threebyfate Posted August 16, 2010 Posted August 16, 2010 yes...19 years is a long time especially since we were married at 18 and have been together all through highschool...dispite the affairs, we have so much fun together we always have. We always made a point to go out and our sex life was hot..I have no idea what happend I know it's not me and he has a serious problem, hopefully i can get passed all of it.It sounds like you fear the unknown, an increase in domestic and parental duties, and loss of autonomy. How old are your children and how many do you have?
Author pollyanna22 Posted August 17, 2010 Author Posted August 17, 2010 We have 4 kids...18,16,14 and 10
carhill Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 Do your parents know H has been with nine other women besides his spouse, their daughter? Betcha, if they did, rooms at the inn would be complimentary. Knowing some of the fathers my age, they'd be off in search of WH to do him some damage, or, at minimum, have that 'talk' only two men can have and understand completely. IMO, the children are a strong reason to work on the M but not a reason to remain if it's toxic. Infidelity, especially of the serial variety, is toxic. It poisons everyone, including the children. What do you propose as the cure?
Author pollyanna22 Posted August 17, 2010 Author Posted August 17, 2010 Do your parents know H has been with nine other women besides his spouse, their daughter? Betcha, if they did, rooms at the inn would be complimentary. Knowing some of the fathers my age, they'd be off in search of WH to do him some damage, or, at minimum, have that 'talk' only two men can have and understand completely. IMO, the children are a strong reason to work on the M but not a reason to remain if it's toxic. Infidelity, especially of the serial variety, is toxic. It poisons everyone, including the children. What do you propose as the cure? My parents do know about 2 of the affairs, not sure if they know the extent..unless my sister told them. I was so adamit about keeping him..even though they thought i should get out, but that was 2 years ago and I'm slowly changing, I don't know if there is a cure, thats the problem, my parents hate him for other reasons too..long story, lets just say i'm in the middle of a tug of war, and it sucks! and I'm so afraid of my daughters thinking this is ok..(I know they know some of it) hopefully I will figure this out soon. tx
carhill Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 IMO, identify specific steps. You decide what those are. If A, then B; if not A, then C; if B, then D. Etc, Etc. Establish timelines. Say you want complete transparency and H agrees. He has one week to arrange his affairs to provide you with the transparency you desire. If not, consequences. One consequence could be getting legal advice on the family's nickel. Not talking about it; just doing it. My lawyer rarely sends me a bill for less than 500.00. I'll guarantee you that will get H's attention. Again, specific steps. You decide what they are and how they will be implemented. If those steps lead to recovery, they do. If they lead to divorce, they do. The only step out of your control is death. Everything else you *choose* to do, whether it is how you react to life, what you do each day, how you process your feelings. Choice. Make one. Today
Recommended Posts