So maybe staying for the kids is not such a good idea after all

[pureinheart]

It never ceases to amaze me how a bunch of so called adults can f*ck up a child.

 

You stay away, tell your lover to grow a pair and this wife should kick the guy out. Then the child can have some form of normal.

 

Ugh, a 7 yr old kid talking about "daddy on the phone with women"

 

sick!

 

I seriously doubt this child will have any form of normal no matter what...the two people raising this child are the problem...certainly I say for Pics to leave the MM...oh definitely, although I disagree that that will fix anything...the two parents are extremely manipulative.

[Mimolicious]

 

When you said that if he had left for me or any other woman the kid/s mother would have poisoned her against him I do not doubt it; one night while he was not staying home we were together and about midnight the little girl called him crying because her mother told her that in case his father did not return she would have to sell her toys for money....

I do not know about when he was there but for the 2 months he was not living in that house he never quit giving money ( I went with him to the bank when he made the deposit to her).

 

And I mean what kind of woman can do something like that??? Insetad of reassuring the gilr that whatever happends between mommy and daddy she will always be safe!!!!

Isn't that what almost any mother would do?

I mean I have no kids but my mother always made me feel safe whatever happended, I remember once in my childhood we were thrown out of a house because she was just divorced and out of money and having a very difficult time and I was 6 and she protected me and made me feel fine.

When she divorced she told me that because my dad loved me so much and he knew he was sick (alcoholic, she told me that later) and did not want me to be around while he recoverd (he never did) he prefered me to be happy with my mom, I was sad, yes but agian she made me feel like Ok it has nothing to do with me it was not my fault and I will be Ok.

 

Yes, it is for her mother to make this little girl feel better and to make her feel that she will always be safe, since her father is not going to be the one that makes her feel this way. Someone's gotta do it! It's just comical to see how you talk about your MM's W. Seems like you are wasting too much energy on what she does or doesn't do.

 

And about where you said that Not having him around because of another woman is another - in her mind, one is normal and the other represents losing her father to someone else.,I also think this can be as harder or as easy as parents want to.

 

Piscis, I am going to share a bit of my opinion on why you think like this and see things the way that you are portrain here... It's in your culture, the same as it is in mine. Our background is stuck for centuries in the "Machismo Era". Man have the core power in their homebase, they do as they please and they do who pleases them. They have a family back at home that is considered for "decoration purpose", gives them status in society. Also, having the side piece makes them prime Rooster in town. The more, the better. This goes back to few generations. You know it. I know it. Difference is women have become educated, independent and tolerate less and less of the "status quo" attitude that once before our grandmothers/mothers dealt with. Hopefully, we are making some progress...

 

Maybe is the hardest thing ever for the parents but you can deal with it in a way that is not that harder for the girl.

I remembered a friend who's parents divorced and I think it was her parents success that she took it so well, I mean she did not made a party out of it but she was 8 at the time and she was happy to have 2 houses, 2 bedrooms and she turnes out to be fine.

 

Kids sometimes see the perks, not every child is programmed the same. No 2 kids are alike. I have 2 at home. One cares and the other one can care less as long as she gets all she asked for. I do agree, parents should make it their priority to make the situation smoother for their children. In reality, I can find a replacement for my xH and perhaps a better one, but they can't and wouldn't want to replace their father.

 

In my MM's particular case he prefers to tell in his house that he is on a 4 days trip and go stay with me, becuase as it is work there is not judgement at his house about it, so as long as the girl knows he is working it will be fine for her,

So I know your statement is correct when you say when it is work is one thing and when there is another woman is not, well I agree and somehow he made this philosophy turned for him as he likes not in the way it should be.

 

And what do you say about that? This is the same "philosophy" that he is using to conduct his relationships. As he likes it to be and not as it should be. You may learn a thing or two about your MM, watching this type of behavior. If he can't be 100% legit about what he stands (whatever that may be) for, then what is really his essence?

 

How could you love and admire someone that can't even keep it real with

himself nor knows who he is and what he stands for? From what you are saying, seems like he is a lousy H, father... Jack of any trait?

 

 

I'd rather have a hardcore truthful father that owns his actions (good or bad) than a fake a$$ waterdown clown. One day his daughter will grow up to know what a fraud her father is and her mother won't be the one to have to tell her either. She will see it for herself. She'll love him but probably wont respect him.

 

If her mother only knew... This little girl is better off without her father being at their homebase.

[Mimolicious]

Maybe that is why exDM could not show affection and was unable to be truly intimate...

