shadowplay Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 Have anyone random in your life that you deleted because they were adding nothing positive? I'm not talking about somebody who has done something egregious. Just somebody who was maybe negative, self-absorbed or a user. I've purged three people from my life in the last few months and haven't regretted it. There was this random fling I had three years ago. We kept in touch off and on, but he was always the initiator. He was a real downer and a smarmy person. I told him more than once to stop messaging me, but he kept it up. Sometimes I took the bait because he's smart and charming, but he was a debbie downer, so I always ended up regretting it. Finally, I just blocked/removed him for good. The second was an ex from a few years back. Also an incessant whiner and very self-absorbed. Eject. The other day it occurred to me that I haven't spoken to either in months, and how good it feels.
Pyro Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 I have deleted a good friend of mine. I didn't want to but I feel like I had no choice. Years ago when my priorities were out of whack we would booze it up, jam out to some old school punk and have a good time but as I started growing up he did not. He is older than me (40 next year) and he is still not acting his age. His life consists of budweiser and smoking the funny stuff and while I enjoy a cold drink or two every now and then, that is where I leave it at.
Jilly Bean Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 Shadow - excellent policy to follow. Absolutely no reason to keep toxic people in your life. I have no problem removing emotional vampires, users and losers. And you shouldn't either...
quankanne Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 I think you hit a point in life when you realize that these folks add unnecessary drama or are feeding off you like emotional vampires. Or just rub you the wrong way (more on that in a bit). Once the guilt passes, you realize it's the smartest way to live because you're not caught up in their drama or stressed out over said drama ... one is a sibling, who I love, but cannot handle being around in more than small doses because he's into playing mind-fook games and pretty much lives in an alternate reality. Which is sad, but believe me, my life is much healthier and happier since I've curbed interaction with him. the other is a woman I know through work, who immediately glommed on me, and that made me feel very uncomfortable. My friendships are with people I connect with on many different levels, and are strong enough to withstand time/distance separation ... you know, the kind where you might not talk for several months because life's gotten really busy, but when you *do* catch up with each other, it's like you pick up where you last left off. It just works out really well. This woman, however, tends to be a bit dramatic (makes me uncomfortable) and, to a small degree, selfish. And more than overly familiar with me – made me very, very uncomfortable, so I stopped nearly all contact with her.
bentnotbroken Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 Have anyone random in your life that you deleted because they were adding nothing positive? I'm not talking about somebody who has done something egregious. Just somebody who was maybe negative, self-absorbed or a user. I've purged three people from my life in the last few months and haven't regretted it. There was this random fling I had three years ago. We kept in touch off and on, but he was always the initiator. He was a real downer and a smarmy person. I told him more than once to stop messaging me, but he kept it up. Sometimes I took the bait because he's smart and charming, but he was a debbie downer, so I always ended up regretting it. Finally, I just blocked/removed him for good. The second was an ex from a few years back. Also an incessant whiner and very self-absorbed. Eject. The other day it occurred to me that I haven't spoken to either in months, and how good it feels. I call it the pruning. They were stunting my growth as an emotionally healthy person. A few ridiculed my faith. The closer to God I got, the more they seem to try to get me to do things that I no longer desired to do. I was okay with their choices, but they didn't respect mine. Time for the pruning shears. It helped me blossom.
Sophia8 Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 I'm currently thinking about doing this with a woman that I have been friends with for the last 4 years. In the beginning I could cope but now whenever I talk to her or meet her I always come away feeling depressed, emotionally drained. I find that I see her a lot less now and speak to her a lot less. A part of me does feel guilty/horrible though.
PandorasBox Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 I have had to this as well with a friend of mine of 13 years. I was upset by it, but I knew it was really for the best. She just drained me with her negativity and bad attitude. The thing is, to this day I truly believe she never felt she did or has done anything wrong. Its almost scary, she laughs everything off and if anyone says anything she doesn't like or wants to hear, she thinks we're all jealous of her. She bad mouhted so many people behind their backs, so I can only imgaine what she must have said about me. I always try to remember though, it was a good choice of mine to no longer be friends. I feel better and not so drained.
Joe Normal Posted August 22, 2010 Posted August 22, 2010 Yes I have and in fact I'm thinking of doing it again with someone who is poor at keeping in touch. Never regretted doing it in the past.
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