stillafool Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 I don't understand why everyone is in an uproar over Jennifer Anniston's comments about single parenthood. What is a woman/man suppose to do when they want a child but isn't married? If you can afford a child on your own what is wrong with having that child or adopting a child. Yes the ideal situation would be for a child to have a mother and a father raising them but that is not always possible for some people. Should they just give up their desire to have a child because they can't get a spouse?
Taramere Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 (edited) I think if a woman says "it's possible to raise a child without a partner", then it's perceived as "I don't need a man...." and that's why it causes anger. The reality is, though, that yes it is possible for a person to raise a child as a single parent. We know that because lots of people out there do it - some more successfully than others. I've got a couple of friends whose fathers walked out on their mothers when they were very small, and their mothers got on with it and managed to raise them single-handedly. I agree with you that the ideal is to have a two parent family - one male, one female, so that the child has close role models of both genders. As you say, not everyone has that situation though - whether through choice, or because of their sexuality or whatever else. So they get inventive and find other ways of ensuring that the child has good, trustworthy role models of both genders (aunts, uncles, reliable friends etc)....and it can work very well, often because the unusual circumstances result in the parents going that extra mile to meet their child's needs. I can understand people getting tetchy if they feel as though Aniston is giving out an irresponsible and unrealistic message to young teenage girls, though. It's all very well for an extremely rich actress to go it alone when she has the funds to get all the child care assistance she could ever need. I don't think single motherhood is something to promote as an ideal lifestyle choice to the average girl in the street who doesn't have access to that kind of support, though. Edited August 12, 2010 by Taramere
Pyro Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 what Taramere said. The extremists are taking as though she is telling women that guys are not needed at all anymore. She is just saying that for the women who can't get a guy that having a kid is still possible.
Feelin Frisky Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 I didn't hear that she addressed Blow Hole O'Reillly directly. He just attacked her remarks made elsewhere in the press and then offered to have her on his show to debate him about it. I haven't heard of her taking him up on it. He's a muck-raking right wing sensationalist @ss-hole and if I were her, I wouln't validate him by acknowledging his attempt to gain more press for his idiot show.
Woggle Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 This is one of the few times I agree with O'reilly and conservatives. It is very easy for priviledged white limousine liberals to bash fathers when they don't grow up in communities that have felt the effects of no male role models and broken families. He used to be a teacher in the inner city so I am sure he has seen firsthand the effects of fatherlessness on boys. I am very much a liberal but this is one of the reasons why the left gets called elitist. They are romanticizing something that has taken a heavy toll on many poor communities. I want her to go to a housing project and tell me it is great to cut fathers out of the family.
Pyro Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 This is one of the few times I agree with O'reilly and conservatives. It is very easy for priviledged white limousine liberals to bash fathers when they don't grow up in communities that have felt the effects of no male role models and broken families. He used to be a teacher in the inner city so I am sure he has seen firsthand the effects of fatherlessness on boys. I am very much a liberal but this is one of the reasons why the left gets called elitist. They are romanticizing something that has taken a heavy toll on many poor communities. I want her to go to a housing project and tell me it is great to cut fathers out of the family. Perfect example of an extremist. What do you tell a woman who is pushing 40, never been married because she has never found anyone husband worthy or she may be a widow and she wants to have a child before its too late for her to have one? Would you rather her go and purposely get pregnant by the first guy she sees and they start a relationship based off pregnancy which can lead to bad results? or have that woman do what Jennifer Anistons character in that movie did? Her comments have nothing to do with cutting anyone out of a family.
Chocolat Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 It's not about what would make any particular woman (or man) happy, but about what's best for the child. Children deserve two parents.
Woggle Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 It's not about what would make any particular woman (or man) happy, but about what's best for the child. Children deserve two parents. I agree. I sympathize with the scenario Pyro suggested. Why not adopt because one loving parent is better than none. It's not fair to a child especially a boy to be deprived of a male role model. Sone raised by these women probably grow up with all types of self hatred issues.
jamesum Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 Female Orangutans only need male Orangutans for sex and they raise their children by themselves. So its something natural. Besides, I think women tend to make better parents than men.