 

SAF, they are closed of and have a warped sense of "love", it can actually turn very sick with certain types...

 

 

Maybe this is why SOOOOOOO MANY adults are so messed up in the head!

Something happens in their childhood and these feelings become surpressed, ignored, alienated, etc... Then you grow up and channel your feelings into your relationships. Sometimes it takes endless hours sitting at the couch, to tap deep into the root of your emotional and behavior issues. It even amazes the person to realize why they behaved in such a way. It's been proven endlessly.

 

Unfortunately many parents don't have the resources to acknowledge it. Kids grow up without the proper guidance or without healing before developing into full blown adults. Then Pfizer the makers of Prozac make billions of it and so does family law lawyers. So sad.

[fooled once]

I was reading another thread where someone asked if it is possible to sympathize with an OW/OM and I quiote: "I had to go through with my parent is because of the fact that there is another woman involved in the equation."

 

So I couldn't stop thinking this: the MM I have been dating tells me he can not leave his W because of his little 7 year old daughter, his W is aware of the A so did the girl because when the BS discovered the A she kicked him out and told the girl his daddy was leaving because he did not love her because if he has loved her he would not have cheated on her mother.

 

So he decided to go back because his W because made him see that he could not be so selfish to destroy the little gitl's life just because he is in love with someone else.

 

Do you know this for fact, or because he told you?

 

They have constant arguments, his girl asks him every time his phone rings if that was a woman because she knows it is bad for daddy to speak to women, he avoids being there as much as he can.

 

Again, how do you know this? Are you present in their home, watching them argue? Or again, is this because he tells you so??

So is really staying for the kids that good?

 

Staying for the kids is NOT good --- why would you think that? Because he told you so? Do you think it is good for children to see their parents argue? To feel and deal with the tension in a home? Do you think a kid should equate parents fighting and tension with love and marriage?

 

I mean as hard as it can be wouldn't it be better to talk to the little girl, explain to her that they argue a lot and they love her more than anything but they do not want her lo live in a home where mummy and daddy are fighting all the time instead of being there pretending.

 

He could explain it to her - I explained it to my 6 year old.

How about he is telling you he is 'staying for his daughter' because you buy that and that way, he doesn't have to leave his wife. How about he doesn't love you like he says he does because if you truly were that important to him, and the home life is as bad as he says it is, he would be with you.

 

It would be very sad to see his father leave and adapting to a new way of life but wouldn't that be better instead of adapting that daddy is almost never home, that on vacations daddy never goes (he does not go), mother crying because he is never there, wondering if he is really working or with somobody else and teh gilr in the middle of it?????

 

I could think of this like isn't that better o have the pain of a shot instead of having constant stomach ake for yerars??

 

The main question is at the end of the row when little girls and little boys become adults was it really the best for them to have had that childhood???

 

My comments in bold. If you believe he is staying for the kid, then he has you snowed.

 

How about you tell him since he is staying for the kid, that the affair must end so there is no more fighting in the home?

[NoIDidn't]

I was thinking some things about yor response:

 

When you said that if he had left for me or any other woman the kid/s mother would have poisoned her against him I do not doubt it; one night while he was not staying home we were together and about midnight the little girl called him crying because her mother told her that in case his father did not return she would have to sell her toys for money....

I do not know about when he was there but for the 2 months he was not living in that house he never quit giving money ( I went with him to the bank when he made the deposit to her).

 

And I mean what kind of woman can do something like that??? Insetad of reassuring the gilr that whatever happends between mommy and daddy she will always be safe!!!!

Isn't that what almost any mother would do?

I mean I have no kids but my mother always made me feel safe whatever happended, I remember once in my childhood we were thrown out of a house because she was just divorced and out of money and having a very difficult time and I was 6 and she protected me and made me feel fine.

When she divorced she told me that because my dad loved me so much and he knew he was sick (alcoholic, she told me that later) and did not want me to be around while he recoverd (he never did) he prefered me to be happy with my mom, I was sad, yes but agian she made me feel like Ok it has nothing to do with me it was not my fault and I will be Ok.

 

And about where you said that Not having him around because of another woman is another - in her mind, one is normal and the other represents losing her father to someone else.,I also think this can be as harder or as easy as parents want to.

 

Maybe is the hardest thing ever for the parents but you can deal with it in a way that is not that harder for the girl.

I remembered a friend who's parents divorced and I think it was her parents success that she took it so well, I mean she did not made a party out of it but she was 8 at the time and she was happy to have 2 houses, 2 bedrooms and she turnes out to be fine.

