D-Lish Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 You don't believe bisexual males exist? Nope.... I truly don't. I believe they are gay men in denial. Shadow actually just put my thoughts to paper eloquently on the matter. Just my opinion though. And to be honest, it's hard enough wondering if your partner is going to be faithful when it comes to other women- Now I have to worry about them cheating with men too?
Mad Max Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 If bisexual men don't exist, neither do bisexual women.
Lorelai Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 To the person who asked, a self-identified bi girl is more likely to be legitimately bisexual. I believe that truly bisexual men are extremely rare, and most who claim they are are actually predominantly gay. I've seen a number of studies that back this up, and it's in line with my personal experience. If I knew for sure a guy was genuinely bisexual and he'd be totally fine with a lifelong relationship with a woman, never craving to go elsewhere...than yeah, I'd consider it. But that's never going to happen. There's a gentleman I've known since I was 10. We "dated" (as in the junior high type dating, we kissed but that was it) when I was 13 and he was 15, then remained friends. He realized he had some attraction to men in his late teens, but still had a lot of attraction for women as well. When I was 19 we had about a four month FWB-type relationship -- we both knew we'd kill each other if we actually tried to date because we knew our personalities didn't match but we were good in bed together. We remained in contact all of this time, through various times when I've moved out of state. About six months ago I was down in my home town and visiting him, and we had the "numbers" discussion (how many people we'd been intimate with). We both had the same number at the time -- 13. Mine were all men, his were 6 men and 7 women. Pretty much a 50/50 confirmed bisexual there -- he considers himself a 3 on the Kinsey scale, which is exactly that. Right now he's in his early 30s, single, going to college to finish his engineering degree, and has his own house. He said he would prefer a relationship with a woman because he would like to have children and our state does not allow gay or lesbian couples to adopt, but said if he falls in love with a man and knows that person is the one, he'll make the sacrifice because it's more important to him how he feels about the person he's with than what their gender happens to be.
Maggotface Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 1) I have dated guys who like anal stimulation. I don't see anything wrong with it and I don't connect it to the man being gay or wanting to have sex with another man, it just feels good. I'm very open in the bedroom to most things and I don't think anal stimulation is a big deal. 2) I would not be okay with him wanting to have sex with another man while we are together. Wiether I'm involved or not, I don't want my partner having sex with someone else but I wouldnt have a problem if my boyfriend was bisexual or bicurious as I am also. 3) I would want to be told whenever he was comfortable telling me. Being bisexual seems like something someone should know pretty early on but if they only enjoy having their backside played with I can understand why that would take a while to let someone know.
Enchanted Girl Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 (edited) In my opinion, when you guys say that a man who is bisexual is really gay or that you're scared that he'll leave you for another guy, you aren't being logical. It's just your insecurities talking. It's not that these things don't happen, it's more that you guys insist that they always or almost always happen. If this is true then my relationship with my boyfriend is doomed. I choose to trust him and that's all just part of being in a relationship with someone. You can't guarantee that they will stay with you, but it's an important thing to choose. Just because your straight boyfriend has the ability to be attracted to a LOT of different women (think of all his choices), doesn't mean he's going to cheat on you. Adding another gender to the mix doesn't mean you're going to be cheated on or left behind either. You're just believing the stereotype that all bisexual people are promiscuous. A guy is going to leave you for another guy because NO bisexual can keep it in their pants supposedly. You know, men worry about this same thing too when they date a bisexual girl. You're just not worried because you don't date them. I also know some lesbians who say,"I'd never date a bisexual woman because they are either promiscuous or faking it." It's all related to the fear of being hurt. My boyfriend and I have talked about monogamy a lot and he says he is happy in a monogamous relationship, but that he'd be okay with it if I wanted to date other men and women. My response was,"Hell no." Because we all don't want to secretly cheat. I have permission to, so I'm actually incapable of cheating in my relationship, but I still don't do it. And the idea that the world is full of people who are 100% straight or 100% gay and that's the majority is ludicrous. Hardly anyone is. There's this guy I know who is very, very gay, but he did get a crush on one girl one time. He said it doesn't happen often, but that it does happen because he's not 100% gay and hardly anyone is 100% anything. It's very confusing figuring out that you are bisexual for this reason because you don't know if you're just varying a little or varying enough to be bi. This doesn't mean that most women want to date other women and most men want to date other men, but lots of people are able to watch gay porn with their significant others and be turned on by it. Because we're not all as uptight and narrow as you think we are when it comes to sexuality. I honestly hate labels because of it because being bisexual is very confusing and I sometimes doubt that I am, even though I called myself bisexual in this thread. My boyfriend goes through the same confusion. Edited August 13, 2010 by Enchanted Girl
Author djhall Posted August 13, 2010 Author Posted August 13, 2010 (edited) ^--- Nice post Enchanted. After my last posting I had to laugh when I realized just how much I'd oversimplified that relationship. In retrospect it seems obvious, but when your relationship involves terminology like "fluid bonded open quintet" and requires an organizational chart with logic like this: ( ((MF) & (MF)) & F ) | | F M well... lets just say you are in for some challenges . Edited August 13, 2010 by djhall
