thromback Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 Ok, so I my girlfriend is from Holland and loves reeses and loves american peanute butter. She kept asking me to mail her some, so I did. I ended up having to wait in line for 2 hours at the post office, and it cost me 60 dollars. I emailed her and said I know it's not your fault about the slow post office, but it cost me 60 dollars to ship everything, and I think it would be cheaper for you to order it online. I did mail it to you because I love you and I hope you don't take this the wrong way. This is her response exactly i still cant believe you send me that, im sorry but thats just stupid, those things are so heavy and its sooo much. i just dont get it, why would u do that im not some obese monster who cant live without peanutbutter i never even asked you to send me peanutbutter i only asked for reese's and just a few. i know you mean well but please just never ever do that again. and then what i dont understand is you go through all this trouble to send me that stuff but its too much work to add a letter or even like just a note like hy suzanne here's some peanutbutter. i dont expect like a love letter or wathever, but at least something that makes it personal, that means 1000x more too me then all the peanutbutter cups and peanutbutter in the world im sorry you prob think that im an ungrateful bitch and its not like that i just dont understand it, its just plain stupid follow up email from me: ...... Suzanne I don't think you understand why I didn't send a letter with it. I do not have time. And I was just being nice, so I won't send you anything anymore. I really went through a lot of trouble, and i wasn't implying you were an obese monster..... I was being nice because you liked peanut butter. I'm not mad or anything, but I'm a little bit hurt about how you reacted, but at least you were honest with me. My day was long- I was working. I won't have time to call you tomorrow because I'm staying up all night to finish all my projects. And well my dad really is going to be going to Holland i think like once a month, but it won't change the fact I have school still. Well I lovr you too and i really wish you spent a week in my shoes to understand my time constraints. I know it may seem like I have tons of time, but i don't even have time to talk to my family. So once again., thank you for being honest with me. I'll see you soon and I'm picking up my moms car this friday. next week I will make more time to talk. I miss you too and maybe I misinterpreted what you said, but it still really hurt me a lot because I remember you were a little sad I never sent you any of it, so I tried to make it up to you. I won't bring this up again because there's nothing I can do now, but I really do think you are being unreasonable. I just wish you knew like why I didn't have time to write a letter. I'm not even making excuses, and you did bring up a valid point and I'm sorry, but I guess please take other peoples feelings into consideration, especially because I did that during work..... What she replied: if u have time to write an email you have time to write a letter too (takes 2 minutes) it's the same thing, u said u spend 2 hours in line, u cud have done it then. im sorry if my words were really hard, i just had to make my point so that u would never spend 60dollars on sending food. i know u went through alot of trouble and it cost u all this money and the day when u did it u were like well suzanne u better get this stuff yourself next time, well guess what, i never asked for 2 giant jars of peanutbutter (which is the reason why it cost that much) i dont know i think this is just one of those things where we just dont see eye to eye, cuz im just way too dutch and dont like spending too much money. if it wud have cost u only like 15 dollars or something to send it, i wud not have reacted this way, i wud have been like whoa thats a bit too much peanutbutter, thats funny, but it didnt cost u that much so oh well. well i hope u have a good day at work, i hope u have finished all of your projects! I know this post is extremely long, but I am furious. I have posted about this girl a few more times, and I just hate girlfriends that are ungrateful. I need an outside opinion, so I don't just act off of emotions. Please give me your thoughts, because I am so angry right now.
Romance Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 She sounds rude, honestly. And types poorly but I guess that is besides the point. She sounds bossy and very ungrateful.
WintersNightTraveler Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 Please give me your thoughts, because I am so angry right now. If you had just refrained from sending the complaining email after waiting in line, she probably would have loved the gesture. Not to excuse her, but if you want something constructive to take away from this experience, that's it. Next time you send a gift to someone, put a nice little note in their and let it be a surprise. And if it's a hassle to do, just keep that part to yourself. Otherwise don't bother with the gesture at all.