 

In my MM's particular case he prefers to tell in his house that he is on a 4 days trip and go stay with me, becuase as it is work there is not judgement at his house about it, so as long as the girl knows he is working it will be fine for her,

So I know your statement is correct when you say when it is work is one thing and when there is another woman is not, well I agree and somehow he made this philosophy turned for him as he likes not in the way it should be.

 

 

Not saying that the W couldn't have said that the child would have to sell her toys for money, but it sounds like the MM is doing a hard sell here - trying to convince you that he really has no choice in leaving because he HAS to stay.

 

Personally, I don't believe it. Its too far out there. Sounds like a lie intended to make you believe he can't leave, whether he wanted to or not.

[nadiaj2727]

I know I used to use my kids as an excuse before leaving my xW and what I found out it did more harm to my kids...I have two older boys who are in their 20's and I see some behaviors in them that I did with my xW. Their GF's come to me and say this is exactly what they learned from my situation when I was leaving my marriage and I have to agree with them.

 

So in the long run it's not good to stay cause those behaviors are learned by the kids and now I regret not leaving sooner. I agree I was scared and weak...but I got to the point it where I couldn't take it any longer so I left. It was time and I did it that's the bottom line. I was ready to start looking for my happiness elsewhere...

 

 

Good for you, Confused4Now. That must have taken strength. I wish my dad could do what you did. I have come to realize he probably never will.

 

And OWoman, your comment combined with Confused4Now's made me wonder... sorry if this is a t/j Piscis but I think it's kind of related... I wonder how many of those of us who were unfaithful to our partners or involved with other people who were cheating on their partners grew up with parents with unhappy marriages?? For me it taught me to stay stuck in a bad relationship and made me feel really cynical about marriage in general, like, it's not important enough to protect because it's really just a sham, just a paper. I am not trying to excuse my own past behavior or judge anyone else's past behavior, I hope I'm making sense... just wondering if there's a correlation between children who grow up with unhappily married parents and then find themselves in cheating situations.

 

In my own situation my parents didn't cheat on each other as far as I know but I believe my dad may have had or is having (an) affair(s). I didn't become aware of this until fairly recently and it's been influencing my own processing of my own things. But growing up, I never suspected and still don't suspect that it was happening back then. So I'm not one of those people say, I grew up with cheating and it was normal. No, I grew up (in my teens, which to me still felt like growing up) with parents who hated each other and were miserable. So I wonder how that influenced my own view of relationships.

 

Again piscis sorry for the t/j, I don't know if any of this helps your situation except to say again that for whatever reasons your (ex?)MM is staying, to me he doesn't seem happy but then again I may be basing that on my own parental experiences.

[nadiaj2727]

ExDM had this type of childhood...his mother was an alcoholic and took all of her anger out on him for many years...well he turned into a monster and in turn took his anger out on his younger half brothers because she spoiled them...now she had a "reason" to abuse him...hummmm, interesting how that works isn't it.

 

He in turn M'ed another abuser and had an even worse home environment...drama....

 

I'm not quite sure what DM ("Divorced Man"?) means but I'm sorry to hear this. It does seem like it's hard to escape the past/our upbringing.

[piscis]

Thank you all for the comments.

I may answer some of your questions Fooled Once:

 

About the mother telling her daughter that his father had another woman and that he did not love her that much I heared the little girl by the phone telling this to his father ( I was not snooping he used to put the speaker when I was around and when he was talking to her, I stood up for him to call and he told me to stay), the same about the selling of the toys, I heard the little girl talking to him about what her mother told her.

 

I also listened to a conversation (again he put the speaker) where his W told him that she did not want him to return but she would sacrifized because the little gir missed him and that if she could stand hiving him around because of their daughter he would have to return otherwise she will told the little girl she was willing to have daddy home but he did not want to because , again, he did not love her that much.

 

He told him that they would just be roommates and he will take care of the money obligations and she would take care of the W's obligation (she used that expression).

 

when I asked if staying for the kids was good was with several objectives:

IMPO it is not a good idea to stay but I wanted to start a discussion of a topic that I believe for what I have read on LS that several MM say this to their OW sometimes as a true fact, sometimes as an excuse and mainly because I read here on another thread about someone that her parent's stayed and she now as an adult belives it was not the best idea, so I wondered about what those children who's parents stayed together really felt about it.

