djhall Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 There are quite a few threads on here with women wondering if it is normal for a guy they are dating to desire or enjoy anal stimulation, and i get the impression there are quite a few women who find the idea somehow linked to latent homosexual desires (though it can be hard to tell with all the men whining about how gay it is). I also know from extensive Internet exposure that a relatively large minority of the male population either enjoys, or would like to try, anal stimulation, and at least a significant minority is either bisexual or at least bi-curious. In fact, I know at least two "straight" guys who occasionally stop off at adult video booths or "saunas" to get a quick blowjob, though I don't think either or their partners knows about that behavior (wrong, I agree). Now, a commonly running theme on this board is the need for openness, honesty, and communication with sexual partners and prospective partners. As a guy, I can't imagine it being too hard for a woman to admit to being bi or bi-curious, since that tends to be a major turn on for most men. But I wonder, when telling a guy to be open with sexual partners about this kind of interest, what kind of reaction should they expect from most women? So, three questions... ONE, would you date a man who enjoyed, or wanted to try, "gayish sex" as long as they don't want another man actually involved? Basically he wants your fingers, or vibrator, or strap-on, or whatever, but doesn't desire the actual involvement of an real man. TWO, would you date a man who enjoyed, or wanted to try, bisexual activity with another man? (for the purposes of your answer, take your pick whether you want to be present / involved or not) THREE, at what point in a relationship would you want to be told? I can't see advising a guy to bring it up on a first date, but I can see how a woman might want to know before things got too involved sexually.
caramel c Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 1. NO 2. NO! 3. I would never want to be told this. EVER!
ReadyforLove Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 ONE, would you date a man who enjoyed, or wanted to try, "gayish sex" as long as they don't want another man actually involved? Basically he wants your fingers, or vibrator, or strap-on, or whatever, but doesn't desire the actual involvement of an real man. Yes (but not if he asked for me to do him with a strap-on.) TWO, would you date a man who enjoyed, or wanted to try, bisexual activity with another man? (for the purposes of your answer, take your pick whether you want to be present / involved or not) HELL NO to either option. I do not want to share my man with another woman so why would I want to share him with another man? THREE, at what point in a relationship would you want to be told? I can't see advising a guy to bring it up on a first date, but I can see how a woman might want to know before things got too involved sexually. Just like you said, before we were to get involved sexually. It is best to disclose these things as soon as possible so you can figure out if you're on the same page or not.
marsle85 Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 ONE, would you date a man who enjoyed, or wanted to try, "gayish sex" as long as they don't want another man actually involved? Basically he wants your fingers, or vibrator, or strap-on, or whatever, but doesn't desire the actual involvement of an real man. No, not if the motivation was to imitate "gayish sex." A body is a body, I don't think a man should be limited by gender restrictions, if we both want him to feel good. I don't have a problem with anal play, but my guy will want MY fingers up there. TWO, would you date a man who enjoyed, or wanted to try, bisexual activity with another man? (for the purposes of your answer, take your pick whether you want to be present / involved or not) Nah. That's cheating. THREE, at what point in a relationship would you want to be told? I can't see advising a guy to bring it up on a first date, but I can see how a woman might want to know before things got too involved sexually. When we are comfortable sexually.
brainygirl Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 I'll answer three first, I don't consider my or my partner's past sexual experience any of each other's business unless there's an STD involved. What he did in the past is his business. Two, gayish sex. If I'm dating you, you better be having sex with me and only me. So this would be a problem for me. I'm not into threesomes, sex isn't a spectator sport. This would be a no go, not because of the gay nature of the sex, but because its not going to meet my standard of relationship loyalty. one, anal stimulation? Why not? I love sex. I love rough dirty sweaty sex, I love gently slow sweet sex, in a relationship that is sexual, if both partners are into it, why not? would I do the stimulating? if he asked, and returned the favor.
