A taste of pseudo-relationships makes me crave the real thing even more

[SadandConfusedWA]

I have been single for the best part of 2 years. Then I went online and things got a bit crazy. I had numerous first dates.

 

I dated 2 guys for a month each (with some overlap). Yes, it wasn't a real realtionship or anyhting - but it was still a hell of a lot better than unrequited feelings for my married boss. And my god, I have missed the physical part most of all. My conversational needs are filled by friends, family and co-workers, but physical not so much

 

Even non-sexual stuff such as walking and holding hands, sitting in a guy's lap, flirty texting etc etc.. It all felt amazing. I have been missing out on so much. Now I absolutely can not bear to go back to being single.

 

I am more determined than ever to find the right guy even if I have to go through 999 more horrible dates.

[Cracker Jack]

Can I ask you a question? What exactly would you consider the "right guy", in your book?

[Knittress]

And this is why I refuse to get involved with anyone. I don't want to remember what I can't have right now.

[SadandConfusedWA]

Can I ask you a question? What exactly would you consider the "right guy", in your book?

 

The right guy is someone I am physically attracted to. This is the hardest thing to find for me as I am so rarely attracted to anyone.

 

The right guy is someone with whom I can converse with ease. Someone with whom we understand what each is saying without difficulty.

 

The right guy is consistent. He does what he says he will do.

 

The right guy is not involved with anyone else and is emotionally open to being in a relationship.

 

I don't think I am asking for much really.

[SadandConfusedWA]

I also forgot to add: the right guy will want to touch base with me once a day. Anything less than that makes me feel disconnected.

 

He also has to enjoy being physically affectionate even when it doesn't lead to sex.

 

The right guy is crazy about me and is not afraid to show it.

[skydiveaddict]

The right guy is someone I am physically attracted to. This is the hardest thing to find for me as I am so rarely attracted to anyone.

 

The right guy is someone with whom I can converse with ease. Someone with whom we understand what each is saying without difficulty.

 

The right guy is consistent. He does what he says he will do.

 

The right guy is not involved with anyone else and is emotionally open to being in a relationship.

 

I don't think I am asking for much really.

 

 

You're not . You will find him.

[Cracker Jack]

Well, your expectations sound pretty reasonable.

 

Hope you don't have to seriously go through another hundred dates to find that type of guy, tho.

[SadandConfusedWA]

Thanks guys - but unfortunately this has been VERY hard to find in one person.

[phineas]

I also forgot to add: the right guy will want to touch base with me once a day. Anything less than that makes me feel disconnected.

 

He also has to enjoy being physically affectionate even when it doesn't lead to sex.

 

The right guy is crazy about me and is not afraid to show it.

 

How many times a week do you like to have sex?

[SadandConfusedWA]

How many times a week do you like to have sex?

 

At the start, ALL the time

 

Later on, few times a week. Less than once a week would worry me.

 

P.S. I meant physically affectionate as in he likes to cuddle after sex, while we are out, he likes to hold hands, kiss a lot etc.

Edited August 12, 2010 by SadandConfusedWA

[phineas]

At the start, ALL the time

 

Later on, few times a week. Less than once a week would worry me.

 

P.S. I meant physically affectionate as in he likes to cuddle after sex, while we are out, he likes to hold hands, kiss a lot etc.

 

Glad you clarified.

When you say contact do you mean talking every day or will a few texts here & there do?

 

But for the most part, as long as sex is at least twice a week I don't think most guys will have a problem.

 

The thing is if your only attracted to really good looking guys with lots of options, most will take the girl that requires less maintenance.

 

What your asking for isn't too much in a serious relationship but way too much for me if were just dateing.

[zengirl]

After reading all of your posts, I think this:

 

1.) You want too much too soon for most good guys. Healthy, good people don't generally dive in so very fast. Occasionally things just come together. But that's the exception, rather than the rule. Most solid relationships I've seen were either built over time OR at least involved people who didn't expect so much so soon; it just evolved naturally.

 

Even when relationships appear to have happened quickly, amazingly, out of nowhere, it usually isn't to the people who wanted/needed this. It was to the people who were willing and able to be patient.

 

2.) You want the very dangerous thing--- you, in another thread, say you aren't particularly compassionate, so don't need that in a mate, so long as they, like you, are good to their inner circle. Yet you want all these values immediately, even though you aren't yet in their inner circle. This ties in with #1. More than you know. Having someone be emotionally giving, totally honest, and generally a good guy right at first. . . you've got to either find someone who made you an instant part of his inner circle (rare, and potentially unhealthy) or someone who's just a good, compassionate, kind person all around. Or only date someone once you're already a part of the same circle. If he doesn't care about the needs and feelings of others, in general, and he doesn't know you well, why on Earth would he care about your needs and feelings?

 

I don't know if that makes sense to you.

[SadandConfusedWA]

Glad you clarified.

When you say contact do you mean talking every day or will a few texts here & there do?

 

But for the most part, as long as sex is at least twice a week I don't think most guys will have a problem.

 

The thing is if your only attracted to really good looking guys with lots of options, most will take the girl that requires less maintenance.

 

What your asking for isn't too much in a serious relationship but way too much for me if were just dateing.

