NC it only works if you use it correctly, it can backfire on you

[Not strong enough]

Well, if your ex is giving u the cold shoulder and your not contacting them. In most cases it seems that your just going to use nc to heal, because in reality your just agreeing with the nc they are giving you.

 

This is fine and does help a lot, but it seems like some people are using it to get there ex back via curiosity and jealousy. Trying to turn the tables on there ex to get them back. This is fine too, but keep in mind, there is a fine line between jealousy, and just flat pissed.

 

If you think getting a new girlfriend/boyfriend will make them jealousy. It will, but if you go to far, talk about how much fun you have with them or talk about having sex with them, especially on social networking sites where you know they will see it.If you give things to the new person that may have been shared by you and your ex or given to you by your ex. Maybe your being a little mean to them, if they contact you saying your going on a vacation with your new someone or something to that effect. Or maybe your doing something they wouldn't approve of with your life.

 

That's going too far, keep in mind this is if you ever want them back.

 

For the last 2 months I wanted my ex back. I was with someone new, she was as well. This helped to make me jealous. But every now and then i would read things i wouldn't want to see. She used her friend to send me a vindictive message. She did other little things she knew i would see, but none of these things made me want her back, only made it easier to move on. I found out she was attending a church that i didn't aprove of ( i and many others consider it to be a cult, any church with armed security guards and a special section called phase 2 isn't kosher with me).

 

Now I don't know if she wants me back, or ever does. I feel sure after the new wears off she will, or at least she will think she does, might be a long time from now though (she never really had a social life before me). But all of these things haven't made me want her back. They have pushed me further away from her.

 

So be careful guys, if your doing anything close to this, your just making it easier for your ex to wipe their hands of you.

 

In our case i'm not saying i'd never take her back. But it would be an awful lot harder, and take a lot more work on her part to get me back.

[BiAxident]

Not to ignore the painful situation which you find yourself in, but if you were to use NC, for the sole purpose of allowing yourself to heal, you will probably avoid at least some pain.

[Lost Fish]

The fact that you are checking up on everything she is doing shows that you really aren't following NC at all Not strong.

 

Who gives a flip what she does. What does it matter to you and your healing?

 

Stop checking in on her fb or myspace or whatever. Break ties with her friend.

 

Start focusing on you and how you can make your life better right now, today. Start realizing that you can find happiness without her.

 

Good luck. I hope you find some clarity to break free because the bitterness of your post is quite strong.

[Don Ho]

Ok, you're pissed at her behavior, but you're not over her. I think her behavior probably makes you want her more. Well you're a guy thinking like a guy.I think when you're a guy trying to get your gal back, then jealously can work wonders on a woman. So she may have pissed you off, but her knowing you're with another girl might work to stir her feelings about you. Part of NC, as you should know, means NOT checking the FB, My Space and Instant Messenger. And be sure you don't ask her friends about her either. If they off, politely say "I've moved on. I would appreciate if you would not tell my anything about her". Good luck!

[Sambo]

Well, if your ex is giving u the cold shoulder and your not contacting them. In most cases it seems that your just going to use nc to heal, because in reality your just agreeing with the nc they are giving you.

 

This is fine and does help a lot, but it seems like some people are using it to get there ex back via curiosity and jealousy. Trying to turn the tables on there ex to get them back. This is fine too, but keep in mind, there is a fine line between jealousy, and just flat pissed.

 

If you think getting a new girlfriend/boyfriend will make them jealousy. It will, but if you go to far, talk about how much fun you have with them or talk about having sex with them, especially on social networking sites where you know they will see it.If you give things to the new person that may have been shared by you and your ex or given to you by your ex. Maybe your being a little mean to them, if they contact you saying your going on a vacation with your new someone or something to that effect. Or maybe your doing something they wouldn't approve of with your life.

 

That's going too far, keep in mind this is if you ever want them back.

 

For the last 2 months I wanted my ex back. I was with someone new, she was as well. This helped to make me jealous. But every now and then i would read things i wouldn't want to see. She used her friend to send me a vindictive message. She did other little things she knew i would see, but none of these things made me want her back, only made it easier to move on. I found out she was attending a church that i didn't aprove of ( i and many others consider it to be a cult, any church with armed security guards and a special section called phase 2 isn't kosher with me).

 

Now I don't know if she wants me back, or ever does. I feel sure after the new wears off she will, or at least she will think she does, might be a long time from now though (she never really had a social life before me). But all of these things haven't made me want her back. They have pushed me further away from her.

 

So be careful guys, if your doing anything close to this, your just making it easier for your ex to wipe their hands of you.

 

In our case i'm not saying i'd never take her back. But it would be an awful lot harder, and take a lot more work on her part to get me back.

 

 

Excellent advise.

 

I loved my ex with all of my worldly heart and I would have moved mountains to get her back BUT once she started telling me how great the new guy was and how she respected him way more then me, I was done with her.

 

I still love her but now she would have to move mountains to get me back.

[fearthepinkmist]

Yeah when they say they are in love with other person.. that is basically it for me. They have sex with them all they want but being in love with them is totally different. After that yes it will take moutians to get me back.

[Not strong enough]

I wasn't checking up on her, we have mutual friends, so u hear and see things still.

 

But I guess u think i'm saying this because im hurt, well i was, and still maybe a little.

 

What I was actually trying to do is help the people on here doing nc with the intention of winning their ex back not to go to far.