nokturn Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 You guys may have read my previous posts, and even though I've been doing NC, I have to confess that I haven't been 100 percent about it. I know that NC consists of -- no calls, texts, e-mails, facebook, myspace, etc. And even if the ex contacts, to not respond. I've read the guides both here on LS and other sources on the internet. Guys, I need help. I've been finding myself constantly feeling the need to see what's going on in her life. And by this I mean checking her Facebook. One of my older threads talked about how she kept putting up status updates that appeared to be directed at me which of course made my mind go crazy wondering.. and give me some false hope I suppose. Also in that thread, I mentioned that I want it to be apparent to her that I've gone NC, for example, not being on Facebook at all. I admit fact that I'm breaking the rules of NC by looking at her profile, but I guess that after seeing all those constant status updates she kept putting up, I've sort of become "addicted" to see more. I guess it's just that it kind of felt good that she seemed sad/upset about the whole situation. The way I look at it is that it's only fair that she's also somewhat feeling some pain aside from just me. So here's my problem: While I'm aware that what I'm doing is self-destructive and torture, I also feel that the opposite would also be torture. If I were to stop, I feel like I wouldn't be able to handle wondering blindly what she's up to or how she is. Believe me, I want nothing more than to completely move on, to forget about her and focus on finding someone much better. Knowing everything that we'd been through, all the things that have been said and done while we were together makes it so much harder to train my mind to stop wondering about her. I need advice on what I can do to just stop
GrayClouds Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 You guys may have read my previous posts, and even though I've been doing NC, I have to confess that I haven't been 100 percent about it. I know that NC consists of -- no calls, texts, e-mails, facebook, myspace, etc. And even if the ex contacts, to not respond. I've read the guides both here on LS and other sources on the internet. Guys, I need help. I've been finding myself constantly feeling the need to see what's going on in her life. And by this I mean checking her Facebook. One of my older threads talked about how she kept putting up status updates that appeared to be directed at me which of course made my mind go crazy wondering.. and give me some false hope I suppose. Also in that thread, I mentioned that I want it to be apparent to her that I've gone NC, for example, not being on Facebook at all. I admit fact that I'm breaking the rules of NC by looking at her profile, but I guess that after seeing all those constant status updates she kept putting up, I've sort of become "addicted" to see more. I guess it's just that it kind of felt good that she seemed sad/upset about the whole situation. The way I look at it is that it's only fair that she's also somewhat feeling some pain aside from just me. So here's my problem: While I'm aware that what I'm doing is self-destructive and torture, I also feel that the opposite would also be torture. If I were to stop, I feel like I wouldn't be able to handle wondering blindly what she's up to or how she is. Believe me, I want nothing more than to completely move on, to forget about her and focus on finding someone much better. Knowing everything that we'd been through, all the things that have been said and done while we were together makes it so much harder to train my mind to stop wondering about her. I need advice on what I can do to just stop Simple remove the temptation, block her, befriend her, close your account, Do what ever will keep you from picking the scab. It will be hard but like any bad habit it will get easier. It is the only way to move on.
Gettingtired Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 You're never going to completely forget about her or what you both went through [well I've never forgotten any of my exes, regardless of how long I was with them]. I've just recently setup my FB account for deletion as I was constantly checking her account [after de-friending her] as it isn't highly restricted so could still see her new pictures and status updates. Like you've admitted; "I'm aware that what I'm doing is self-destructive and torture" Is right, but you also need to think, we're over, I dont need to know what's going on in her life anymore. We all like to hold on to that little bit of hope that we'll get back together or be close friends and be a part of each others life's. She may still be looking at your account and going through the same things you are, but that needs to be something you dont need to worry/think about anymore. Setup FB for deletion, rather than deactivation [they are 2 different things] unless you want to go back to it at a later date. Blocking her wont be of any use as you can easily go in and remove the block. You will get through this buddy, it takes some doing, but is possible. Also try to do things, go out, go see friends etc.