Woggle Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 Female Orangutans only need male Orangutans for sex and they raise their children by themselves. So its something natural. Besides, I think women tend to make better parents than men. What about Susan Smith, Caley Anthony and my own mother for that matter?
Crazy Magnet Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 As a woman who would be in a financial position to have and raise a child myself with access to as many resources as any two parent household, I see where she's coming from. My own father was a flaming POS and my life would been much better without his lying, cheating, drug abusing waste of space constantly wreaking havoc on my upbringing. What's the point of having an extra parents if that's what they are like? The "traditional" family of one male and one female parent is just that, a tradition. It does not, however, imply that it is the only way or the right way to do things. It's tradition for the wife to stay at home and cook and clean too, but that's not the reality here in America anymore. I personally have no problem having a child without a husband or without a steady male SO in my life.
Eeyore79 Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 While I agree that ideally a child needs two parents, I have to admit that if I was forty-ish and hadn't met a man to reproduce with, I would go it alone rather than have no child at all. Artificial insemination is probably the best route in that situation, as it was for the character in that film, which is what Ms Aniston was referring to.
gopher Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 I don't understand why everyone is in an uproar over Jennifer Anniston's comments about single parenthood. What is a woman/man suppose to do when they want a child but isn't married? If you can afford a child on your own what is wrong with having that child or adopting a child. Yes the ideal situation would be for a child to have a mother and a father raising them but that is not always possible for some people. Should they just give up their desire to have a child because they can't get a spouse? Perhaps Jennifer is speaking from a place where she picks jerks as b/f's. These guys cheat on her publically...treat her horribly and yet she still hangs around them like a puppy dog waiting for a treat. Me thinks we will see a People cover in the next 6 months where she talks about her new love and how she wants to bear his children....Of course, that's assuming she fixes whatever compells her to date the John Mayer's and Vince Vaughn's of the world.
redmelon Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 I think at close to 40, most women who are not yet married should get some sort of award- or maybe a hug from the CEO of Durex. They've obviously dodged a few bullets by then, maybe with screwed up men, maybe with accidental pregnancy scares, maybe both. Bottom line, they didn't find the right one and didn't settle for less - that should be positively acknowledged by us all, in my opinion. Same goes for men. If only more people didn't settle, we'd be seeing less divorce. Being married is not a biological trait, it's a human created construct. If a woman wants to have a child alone, I see her as someone proactive and realistic, with a plan. Women in a situation like this don't generally go through things like IVF and hormone therapy, etc. on a whim. (Octo-mom excluded) I'd probably personally feel more confident that her child would be raised properly than I do with the vast majority of people I know with children in marriages, (the perfect set-up, allegedly). There are some problem children out there, and it ain't too hard to see why! Many, many people in this world should worry more about what they are doing to be a bad person, parent, friend, etc. than pass judgement on someone else and their personal decisions about their body, family, relationships, and future. O'Reilly be damned!
Woggle Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 As a woman who would be in a financial position to have and raise a child myself with access to as many resources as any two parent household, I see where she's coming from. My own father was a flaming POS and my life would been much better without his lying, cheating, drug abusing waste of space constantly wreaking havoc on my upbringing. What's the point of having an extra parents if that's what they are like? . So because my mother was a horrible abuser does that mean I should bash mothers and degrade the role in the family. All fathers are not like yours just like all mothers are not like mine.
redmelon Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 So because my mother was a horrible abuser does that mean I should bash mothers and degrade the role in the family. All fathers are not like yours just like all mothers are not like mine. I think the point is that one good parent is much better than a good and a bad.