 

Nadiaj please do not apologize, I think we conscious or unconscious create patterns and will probably repeat them as adults, my father was an alcoholic and my mother and he divorced when I was 2.

He never gave money for me or called or anything.

Mybe this is something that makes me have relationships with MM (this has been the first) , I don't think so, but maybe I do not see it, what it makes me realize is that I do not HAVE to stay with a man just for children.

I am single and I have never been on that side to see what I will do.

 

About what Mimo said on a post mexican mex are "machos" of course, and some people believe that if they married someone they will destroy their children's live if they do not remain togehter, IMO you can destroy them more remaining if things are not fine at home.

 

About what NID say that he wants me to believe that he has not choice but stay is real, but I think he does not even consider leaving as an option.

anyway, I have to realize he will not be leaving, but what I think makes me stay is the way our R is: he picks me up in the morning, we eat together, he dropps me home after work, we stay together once or twice a week, he is available on weekends, so I think our interaction is what makes me put everything else aside ( I am not saying this is fine, but explaining what I believe makes me stay)

Edited August 13, 2010 by piscis

[Mimolicious]

Thank you all for the comments.

I may answer some of your questions Fooled Once:

 

About the mother telling her daughter that his father had another woman and that he did not love her that much I heared the little girl by the phone telling this to his father ( I was not snooping he used to put the speaker when I was around and when he was talking to her, I stood up for him to call and he told me to stay), the same about the selling of the toys, I heard the little girl talking to him about what her mother told her.

 

I also listened to a conversation (again he put the speaker) where his W told him that she did not want him to return but she would sacrifized because the little gir missed him and that if she could stand hiving him around because of their daughter he would have to return otherwise she will told the little girl she was willing to have daddy home but he did not want to because , again, he did not love her that much.

 

He told him that they would just be roommates and he will take care of the money obligations and she would take care of the W's obligation (she used that expression).

 

when I asked if staying for the kids was good was with several objectives:

IMPO it is not a good idea to stay but I wanted to start a discussion of a topic that I believe for what I have read on LS that several MM say this to their OW sometimes as a true fact, sometimes as an excuse and mainly because I read here on another thread about someone that her parent's stayed and she now as an adult belives it was not the best idea, so I wondered about what those children who's parents stayed together really felt about it.

 

Nadiaj please do not apologize, I think we conscious or unconscious create patterns and will probably repeat them as adults, my father was an alcoholic and my mother and he divorced when I was 2.

He never gave money for me or called or anything.

Mybe this is something that makes me have relationships with MM (this has been the first) , I don't think so, but maybe I do not see it, what it makes me realize is that I do not HAVE to stay with a man just for children.

I am single and I have never been on that side to see what I will do.

 

About what Mimo said on a post mexican mex are "machos" of course, and some people believe that if they married someone they will destroy their children's live if they do not remain togehter, IMO you can destroy them more remaining if things are not fine at home.

 

About what NID say that he wants me to believe that he has not choice but stay is real, but I think he does not even consider leaving as an option.

anyway, I have to realize he will not be leaving, but what I think makes me stay is the way our R is: he picks me up in the morning, we eat together, he dropps me home after work, we stay together once or twice a week, he is available on weekends, so I think our interaction is what makes me put everything else aside ( I am not saying this is fine, but explaining what I believe makes me stay)

 

 

And you Daahling (Mariah's voice) will waste our life with someone that picks you up in the morning, eats with you, drops you off and stays with you once or twice a week and avail on weekends. But if that makes you happy. Enjoy!

[ladydesigner]

Good for you, Confused4Now. That must have taken strength. I wish my dad could do what you did. I have come to realize he probably never will.

 

And OWoman, your comment combined with Confused4Now's made me wonder... sorry if this is a t/j Piscis but I think it's kind of related... I wonder how many of those of us who were unfaithful to our partners or involved with other people who were cheating on their partners grew up with parents with unhappy marriages?? For me it taught me to stay stuck in a bad relationship and made me feel really cynical about marriage in general, like, it's not important enough to protect because it's really just a sham, just a paper. I am not trying to excuse my own past behavior or judge anyone else's past behavior, I hope I'm making sense... just wondering if there's a correlation between children who grow up with unhappily married parents and then find themselves in cheating situations.

 

In my own situation my parents didn't cheat on each other as far as I know but I believe my dad may have had or is having (an) affair(s). I didn't become aware of this until fairly recently and it's been influencing my own processing of my own things. But growing up, I never suspected and still don't suspect that it was happening back then. So I'm not one of those people say, I grew up with cheating and it was normal. No, I grew up (in my teens, which to me still felt like growing up) with parents who hated each other and were miserable. So I wonder how that influenced my own view of relationships.