Beeotch Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 You guys may have read my previous posts, and even though I've been doing NC, I have to confess that I haven't been 100 percent about it. I know that NC consists of -- no calls, texts, e-mails, facebook, myspace, etc. And even if the ex contacts, to not respond. I've read the guides both here on LS and other sources on the internet. Guys, I need help. I've been finding myself constantly feeling the need to see what's going on in her life. And by this I mean checking her Facebook. One of my older threads talked about how she kept putting up status updates that appeared to be directed at me which of course made my mind go crazy wondering.. and give me some false hope I suppose. Also in that thread, I mentioned that I want it to be apparent to her that I've gone NC, for example, not being on Facebook at all. I admit fact that I'm breaking the rules of NC by looking at her profile, but I guess that after seeing all those constant status updates she kept putting up, I've sort of become "addicted" to see more. I guess it's just that it kind of felt good that she seemed sad/upset about the whole situation. The way I look at it is that it's only fair that she's also somewhat feeling some pain aside from just me. So here's my problem: While I'm aware that what I'm doing is self-destructive and torture, I also feel that the opposite would also be torture. If I were to stop, I feel like I wouldn't be able to handle wondering blindly what she's up to or how she is. Believe me, I want nothing more than to completely move on, to forget about her and focus on finding someone much better. Knowing everything that we'd been through, all the things that have been said and done while we were together makes it so much harder to train my mind to stop wondering about her. I need advice on what I can do to just stop Breaking NC will not ruin your life.... As I tell others and have experienced, NC becomes effective and you truly start to heal when you get to a NATURAL point of being sick and tired of checking up on your ex. NC can't force you to that place....NC is a struggle until you naturally get to that point of not wanting to look anymore. You don't have to feel bad about wanting to know....I went thru it, I went days/weeks without checking then I'd check, or ask other people, and the whole nine yard until one day within my own self I just got completely tired of it, deleted him from everything and went on my merry way. I would get the urge occasionally after, but they were not strong and it did not feel like some epic struggle, I was able to shrug it off and continue about my day. So yea....I don't think you are any more healed by not looking but driving yourself mad thinking about it I'd say...look to your hearts content, you will feel bad and it may help you not to look, the pain goes away....and one day you will naturally be like eff it! I don't wanna know or see.
Author nokturn Posted August 16, 2010 Author Posted August 16, 2010 Breaking NC will not ruin your life.... As I tell others and have experienced, NC becomes effective and you truly start to heal when you get to a NATURAL point of being sick and tired of checking up on your ex. NC can't force you to that place....NC is a struggle until you naturally get to that point of not wanting to look anymore. You don't have to feel bad about wanting to know....I went thru it, I went days/weeks without checking then I'd check, or ask other people, and the whole nine yard until one day within my own self I just got completely tired of it, deleted him from everything and went on my merry way. I would get the urge occasionally after, but they were not strong and it did not feel like some epic struggle, I was able to shrug it off and continue about my day. So yea....I don't think you are any more healed by not looking but driving yourself mad thinking about it I'd say...look to your hearts content, you will feel bad and it may help you not to look, the pain goes away....and one day you will naturally be like eff it! I don't wanna know or see. Thanks Beeotch, Sorry to sound naive but are you suggesting that I continue to check up on her if I feel like doing so?
Beeotch Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 Thanks Beeotch, Sorry to sound naive but are you suggesting that I continue to check up on her if I feel like doing so? What I'm saying is that one day you will naturally come to a point of not wanting to check up on this person.....so until then if u realllllly feel like looking, then okay. Nothing to kill yourself over. It makes no sense to spend days and nights thinking about not looking....so look and get it over with it *shrug*. Sooner or later you will decide for YOURSELF that you just don't want to anymore. When that day comes your No Contact will be genuine and lasting.
9Lives Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 well apparently you must love torture cause that is exactly what is happening here. I did the same thing and one day I saw something that ROCKED MY WORLD. TRUST ME, you don't want that. I was very messed up. so what you need to do today is go to her page and block yourself from seeing her stuff or else....you are going to get EXTREMELY HURT!!! Please don't do that to yourself. I promise u, one u get thru this rough patch, you will be glad u did it cause you are not gonna stop unless you block it or see something very painful. pls baby pls...listen to my advice!
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