He called but did not leave a message, would you call back?

[conehead]

If he was the guy of my dreams then I'd probably call him back eventually.

 

Thing is, date 2 was lukewarm only really. It wasn't bad, I mean we had some great times over that span of 12 hours, but it wasn't amazing either. At the end of date 2, he dropped me off and I did tell him I had a lot of fun on my way out of the car and he said 'me too' but I did not reach over to kiss him or anything. I didn't feel quite ready for that just yet.

 

I'm on the fence with him and perhaps he is the same way with me. Had he left a VM then I'd probably called him back. But him not leaving a VM is just another point deduction for him and he didn't have too many to begin with...

[carhill]

Any heterosexual man who spends 12 hours with a woman doing 'couple things', like at an amusement park, and doesn't kiss her or otherwise show his intent, combined with not leaving an assertive/flirty VM when he calls, is either impotent or has low to no interest. So, perhaps your spidey sense is ticking correctly here.

[TheLoneSock]

If he was the guy of my dreams then I'd probably call him back eventually.

 

I'm on the fence with him and perhaps he is the same way with me. Had he left a VM then I'd probably called him back. But him not leaving a VM is just another point deduction for him and he didn't have too many to begin with...

 

This is almost laughable. OP, don't call him back - you'd be doing him a favor. He needs to date a different girl anyway it seems.

[hopesndreams]

If he was the guy of my dreams then I'd probably call him back eventually.

 

Thing is, date 2 was lukewarm only really. It wasn't bad, I mean we had some great times over that span of 12 hours, but it wasn't amazing either. At the end of date 2, he dropped me off and I did tell him I had a lot of fun on my way out of the car and he said 'me too' but I did not reach over to kiss him or anything. I didn't feel quite ready for that just yet.

 

I'm on the fence with him and perhaps he is the same way with me. Had he left a VM then I'd probably called him back. But him not leaving a VM is just another point deduction for him and he didn't have too many to begin with...

 

Maybe that's why he didn't leave a VM. He sensed your ambivalence. Don't hold your breath for him to call you again.

[Knittress]

I'd just shrug and tell myself, "I guess he didn't care enough to leave a message," and move on with my day. I wouldn't reject a person over it (as stated, it could be different communication styles), but it would confuse me and slowly erode at my interest.

[dispatch3d]

Any heterosexual man who spends 12 hours with a woman doing 'couple things', like at an amusement park, and doesn't kiss her or otherwise show his intent, combined with not leaving an assertive/flirty VM when he calls, is either impotent or has low to no interest. So, perhaps your spidey sense is ticking correctly here.

 

why the **** do you feel SO ENTITLED to this marvelously flirty voicemail to declare his undeiing love for you after two dates, which were WAY too long, and nothing physical happening?

 

Like seriously, you won't even take the 20 seconds to call him back, but you expect him to take 5 minutes to leave you this glorious voicemail. What the ****?

 

And to the ones saying welll he could have but dialed me, sat on his phone. A rooster could have ran into the house and dialed it. He could have been trying to call a chick that actually GIVES A **** about him and accidently dialed me. Hopefully it's the last one.

[carhill]

I don't; I'm a man. Women are more about entitlement

 

why the **** do you feel SO ENTITLED to this marvelously flirty voicemail to declare his undeiing love for you after two dates, which were WAY too long, and nothing physical happening?

[dispatch3d]

I don't; I'm a man. Women are more about entitlement

 

lol like one of the most unattractive traits in a women is a sense of entitlement. My question still stands. Why the hell is the girl entitled to a voicemail from some guy calling her? I mean most women don't call back in this situation, but I'd definitely like a girl who did a lot more.....

[carhill]

After being married, I can tell you with assurance it's a fruitless pursuit to try to determine any semblance of 'why' when it comes to women.

 

The OP is screaming out really good information here. I hope it's sinking in. This man could've have done many things to ramp up attraction and interest and done them freely and without substantial cost to himself. He chose, for whatever reasons, to not do those things. That choice, like all others in life, has consequences, which may or may not be of concern to him.

 

You can fight for your right to be right. I wish you well in that fight.

[dispatch3d]

After being married, I can tell you with assurance it's a fruitless pursuit to try to determine any semblance of 'why' when it comes to women.

 

The OP is screaming out really good information here. I hope it's sinking in. This man could've have done many things to ramp up attraction and interest and done them freely and without substantial cost to himself. He chose, for whatever reasons, to not do those things. That choice, like all others in life, has consequences, which may or may not be of concern to him.

 

You can fight for your right to be right. I wish you well in that fight.

 

hi.

 

Although I appreciate the response, I was actually looking for the answer to this question: Why is the girl entitled to a voicemail for her to consider calling back the guy? If the reason is that he needs to ramp up the attraction, how the hell is he going to manage that by leaving this voicemail message?

