Red Rain Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 I've done a little reading here and it has left me with some serious questions. I am in a situation, in a small place, where contact with someone is unavoidable. I never seek it in any way. I have also disclosed feelings of an emotional nature to my partner, who has forgiven me. I am doing my utmost to work on my marriage, including having gone to counselling, individually and together. I'll get to my question. I still care deeply for someone after five or six years. No sex was involved in this relationship. Is it possible to still feel deeply for someone after that period of time? Am I mistaken that it is possible to move on, still seeing the other person (always publicly) from time to time? I consider myself to be intelligent and honest, and I am hiding nothing. My partner and I share e-mail and passwords. Any thoughts on this?
carhill Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 It appears you haven't resolved the inappropriate friendship to the level of acceptance; accepting that your M is your priority and your feelings for your marital partner overshadow and supercede those for any others. An IC should be able to help you with this, presuming the therapist is completely disclosed. IMO, there will always be twinges. I felt one this morning looking across the optometrists office and seeing someone who reminded me of a familiar face I saw in dreams for many years. The beauty of acceptance is I experience those moments, smile a bit at the understanding I now have, then return to the present reality, which is that part of my life is over. In my case, I could never be in constant, even if circumstantial, contact. Black hole NC is the only treatment. YMMV. How old are you? For myself, those memories and feelings were a part of life for about 25 years. Hope your journey is relatively more brief. Welcome to LS
2sunny Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 It appears you haven't resolved the inappropriate friendship to the level of acceptance; accepting that your M is your priority and your feelings for your marital partner overshadow and supercede those for any others. An IC should be able to help you with this, presuming the therapist is completely disclosed. IMO, there will always be twinges. I felt one this morning looking across the optometrists office and seeing someone who reminded me of a familiar face I saw in dreams for many years. The beauty of acceptance is I experience those moments, smile a bit at the understanding I now have, then return to the present reality, which is that part of my life is over. In my case, I could never be in constant, even if circumstantial, contact. Black hole NC is the only treatment. YMMV. How old are you? For myself, those memories and feelings were a part of life for about 25 years. Hope your journey is relatively more brief. Welcome to LS CH - she doesn't state that she is married - she used the term "partner." to the original poster - and answering your headlined question: Can emotional ties last for years? yes. what you do about that emotional tie is really up to you.
carhill Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 From the OP: I am doing my utmost to work on my marriage, including having gone to counselling, individually and together. I was a bit confused by 'partner' and 'marriage', so perhaps have things ass-backwards
2sunny Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 From the OP: I was a bit confused by 'partner' and 'marriage', so perhaps have things ass-backwards i see - my original answer of yes still stands... from my own experience...
djhall Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 I can only relate my personal experience. There was a girl I loved almost twenty years ago (I guess you could say I was the "other man" in an "emotional affair") and we have had no contact other than two or three emails since. Even after all this time I still have very powerful feelings for her... in fact, I often wonder if the strongest emotional connection I will have in my entire life will be with a memory. So, yes, I would have to say that emotional ties can last for years.
jenifer1972 Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 Yes, very possible. Having the person pop up in the flesh often in public is one way unfortunately that will fan this thing indefinitely.
denise_xo Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 Is it possible to still feel deeply for someone after that period of time? Yes, definitely, I second djhall's experiences. Good luck with sorting it out...
mishy Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 i think feeling deeply for someone can last a lifetime in varying degrees as time goes on
Author Red Rain Posted August 17, 2010 Author Posted August 17, 2010 I can honestly say that I have been surprised by the depth of feeling for someone as kind and considerate as my friend. We could talk and listen effortlessly. There was an understanding, but also a desire for the best in each other's lives ... something that seems unbelievable. He lives with an abusive marriage. I live in one where I should "count my lucky stars" because it's not abusive ... as long as I do not "rock the boat" by expressing my feelings. RR
Author Red Rain Posted August 17, 2010 Author Posted August 17, 2010 Thank you, all of you, for your insights. It has given me more to consider.
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