smiffy24_7 Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 Ok so here we go... My ex girlfriend and I started seeing each other in Jan 2009, and I have to say, I thought I had met my soul mate. At the time she had her own place and I would go over from time to time and stay the night, like you do... and we were so wrapped and blinded by this new passion in our lives that nothing else seemed to matter! Around 10 months in money got a bit tight and I was made redundant from my job, so she decided to move back home to her parents and we decided that as I look for a new job, she would begin to save money for our first place together. As you can image times were really exciting and the prospect of living together really motivated us and made our love even stronger, I thought she was the one! So a year goes by and we celebrate our first anniversary in Paris, the city of love! A year of fun, laughter and passion, it was like a dream come true! We never argued once in the first year... not once! Then little things started to pop up, like she told me off once for leaving the bread bored out... and little things when we were out shopping. Only small things, but these, unbeknown to us were the pitfall of our relationship. I have always been a young man who enjoys spending time with new babies and around loved ones, I guess I get that from my dad (I’m a real softie) and I would talk from time to time about having children waaay in the future and how I can’t wait to go Christmas shopping for barbies and actionmen! Little things like that really warm my heart up and put a smile on my face. When we spoke about things like this she would always go on about how having children and the pain of it all puts her off for life... and I could never understand how bringing another life into this world, something that you have made together, something that you love together and something that will make you realise everyday the reason your still living, would put someone off... I understand where she was coming from and would just change the conversation given the delicacy of the subject. So a few more months pass and we begin to argue more, I have found myself a job by now, and we looking into moving in again... we both got excited and went shopping for new things like tea towels and crockery, only small things but they were our things! Finally things were looking up! Summer 2010 - Our holiday to Florida! (She brought it for my birthday the previous year) woo hoo! Finally a break from the rat race and time to go round and enjoy life again! Or so I thought... a week into the holiday we had a pretty big blow out about something completely petty and then out of the blue she said that were not compatible anymore, that we are arguing way to much and she thinks that when we arrive back home we should go our separate ways to try and realise what we really want from life. I was heartbroken, the girl I loved with my heart and soul was gone… this is where it gets tricky. A week or so goes by from arriving home and she texts me saying can we meet, I immediately thought yes! She wants me back and without a minute to loose, I meet her. We sit down by the river and talk about our differences and things seem to be going smoothly, we both shed a tear and have a cuddle to calm the nerves. After around an hour we decide to part and go our separate ways again, she said that she misses me and that she wishes that things could change, and that she would have to think about what she wanted… I was confused, one minute she was in my arms wanting me back, next minute she is questioning herself? So after much deliberation with myself and my very supportive parents and friends I decided that the best thing to do would be to let the dust settle and try again a few weeks later when she has had enough time to think about what she wants and when we can both think straight. A few more days go by… She texts me and asks if we can meet again, without hesitation I said yes and invited her round while my parents were out and we could have some privacy. So she comes in an begins to talk about her day and her work… hang on, weren’t we suppose to be speaking about us? I didn’t want to bring up the conversation but in the end I said to her, so why are you here? I saw her eyes well up and a tear run down her cheek, I gently wiped her eyes and all of a sudden something changed… Next thing I know we are tearing each others cloths off and proceed to have sex on the living room floor. It was the best sex we have ever had, a connection I had never felt before, I thought this was it… she’s back in my life and we can finally work thought this… So after we had had sex we led together and looked at each other… I asked her if this will change anything, and she said that she still needs to think about what’s right and that she has to achieve things by herself before committing to a relationship again. You can imagine my pain… she left around an hour later and I didn’t know what to do, still don’t know what to do, I want this girl in my life and I think she wants me in hers, she just cant seem to find the willingness to try again, I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m meeting her on Sunday, she asked me out to the theatre and I said yes… Is that the right thing to do? Am I fooling myself into thinking that there might be something left? Should I leave her now? I’m in such an emotional turmoil I can barely sleep at night and things don’t seem to be getting any better, any help would be greatly appreciated Cheers guys and girls Kyle
GrayClouds Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 Sorry for your loss. But there is no reason this will change, if anything it just going to get worst. As long as your will to put up with less, then she has no reason to give you more. I am afraid she is just stringing you along until she finds something better and will keep given you breadcrumbs to keep you there. Read the following, do as it says and put yourself first: The No Contact Guide So you want a second chance? It is hard to let go but that is the best thing for you. I really sorry, i wish you well.
BigProc Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 I agree. Me and my ex broke up a few months ago. Similar situation, I was with her just over a year. I'v had longer relationships, but this one seemed to be the 1. After breaking up we still txt quite a lot and met up a few times. I wanted to get back with her but she kept saying she didnt know if she wanted a relationship, she was scared blah blah blah. I was patient and took her word for this. As soon as someone else came along she didnt want to know. She stopped txting and basically cut all contact with me. I think you should cut contact straight away because if she does the same as my ex you will feel the pain a lot lot worse, believe me
Author smiffy24_7 Posted August 13, 2010 Author Posted August 13, 2010 Thanks for the replys guys, and you are right, i never really looked at it in that way before, like she could be leading me on to the next one... i've commited myself to seeing her this sunday as i mentioned. I think i will let her know that it has to stop! And she cant keep doing this. Do you think thats ok?? Gives me some closure as well...
BigProc Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 Thats your choice. Knowing what I know now I wouldnt even go Sunday. I would just say I can't make it and wouldn't even give her a reason. Start nc straight away. Not only will you start the healing process asap, you will also be taking back the control from her. She will not beable to help thinking what is he up to? why doesn,t he want to see me? If she has any feelings for you this will help her realise you won,t be messed about and your not prepared to jump when she says jump. Your killing 2 birds with 1 stone so to speak, you are starting the healing process and you are taking control away from her. This will make her panic and make you seem more attractive, showing a strong mental character. It all sounds like your playing games but its a nessacery evil of giving you the best chance of getting her back (if you wanted that) and preventing any more needless pain
GrayClouds Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 Thanks for the replys guys, and you are right, i never really looked at it in that way before, like she could be leading me on to the next one... i've commited myself to seeing her this sunday as i mentioned. I think i will let her know that it has to stop! And she cant keep doing this. Do you think thats ok?? Gives me some closure as well... Understand if you go there will be no closure, she will give you just enough to think there will be more, any question you ask will only lead to another question. She knows you care, there really is nothing you can say that she does not know, why go? Feed her ego, set yourself for a little more hurt, feed on some breadcrumbs. Do not go, instead focus on healing. Reread this thread: So you want a second chance? You deserve to be with some who wants to be with you, not someone who has to think about it, and until she beating down your door, she is not the girl.
Recommended Posts