Enchanted Girl Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 I am so scared to respond to this thread honestly. I can imagine the inflammatory replies already and me being the weird one in the group yet again. Oh well. I'm going to be as brief as possible because this subject is very personal to me. My boyfriend and I are both bisexual. It's not something I openly talk about because people are going to respond to it in all kinds of unique ways, so we've dealt in this area a whole lot and fought about certain aspects of it a lot. We don't allow other people in the relationship. I'm very monogamous and can't stand the idea of other people involved. He's open to the idea though if I ever change my mind, but I'm not going to. As for toys: strap-ons and other things that I can stick up his butt . . . . We both love them and I've experimented with them quite a bit. Haven't done a strap-on yet, but I will someday and I love pleasuring him with them because he enjoys them so much and I like kinky things. It's a very different and unique experience, in my opinion. We didn't tell each other about being bisexual until a couple of years into the relationship. I'd say wait a few months otherwise you'll be judged solely based on that, but I don't think it would have freaked me out if he had shared all this with me earlier.
jenifer1972 Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 One of my best friends is gay, so my response has nothing to do with not liking gays. But in a romantic relationship, any signal from my "gaydar" and I'd be gone. I like men who exude heterosexual only energy.
Lady vs Panda Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 1. Sure. A prostate massage, btw, isn't gay. I've done it plenty o' times, with fingers or a plug or a vibe. 2. If I was present, involved, I would think it was pretty hot. Depending on my primary relationship, I guess. But I could see it being a turn-on. 3. Soon-ish. The first time we have a few too many drinks and start pulling out the naughty stories and the black humor, this should come up.
Author djhall Posted August 12, 2010 Author Posted August 12, 2010 No, not if the motivation was to imitate "gayish sex." A body is a body, I don't think a man should be limited by gender restrictions, if we both want him to feel good. I don't have a problem with anal play, but my guy will want MY fingers up there. Well, I hadn't exactly meant it that way, but more along the lines of things many people might react to with, "Hell no, what are you, gay?!?!" I've had a conversation about this subject with both of the guys I know. One claims he would prefer to engage in the activity with his female parther, but he is absolutely certain she would break up with him if she knew he wanted her to do those things with him. I don't understand why wanting to do it with HER should be a problem, but he is absolutely sure most women would be horrified. The other wants the male-male contact, not just certain kinds of stimulation with his partner. He is certain that he needs to either do it behind a woman's back, avoid the behavior entirely and pretend to be entirely straight, or give up on women altogether since he is convinced no woman would ever accept him the way he is. I'm really not sure what to say other than not to do it behind a partner's back, since I'm not sure they are wrong about the reaction the majority of women would have if they told the truth.
ReadyforLove Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 We didn't tell each other about being bisexual until a couple of years into the relationship. I'd say wait a few months otherwise you'll be judged solely based on that, but I don't think it would have freaked me out if he had shared all this with me earlier. I might be naive but I think it's crazy how you and your boyfriend are both bi. Your relationship works for you and that's all that matters Thanks for sharing.
Mad Max Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 A better question is, why is it okay for a girl to be bi but not a guy?
Enchanted Girl Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 I'm really not sure what to say other than not to do it behind a partner's back, since I'm not sure they are wrong about the reaction the majority of women would have if they told the truth. Yea, honesty is REALLY important in any relationship. I ask my boyfriend to be honest with me above all else. If he ever decides that he can't live with the idea of not sleeping with other men, I told him that he should talk to me about it and include me in the discussion of it and allow me to decide for myself how I want to handle it. We don't have a real relationship at all if he's not going to be honest with me about everything in my opinion.
Lady vs Panda Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 Are they both in Northern California? I am a Bay Area native and have lived there off and on my whole life, when I'm not working abroad. I know a lot of Bay Area chicks who have dated bisexual men, or had kinky strap-on sex. They're harder to find than the vanilla "Eww!" variety but, hey, Nor Cal would be one of the best places in the US to look for them. Now I might feel a little intimidated about the strap-on just because I've never done it and I don't think that kind of directed thrusting comes really natural to me, but I might be willing to give it a shot once in a while if fingers/butt plug wasn't cutting it. And I'd be WAY more upset about finding out my bf was doing other dudes behind my back than I would be if he came to me and asked if they could both do me (and each other) all together.
marsle85 Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 I'm really not sure what to say other than not to do it behind a partner's back, since I'm not sure they are wrong about the reaction the majority of women would have if they told the truth. I may not be comfortable with my man with another man, but I know for sure- I'd prefer him broaching the subject with me, even if I reject his proposition--- than go behind my back and do it. Your friend is looking for an emotional connection with a woman, and a possible sexual connection with a man. Which is fine, I'm just trying to get it straight (no pun intended.) I don't think it's an entirely impossible concept, I just think one contradicts the other. Unless both partners are cool with an open relationship, I feel a woman would be more hurt that her man cheated, than that he was with a man. Honest.
D-Lish Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 A guy enjoying the act of anal stimulation or penetration isn't gay unless the finger or appendage in question belongs to another guy.