 

Again piscis sorry for the t/j, I don't know if any of this helps your situation except to say again that for whatever reasons your (ex?)MM is staying, to me he doesn't seem happy but then again I may be basing that on my own parental experiences.

 

Wow this one hit home. I grew up in this type of home. Now this makes me wonder too...hmmmm. I know I shouldn't place the blame on my parents for my own behavior but I think it definitely influenced it. W-O-W

[Confused4Now]

I wonder how many of those of us who were unfaithful to our partners or involved with other people who were cheating on their partners grew up with parents with unhappy marriages?? For me it taught me to stay stuck in a bad relationship and made me feel really cynical about marriage in general, like, it's not important enough to protect because it's really just a sham, just a paper. I am not trying to excuse my own past behavior or judge anyone else's past behavior, I hope I'm making sense... just wondering if there's a correlation between children who grow up with unhappily married parents and then find themselves in cheating situations.

 

In my own situation my parents didn't cheat on each other as far as I know but I believe my dad may have had or is having (an) affair(s). I didn't become aware of this until fairly recently and it's been influencing my own processing of my own things. But growing up, I never suspected and still don't suspect that it was happening back then. So I'm not one of those people say, I grew up with cheating and it was normal. No, I grew up (in my teens, which to me still felt like growing up) with parents who hated each other and were miserable. So I wonder how that influenced my own view of relationships.

 

For me I grew up in a very family loving situation...Parents who were together for 45 years till my Dad passed it away....It was devastating to us all. My Dad was just the role model DAD. I looked up to him, he respected my mother, I never seen them argue and if they did they took it offline to the bedroom. But what I saw was something I want to have when I grew up. I was not so lucky. I got married for the wrong reasons and I settled. Maybe cause I tried to be the same role model father I stayed a lot longer in a marriage which both of us weren't happy. All I know is I was fooling myself to think my kids didn't see it.

 

If its genuine and real your kids will see it period....

[GreenEyedLady]

And OWoman, your comment combined with Confused4Now's made me wonder... sorry if this is a t/j Piscis but I think it's kind of related... I wonder how many of those of us who were unfaithful to our partners or involved with other people who were cheating on their partners grew up with parents with unhappy marriages??

 

I don't think that has to do with it. My parents have been happily married for 37 years and there is no history of infidelity.

 

I think it has just become more prevalent in our modern world due to more women in the workforce (able to leave unhappy M's and able to meet more people) and the variety of choices that everyone has.

 

GEL

[Lady vs Panda]

I once had a mysterious boyfriend who I couldn't get enough of, he was so handsome, and so passionate with me, he swept me off my feet. Then I found out he was married. He told me he was staying with his wife only for the children.

 

Then I found out they didn't have any children.

 

Oh, I do laugh about it now...

[LilyBart]

I once had a mysterious boyfriend who I couldn't get enough of, he was so handsome, and so passionate with me, he swept me off my feet. Then I found out he was married. He told me he was staying with his wife only for the children.

 

Then I found out they didn't have any children.

 

Oh, I do laugh about it now...

 

I think this one tops the "I married her because she was gay and wanted kids (and we don't have sex anymore because she's, uh, GAY" which was on a different thread.

 

That's a good one - got a nice laugh out of it. Thanks!

[Eeyore79]

I disagree with this all too common viewpoint that you should leave if you're unhappy and the kids will cope. You're the adult here, so you do the coping, not the kids! If your relationship isn't great, it's just tough - you made your bed and you should lie in it. You made a commitment to your child and to its other parent, so you should man up and face your responsibilities, not moan "But I deserve to be happier" and put your child through hell because of your own selfishness.

 

I also think people under-estimate how crappy it is to be a divorced parent who only gets to see their child occasionally, who has to listen to them calling the ex's new partner "daddy", while you get treated more like an uncle who doesn't live with them and who doesn't know the first thing about their everyday lives. Your kid is being a family with your ex and her new daddy, while you're lucky if you get to be a parent every other weekend, and by the time you realise how much that sucks it's already too late.

 

I realise that sometimes a relationship is so bad that the kid is better off with divorced parents, but I think that's a rare situation, and in general the kid is better off with both parents. If you don't love your partner, you should be honourable and face your family commitments, and work on falling back in love again - leaving is not a solution, because in the long run it usually causes more problems than it solves.

