lalalandman Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 omg help. Ok, so my gf broke up with me beginning of May. GF of 4 years. She's done this before a couple times. She's pretty much afraid of commitment. So at the time I stood my ground and said fine, that's the last straw. She tried to get back with me the entire month. I refused. Finally at the end of May, I said Fine, let's work it out. Of course, she said no, and we got in a fight. I went 3 weeks of NC, per suggestions from this site. After that, I called once. Emailed once. I texted twice. After 6 weeks, I called and she picked up. I apologized for a big blowout fight we had and she told me to move on. I went NC. A week or more later, out of the blue, she calls and wants to hang out. She told me she had sex with someone a week after we broke up to get over me. We were each others first. I refused to hang out, told her to keep that info to herself, but then 10 mins later she showed up at my door. I gave in and we hung out the whole day and ended up having sex. Then she gets in a fight with me that night, and the next day she basically says she regrets calling to hang out and told me to move on. I go NC, again. Another week passes and she calls again, many times. I don't pick up. The next day I call to see what she wanted. She said she missed me, and we ended up hanging out the whole day again, and I ****ed her in my car. She was acting like my gf the whole day. She ends up telling me at the end of the day in a nutshell that she wants to be single. She mentioned how we've broken up like this before or some crap. She said if we're together it'll go sour within a week. I told her if we hang out again, it should be on my terms. Of course, the next day she calls and wants to go on a mini vacation with me to another part of the state. I said ok, but within 10 mins, she comes to my house and said she changed her mind. WTF. She said it was a bad idea. That was last week. It seemed somewhat manipulative and I told her it was wrong what she did. Since then, she texted me once couple days ago saying how she saw a friend of mine. I said 'Cool. That's it. I feel like I am being mind ****ed. I don't know if she really is reaching out to me or just wants to keep me on a string. I have tried going NC like people suggested from this site, but she just comes back again. I do want to work things out with her, and she knows this. I guess I'll admit I have poured out alot of my feelings to her. I really need some advice on what to do. I want her back, but, Wtf is her deal? I don't know if this is about control, or she's confused and maybe wants me back, or just trying to devastate my ego. What do I need to do?
benB Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 Man that is awful, she is def playing games with you. She knows you will do things on her terms and she is using you. I think you should stop talking to her. Maybe tell her how you feel and what you want but if she doesn't agree I think you should move on for good.
VeveCakes Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 Forget her. Ignore and move on. This girl is playing games big time. Focus your energy on someone who WANTS to be with you and knows it....not changing her mind every 5 minutes.
BiAxident Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 I would avoid contacting her. That doesnt mean you dont respond to her calls/texts, but dont be the one to initiate it. If at all possible, try to get her to sit down and engage in a long, quality conversation where you figure out exactly what the hell is going on in her head. If that isn't possible, then use total NC. Ignore her efforts to get a hold of you. Either way, leave sex out of the picture, it will only complicate things.