[carhill]

'Why', as I said prior, is a fruitless pursuit. Its answer lies within the emotions and psychology of the female gender, as nebulous as the nether regions of outer space. Unless you're a psychologist, it's a waste of your time, IMO.

[sultry33]

I would have followed up with a text.. personally i do not like leaving vm

as I forget what im saying.. honestly I hate them damn machines.

 

I dont think its a reason to not see someone though.. thats just a bit mean imo

[Mutant Debutante]

why the **** do you feel SO ENTITLED to this marvelously flirty voicemail to declare his undeiing love for you after two dates, which were WAY too long, and nothing physical happening?

 

Like seriously, you won't even take the 20 seconds to call him back, but you expect him to take 5 minutes to leave you this glorious voicemail. What the ****?

 

And to the ones saying welll he could have but dialed me, sat on his phone. A rooster could have ran into the house and dialed it. He could have been trying to call a chick that actually GIVES A **** about him and accidently dialed me. Hopefully it's the last one.

 

Seriously, we are talking about a 3-second voicemail here. "Hey, it's Blah Blah. I had a good time the other night, we should do it again." Click. It's your choice whether to do it or not. WTF is up with acting like she's holding you at gunpoint and demanding you craft a flawless sonnet? "Oh, I won't go out with Blah Blah, his voicemail wasn't Shakespearean enough." Yeah, that's happening.

 

I think you're really losing perspective here. It's a preference about communication styles and how people like to be prioritized, one that everyone can meet in a few seconds that costs them zero cash or physical strain, and you're throwing a hissy about it on the internet. Wow.

[dispatch3d]

Seriously, we are talking about a 3-second voicemail here. "Hey, it's Blah Blah. I had a good time the other night, we should do it again." Click. It's your choice whether to do it or not. WTF is up with acting like she's holding you at gunpoint and demanding you craft a flawless sonnet? "Oh, I won't go out with Blah Blah, his voicemail wasn't Shakespearean enough." Yeah, that's happening.

 

I think you're really losing perspective here. It's a preference about communication styles and how people like to be prioritized, one that everyone can meet in a few seconds that costs them zero cash or physical strain, and you're throwing a hissy about it on the internet. Wow.

 

lol I ain't mad. Even though I may write like I am I just do that cause I enjoy writing in that fashion.

 

So what exactly is this voicemail accomplishing? Assuming you do check+receive it, does it make you feel like he's actually into you or something?

[homersheineken]

I think it's kind of silly and childish to "deduct points" because his method of communication doesn't perfectly jive with yours after 2 meetings. Playing games is just silly. Congrats, you have more points than him....

 

That said, I would have left a quick vm.

[Lady vs Panda]

 

And to the ones saying welll he could have but dialed me, sat on his phone. A rooster could have ran into the house and dialed it. .

 

If that's what happened, he should definitely call and leave me a message to tell me about that. I would enjoy hearing the story.

 

I feel like your questions have actually been answered but you're not reading the answers very carefully. Let me try to break it all the way down.

 

Let's be blunt. I can't speak for everyone, but I'm a grown woman with a busy life, and there are usually plenty of men who want to date me. I'm not one of those women I hear about on this board, who chases after guys who act like they don't want me. I am interested in a man who makes it clear that he DOES want me, that he is singling me out as an individual, not just casting his net for boobs.

 

It is the unspoken rule in my age group and area, and in many others that I know of, that if you call someone out of boredom/obligation/whatever but aren't really that interested in speaking to them right then, if you are tired or distracted or feeling halfhearted or haven't got much to say, you don't leave a message. If you are really interested in making sure that person knows you tried to contact them, if you are really interested in hearing back from them because you want to make a plan or something, you leave a message.

 

I call people all the time and hang up when their vmail clicks on because it's not a big deal if I hear back from them right away or not, it wasn't an important call, and I'm not surprised or freaked out when I don't hear back from them. I don't consider it an entitlement issue on their part, I assume they are busy like me and having to prioritize their time. If I really wanted to hear back from them within the next couple of days, I would have said so. That's why they pay for the vmail.

 

If I go out on a date with a guy and he can't bring himself to leave a message when he calls, that's fine. I'm pretty sure it's not something either of us lose sleep over. But the unspoken message it does send is that he didnt' consider it an important call, it's not a high priority to him whether I hear from him or whether I call him back. And I note that down, mentally, as "He's not THAT interested." And since I prefer a guy who IS that interested, who considers me a priority, my attention starts to move on to the next guy. I guess if Guy A really was interested, he shot himself in the foot, but them's the breaks.