Feelin Frisky Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 A guy enjoying the act of anal stimulation or penetration isn't gay unless the finger or appendage in question belongs to another guy. Amen to that. I like to take it in the @ss but only if it's made out of rubber or plastic and cums with a warranty.
bac Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 There are quite a few threads on here with women wondering if it is normal for a guy they are dating to desire or enjoy anal stimulation, and i get the impression there are quite a few women who find the idea somehow linked to latent homosexual desires (though it can be hard to tell with all the men whining about how gay it is). I also know from extensive Internet exposure that a relatively large minority of the male population either enjoys, or would like to try, anal stimulation, and at least a significant minority is either bisexual or at least bi-curious. In fact, I know at least two "straight" guys who occasionally stop off at adult video booths or "saunas" to get a quick blowjob, though I don't think either or their partners knows about that behavior (wrong, I agree). Now, a commonly running theme on this board is the need for openness, honesty, and communication with sexual partners and prospective partners. As a guy, I can't imagine it being too hard for a woman to admit to being bi or bi-curious, since that tends to be a major turn on for most men. But I wonder, when telling a guy to be open with sexual partners about this kind of interest, what kind of reaction should they expect from most women? So, three questions... ONE, would you date a man who enjoyed, or wanted to try, "gayish sex" as long as they don't want another man actually involved? Basically he wants your fingers, or vibrator, or strap-on, or whatever, but doesn't desire the actual involvement of an real man. TWO, would you date a man who enjoyed, or wanted to try, bisexual activity with another man? (for the purposes of your answer, take your pick whether you want to be present / involved or not) THREE, at what point in a relationship would you want to be told? I can't see advising a guy to bring it up on a first date, but I can see how a woman might want to know before things got too involved sexually. First, yes Second, it is fun, but I have a fear of HIV Third, on the first date
elaina Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 Yes (but not if he asked for me to do him with a strap-on.) Agreed HELL NO to either option. I do not want to share my man with another woman so why would I want to share him with another man? Totally agree! Well said! Just like you said, before we were to get involved sexually. It is best to disclose these things as soon as possible so you can figure out if you're on the same page or not. Totally agree! Many surprises are fun and great but this kind of surprise: nope. It's important to be on the same page concerning what people want from their relationship. For a woman who doesn't mind sharing her man with other women or men, than knowing beforehand won't make her change her mind. For a woman who can't/won't handle that, it's best for her to know beforehand so she can get out before her heart breaks.
Knittress Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 I'm all for whatever, but I think I might always worry that a bi guy would eventually leave me for a guy. I can't compete with a dude.
a_woman Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 A guy enjoying the act of anal stimulation or penetration isn't gay unless the finger or appendage in question belongs to another guy. This. And no, I wouldn't date a bisexual. I'd like him to be sure of who and what he is rather than deal with his attention seeking and mummy issues.
Stung Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 1. Is a no-brainer for me, not really a big deal. We're open and sensual people, we do this in our marriage. 2. Is a little murky for me, there are some mixed feelings there. I find the idea of two guys kind of hot, it's something I'd be willing to explore in theory, but in reality my marriage is not an open one and we don't share each other. I have dated and slept with a few women in the past, and have also dated a couple of bisexual men in the past. Sometimes their sexual behavior became a problem but it wasn't because they also were attracted to men, it was because they weren't honest about their feelings...I blame it on the individuals more than their orientation. My husband is straight as an arrow, however. 3. I always preferred to hear about this kind of stuff fairly early, when the first naughty stories and kinky sex hints start popping up in the first couple of months. But I guess, better late than never? To find out my partner had been lying about who he was and cheating on me would be a total dealbreaker.