TMichaels Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 Hate to stereotype, but your girl said it herself: "She's Dutch." Obviously, grand gestures and material things are far less important to her than simple expressions of your love. However, you didn't do yourself any favors by sending an email lamenting it cost you 60 bucks to send her "Care Package" and it would have been cheaper for her to order her own treats online. Just wondering. To drive home the point, did you leave the price tags on the peanut butter jars, too? Though I would love to say what a sweet and thoughtful boyfriend you are, in this instance I have to side with your girlfriend. It would have taken you no longer to write a personal (and hopefully more endearing) note and enclosed it in the package than the snarky email you sent. Having said all that, from the tone of your post and your email exchange I get the sense that you are overwhelmed with school, work and life in general at the moment -- and that includes by your girlfriend. You feel like you're trying your best to keep everybody happy and no matter what you do, it's never enough or right. You'd like a little support, appreciation and credit from the one person you hope would give it and you feel like all you're getting is static. NEWS FLASH: Events and people can influence your life, but you, yourself, are directly responsible for how you react and deal with them. All work and no play is never a good thing. I realize you are probably up to your ears in obligations, but if you don't also take time to step back, breathe and take care of your own needs, you'll be of no use to anyone, including yourself. I'm not saying your girlfriend isn't blameless here. It seems she either isn't aware of or can't fathom all the pressure you're under -- or she's totally self-absorbed. Or, maybe your attention has been on other matters for so long, she feels like an after-thought. Bottom line: Get a handle on your current crises, then have a very open and honest conversation with yourself first, and then your girlfriend. Right now, it sounds like neither of you are getting what you want from life or one another and the only way that's going to change is through regular communication, mutual empathy, understanding, forgiveness, patience and behavior modification. Continue on the path you're on now, and I'm afraid you'll have even more issues to stress about... Best, TMichaels
TMichaels Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 (edited) Hate to stereotype, but your girl said it herself: "She's Dutch." Obviously, grand gestures and material things are far less important to her than simple expressions of your love. However, you didn't do yourself any favors by sending an email lamenting it cost you 60 bucks to send her "Care Package" and it would have been cheaper for her to order her own treats online. Just wondering. To drive home the point, did you leave the price tags on the peanut butter jars, too? Though I would love to say what a sweet and thoughtful boyfriend you are, in this instance I have to side with your girlfriend. It would have taken you no longer to write a personal (and hopefully more endearing) note and enclosed it in the package than the snarky email you sent. Having said all that, from the tone of your post and your email exchange I get the sense that you are overwhelmed with school, work and life in general at the moment -- and that includes by your girlfriend. You feel like you're trying your best to keep everybody happy and no matter what you do, it's never enough or right. You'd like a little support, appreciation and credit from the one person you hope would give it and you feel like all you're getting is static. NEWS FLASH: Events and people can influence your life, but you, yourself, are directly responsible for how you react and deal with them. All work and no play is never a good thing. I realize you are probably up to your ears in obligations, but if you don't also take time to step back, breathe and take care of your own needs, you'll be of no use to anyone, including yourself. I'm not saying your girlfriend isn't blameless here. It seems she either isn't aware of or can't fathom all the pressure you're under -- or she's totally self-absorbed. Or, maybe your attention has been on other matters for so long, she feels like an after-thought. Bottom line: Get a handle on your current crises, then have a very open and honest conversation with yourself first, and then your girlfriend. Right now, it sounds like neither of you are getting what you want from life or one another and the only way that's going to change is through regular communication, mutual empathy, understanding, forgiveness, patience and behavior modification. Continue on the path you're on now, and I'm afraid you'll have even more issues to stress about. Best, TMichaels Edited August 13, 2010 by TMichaels
Fouts Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 You two need to work on your communication skills, big time.
aerogurl87 Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 She sounds like a bitch to me, not gonna lie. Although 60 bucks to ship some peanut butter is alot, lol. Did you expedite it? But if you were my boyfriend I would've been upset that you spent all that money to get the peanut butter shipped, BUT I wouldn't have kept going on and on about it either. And another thing, she sounds negative with her talk of "I'm not obese" and stuff. Is she that superficial to think that a little peanut butter is going to hurt her figure and cause you to love her any less?
electricity Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 I don't know what specifically she asked for or what amounts you sent her, but it sounds to me like all she really wanted was a handwritten letter alongside a few pieces of Reese's candy. I think that would be really sweet - handwritten letters are just so much more personal than emails. I doubt she wanted you to be her personal courier service, and I really doubt she wanted you to tell her she caused you to go through all that trouble. Even if she could've otherwise appreciated the gesture, your email definitely ruined it; she's just going to feel guilty eating it now.
Eeyore79 Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 I don't think she's being ungrateful - she's probably just hurt because you sent her something and then moaned about how much it cost you. So you were like "I'm not doing that any more", and she lashes back with "Well I didn't ask you to do it anyway". Perhaps she thought you would have the common sense not to post it if it was going to cost $60 - if something I was posting cost that much I'd have changed my mind about posting it, and I'd expect someone else to do the same, not just go ahead and post it and then moan about it. It's like you're blaming her for the cost, when it's not really her fault. It seems like what she wanted was not peanut butter, but a nice gesture - as she said, a few peanut butter cups with a nice letter would have been worth more to her. You totally ruined the niceness of your gesture by complaining about it.
aerogurl87 Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 Ok maybe I'm weird, but if my boyfriend told me he stood in line for 2 hours and spent 60 bucks to send me some peanut butter when he knew I really wanted it, I wouldn't think of it as complaining. To me it'd be like him saying "I love you enough to go through all this just to make you happy." That in itself would make me feel special, but I guess I'm just different.