[fooled once]

Thank you all for the comments.

I may answer some of your questions Fooled Once:

 

About the mother telling her daughter that his father had another woman and that he did not love her that much I heared the little girl by the phone telling this to his father ( I was not snooping he used to put the speaker when I was around and when he was talking to her, I stood up for him to call and he told me to stay), the same about the selling of the toys, I heard the little girl talking to him about what her mother told her.

 

I also listened to a conversation (again he put the speaker) where his W told him that she did not want him to return but she would sacrifized because the little gir missed him and that if she could stand hiving him around because of their daughter he would have to return otherwise she will told the little girl she was willing to have daddy home but he did not want to because , again, he did not love her that much.

 

He told him that they would just be roommates and he will take care of the money obligations and she would take care of the W's obligation (she used that expression).

 

when I asked if staying for the kids was good was with several objectives:

IMPO it is not a good idea to stay but I wanted to start a discussion of a topic that I believe for what I have read on LS that several MM say this to their OW sometimes as a true fact, sometimes as an excuse and mainly because I read here on another thread about someone that her parent's stayed and she now as an adult belives it was not the best idea, so I wondered about what those children who's parents stayed together really felt about it.

 

Nadiaj please do not apologize, I think we conscious or unconscious create patterns and will probably repeat them as adults, my father was an alcoholic and my mother and he divorced when I was 2.

He never gave money for me or called or anything.

Mybe this is something that makes me have relationships with MM (this has been the first) , I don't think so, but maybe I do not see it, what it makes me realize is that I do not HAVE to stay with a man just for children.

I am single and I have never been on that side to see what I will do.

 

About what Mimo said on a post mexican mex are "machos" of course, and some people believe that if they married someone they will destroy their children's live if they do not remain togehter, IMO you can destroy them more remaining if things are not fine at home.

 

About what NID say that he wants me to believe that he has not choice but stay is real, but I think he does not even consider leaving as an option.

anyway, I have to realize he will not be leaving, but what I think makes me stay is the way our R is: he picks me up in the morning, we eat together, he dropps me home after work, we stay together once or twice a week, he is available on weekends, so I think our interaction is what makes me put everything else aside ( I am not saying this is fine, but explaining what I believe makes me stay)

 

I find it sad for you that you are willing to accept the crumbs he offers you and you think it is the entire cake Oh well.... only you can decide if you want more.

 

And before you give him the trophy for being a great dad; look and see how much time he spends with his daughter and then look at the time he spends with you. If he was this great father who is staying for the kid, he would take that time he spends with you and be spending it with his daughter. But he doesn't. He uses his daughter as an excuse.

 

So you heard a few conversations -- you don't live in the house with them. You don't know what had pre-empted the conversations you heard NOR did you hear any follow up from those comments.

 

Regarding what the daughter said, for all you know, the mom said that with daddy moving out, she couldn't buy her toys as often as she does now and the daughter repeated what she 'heard' in "mommy is going to have to sell my toys because daddy is leaving".

 

I was someone who dealt with a child after divorce and yep, times were TIGHT, TIGHT, TIGHT. I wasn't one who got her bills paid by the MM nor was I one whose ex paid on time or the state mandated amount. I worked, I was in debt and I robbed peter to pay paul. I raised my son; I supported my son. I didn't have someone helping me NOR did I ever take state aid.

 

DS didn't get toys like he had before because that money went for food. But we had a GOOD life, we were happy and today, he is an awesome, well adjusted, very happy and laid back 21 year old who has lived on his own, paying his own bills for 4 years. He has a great job, owns a car and a house. The divorce didn't ruin him, didn't make him miserable and didn't harm him in any way. He is a great kid and I am incredibly proud of him.

 

I know MANY kids who are from divorced families and they are doing great. I also know 2 kids whose parents aren't happily married and the kids are miserable. I know my own mother rejoiced when her parents finally divorced when she was 16. What hurts kids is the lying and deceit. Not divorce.

[Lady vs Panda]

I think this one tops the "I married her because she was gay and wanted kids (and we don't have sex anymore because she's, uh, GAY" which was on a different thread.

 

That's a good one - got a nice laugh out of it. Thanks!

 

You're welcome. I was furious and hurt at the time but it is pretty hysterical in retrospect. What an ass-monkey he was, and me too for buying it all.

 

I guess we're all young and naive once.

 

Now I'm off to go look for the "I married a lesbian" thread, that sounds good.