Gaslighting

[freestyle]

Wow, Yellow Shark---I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

 

Yeah, I agree, I think you're better off walking away when the level of betrayal is that deep.

 

Doesn't make it suck any less.

 

It's so hard for me to wrap my brain around the fact that people can be so callous and cruel to the ones they're supposed to love.As a person with many flaws and shortcomings, I still take pride in knowing that I have a fully functional conscience---there are some lines you just don't cross.Period.

I guess in my naivety, I once presumed most other people had the same standards........

 

...remorselessness only existed in the criminal and pathological realms.

I've since learned differently---there are plenty of disordered people who appear "normal' and forthright at first glance, and function in society.

 

Some are that way from their early childhood wounds, some are just wired that way---I try to have a certain amount of compassion, but it stops when people absolutely refuse to own their bads. I might still have a tiny bit of compassion ----but only from a very safe distance---I don't need to deal with that crap in my life.

 

 

I hope your pain lessens, YS. It will, in your own time.Vent as much as you need to, and don't let anyone try to force their perception of a healing timetable on you----(" are you STILL upset about that") all that does is invalidate what you're feeling.Sometimes people mean well , but unless they've been in a similar situation, they don't really understand. Betrayal by a loved one can feel like a mortal wound....(to quote Shirley Glass) It can completely pull the rug out from under a BS.

[Star727]

My WH tried the gaslight game on me with I finally uncovered his 10 year EA with a fellow coworker 2 years ago.

 

I got the classic line, "we are just friends, and we never had sex". Then he tried to make me feel bad by constantly saying that "once you get something in your head, the seed has been planted and nothing I can say will change your mind". He thinks no matter how many times he tells me he's not talking to her anymore, I will never believe him.

 

Well, I guess not because since D-Day #1 2 years ago, we have had 3 more D-Days and I've found 3 secret cell phones.

 

He's the one planting the seeds in my head!!!!!

[BeagleGal]

freestyle: totally am with you on this quote here. I cannot believe that there are people like this. No compassion or empathy whatsoever toward the person they are f*cking around. When I look back now on the last few months of what I went through with my ex, I can only shake my head. Because up until the time we broke up, I thought he was this loving, sweet, attentive, genuinely caring person. And he turned out to be this narcissistic, douchebag arsehole. He's selfish and irresponsible. And a bad liar! Even with facts presented to him about what I found out about him re our breakup, still tried to lie and deny sh*t to me! He's crossed a huge line with me and I have no doubt he'll continue this same pattern in his new relationship now.

 

It's so hard for me to wrap my brain around the fact that people can be so callous and cruel to the ones they're supposed to love.As a person with many flaws and shortcomings, I still take pride in knowing that I have a fully functional conscience---there are some lines you just don't cross.Period.

I guess in my naivety, I once presumed most other people had the same standards........

 

[BeagleGal]

Sweetie, you need to get out! He ain't going to change anytime soon if at all!. He should legally change his name to Mr. Serial Cheating Gaslighter.

 

My WH tried the gaslight game on me with I finally uncovered his 10 year EA with a fellow coworker 2 years ago.

 

I got the classic line, "we are just friends, and we never had sex". Then he tried to make me feel bad by constantly saying that "once you get something in your head, the seed has been planted and nothing I can say will change your mind". He thinks no matter how many times he tells me he's not talking to her anymore, I will never believe him.

 

Well, I guess not because since D-Day #1 2 years ago, we have had 3 more D-Days and I've found 3 secret cell phones.

 

He's the one planting the seeds in my head!!!!!

[freestyle]

Hey Beaglegal~~

 

Sorry to hear what you've been through.

 

Even if he's no longer in your life, the residue from a betrayal like that can cause a lot of hurt, and questioning.

 

At least, by educating yourself, you can have more finely honed instincts the next time you get involved with someone.

 

here's a couple of links to sites with good info on gaslighting and emotional manipulation.

 

http://voiceofcassandra.wordpress.com/2009/08/04/emotional-abuse-or-gaslighting/

 

http://www.rickross.com/reference/brainwashing/brainwashing11.html

 

 

I found that the more I read, and studied, the more empowered I felt after going through my own gaslighting experience.

[freestyle]

Sweetie, you need to get out! He ain't going to change anytime soon if at all!. He should legally change his name to Mr. Serial Cheating Gaslighter.

 

 

I have to second this.

 

Three secret phones is a lot of effort , just to maintain an EA. I hate to say it , but there's a good chance it's already gone PA.........

 

It might be a good idea to start forming an exit plan, getting your ducks in a row.

[BeagleGal]

Hello... thank you...

 

Oh yes, I mean, its only been a few months but the enormity of his deception and lies has and is at times very overwhelming.

When I first started seeing my therapist, he asked I describe my ex to him. I did and he said he thought my ex definitely displays narcissistc behavior. I didnt really know what narcissism was and started to read up on it. The more I read, I was stunned at the symtoms/behaviors that my ex displayed.

 

But thanks for those links, will definitely read up more on gaslighting. Always better to be safe than sorry (well, at least the next time 'round with someone new).

 

Hey Beaglegal~~

 

Sorry to hear what you've been through.

 

Even if he's no longer in your life, the residue from a betrayal like that can cause a lot of hurt, and questioning.

 

At least, by educating yourself, you can have more finely honed instincts the next time you get involved with someone.

 

here's a couple of links to sites with good info on gaslighting and emotional manipulation.

 

http://voiceofcassandra.wordpress.com/2009/08/04/emotional-abuse-or-gaslighting/

 

http://www.rickross.com/reference/brainwashing/brainwashing11.html

 

 

I found that the more I read, and studied, the more empowered I felt after going through my own gaslighting experience.

[freestyle]

You're quite welcome.......

 

This link is even more comprehensive. Lots of great stuff on this site, when you visit the other links on the sides..........

 

http://voiceofcassandra.wordpress.com/category/invalidation/

[wheelwright]

Wow those last few quotes became completely inverted as to who wrote what.........oh well,no biggie.

 

 

"why was she gaslighted?"

 

IMO, Firstly, to get her out of the way so he could get the jewels,

Secondly, to get his twisted,sadistic kicks.

 

 

....*shudder*

 

Absolutely agree with shudder.

 

But I also meant, why did she buy it?...

[Janicee]

I wonder gaslighting is same worst as passive aggression that is so hurting to the spouse in a marriage:sick:

[carhill]

Hard to say. Having experienced both, when one gets to questioning their own sanity, otherwise annoying behaviors like passive aggressive tend to become minimized. 'Am I nuts?' tends to get center stage, and such self-doubt can be deadly, literally.