 

 

Yeah, this is the problem. All the guys that I have been really attracted have a LOT of options. That makes it difficult for me to keep them instersted, especially when they see how insecure I can be. In general, I have no problem getting these guys initially but they tend to lose interest in me quickly. This is even more frustrating, as I feel that I am given a chance but I keep blowing it.

 

As for everyday contact, a few texts will do. Anything. I just feel that there is something wrong when a guy doesn't contact me.

 

I have observed that guys that are not as sought after, and have fewer options are willing to try harder and not be put off with my displays of insecurity. The problem is I lack physical attraction to them for the most part.

 

I am hoping to meet someone who is attractive enough to "do it for me physically", yet not so attractive that he has tons of options.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Confident people run, run, run from displays of insecurity. Yet it sounds like you would only be attracted to a confident man.

[Lucky555]

The right guy is someone I am physically attracted to. This is the hardest thing to find for me as I am so rarely attracted to anyone.

 

The right guy is someone with whom I can converse with ease. Someone with whom we understand what each is saying without difficulty.

 

The right guy is consistent. He does what he says he will do.

 

The right guy is not involved with anyone else and is emotionally open to being in a relationship.

 

I don't think I am asking for much really.

 

 

So simple to ask for!! I too see the same thing yet its so difficult. for me i can get attracted to a guy and then i find out we don't converse with ease, the guy is seeing other people, or the guy will not emotionally invest himself due to the past...

 

its tough in the dating world

[Mme. Chaucer]

You're asking for a lot in physical appearance. The rest are very reasonable requests.

 

Did I miss something? All I read in the physical department was that she wants to be with someone who she finds physically attractive, with no specifics given.

 

Don't we all want to be with someone we find physically attractive?

[somedude81]

Did I miss something? All I read in the physical department was that she wants to be with someone who she finds physically attractive, with no specifics given.

 

Don't we all want to be with someone we find physically attractive?

The right guy is someone I am physically attracted to. This is the hardest thing to find for me as I am so rarely attracted to anyone.

 

Yeah, this is the problem. All the guys that I have been really attracted have a LOT of options.

That basically means that she is very picky about looks.

 

She only likes the super hot guys who have tons of options because they are hot. All the while she keeps passing up average guys because they aren't good enough for her.

 

She'll get no sympathy from me.

[zengirl]

Did I miss something? All I read in the physical department was that she wants to be with someone who she finds physically attractive, with no specifics given.

 

Don't we all want to be with someone we find physically attractive?

 

True, though the user in question says she is very picky about physical attraction and finds very few men attractive.

[Dblock10]

what kind of insecurities do you display?

 

some hot guys dont have a lot of options depending on where they are situated but i agree they will have lots of options, so pinning one down would be a hard job

[WintersNightTraveler]

Confident people run, run, run from displays of insecurity. Yet it sounds like you would only be attracted to a confident man.

 

This is not necesarily true, at least with physical insecurities. Any confident guy has dated enough very attractive women with strong physical insecurities that he probably expects it more often than not. Certainly not a dealbreaker.

 

Extreme jealousy or certain other types of insecurities, yes I agree.

[WintersNightTraveler]

I wouldn't get so caught up in the notion that it's a large problem that you are rarely attracted to particular men.

 

Clearly I am attracted to more people than you, since the last time I was attracted to someone was about 10 minutes ago in the lobby of my apartment building. But the fact that I constantly see women I'd sleep with doesn't really make it that much easier to find people to date (at least to date seriously). It may expand my candidate pool at bit, but I think for most people (both of us included) there things that narrow the pool of candidates much more than attraction.

 

Recently you've posted about at least two men you were interested in enough to analyze thoroughly. During this time, I haven't been even close to that interested in anyone, despite all the eye candy I constantly feast on. Sure that's ancedotal, but I think you get the point...

 

So don't get too caught up in that aspect of things. Perhaps you are at the far end of the pickiness spectrum, as far as attraction goes. But no matter how picky you are, there are still hundreds and hundreds (or thousands and thousands) of candidates for you to look at. I think you probably have bigger obstacles than the attraction thing.

[SadandConfusedWA]

I wouldn't get so caught up in the notion that it's a large problem that you are rarely attracted to particular men.

 

Clearly I am attracted to more people than you, since the last time I was attracted to someone was about 10 minutes ago in the lobby of my apartment building. But the fact that I constantly see women I'd sleep with doesn't really make it that much easier to find people to date (at least to date seriously). It may expand my candidate pool at bit, but I think for most people (both of us included) there things that narrow the pool of candidates much more than attraction.

 

Recently you've posted about at least two men you were interested in enough to analyze thoroughly. During this time, I haven't been even close to that interested in anyone, despite all the eye candy I constantly feast on. Sure that's ancedotal, but I think you get the point...

 

So don't get too caught up in that aspect of things. Perhaps you are at the far end of the pickiness spectrum, as far as attraction goes. But no matter how picky you are, there are still hundreds and hundreds (or thousands and thousands) of candidates for you to look at. I think you probably have bigger obstacles than the attraction thing.

 

Ha - this is probably true.

[aerogurl87]

I know what you mean, I was like that even when I was with my emotionally void ex boyfriend. Just being with someone felt so good, even if it was a half-assed relationship, lol. But I was determined to find someone who would love me as much as I loved them and gave me the physical, emotional, and mental connections I craved in a relationship. Took alot to break up with my ex as is seen in my previous threads, but when I did it it was the best decision because it allowed me to find my current beau.