...stay or go?

[cxgirl]

Hi all,

I will post the most recent thread of the status of my relationship..my ex is verbally abusive but we also have wonderful times when we get together. I recently ended and he keeps saying I am making the biggest mistake of my life and to reconsider. I dont know what to do or say..if I ignore him or what to do.

This could be long, I am sorry, I just don't know who to talk to anymore...I am 23, my bf is 26. Our relationship has certainly been a rocky one. In the beginning, he was into drug use (cocaine, extacy which I don't use, strip clubs(during breakups) and heavy partying on his part). In the beginning I was able to look past the drug use, but gradually it started getting out of hand, as well as his anger issues and verbal abuse got progessivley worse. Strangley I was able to look past it...I have a wonderful job, a successful and loving family, and they just couldn't see what I saw in him when things got bad.

Every time there was a fight, he packed up his things from my place and left..sometimes it took a day for him to come around sometimes two, and the final straw when I really thought I was strong enough to end it lasted five weeks.

He has made me so many promises to stop the drugs, and I believed him, and in the end I just decided not to go out with his friends anymore because it was always around, this upset him.

His sister even told me he continued to use but denied it like we were both crazy. That really isn't the issue here though.. I realise if he's going to stop it needs to be on his terms, that is why I distanced myself from his nights out.

When it's good, he makes me feel like I am on top of the world. I felt like I was being far too sensitive, and overanalyzing into everything he did, and if I looked past it and ignored it I could make him so happy.

Well along the course of our relationship, his verbal abuse has been very bad. I always went to my mother for advice and to vent, so she knew almost everything about our relationship and she didn't like it. He's called me every name in the book, and yet I still loved him and somehow believed every lie he told me.

We broke up in march for five weeks..and of course my family never wanted me to talk to him again.

We've had fights since then, he has spit on me for making him mad, throws things at my walls, and has thrown a lit cigarette at me. (pathetic I know. How can it be that "good" to stay with someone like that)?

It is now august, and my mother found out I have been seeing him again.

You would think why would someone stand for this kind of treatment? And I wish I had the answer..

She gave me the ultimatum her or him a few days ago, that was hard. She also said she would tell my father who she hasn't spoken to in years, he is very strict to put me in my place. So of course I am going to choose my family, although in the late her has been trying so hard to be good and stay out of bad things (as far as I know). He would ditch me on nights in before but now, seemed to look forward to weekends together rather than always looking for the party.

So...TONIGHT! His friend came in from out of town who he hasnt seen in a few years. We go for a drink with his sister and some of his buddies, and after they come back from the slots, their pupils are large and in charge and I know what that means...

When we go outside, he asked for a kiss, and I leaned into him as always do, and shallowly put my hands in his pockets not thinking anything of it.

He grabbed my right wrist so tight, and I asked what was going on? He kept telling me I was tripping, and I said not at all, Im just kissin ya, and tried to put them back in. So after he forced my hands out a few times I asked if he had drugs in there...he called me a crazy bat, and grabbed my wrists, twisted me and pushed me onto the concrete and into the front of a bike that was parked.

I started walking home, and he called me back. He kept calling me crazy and said I was making a scene for nothing. DUH I know what was going on.. So I said if you love me tell me what's in your pockets.

Finally he said..You wanna know? I have cocaine in my pocket...for my friend (who came from out of town) because his gf doesn't known he does it. lol rrrright...

I went inside and waited for the night to be done so I could take him to my place, and take him to get his things. He refused to come back with me. So I went home...put all of his things in a box and left it on his front porch.

His poor parents who know our volatile relationship are going to see it in the morning..but, given I have the ultimatum from my mother, and he has been caught in the "last" lie, when I've put my foot down with the cocaine. I think that's fair.

I guess Im looking for some reassurance that this is the right thing, and that I deserve a better life. I have tried to leave to many times, but he is so good with words, and when its good, it really is soooo good, and I would do anything to make him happy.

I felt invigorated before I dropped his things off.. now I don't know. Why on earth am I questioning that it's okay what happened tonight. That maybe he didn't mean to use force with me, and he got wrapped up in seeing a friend he used to do drugs with but hasn't in a while, and that he hasn't used in a long time like he says.

I know it's irrelavent when it's not your life..but it feels so big to me.

I'm sure you will all tell me I'm nuts, perhaps that's what I need to hear.

Any feedback is appreciated, sry for the long post!

[thrownaway]

Ummmm..... you did the best thing possible! Good decision!

 

You are BRAVE.

 

In fact, you did exactly what a lot of us should be doing.... packing up their sh*t and putting it on their mother's front porch!

 

Now go on with your life and find the one who loves you for you!

Edited August 22, 2010 by thrownaway

[PrettyPoppy]

If you love him and love yourself and ever want anything beyond the ugliest life on earth, do this:

 

Email/write a complete cut-off: "I am done with you, I did my best to love you. I will not have any contact with you until you have finished a rehabilitation program and stayed clean for a year or more. I think you and I are both worth more than this ugly life you choose."

 

Then go, forever, until this is provided for you. You have now loved him more than his parents or he knows how to. You now have potentially planted a seed for him to stay out of jail (he will end up there) not destroy his future children and his parents lives. Currently, he will just have sex with fellow stripper/cokeheads, steal, lie, fail everyone, rage, deny and eventually go to jail. He is not special. When a person reaches this point that is their future. I'm sorry.

 

So love him enough to do the right thing.