shadowplay Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 (edited) In my opinion, when you guys say that a man who is bisexual is really gay or that you're scared that he'll leave you for another guy, you aren't being logical. It's just your insecurities talking. It's not that these things don't happen, it's more that you guys insist that they always or almost always happen. If this is true then my relationship with my boyfriend is doomed. I choose to trust him and that's all just part of being in a relationship with someone. You can't guarantee that they will stay with you, but it's an important thing to choose. Just because your straight boyfriend has the ability to be attracted to a LOT of different women (think of all his choices), doesn't mean he's going to cheat on you. Adding another gender to the mix doesn't mean you're going to be cheated on or left behind either. You're just believing the stereotype that all bisexual people are promiscuous. A guy is going to leave you for another guy because NO bisexual can keep it in their pants supposedly. You know, men worry about this same thing too when they date a bisexual girl. You're just not worried because you don't date them. I also know some lesbians who say,"I'd never date a bisexual woman because they are either promiscuous or faking it." It's all related to the fear of being hurt. My boyfriend and I have talked about monogamy a lot and he says he is happy in a monogamous relationship, but that he'd be okay with it if I wanted to date other men and women. My response was,"Hell no." Because we all don't want to secretly cheat. I have permission to, so I'm actually incapable of cheating in my relationship, but I still don't do it. And the idea that the world is full of people who are 100% straight or 100% gay and that's the majority is ludicrous. Hardly anyone is. There's this guy I know who is very, very gay, but he did get a crush on one girl one time. He said it doesn't happen often, but that it does happen because he's not 100% gay and hardly anyone is 100% anything. It's very confusing figuring out that you are bisexual for this reason because you don't know if you're just varying a little or varying enough to be bi. This doesn't mean that most women want to date other women and most men want to date other men, but lots of people are able to watch gay porn with their significant others and be turned on by it. Because we're not all as uptight and narrow as you think we are when it comes to sexuality. I honestly hate labels because of it because being bisexual is very confusing and I sometimes doubt that I am, even though I called myself bisexual in this thread. My boyfriend goes through the same confusion. It doesn't matter that I consider myself bisexual (though more of a 70/30 hetero/gay split); still wouldn't date a bisexual guy. I'd date a bisexual woman, though. I think you're misunderstanding me. I don't believe all bisexuals are promiscuous and can't keep it in their pants. I do believe that for a man there's something different about giving up a whole gender for a life of monogamy vs. the typical narrowing it down to one person in a gender. That, combined with the fact that I believe the vast majority of bisexual men are mostly gay, gives me plenty of justification. Edited August 13, 2010 by shadowplay
aerogurl87 Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 It's completely separate for a straight guy to enjoy anal stimulation. As I said before, it's not the act that makes you gay, it's the person performing the act on the other end that defines a person's sexuality. Just because I like a guy going down on me doesn't mean I am a lesbian- so why would it make a guy gay if he enjoys a woman engaging in ass-play? Yeah I agree with this part of your post D-Lish. I love when my boyfriend goes down on me but that doesn't mean I want a girl doing it. And my boyfriend loves me fingering his a**hole and wearing butt plugs, but it doesn't mean he wants a guy's dick in there. So as you said "it's not the act that makes you gay, it's the person performing the act on the other end that defines a person's sexuality."
Enchanted Girl Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 It doesn't matter that I consider myself bisexual (though more of a 70/30 hetero/gay split); still wouldn't date a bisexual guy. I'd date a bisexual woman, though. I think you're misunderstanding me. I don't believe all bisexuals are promiscuous and can't keep it in their pants. I do believe that for a man there's something different about giving up a whole gender for a life of monogamy vs. the typical narrowing it down to one person in a gender. That, combined with the fact that I believe the vast majority of bisexual men are mostly gay, gives me plenty of justification. What exactly are you basing that belief on?
zengirl Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 It doesn't matter that I consider myself bisexual (though more of a 70/30 hetero/gay split); still wouldn't date a bisexual guy. I'd date a bisexual woman, though. I think you're misunderstanding me. I don't believe all bisexuals are promiscuous and can't keep it in their pants. I do believe that for a man there's something different about giving up a whole gender for a life of monogamy vs. the typical narrowing it down to one person in a gender. That, combined with the fact that I believe the vast majority of bisexual men are mostly gay, gives me plenty of justification. I have a theory that most bisexual men who want to date women just don't admit it as freely as the gals do (because it's not as socially acceptable), which is pretty much why people think this whole "bisexual men are really just gay men" thing. Women are much more free to admit it, because of thinking like this, so the cycle will continue. (A couple with two women also has an easier time having a child than a couple with two men, so it may be that bisexual men who want children never think much about settling with, or declaring their attraction to, men, once they realize this. Getting a sperm donor is one thing. Getting an egg donor with a separate surrogate, or being allowed to adopt in a bigoted society. . . those are much harder and more expensive. I really do feel tremendously sad for gay men who want to have children and raise them, but aren't allowed to.) We all give up plenty of things for monogamy, though anyone who sees it as "giving something up" when they do it is in the wrong monogamous relationship, I think. I know female bisexuals who say they could never just have sex with a man or sex with a woman, too----that they'd need both. I've no idea if this will always hold true for them or if they are just young, of course. But it's not an idea exclusive to men.
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