on Breaking Up

[pianomanwoman]

A few years ago, I came to Loveshack.org for advice. Some of the best advice was the NO Contact idea. It was very hard for me to not see my ex again because he always had "excuses" to see me again and he did this with all his exs..I imagine he must have been having relations with them too, but I thought that he was the one and I wanted to give our relationship another try. I cried a lot, read the threads about what had happened to the other memebers when they broke no contact and it happened to me finally on Jan. 6 (yes, after all the holidays went by and I was "alone") He spent the holidays with Tammy, his new girlfriend, and when I asked him why, he said it would be cheaper to buy her presents because we had established a five year friendship and he didnt want to have to buy me a ring or any thing expensive. He called me selfish and self serving (to justify me leaving him). He orchestrated the whole break up and even got Tammy and Barbie to be on his side and make me the bad guy. Anyway, he has his problems and I realized that just getting things from women and getting his needs met were his only goal. That maybe he loved me, but I was always going to be second third and more to his career, his audience and his friends, pals and even his daughther who he pit me against in the first week we met. So I made the mistake of getting together one time to see if we could make it work..he ran out by 10 am and said "oh, Tammys coming by at 12 if you want to meet her you can stay here, but I recommend you not be here when she arrives" (they had broken up, the night before). He told me she was only comming by for lunch with his daughter. I didnt stay, I felt taken advantage of, and he did come by my house every week for months, but I just didnt "put out" and finally he said I was a mean, jealous person and that Tammy would make a better mom for his daughter that he had joined a "motavational cult" with Tammy and that he didnt want to see me anymore. I did try to give him backrubs and ask him for spousal support, but he was so selfish he wouldnt help me. Anyway my point of this advice is...dont fall for it. Unless the person was really good for you in the first place, and you were the one who screwed up, dont go back. Its a mistake.

 

I still wait for him to come back. I can't say I love him anymore. His brainwashing at the "cult" turned me against him. I am angry at Tammy for trying to control him and undoing the love that I so tried to teach him the last 5 years. (Its been a year since the "divorce"). I have moved on from the pain. I have a new love interest and I am taking it slow. When he does finally say hi or comes back to do something not related to our past. I will be free of the anguish. Please set in your mind (it doesnt matter if you are straight or gay, a girl or boy) NOT to see your ex until you are over him/her. You will feel much better and it will be better for you both when you finally look back on the relationship. No Facebook either(I deleted him and his daugther also made my page private). Dont kid yourself you will only hurt yourself and them.

 

Yours

Pianomanwoman