Being friends with my ex without developing feelings again is it possible?

[spiegel27]

Hey everyone I posted a few times recently about how awful my ex girlfriend recently was treating me. Found out she was talking and hanging with her ex boyfriend behind my back when we were dating and just been sending me some really nasty text messages and phones and most importantly lying to me about a lot of things. I am moving away 3000 miles away from her in 5 days and not looking back (I have had this move planed even before we met) We had a "civil" conversation the other night and she apologized about everything she did and admitted she was wrong. We agreed to be "friends" and keep in touch under the condition that I couldn't forgive her over night and that she would never lie and bull**** me again. Heres the question....why? Do I really want to keep in touch with her? She lied to me and went behind my back. Said some really nasty things..okay she is "sorry" but would I even want her as a friend? Thats not really friend qualities? I tried writing her off and I lasted 3 weeks with her calling and messaging me a billion times before I caved in and contacted her again. I want to just be civil with her but I cant seem to hold a convo with her without thinking about dating her again. Any suggestions or advice would be greatly appreciated. Keep in mind once I move in 5 days I will be much much more busy then I am now, so that should help with the moving on.

[nokturn]

Hey buddy,

 

Having read your post, I think it's best that you just stick to your plan and move. What you said in the end about how much more busy you will be once you move should solidify everything for you. I'm going through a breakup right now too and the "lets be friends" thing was mentioned -- but I doubt it'll really work though that's just me. It seems you're having a tough time getting to trust her again, and that's understandable. Man I wished I was in the same boat as you, at least with moving 3000 miles away and having lots of stuff waiting for me there! So again, maybe this is what you need to help you move on quicker. Wish you the best!

 

BTW, if you want more answers on this, you should post in this LS forum instead:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/f17/

[carhill]

I want to just be civil with her but I cant seem to hold a convo with her without thinking about dating her again.

 

This is just your d!ck talking. Perfectly normal. Re-read the rest of your OP. Is this dynamic really healthy in any way?

 

Once you don't care one way or the other, *and* she exhibits qualities which you value in your 'real' friends, then and only then would it be appropriate to rebuild a *new* friendship based on those dynamics.

 

With 3000 miles between you, she'll move on to the next victim, er boyfriend. Life goes on