shiftedblue Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 cuz he didn't respond to my stupid email, which was me trying to be strong and pretend I'm fine without him. even though I'm not. This is what i sent. I feel like so stupid and my heart is so so so broken. "Well I'm disregarding all the things I've read and all the people who've told me to just forget you. I of course cannot forget you, as we spent 3.5 years together. I'm just curious, honestly, you know me, I need to know everything. I want to at least. I'm sure you've heard that song, "you've got to be cruel to be kind" and in fact I'm sure we've heard it together at some point. So why didn't you just tell me you didn't want me anymore? Why didn't you just tell me there was someone else/other people you were interested in? It would have been kinder to be “cruel,” meaning, it would have been kinder to be honest and hurt me. I always tried to be as honest as possible. As honest as reasonable, with you. I'm not writing this because I want you to call me (I've changed my number, so you can't anyway) and I'm not writing this because I miss you. Obviously I miss you, but it doesn't matter. It'll go away eventually. I guess I'm just trying to satisfy that crazy curiosity/obsessiveness in me. Did you feel contempt toward me? Do you? Do you hate me? When I last emailed you you said you wanted to talk when your job ended & school starts up again. Why? Why bother is what I mean..."
bonpaw2008 Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 I am sorry you are feeling this way Blue. Congrats on the two weeks, it will get better, even though it doesn't feel that way now. Go back and read about NC and what it is supposed to do....it is for you. And regarding the closure, he is not going to give that to you because he isn't able to. He broke up with you, he quit you, and that is all you need to know. I know that you want to know why, how, etc. But there are no answers that are going to make you feel any better, and are pretty much guaranteed to make you feel worse. You need to start doing things for yourself, the more self-esteem you can muster the less you will care what he thinks, feels, etc. All for the best my dear....best wishes
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