Women: Would you date a bi or bi-curious man?

[FL Lady]

1. NO

2. NO!

3. I would never want to be told this. EVER!

 

I agree 100%. Gross

[Mad Max]

A better question is, why is it okay for a girl to be bi but not a guy?

 

 

Question still stands.

[Ruby Slippers]

ONE, would you date a man who enjoyed, or wanted to try, "gayish sex" as long as they don't want another man actually involved? Basically he wants your fingers, or vibrator, or strap-on, or whatever, but doesn't desire the actual involvement of an real man.

I'm with D-Lish: there is nothing gay about anal stimulation -- just associations. And since the male g-spot is most easily accessed up the butt, I think a man would be limiting himself sexually not to try it.

 

TWO, would you date a man who enjoyed, or wanted to try, bisexual activity with another man? (for the purposes of your answer, take your pick whether you want to be present / involved or not)

It would depend. If he dated women just as a cover for him actually being gay, that would not be cool. If he wanted a relationship with a woman, but just wanted to explore his man-on-man side from time to time, and wanted to involve me, I can imagine finding this very hot and being into it -- provided we were emotionally secure enough that it was not threatening or unhealthy. A MMF threesome is one of my top fantasies, but I would only do it if conditions were very close to perfect. Being in a solid relationship and introducing another sexy man from time to time is, in my book, pretty close to perfect conditions. Just thinking about it now is turning me on!

 

THREE, at what point in a relationship would you want to be told? I can't see advising a guy to bring it up on a first date, but I can see how a woman might want to know before things got too involved sexually.

A little while after we get sexual and start talking about our desires in more detail would be the right time.

[djhall]

Are they both in Northern California?

 

I am a Bay Area native and have lived there off and on my whole life, when I'm not working abroad. I know a lot of Bay Area chicks who have dated bisexual men, or had kinky strap-on sex.

They're harder to find than the vanilla "Eww!" variety but, hey, Nor Cal would be one of the best places in the US to look for them.

I live not far outside the greater Bay Area and became aquaintances of both these guys in this area. One has since moved to the Kansas / Missouri area though.

[Stung]

Question still stands.

 

According to who? I personally think it's okay for a man to be bi, as per my answer. Do you mean, according to society at large? Western society has a lot of double standards I don't agree with and try not to practice in my daily life. Personally I think this one boils down to how popular media generally caters to hetero-male sexuality. There seems to be a general consensus among straight men that two girls together is hot, something a lot of men like to watch and think about. I actually remember when the taboo about discussing that openly was broken though and it wasn't all that long ago, which might surprise some of the younger people on this board who have grown up with Britney kissing Madonna and lipstick lesbians pouting on the cover of every other porn DVD.

 

Those same guys who yanked it to the Britney/Madonna kiss freak out when they think about two men together, for a variety of reasons. They grew up using homo as a pejorative, being taught that the one being penetrated is weak, plus the general initial weirdness of thinking about their buddy Joe's hairy hand on their dick, etc. etc.

 

A smallish but growing number of women actually think two guys together is hot. I know several women who watch gay male porn or read 'slash' aka homoerotic fiction online. I'd probably read more of it if most of it wasn't so poorly written. Women are not considered the big consumers of sex media however so it's not as popularized or mainstream as imagery of kissing chicks. And the more often you see the pictures of the chicks kissing, the more normal it gets, the less problem you have with it. Some day the pictures of hot kissing guys will catch up and become more normalized. Probably.

[aerogurl87]

 

ONE, would you date a man who enjoyed, or wanted to try, "gayish sex" as long as they don't want another man actually involved? Basically he wants your fingers, or vibrator, or strap-on, or whatever, but doesn't desire the actual involvement of an real man.

 

Yes, my boyfriend likes to be plugged with anal plugs and wants us to try out using a strap on, doesn't bother me in the least bit because I know he's not gay and he's 100% straight. I even asked him if he wanted to maybe have a threesome with another guy and he told me point blank that the answer was no. Although his reasoning has more to do with dominance and submission, more than the actual act itself (although he did say it feels good as well). I think it's quite natural for a guy to want to be stimulated anally as that is where their prostate is after all.

 

TWO, would you date a man who enjoyed, or wanted to try, bisexual activity with another man? (for the purposes of your answer, take your pick whether you want to be present / involved or not)

 

I wouldn't date a guy who was bi, but if we were just friends with benefits, then yeah. I wouldn't mind having a threesome with two guys if I were still single.

