neversure Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 As soon as I started to question my marriage and wheather or not I should've come back to him, BOOM, he starts again!! We are recently reconciled from being seperated for 1 year and have been married for 10 years and everything seemed to be on the up and up. Well sure enough, this last weekend we began to argue on Saturday evening and then argument fell into Sunday Morning and he said that everything was OK, but left that night at 530 and came home at 1050. He was so drunk he couldnt even park his car and he was even sick. He says that he was just "hanging out with friends". But since that night he has been acting weird, cold and just plain distant. But you see, this is a familiar dance that him and I have done for 9 out of out 10 years and I know it all to well. Yesterday was our wedding anniversary and needless to say there was no celebration. I tried to talk to him about the tension that has been in the air over the last few days and the look in his eyes speaks more then the few words that come out of his mouth. He just looks like he is in a "wait and see" mode, again, the same one he gets into every 4 to 6 months. I guess my question is, how can everything go from OK to "it's complicated" in the matter of a few days?? How long can my marriage survive if I feel like we are always in somekind of melt down. It is a horrible, sick cycle that I can never find my way completly out of. When these cycles come about they always come out of no where and end up with him being the man on the emotional moon!! And then I end up feeling guilty for all the time I was questioning our relationship before the turmoil started. Any suggestions??
kountrygirl Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 Cold, distant behavior, fights on purpose, missing what would have been a celebration of your relationship can all be signs of fear of intimacy on his part. Has your relationship, after any initial 'honeymoon stage' been what you would consider close? Does he tell you how you feel and what you will do even if it's not even close to the truth? Does he find excuses not to tell you how he feels or what he's going to do? If so, he doesn't know you and he is afraid to get close enough for you to know him. If he does has intimacy issues and you are staying with him, you need to ask yourself why. What unfulfilled need is this relationship filling? What is in your past that you bring to the table to complete the cycle? I'm staying with my man for the time being because I see those things in my past that contribute to our problems and truly believe we can both get past this with work. Worse case scenario is that I stay with him long enough to learn about myself and eventually move on to a real relationship. Of course the goal is to work out our issues so we can both be what each other needs without all the heartache. Good luck to you!
You Go Girl Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 I'd really like to see details of how this argument went down, what it was about, who lied when, who manipulated, who was evasive, etc. To answer this question the particular dynamics are extremely important. This is obviously a cycle that the two of you fall into. Breaking the pattern and stopping the cycle is what you need and want to do. I can't pass judgement of any kind with so little information. There is a part to this cycle that you play too, you do understand. Think of it like a tennis match. If one person refuses to return the ball--game over.
Author neversure Posted August 14, 2010 Author Posted August 14, 2010 The details of the argument are as follows: 1. He said a rude comment in front of our son that had to do with lets just say being able to make love to yourself and can do with whatever you want with yourself because you are a man. 2. I stood up for myself and asked for a apology for the comments and was laughed at 3. He proceeded to belittle me until he got dressed and left 4. The next day ignored me all day until he left for the 5 hours. Bottom line, it hurt my feelings. I just think in my mind," how long do two people need to be married to void out someone elses feelings?" Believe me I know how easily we have made it as a society to replace people in relationships. Like how if we are not happy, just go onto sometype of blogishpere to complain about your most personal relationship and find people out there that will encourage and advise on it and people find empowerment to do whatever we want and feel its ok because we are not "happy". I am not a Saint. I am not a perfect wife. But dammit I dont deserve that stuff. A disrespect with no pravication. I love him and would never hurt his feelings on purpose just to make myself feel better. Then to just use it as a excuse to do whatever I wanted because I felt like it?? Well whatever. I love the selfish Pr%$ck even if he does do these horrbile things!!.... Wait...c... there I go feeling honest again, maybe I should tell him so he can get dressed and go out again? Ohh desicions desicions!!!!!
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