Have I lost my mind?

[wasmovingforward]

I'll do my best to make a long story short. Ive been with my girlfriend for over five years and we had a child together two and a half years ago. A year and a half ago I discovered she had been cheating on me. One day while she was getting ready to go for 'girls movie night' I snooped at her blackerry and discovered lengthy, explicit 'sexting' between her and another guy. Turns out she was on her way to his place. I find out this had been going on 2-3 months and she swears no intercourse took place but other stuff happened. I nearly lost my mind/world came crashing down etc. Looking back at the time period with my new insight I don't know if I can believe her account of it all. If it werent for our child I would have left at this point. We tried therapy but didnt find it helpful. I stayed angry for a long time. Over the last 6+ months I have been making significant efforts in moving forward to make this right but cant help but always question my trust in her. I feel like I have to second guess everything now and look for conspiracys. She no longer has a password on her phone but I still feel she hides facebook and other computer applications from me.

Anyways......she is out of town this week with our child to visit her family and while looking for something in our bedroom I found a hidden pregnancy test kit. This bothers me because our sex life is not all that frequent and as a result of having our first child by accident (an accident we do not regret and we love her dearly) I am adamant about using protection. This is not the first time this has happened in the last year. I first found some hidden in the bathroom, both pregnancy and ovulation tests. She said its because she is a 'nervous nancy' and gets scared if she is a day late. I dont recall her ever being this way the previous four years. I accepted this then and let it go. After finding the recent pregnancy test in a new hiding spot I dont know what to believe. As far as my (maybe limited) understanding goes an ovulation test is to test when is best to get pregnant (or not?) and a pregnancy test is to test for pregnancy and we are not trying to get pregnant. When I confront her about it she gets angry and blames me for not trusting her and has yet to give me a straight answer as to why she has/and hides them.

Am I being 'retarded and not moving forward' or should I actually be concerned? Any wisdom would be greatly appreciated as I am not sure who to turn to with these questions. Thanks!

 

p.s I was planning on taking the next step in our relationship the next month and now......

[Bryanp]

I am sorry my friend but you are in big time denial. She gets mad at you for not trusting her??? She was cheating on you for over 2 months. She lies to your face and goes to his home at night after sexual texting all day and tells you that they did not have sex???? You see pregnancy tests all over the place and you still believe this??? You are absolutely out of your head. She has been playing you for a total fool. It is pretty clear that she has been screwing this guy and putting your health at risk for STD's. She is paranoid that he might have gotten her pregnant. How could you actually not think this? You would be beyond stupid to even contemplate marrying her. Don't throw your life away on someone who has no problem lying to your face and cheating on you behind your back. Get tested for STD's and move on NOW! Go luck because you will need it if you stay with her.

[benmac360]

I am afraid your relationship is at the end of the road. She's already cheated before (she did have intercourse with him) and most likely still cheating, and she is still hiding a truck load of things from you so there's really not much of a relationship left to revive. Seriously, aren't you tired of being angry? Its exhausting, isn't it? Aren't you tired of snooping and playing detective with her? Now imagine being married to her - all of the mental and physical energy you have spent over the last 18 months not trusting her will double. Ask yourself - is she really worth all of the pain and anguish?

 

This woman has character flaws that you can do absolutely nothing to help. Your girlfriend has to want to live with integrity and treat you with respect and love and she has shown no desire to do that. Instead of wedding plans I would break up with her and when things cool down, work out a custody agreement with her - I strongly recommend hiring a lawyer before you do so. There are so many beautiful and honest women out there that you could be with, and life is too short to waste it on a liar.

[seibert253]

You don't trust her, why should you. What has she done to EARN your trust? Pregnency tests, not having complete access to FB or computer. Dude, me thinks she's hiding something. If you haven't done so, you need to make it clear to her that it is up to her to earn back your trust.

 

Has she ended all contact with the other dude? How positive are you of this? Is she totally honest and remorseful for what she did?

 

If I were you I would install a keylogger on her/your computer to investigate what she's doing. Also, it's common that when the cheater gets busted by their cellphone, they get a 2nd one that they hide. Have you checked to see if she has a hideaphone?

 

Say nothing to her about your concerns, at least while you're investigating. If after awhile you find nothing, and are convinced nothing sinister is amiss, then sit down with her and address your conerns, what she can to to ease these, and earn back your trust.

[cookie2]

Have to agree with the others. She is definitely lying about not having intercourse. Sexual texting and then going round to his place = sex. "Other stuff" what does that mean, they played scrabble all night??!?! Seriously. She screwed him and will carry on doing so. You need to get rid of her right now. Sort out access to your kid but do not spend any time whatsoever on her.

[lostsunsets]

I concur with the others

[Maggotface]

She absolutely slept with this other guy, she lied because she knows there's pretty much no way you could find out she had sex with him. And keep in mind this would have continued for god knows how long, she never felt bad and told you, you had to find out for yourself. She left her loving boyfriend and little girl at home, oblivious, so she could be with some other guy.

 

Has she done anything to change herself or given any sign that she won't cheat again? She is bad news, I know it's hard because you've been with her so long but she will cause nothing but heartache.

[aerogurl87]

My question is how do you know the child is even yours?

[wasmovingforward]

Thanks all for the responses. Its not what I wanted to hear but its what I needed to hear. I will have to accept my denial and move on. This last year and a half has been incredibly hard and has definitely had negative affects on my emotional and physical health (i will get checked for STD's). Its so hard to walk away when you have so much established like family, house, finances. In regards to the post about whether my daughter is mine I believe she is but have obviously had doubts after the cheating was discovered. Even if she wasn't I would not be able to walk away from a child I have raised since birth and considers me her dad. Once again thanks for the help! I am grateful to have found a place to have these tough issues addressed after spending the last forever lost not knowing where to go for an unbiased opinion.

[temporaryvisa]

Awwwwwwwwwww! I am so sorry, man. **** happens like this. I promise you, you will find someone much better very soon. What a load of ****, I hate her now.

[JohnConnor12]

its really awful to learn all these...srry man...i comply with the ideas of my pre-posters..

[MichiganMan222]

Be glad you found this out before marriage. You have a child with her, but don't let that get in the way of doing the right thing. Half of your child's classmates will come from blended familes. Mine do.