooking up with guys and ****. She sent me a text asking when we're going to be friends again and I found it totally selfish of her.

 

I suggest going NC, I mean fully. When she text you, don't reply back.

It's gonna be tough, but you gotta. Your ex is confusing man. Saying she's IN love with you, but rather stay friends and not be in a relationship with you? Man that's messed up...In my opinion, she wants to keep you as a back up plan just in case the grass isn't greener on the other side.

 

Good luck to you and I agree skydive, everybody hurts.

[9Lives]

Hey Iselia,

 

I been broken up since May 16th. 3 fricking months and it still hurts like a mother ****er. Sounds like your ex has GIGS like my ex. My ex wants to see what else is out there. She got tired of our relationship and doesn't want a relationship no and she's now to my knowledge, hooking up with guys and ****. She sent me a text asking when we're going to be friends again and I found it totally selfish of her.

 

I suggest going NC, I mean fully. When she text you, don't reply back.

It's gonna be tough, but you gotta. Your ex is confusing man. Saying she's IN love with you, but rather stay friends and not be in a relationship with you? Man that's messed up...In my opinion, she wants to keep you as a back up plan just in case the grass isn't greener on the other side.

 

Good luck to you and I agree skydive, everybody hurts.

 

I was in your shoes for 3 years. Yes 3 years. I couldn't let go cause I had so much love inside for him. but what u have to realize is that ..YOU will find good love again in your life. You don't need her.

 

tell her u wish her the best of luck and you don't have nothing left to give her. close the door of hope. I did that for 3 years. its not worth it. the insanity, the wishing, the hoping, the praying. JUST LET GO THE bs. then the pain will really go away. she lying anyway, if she loved u so much, she would be right there loving you. she is lying so f it!

[Iselia]

Hey Iselia,

 

I been broken up since May 16th. 3 fricking months and it still hurts like a mother ****er. Sounds like your ex has GIGS like my ex. My ex wants to see what else is out there. She got tired of our relationship and doesn't want a relationship no and she's now to my knowledge, hooking up with guys and ****. She sent me a text asking when we're going to be friends again and I found it totally selfish of her.

 

I suggest going NC, I mean fully. When she text you, don't reply back.

It's gonna be tough, but you gotta. Your ex is confusing man. Saying she's IN love with you, but rather stay friends and not be in a relationship with you? Man that's messed up...In my opinion, she wants to keep you as a back up plan just in case the grass isn't greener on the other side.

 

Good luck to you and I agree skydive, everybody hurts.

 

Since April 11th here. Worse, we would have been together for 4 years on August 17th. This upcoming Tuesday. =(

 

I really do think she wants to see what else is out there. I know my ex had her eye on another girl, but that girl rejected my ex.

 

I do think it's selfish for her to keep asking to be friends. She even said "I really can't help but feel that in some way a friendship is possible, contrary to your belief. We'll never be best friends again, we'll always be fighting against something more. But I wish we could stay in touch. I like to hear about how you're feeling better, and you like to just talk to me. I don't fully understand how a tiny bit of conversation every three weeks or so is a huge detriment to you. You seem to be a little stressed either way [as in, I'm stressed when I talk to her and when I go a while w/o talking to her =(]."

 

I keep trying to go NC. I always cave somehow, some way. I'm usually a strong person but lately I've been so weak. It actually kinda disgusts me. =/ I feel so devastated. I lost someone I love so much, so deeply. Over a move to college, and this being my first relationship. She wants to give other people a go. See if better exists. =( Horrible, horrible, horrible. Someone else on LS said the following, and it's how I feel about things:

"I can safely assume that both of you are young...young people tend to not be able to stay in real meaningful relationships because they crave the chemical feelings associated with new relationships and honeymoon phases...simply put, she just wants some stranger...younger folks are often too immature to understand that lifelong relationships are more than just a chemical high..."

 

she lying anyway, if she loved u so much, she would be right there loving you. she is lying so f it!