Woggle Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 I think the point is that one good parent is much better than a good and a bad. Yes this is true but a good and a good is the best and this is coming from somebody who had a bad parent and a horrible parent. A good and a good also shows children an example of what a relationship should be so they don't make the same mistakes.
redmelon Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 So because my mother was a horrible abuser does that mean I should bash mothers and degrade the role in the family. All fathers are not like yours just like all mothers are not like mine. Yes this is true but a good and a good is the best and this is coming from somebody who had a bad parent and a horrible parent. A good and a good also shows children an example of what a relationship should be so they don't make the same mistakes. A good and a good can't happen all the time. That's kinda the point. When there is one parent, it falls to other family members of the opposite sex, good friends, etc. to help provide the foundation and instill those important life lessons and emotional stability.
jamesum Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 What about Susan Smith, Caley Anthony and my own mother for that matter? I dont know. My own father is a bad father and I keep seeing a lot of terrible fathers around me so just like you distrust women, I on the other hand distrust men.
aerogurl87 Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 It's not about what would make any particular woman (or man) happy, but about what's best for the child. Children deserve two parents. I agree. There's a difference between being a single parent by choice and being one because of the card life dealt you (ex. spouse/partner dies, mother/father walk out).
Tayla Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 It's not about what would make any particular woman (or man) happy, but about what's best for the child. Children deserve two parents. yeah gotcha...totally with ya there in La La Land. Now lets be clear. A child "deserves" a role model willing to guide them and show positive encouragment. THey Deserve food, clothing, shelter. What they get is not always that, but guess what?? I deserve a raise doesnt mean I get it. Sorry but I side that one person can do well to raise a child . Met many-a -lady who did such when losing a spouse from war or other things that takes one away. SHould they not be allowed to raise them because for the sake of the child they DESERVE two parents?? THink about situations before laying a one rule criterea....
Woggle Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 I dont know. My own father is a bad father and I keep seeing a lot of terrible fathers around me so just like you distrust women, I on the other hand distrust men. When I mistrust women because of my upbringing I get all kinds of flack but let you bash men because of yours and nobody cares. A double standard if I have ever seen it.
Woggle Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 yeah gotcha...totally with ya there in La La Land. Now lets be clear. A child "deserves" a role model willing to guide them and show positive encouragment. THey Deserve food, clothing, shelter. What they get is not always that, but guess what?? I deserve a raise doesnt mean I get it. Sorry but I side that one person can do well to raise a child . Met many-a -lady who did such when losing a spouse from war or other things that takes one away. SHould they not be allowed to raise them because for the sake of the child they DESERVE two parents?? THink about situations before laying a one rule criterea.... Nobody is talking about single parents who do well with what they have because of a cirumstance out of their control. These people should be commended but this idea that fatherlesness is the preferred state or that men are nothing than disposable sperm donors which Jennifer Aniston is promoting is what people take an issue with. It is proven that a lack of father figures has had a very damaging effect on certain communities yet priveledged elites like her still think it is a cool way to stick their finger up at the patriarchy.
Chocolat Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 Female Orangutans only need male Orangutans for sex and they raise their children by themselves. So its something natural. Besides, I think women tend to make better parents than men. Are you an Orangutan?
Chocolat Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 yeah gotcha...totally with ya there in La La Land. Now lets be clear. A child "deserves" a role model willing to guide them and show positive encouragment. THey Deserve food, clothing, shelter. What they get is not always that, but guess what?? I deserve a raise doesnt mean I get it. Sorry but I side that one person can do well to raise a child . Met many-a -lady who did such when losing a spouse from war or other things that takes one away. SHould they not be allowed to raise them because for the sake of the child they DESERVE two parents?? THink about situations before laying a one rule criterea.... I am thinking about "situations" as you put it. Are you? There is a world of difference between becoming a single parent due to circumstances and deliberately choosing to put one's own desires ahead of what is in the best interests of the child. As for your comparison to deserving a raise, again, your logic is faulty. There are inequities in life to be sure. The point is that a loving parent does not deliberately create them for a child.
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