GrayClouds Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 Here's a quote I found from a blog: “I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they’re right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” — Marilyn Monroe but then again didn't she decide to take the a belly full of pills?
Author BeagleGal Posted August 13, 2010 Author Posted August 13, 2010 GC: I know, the wound is still open and I'm trying to accept how I feel to be able to deal with it and move forward but its harder than I thought. I just can't get past all my ex is done. And to add insult to injury, his friend (a mutual friend of ours) who helped me move into my new place after my ex had kicked me out, texted me a week before my ex's wedding and told me that this new girl is "just a wallet for him". Those were his exact words. So not only do I feel lonely and everything else I described in an earlier post, I feel such rejection and worthless. That someone thought I wasn't good enough for him (after making me believe I was and that I was it for him) because I dont make a lot of money and therefore, can't provide the lifestyle/status he so wants. And yes you are right, it is fear. Because I have no idea what direction my life is taking and how to go about it, I'm freaked out. I thought I had found the one to settle down with. We had a nice home, his son lived with us, my dog as well... we had considered ourselves a family and then this happens out of the blue and so cruelly. Thanks GC, I really do appreciate your advise. BeagleG understand it is all pretty fresh for you still, it is like a big rock hit you on the head, so allow yourself to say ouch for a while. As much as the loneliness is real I suspect it is much to do with fear too. The fear of now what. It is so much easier to feel lonely or angry to trying to figure out a whole new future not suddenly has been completely discombobulated. Again just allow yourself to feel bad for a bit, and try to just focus on taking care of yourself in small ways. If you did that, slowly the big ways will become clearer, and that future will be something that began to look interesting not scary. Be kind to yourself
Author BeagleGal Posted August 13, 2010 Author Posted August 13, 2010 I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I can't imagine what you are going thru with not having that distraction to take your mind off your ex/breakup. Its very hard. I try to remind myself that what has happened has happened for a reason, that my ex wasn't capable of respecting, loving and caring for me the way I deserve to be but it still doesnt ease the pain and the negative feelings I feel now. Here I am struggling and going through sh*t because of him while he goes off and marries and is all happy. How's that fair? (ha, there's that anger!)... Sigh... I'm trying to think positive here. That great things are in store for us! Hi Beagle I'm in the same boat only doubled as I have to deal with breakup and job loss. I was still reeling from the breakup (March 30 to be exact) and almost a month after, the restaurant business I was in had to close down. At first, the breakup still was more devastating and painful but with no such luck finding another job, the pain has just grown more intense. With nothing to occupy my mind and time, my thought process shifts back and forth to the ex, the breakup and the job loss. It's so hard being stuck. I guess the best way to overcome loneliness is to ride it out. Nobody wants and chooses to be lonely, it just happens. If loneliness can come to your life, it also has the ability to go away in time. I know that all these feelings of pain, sadness, depression, frustration will not stay with us for too long.
Hersheys Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 I am so sorry to hear about your situation. I can't imagine what you are going thru with not having that distraction to take your mind off your ex/breakup. Its very hard. I try to remind myself that what has happened has happened for a reason, that my ex wasn't capable of respecting, loving and caring for me the way I deserve to be but it still doesnt ease the pain and the negative feelings I feel now. Here I am struggling and going through sh*t because of him while he goes off and marries and is all happy. How's that fair? (ha, there's that anger!)... Sigh... I'm trying to think positive here. That great things are in store for us! It is such a cliche but I believe that breakups happen to pave the way for someone or something better. Think of it this way, maybe your ex is the one who's not good enough to give you what you deserve and what you really want - a bf who doesn't cheat, will not hurt you and will respect you.
Author BeagleGal Posted August 13, 2010 Author Posted August 13, 2010 Well, given the kind of person my ex is, he's not good enough for me. He's a user, a manipulator, a liar, a cheat - I can go on. Not a good person. So as long as I remind myself of his lack of qualities, that helps take him off the pedestal I put him on or helps me realize I miss who I thought he was, not who he is for real. It is such a cliche but I believe that breakups happen to pave the way for someone or something better. Think of it this way, maybe your ex is the one who's not good enough to give you what you deserve and what you really want - a bf who doesn't cheat, will not hurt you and will respect you.
ishmaiel Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 Here's a quote I found from a blog: “I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they’re right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.” — Marilyn Monroe I'd love to agree and find comfort in the existence of some universal "reason". Unfortunately, I can't. A lot of what people call "reason" is really interpretation in hindsight. Given an event, the reason we attribute to it today is likely to change as we gain perspective and experience. It's for comforting to interpret the cause to be in your favour. For example, today someone has an affair and someone else leaves. Today, the affair is the reason (or lack of respect, or lack of whatever). 10 years later both parties may reinterpret the breakup and attribute a more palatable reason: delayed growth, necessary change, whatever. A lot of times things happen because of chance and the endless complexity and degrees of freedom among human interactions. Many times the cause is not in your favour, but you learn to cope.
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