 

I agree. I keep telling her that and she ends up getting pissed off at me. =/ Then I fell like I screwed up things more and begin to cry. I honestly wish we could just be a great couple again.

Edited August 14, 2010 by Iselia
Spelling error I found

[Username37]

It's painful man. Them wanting someone new just to know what it's like. I'm sure my ex was like that. We're both young people. I just fell harder for her ya know? She's calling me immature and she's the one hooking up with people with no respect for herself. It's disgusting.

 

She told me not to leave her, and what happened? She left me.

 

Well I hope we find happiness and cope well.

[Iselia]

It's painful man. Them wanting someone new just to know what it's like. I'm sure my ex was like that. We're both young people. I just fell harder for her ya know? She's calling me immature and she's the one hooking up with people with no respect for herself. It's disgusting.

 

She told me not to leave her, and what happened? She left me.

 

Well I hope we find happiness and cope well.

 

I must be hard. I'm lucky, in a way. She hasn't hooked up with anyone yet. Although, she tried to start a brand new relationship with another but she rejected my ex.

 

This is my first break up. I still think it's crazy my first relationship lasted almost 4 years. Kinda sucks, I heard the first break up is killer. LTR + first relationship must be this hell I'm landed in. =(

[bboy]

Iselia,

Yoir situation sure sucks. It also keeps dragging you down into a hole since you're not really coping wirh this as you should.

 

You ex is acring like an @sshole without knowing it. This is just lack of experience from her behalf.

 

Be honest with yourself and find a replacement action instead of contacting your ex. Take control and stop answering to your ex's actions. She's trying to eat the cake and keep it. This is not what you want and you're not worth to be "second" in a relationship.

 

There are plenty of ways to get better. Stay strong, focused and keep in mind that most people have had youth love going to h*ll. It's part of life!

[Username37]

I must be hard. I'm lucky, in a way. She hasn't hooked up with anyone yet. Although, she tried to start a brand new relationship with another but she rejected my ex.

 

This is my first break up. I still think it's crazy my first relationship lasted almost 4 years. Kinda sucks, I heard the first break up is killer. LTR + first relationship must be this hell I'm landed in. =(

 

Yes you are lucky. Because once you hear that **** happening if it does happen (I hope it doesn't!), it will hit you so hard.

 

This was my first breakup too and she was my first girlfriend. 4 years is impressive man. Mine was a year and a half. Taken you're a recent HS graduate? I'm only a senior man, and it sucks not having my love be with me the last year of HS. And ill be seeing her in like....a week. Gah!

[Iselia]

Iselia,

Yoir situation sure sucks. It also keeps dragging you down into a hole since you're not really coping wirh this as you should.

 

You ex is acring like an @sshole without knowing it. This is just lack of experience from her behalf.

 

Be honest with yourself and find a replacement action instead of contacting your ex. Take control and stop answering to your ex's actions. She's trying to eat the cake and keep it. This is not what you want and you're not worth to be "second" in a relationship.

 

There are plenty of ways to get better. Stay strong, focused and keep in mind that most people have had youth love going to h*ll. It's part of life!

 

How should I cope? I've been a lot more social, but I'm still pretty depressed while around friends. They're starting to get sick of it; I don't blame them. I do think she's being kinda sh*tty about things. I don't think she realizes it. I wonder if she ever will. I don't want to be second to anyone else. That's why I try to go NC instead of LC. LC tells her I'm ok with being second, which I'm not. I guess I was kinda naive in thinking my first relationship just might be able to last forever. I started to think that around the 3 years mark. =/

 

Yes you are lucky. Because once you hear that **** happening if it does happen (I hope it doesn't!), it will hit you so hard.

 

This was my first breakup too and she was my first girlfriend. 4 years is impressive man. Mine was a year and a half. Taken you're a recent HS graduate? I'm only a senior man, and it sucks not having my love be with me the last year of HS. And ill be seeing her in like....a week. Gah!