Author thromback Posted August 14, 2010 Author Posted August 14, 2010 For everybody saying my email was nasty about complaining about mailing it. here is the exact email I sent before everything: hey dutchess, So I mailed your package. I'm not trying to sound like a whiner, but i think it's easier for you to order it from the place in Amsterdam because it cost like 50 dollars to ship, due to the size of the box. I don't really care about the price to ship it, but it's like i spent only ten dollars on it and combined it would be cheaper to get in Holland . Also, it took me about two hours to ship because the line was so long. I did it though because I love you and you have nothing to do with the price or the time to get it shipped, so don't worry about it haha I'm just whining because I can. Also, the bag ripped, so this homeless guy stole 3 of your bags of reeses- leaving you with just one bag and two containers of peanut butter. I was like, I will buy you lunch or give you money, but I am in a hurry can I please have those back. He's like NOOO THEY ARE MINE NOW. And I said ok good rot your teeth you ****ing idiot bye. hahahaha so im sorry it's not that much but a peddling theive robbed you of your sveets. You should have them in about 5 days. What I hate more than getting my picture taken is going to the post office- that's why I never send you things, not because I don't love you, but because it always takes at least am hour to do. This weekend I have to bring my work home with me because everything is due next Friday. Well please don't take my whining at you, it's in a laughing matter and i really don't care that much over the issues, but i hope you enjoy your sveets. That homeless guy was so desperate haha love, mike I think it was still a nice email. I liked everybodies input, and it seems to me more people thought I was wrong. Well it's always good to have an outside opinion and I did take responsibility for what I did say. Thanks for everything you guys. I'd rather bitch and whine to all of you, then throw it all on her.
CycleOfLove Posted August 15, 2010 Posted August 15, 2010 " Also, the bag ripped, so this homeless guy stole 3 of your bags of reeses- leaving you with just one bag and two containers of peanut butter. I was like, I will buy you lunch or give you money, but I am in a hurry can I please have those back. He's like NOOO THEY ARE MINE NOW. And I said ok good rot your teeth you ****ing idiot bye. " okay, im sorry I been reading daily on LS but I never really signd up to the site, But after reading what you wrote her in the email i just HAD to make an account and comment. REALLY now? you are making up a story about an homeless guy stealing a chocolate snack from you? And you asked it back and in return you`ll buy him lunch? REALLY? or maybe.. you didnt want to waste money on your gf and instead of buying 3 packs of reese you bought only one? this story sounds so ridiculous to me.
Author thromback Posted August 15, 2010 Author Posted August 15, 2010 No it's true i live in nyc. We solved it and just pretended nothing happened. And the issue wasnt over how much she recieved.
WintersNightTraveler Posted August 15, 2010 Posted August 15, 2010 why would u do that im not some obese monster who cant live without peanutbutter ... just a note like hy suzanne here's some peanutbutter ... that means 1000x more too me then all the peanutbutter cups and peanutbutter in the world I was being nice because you liked peanut butter. well guess what, i never asked for 2 giant jars of peanutbutter ... cuz im just way too dutch and dont like spending too much money. if it wud have cost u only like 15 dollars or something to send it, i wud not have reacted this way, i wud have been like whoa thats a bit too much peanutbutter Also, the bag ripped, so this homeless guy stole 3 of your bags of reeses- leaving you with just one bag and two containers of peanut butter. He's like NOOO THEY ARE MINE NOW. a peddling theive robbed you of your sveets. What I hate more than getting my picture taken is going to the post office Oh bravo sir. Bravo. What a great thread. Glad you seem to have a handle on it. Whatever the hell is going on.
lordWilhelm Posted August 15, 2010 Posted August 15, 2010 Wow, how old are you two? I'm not sure what to say to this, but don't you think it would have been a lot simpler to send a sweet note with just a couple of cups... I get the sense that you really wanted her to know how victimized you were in being her personal shipper. And of course you couldn't leave it at that either, you had to bring up that ridiculously tasteless story about the homeless man. Then to make matters worse, you became defensive about how pressed for time you are. I'm really appalled by the terrible communication you guys have been having. And just sweeping it under the rug and pretending this didn't happen isn't going to make things better -- it's going to happen again and again until you address it or maybe it's going to drive you to break up.
Author thromback Posted August 16, 2010 Author Posted August 16, 2010 well Lord, it was a humurous email and a defensive email to say the least. We worked everything out. English isn't her first language and I work almost 100 hours per week, so when I am emailing I am exhausted. I wanted to thank everybody for listening to me complain and bitch thank you.
findingnemo Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 Thromback, I am glad that you two sorted it out. World War III over peanut butter!!! I have read the whole thread and I think the misunderstanding comes from the facts that (1) your GF's first language is not English, (2) it is easy sometimes to misread "tone" in written communications (your mail was actually nice if understood properly), (3) your GF is Dutch (sorry) and they are known to be very "frugal", (4) you didn't let the surprise remain a surprise as someone pointed out earlier. A few pointers: -Next time you write to her, please do not assume that she will understand any humour or wit and be as simple and clear as you can be. -Never ever complain in writing to anyone unless you are ready for a defensive reaction.
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