seibert253 Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 One of two things are occuring: 1. She's stringing you along. You're the "fall back on" in case no one better comes along 2. She's nuts. Sound's like she's bipolor to me. Either way if you stay and continue to playcate her, you lose. You need to kick her to the curb and she needs to stay there. Peace,
Sambo Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 omg help. Ok, so my gf broke up with me beginning of May. GF of 4 years. She's done this before a couple times. She's pretty much afraid of commitment. So at the time I stood my ground and said fine, that's the last straw. She tried to get back with me the entire month. I refused. Finally at the end of May, I said Fine, let's work it out. Of course, she said no, and we got in a fight. I went 3 weeks of NC, per suggestions from this site. After that, I called once. Emailed once. I texted twice. After 6 weeks, I called and she picked up. I apologized for a big blowout fight we had and she told me to move on. I went NC. A week or more later, out of the blue, she calls and wants to hang out. She told me she had sex with someone a week after we broke up to get over me. We were each others first. I refused to hang out, told her to keep that info to herself, but then 10 mins later she showed up at my door. I gave in and we hung out the whole day and ended up having sex. Then she gets in a fight with me that night, and the next day she basically says she regrets calling to hang out and told me to move on. I go NC, again. Another week passes and she calls again, many times. I don't pick up. The next day I call to see what she wanted. She said she missed me, and we ended up hanging out the whole day again, and I ****ed her in my car. She was acting like my gf the whole day. She ends up telling me at the end of the day in a nutshell that she wants to be single. She mentioned how we've broken up like this before or some crap. She said if we're together it'll go sour within a week. I told her if we hang out again, it should be on my terms. Of course, the next day she calls and wants to go on a mini vacation with me to another part of the state. I said ok, but within 10 mins, she comes to my house and said she changed her mind. WTF. She said it was a bad idea. That was last week. It seemed somewhat manipulative and I told her it was wrong what she did. Since then, she texted me once couple days ago saying how she saw a friend of mine. I said 'Cool. That's it. I feel like I am being mind ****ed. I don't know if she really is reaching out to me or just wants to keep me on a string. I have tried going NC like people suggested from this site, but she just comes back again. I do want to work things out with her, and she knows this. I guess I'll admit I have poured out alot of my feelings to her. I really need some advice on what to do. I want her back, but, Wtf is her deal? I don't know if this is about control, or she's confused and maybe wants me back, or just trying to devastate my ego. What do I need to do? You have two choices. Keep living like this forever or truly move on. She's not going to change.
DustySaltus Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 She keeps doing this because YOU keep letting it happen. If someone knows that there are no consenquences for their actions, what would keep them from ever changing their behavior. I think there is a lot of drama here and there will continue to be until you say enough is enough. She should've kept that info about the other dude to herself as well. With someone like this you would have to go NC with them for a minimum of 6 months for them to get the message. But NC isn't about getting them back, it's about healing yourself. Healthy relationships don't have this everday push/pull. I know this ALL too well. Your best bet is to explain to her what you need and then go complete NC. Anything else is a futile exercise.
stillafool Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 Change all your info so she can't contact you and move on. She isn't going to change. Either accept life the way it is with her or move on.
EthanH Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 Yeah she is playing games, but frankly also, so are you! You are setting no boundaries, and so she think she can set them, and she can, because you accept it. IF she knew 100% that if she pushed you away, that would be it, she would take thinking about what she wants a lot more seriously than she has previously. In fact, i don't think she has really thought about things at all... she is just going on her instinct, which chops and changes every day. Until you stand up for yourself, she is going to continue to do that. If you cannot bare telling her what you want because you are scared she won't agree, then you need to seriously think if you are willing to accept less... if you are, you can't be annoyed when that is all she gives. You are acting like you have no power in all of this. And yet you do. But as soon as you back down from whatever your decision is, she will lose respect for you. It is all about respect, if she had respect for you, and liked you, she wouldn't push you away because SHE would be scared of losing you!
Author lalalandman Posted August 14, 2010 Author Posted August 14, 2010 Thanks everyone for the feedback. I really appreciate it. Since then we've hung out twice more. I'm still not sure how I'm going to handle this situation. I know at one point I'll need to let her know directly or indirectly that it's all or nothing and that she can't just do whatever she wants. At the same time she can't really handle commitment conversations, ever, so, I don't know. We'll see. I'm just feeling calculating at this point and observing. Hope it works out.
ShannonMI Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 Omg this sounds awful. You shouldn't have to deal with this back and forth crap. I think she's very, very confused. I would tell her that you can't do this anymore. To just leave you alone. I know that you still love her and want her back, but this constant switching of her emotions is not good for you. It's driving you crazy. Tell her no more contact. Stay firm. All her crazy emotions aren't healthy for you to deal with. It's not helping YOU at all. And it sounds like it isn't helping her either. She needs a therapist. After she gets some professional help to sort out her emotions, then maybe you can talk. I'm so sorry you have to feel this pain. It's horrible. Best of luck
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