 

I really hope I don't hear it happening until I'm over this. I don't know what I'll do I hear she's screwing other people. I already feel like this is hell. But something worse does exist, and I don't think I could cope with it. =/ Actually, I graduated HS a year early. I already did my first year of college. I guess, that's why I thought we'd be OK when she went away for college. Although my college is in the same town as her high school, her college is a 5 hour drive away. We were going to see each other every couple of weekends. At least I'll save on gas...

[bboy]

How should I cope? I've been a lot more social, but I'm still pretty depressed while around friends. They're starting to get sick of it; I don't blame them. I do think she's being kinda sh*tty about things. I don't think she realizes it. I wonder if she ever will. I don't want to be second to anyone else. That's why I try to go NC instead of LC. LC tells her I'm ok with being second, which I'm not. I guess I was kinda naive in thinking my first relationship just might be able to last forever. I started to think that around the 3 years mark. =/

 

Here comes a cliché. You need to love yourself more. EGO.

 

If your focus is on what she thinks, does, acts and "realize" - then you've put yourself in the wrong spot. You're the human here and you didn't come to this earth to serve her. You came here to feel good. Forget about "closure, second chances, friends, etc etc...". This has nothing to do with this at all. You can bang your head forever to the wall about this and go nowhere. You're looking for an answer to be transformed into an excuse and then into a relationship. I don't blame you for this, it's so natural to do this. But it's not going to happen in the state you are now. That is the only thing I can guarantee you.

 

What I think is that you have not started to create a future based on you and she's still in your imagination in this. You need to take small steps into the right direction. Not huge steps, not huge goals. Small steps, tasks, tests and reward yourself for this. It's like learning how to walk. You don't become the Olympic sprinter you think you are, right away. Start on the ground on all four.

 

If you're having severe daily problems I think this can help:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t241581/

 

I also believe this is a necessary read for most:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t81399/

 

 

Hope you get better soon.

[Iselia]

Here comes a cliché. You need to love yourself more. EGO.

 

If your focus is on what she thinks, does, acts and "realize" - then you've put yourself in the wrong spot. You're the human here and you didn't come to this earth to serve her. You came here to feel good. Forget about "closure, second chances, friends, etc etc...". This has nothing to do with this at all. You can bang your head forever to the wall about this and go nowhere. You're looking for an answer to be transformed into an excuse and then into a relationship. I don't blame you for this, it's so natural to do this. But it's not going to happen in the state you are now. That is the only thing I can guarantee you.

 

What I think is that you have not started to create a future based on you and she's still in your imagination in this. You need to take small steps into the right direction. Not huge steps, not huge goals. Small steps, tasks, tests and reward yourself for this. It's like learning how to walk. You don't become the Olympic sprinter you think you are, right away. Start on the ground on all four.

 

I know you're right. I really do need to consider my feelings. I think my combination of low self-esteem and confidence has caused me to have no self-respect. It's time to regain that. I deserve someone who appericates me and loves me 100% of the time; even during the bad times.

 

I'm constantly thinking about her. Time to keep busy and try to push her out.

 

We had been together so long, my whole future was planned around her as much as possible. I keep thinking she might come back and have that future with me again. Probably because she keeps telling me she loves me. Time to block her out and admit that the future I planned is not possible.

 

Right now, I think I'll just concentrate on college and getting my degree.

[bboy]

I know you're right. I really do need to consider my feelings. I think my combination of low self-esteem and confidence has caused me to have no self-respect. It's time to regain that. I deserve someone who appericates me and loves me 100% of the time; even during the bad times.

 

I'm constantly thinking about her. Time to keep busy and try to push her out.

 

We had been together so long, my whole future was planned around her as much as possible. I keep thinking she might come back and have that future with me again. Probably because she keeps telling me she loves me. Time to block her out and admit that the future I planned is not possible.

 

Right now, I think I'll just concentrate on college and getting my degree.

 

You have no idea what is going to happen after college anyway. That's a roller-coaster ride right there..

 

You need to PUSH SOMETHING IN! Something that has to do with you!