zengirl Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 I would date a fellow who was bi, as in, he found people of both genders attractive and could settle down with one person of one gender easily without feeling like he was missing out on the other kind of sex. I have met very few people like this (male or female), but they exist. His sexual past/history with men wouldn't bother me. I wouldn't date a fellow who wanted/needed to still have sex with men or wanted/needed to simulate having sex with men in any way. I don't care what kind of porn he looks at or whatever. I've only been on a date with one bi guy (that I know of), but it wouldn't put me off if he was otherwise a good match. ONE, would you date a man who enjoyed, or wanted to try, "gayish sex" as long as they don't want another man actually involved? Basically he wants your fingers, or vibrator, or strap-on, or whatever, but doesn't desire the actual involvement of an real man. TWO, would you date a man who enjoyed, or wanted to try, bisexual activity with another man? (for the purposes of your answer, take your pick whether you want to be present / involved or not) THREE, at what point in a relationship would you want to be told? I can't see advising a guy to bring it up on a first date, but I can see how a woman might want to know before things got too involved sexually. 1. Maybe this could evolve naturally, but I'm not agreeing to sticking anything in a fellow's bottom regularly, no. If it's a need in the relationship, that'd make me worry. I'm not sure how comfortable I'd be with it, as it's never come up with the fellows I've dated. 2. In his past, this wouldn't bother me, but I don't do multi-partner scenarios. He'd have to be finished with it, or willing to be, before committing to me. I'm 1-on-1 only. 3. Before he sleeps with me, if it involves any specific kinds of sex. I don't care when he tells me if he just happens to be a bi fellow who has a history of sexual partners with both genders. It can come up the same way such information would come up from a straight guy. So, basically, I could only date such a guy if he was satisfied with a monogamous heterosexual sex life. Anyone who isn't. . . I'd wonder why he picked women. I'm definitely not into someone picking a woman just because it's more "socially acceptable" or easier. If they have a need for gay sex, why not be gay? People should just be who they are. If they have a need for gay and straight sex, I question how they can possibly be monogamous at heart. They also just wouldn't be compatible with me, as sex to me isn't about the particulars of the experience in this way. It's about the person I'm with.
spookie Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 i had an experience wherein a guy i was dating let me know he liked using butt plugs. i dont even know why but it was a huge turnoff for me. on the other hand, i wouldnt mind surprising my current bf w/ a finger or two up his butt if he was into that. i guess my boundary is that butt toys for him is too kinky
SpanksTheMonkey Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 (edited) There are quite a few threads on here with women wondering if it is normal for a guy they are dating to desire or enjoy anal stimulation, and i get the impression there are quite a few women who find the idea somehow linked to latent homosexual desires (though it can be hard to tell with all the men whining about how gay it is). I also know from extensive Internet exposure that a relatively large minority of the male population either enjoys, or would like to try, anal stimulation, and at least a significant minority is either bisexual or at least bi-curious. In fact, I know at least two "straight" guys who occasionally stop off at adult video booths or "saunas" to get a quick blowjob, though I don't think either or their partners knows about that behavior (wrong, I agree). Now, a commonly running theme on this board is the need for openness, honesty, and communication with sexual partners and prospective partners. As a guy, I can't imagine it being too hard for a woman to admit to being bi or bi-curious, since that tends to be a major turn on for most men. But I wonder, when telling a guy to be open with sexual partners about this kind of interest, what kind of reaction should they expect from most women? So, three questions... ONE, would you date a man who enjoyed, or wanted to try, "gayish sex" as long as they don't want another man actually involved? Basically he wants your fingers, or vibrator, or strap-on, or whatever, but doesn't desire the actual involvement of an real man. TWO, would you date a man who enjoyed, or wanted to try, bisexual activity with another man? (for the purposes of your answer, take your pick whether you want to be present / involved or not) THREE, at what point in a relationship would you want to be told? I can't see advising a guy to bring it up on a first date, but I can see how a woman might want to know before things got too involved sexually. 1. Yes my current bf is bi 2. I would do those things for him but we have spoken about what is exceptable and whats not in this relationship hes agreed men are now off limits to him if he wants to be with me. 3. He told me soon as I told him I had a interest in him as more then friends he never hid it or his past activities. Edited August 12, 2010 by SpanksTheMonkey
Mutant Debutante Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 Anal stimulation, prostate massage, is not a big deal, although I don't know if I'd want to do it every time. It seems like kind of a special top-up to me, I guess, for once or twice a month powersex, not everyday stuff. Mostly just because it can give you stinkfinger and be kind of a pain. I'm not sure how I'd feel about an actual strap-on but I'd think about it. I have dated a bi guy before, but he didn't want to be with guys while he was with me so IDK. I'm not big on sharing, honestly. I know bi people who are okay with only being with who they love, and others who feel deprived if they can't have both. I probably couldn't date the kind who feels deprived, because it would hurt my feelings to not even be able to pretend I was enough for him. I'd like to know pretty soon. I hang out with the starving artist avante garde hipster bohemian types most of the time so they're not exactly shy about this kind of thing, it'd be weird if someone hid it for a long time. The bi guy I did date, I knew he was bi before our first date.
Recommended Posts