 

THREE, at what point in a relationship would you want to be told? I can't see advising a guy to bring it up on a first date, but I can see how a woman might want to know before things got too involved sexually.

I'd want to know by date 2 if a guy was bi or straight. It's not something I'd want him to keep hidden from me till we're 6 months into the relationship and I'm in love with him.

[djhall]

This is really interesting. I went through the responses so far trying to group people together into categories and came up with approximatly the following:

 

1/3 are not okay with anal toys (plugs, vibrators, strap-ons, etc.) though about half of these women would probably be okay with occasional fingers.

 

1/3 are okay with the toys as long as the guy isn't actually bisexual or gay and using them as a substitue for another man.

 

1/3 are okay with a bisexual man as long as he is faithful (ie, either not engaging in bi sex or only doing so under specific circumstances).

 

Assuming that is roughly accurate it is a little more forgiving than I expected (though in my experience people on this forum tend to be a little more open minded than the general public). I suppose I expected more of a black-and-white split between "absolutely no entrance" and "oh, yeah, we could have a threesome".

[Ruby Slippers]

Some day the pictures of hot kissing guys will catch up and become more normalized. Probably.

Oh, yes.

[Stung]

Oh, yes.

 

 

Okay, a couple of those were pretty hot. Rrawr.

[djhall]

Oh, yes.

That's funny... who'd have guessed?

[Ruby Slippers]

Homoerotic behavior on sports fields is through the roof. For me, it's one of the best parts of watching sports.

 

Exhibit A

B

C

D

E

F

G

H

I

J

 

They go on and on. I think sports is one of the few frameworks in which it's totally socially acceptable for men to show extreme emotion and physical affection toward each other. That's kind of sad.

 

When I lived in Europe, I always LOVED seeing Mediterranean men greeting one another. They would give huge hugs, openly kiss on the cheeks and lips, and be very expressive of their happiness to see each other. I thought it was extremely sexy.

[Stung]

I might start watching sports.

[shadowplay]

No, no and no. This is an absolute deal breaker for me based on my experiences with bi/bi-curious men.

[alexlakeman]

So... op, "are YOU gay or bi or fag?" You should have disclosed that in your initial post:eek:

[alexlakeman]

Amen to that. I like to take it in the @ss but only if it's made out of rubber or plastic and cums with a warranty.

 

 

Quoted for future reference....

 

You sound gay to me

[Lorelai]

First, I've dated bisexual men before. As long as they were okay with monogamy for the time we were dating, it was just fine. And they were very good lovers.

 

ONE, would you date a man who enjoyed, or wanted to try, "gayish sex" as long as they don't want another man actually involved? Basically he wants your fingers, or vibrator, or strap-on, or whatever, but doesn't desire the actual involvement of an real man.

 

I would be just fine with this. However, none of the bisexual men I've dated requested this kind of activity. Possibly if things had gotten more serious it might have been requested, but it wasn't.

 

TWO, would you date a man who enjoyed, or wanted to try, bisexual activity with another man? (for the purposes of your answer, take your pick whether you want to be present / involved or not)

 

Not while they're in a relationship with me. I'm a monogamy girl.

 

THREE, at what point in a relationship would you want to be told? I can't see advising a guy to bring it up on a first date, but I can see how a woman might want to know before things got too involved sexually.

 

I honestly think it's important to be honest about your sexuality. Straight, gay, bi, it doesn't matter, but being honest DOES matter. If someone didn't disclose it in the first drunk conversation that got into weird discussion territory, I think I might be a bit surprised later. Then again, the bisexual men I've dated were quite out.

[Lorelai]

This. And no, I wouldn't date a bisexual. I'd like him to be sure of who and what he is rather than deal with his attention seeking and mummy issues.

 

On behalf of all bisexuals everywhere, men and women, I am incredibly offended by that remark. (I am straight, but I am definitely an ally.)

 

Finding both sexes attractive has absolutely nothing to do with attention seeking or parenting, and I've met many straight men with attention-seeking behavior and severe mommy issues. And a person who acknowledges their attraction to both sexes is a lot more sure of who and what he is than someone who has those feelings and refuses to admit it.

 

Whether you want to date a bisexual man is your choice, but that is an incredibly short-sighted and insulting remark to make.

[Gattica]

I am personally not into anal play, whether it is on me or the man. If he wants to use a toy on himself...go to town! I am just not going to participate...not my cup of tea.

 

Edit to add: I am not interested in dating a bisexual man. If he like anal play, see above comment, but if he is bisexual...I am not interested in a relationship.