 

Once interest has been firmly established, we can keep learning about each other and connecting and things can start to chug along in the direction of a shiny happy relationship that leaves everybody in a cuddly sexy afterglow. But if interest isn't firmly established, I'm not interested.

 

If you find a woman preferring a five second voice message or text from a guy she is still in the very initial stages of dating to be a massive entitlement issue, the dating world must really be giving you an aneurysm.

[TaurusTerp]

I ****ing hate it when people leave a voicemail that says "hi, it's me. call me back". What the **** is the point of this? You know I can see that you called.

 

I'm bewildered that not leaving a message was blown up into this thread.

 

That said, I'd leave a message for a girl I was pursuing...but still, this is a serious mountains out of molehills situation.

[homersheineken]

I ****ing hate it when people leave a voicemail that says "hi, it's me. call me back". What the **** is the point of this? You know I can see that you called.

 

I'm bewildered that not leaving a message was blown up into this thread.

 

That said, I'd leave a message for a girl I was pursuing...but still, this is a serious mountains out of molehills situation.

YEah it really is.

 

And who "pays" for VM now a days (as I've read in a couple of posts). I thought every plan includes it (because the costs of it have gone down so much) so can't really opt out if you wanted to.

[Mutant Debutante]

Any heterosexual man who spends 12 hours with a woman doing 'couple things', like at an amusement park, and doesn't kiss her or otherwise show his intent, combined with not leaving an assertive/flirty VM when he calls, is either impotent or has low to no interest. So, perhaps your spidey sense is ticking correctly here.

 

This.

 

 

I'd just shrug and tell myself, "I guess he didn't care enough to leave a message," and move on with my day. I wouldn't reject a person over it (as stated, it could be different communication styles), but it would confuse me and slowly erode at my interest.

 

And this.

 

Most of what Lady vs. Panda said, too.

 

It's not a points-deduction thing or a game, for me. It indicates to me that he's a little slackery about following through with me because he's only kinda-sorta-interested. Which is not that big of a deal, he can go find someone he's more interested in and I'll wish him luck with that. I like someone who is decisive about wanting to spend time with me, not wishy washy about it. That actually extends to my friends, too, and it's a two-way street, of course.

 

I have an old unsexy phone on an old unsexy plan, and yeah, I pay for voicemail and I pay for texting. I also have to go to a different screen to look up my caller ID list, and I hardly ever bother, so if he doesn't bother to text or leave a message, I might not ever know he called.

 

If you hate the idea of voicemail, of course you can opt out. Even if it's included free with your phone, just don't set up your voicemail box. Easy peasy.

[D-Lish]

Maybe he simply didn't want to leave the ball in your court to call him back OP. He would have left a "call me back" message if he did.

 

He'll call back. I assume he would just rather have an actual conversation with you than leave a vm. I don't see it as a big deal at all.

Edited August 12, 2010 by D-Lish

[Enchanted Girl]

Well there is Vietnam and Afghanistan that reinforces such views, but Politics aside, I hardly ever leave a voicemail is there any need too, seriously? I've called, you know I've called, if you don't call me back, I'll try once more and if no one picks up, I'll delete the number and go out and find someone else. Simples!

 

If you read my post, I agree with you on this. I told her to call back, but I don't agree with you labeling large groups of people like that.

 

For instance, I don't follow the same rules she does and I am also American. =/

[Mutant Debutante]

Maybe he simply didn't want to leave the ball in your court to call him back OP. He would have left a "call me back" message if he did.

 

He'll call back. I assume he would just rather have an actual conversation with you than leave a vm. I don't see it as a big deal at all.

 

Sure, if he prefers to call back at another time that's fine and not a big deal too. I think most of the women saying 'leave a message' are saying that as the alternative to just leaving an impersonal ambiguous caller ID capture and not calling back or texting or leaving a voicemail or anything.

[Lady vs Panda]

YEah it really is.

 

And who "pays" for VM now a days (as I've read in a couple of posts). I thought every plan includes it (because the costs of it have gone down so much) so can't really opt out if you wanted to.

 

Well, you got me . I used to pay for vmail, and I am pretty sure I have a few friends who still do, perhaps they have old plans. My company has paid for my phone and phone upgrades for the past few years, so I really have not bothered to keep up with the details.

 

That being said, it wasn't exactly the central point of my posts.

Edited August 12, 2010 by Lady vs Panda
Punctuation

[Lady vs Panda]

Sure, if he prefers to call back at another time that's fine and not a big deal too. I think most of the women saying 'leave a message' are saying that as the alternative to just leaving an impersonal ambiguous caller ID capture and not calling back or texting or leaving a voicemail or anything.

 

 

True enough. A second call, or a text, in reasonably short order would work for me, too.

[carhill]

OK, it's been nearly 24 hours and no call or text....any updates OP?

 

Also, did he pay for the dates?