[zengirl]

A better question is, why is it okay for a girl to be bi but not a guy?

 

Question still stands.

 

I can't answer the question, because I see no difference in terms of "okay"ness (I mean in what I think). I mean, I wouldn't date a bi woman. . . but that's because I don't happen to be attracted to women in general. I would date a bi man, depending on other factors. I have bi friends of both genders. Some of them are different kinds of bi -- for instance, some (say they) could never be in a monagamous relationship with 1 person of 1 gender. To me, that is different than saying, "I am attracted to men and women, but I will settle down with 1 partner happily someday." Both of those are different from saying, "I'm attracted to men and women, but I prefer to seek relationships with men/women and only casual sex with the other." I've seen all 3 of these. None of them bother me in a friend. There are certain situations (obviously with monogamy, etc) where it would exclude someone as a mate.

 

If you mean, why is it socially acceptable? It's really a rarer sliver of the population you're talking about than we think. I know loads of religious people who think they're all dirty heathens or something (I disagree with this, and I'm not saying all religious people feel this way) or who are simply made uncomfortable by it. I know plenty of people who think that both these people are just "confused" or "attention seeking" (Not that the girl-on-girl crap can't be attention seeking, as the Madonna/Brittany example above demonstrated, but I think males could also do this too). I know loads of people who are cool with whatever.

 

I think women are more inclined to worry that the fellow is really gay (and they're just a stop on the way to Gaytown, which no gal really wants to be) and just putting up a front than men are with bi women (worrying they're really lesbians). Maybe I've just heard women talk about it more. I'm not sure why this is, if it is true.

[D-Lish]

No, I wouldn't date a bi-curious guy or bi-sexual man. A bi-curious guy is either in denial about being gay, or on a path of discovery to being gay.

 

It's completely separate for a straight guy to enjoy anal stimulation. As I said before, it's not the act that makes you gay, it's the person performing the act on the other end that defines a person's sexuality.

 

Just because I like a guy going down on me doesn't mean I am a lesbian- so why would it make a guy gay if he enjoys a woman engaging in ass-play?

[djhall]

So... op, "are YOU gay or bi or fag?" You should have disclosed that in your initial post:eek:

Damn, I had a detailed answer that was lost while trying to post it.

 

I know what you will think, but for everyone else, the short answer is I've always considered myself straight. I dated a bisexual woman a few years back who was very, very, very into wanting both MMF and MFF threesomes. I wasn't sure if I could handle that, so I figured we could start with toys and go from there. I didn't have many qualms about toys, but male bodies tend to make me go "ewww!" more than "aahhh!" and I wasn't sure I could handle that part. The relationship never got past that stage since making a quad is infinitely harder than making a couple and we just couldn't make everyone one big happy quad like she wanted.

 

What does that make me? Stark raving bi? Undatable? I don't know, but I do know how hard it is for the two bi guys I know, and, frankly, I wonder how many women would find even my story a bit to far for their comfort.

[Stung]

Damn, I had a detailed answer that was lost while trying to post it.

 

I know what you will think, but for everyone else, the short answer is I've always considered myself straight. I dated a bisexual woman a few years back who was very, very, very into wanting both MMF and MFF threesomes. I wasn't sure if I could handle that, so I figured we could start with toys and go from there. I didn't have many qualms about toys, but male bodies tend to make me go "ewww!" more than "aahhh!" and I wasn't sure I could handle that part. The relationship never got past that stage since making a quad is infinitely harder than making a couple and we just couldn't make everyone one big happy quad like she wanted.

 

What does that make me? Stark raving bi? Undatable? I don't know, but I do know how hard it is for the two bi guys I know, and, frankly, I wonder how many women would find even my story a bit to far for their comfort.

 

Since you are male and other male bodies make you go Ew, you don't sound particularly bi at all, to me.

 

I think alexlakeman was just hoping to get a date.

[Ruby Slippers]

A bi-curious guy is either in denial about being gay, or on a path of discovery to being gay.

You don't believe bisexual males exist?

[shadowplay]

To the person who asked, a self-identified bi girl is more likely to be legitimately bisexual. I believe that truly bisexual men are extremely rare, and most who claim they are are actually predominantly gay. I've seen a number of studies that back this up, and it's in line with my personal experience. If I knew for sure a guy was genuinely bisexual and he'd be totally fine with a lifelong relationship with a woman, never craving to go elsewhere...than yeah, I'd consider it. But that's never going to happen.

[shadowplay]

You don't believe bisexual males exist?

 

I'm sure some exist, but they're extremely rare.