Was I wrong?

[Zale]

Hello, I broke up with my girlfriend this morning. We met via an MMO (online game, World of Warcraft, don't get me started) about two or three months ago. We met in a ''sacred fount of untold power'' while killing demons, which was... slightly romantic for the context... and we simply got talking. She was unhappily married, her husband had some large anger issues and was away in the army most of the time. They owned a nice house together so she wanted to just stick it out for her children's sake, though he had been home a lot more recently and things started to get hectic. She told me even then that her marriage was ''open'' and not to worry.

 

We grew somewhat close, spent a lot of time together and bonded over things in the gameworld, moving on to MSN and stuff and eventually webcamming, talking on the phone, etc. I won't lie, she is absolutely gorgeous and I have never been more attracted to someone. But still, her husband had me a little worried so I backed off. She filed for divorce some weeks later, told me she was in love with me and that she didn't care if she lost everything. Her soon to be ex husband took her phone, got my number from intimate texts and went literally bat****, bombarding me with all sorts of things and leaving answer phone messages with their children mumbling in the background so I'd know what it was I had ruined.

 

I had been a little stoic until this point, knowing full well what being involved wih her meant, though that was a dagger in my heart. I was not prepared to hear little kids like that. He told me he'd see me dead, though she calmed him down with sex and they managed to sort it out like adults. Not heard from him since and I never questioned that method; she's putting their house up for sale in the coming weeks.

 

Naturally we became more intimate, up late together and telling each other we were in love. She wanted to meet as soon as possible, and I wanted to as well. However, something told me to wait, and she ended our relationship. She was not willing to wait in the slightest, though as soon as that same night, called me up and said she'd wait another two months, booking her flight at the end of one so we would not need to argue over it.

 

This essentially put a time limit on our relationship- she said we would be over if I told her not to book it before the 20th. We started to argue a bit more, I was trying to deal with this, issues with my only younger brother, passing my final exams and keeping everything afloat, while at the same time finding time to ''entertain'' her as much as usual and the like. I had a killer headache last night and went to bed- she demanded I call her regardless. I told her I felt like death and wanted to sleep, and this set her off, so in the morning we talked on MSN- she suggested we break up as a bargaining chip, which I bought, and heard her out. She said she was in utter love with me, though she was unwilling to wait if I couldn't go through with this meeting. I snapped, called her up, half in tears and she was distraught, and told her I didn't think I could do it. We were over.

 

She now plans to cut all forms of contact to remove the temptation, moving all of her characters on the MMO, removing my MSN and number, and that she ''wishes I didn't cry all of these tears so I could drown you in them.''

 

Anyway... I'm still in love with her. But I can't meet her this soon. Was I wrong to end it like this? Should I have just jumped into it headfirst, ignoring my gut instinct telling me to wait? Was this time-limit relationship really worth the bother?

Edited August 11, 2010 by Zale

[carvidep]

I believe that you were right in listening to your gut instinct in this situation. And it's a good thing that she cut all forms of contact with you. I wouldn't be surprised if she did try to contact you again however. If she does, keep following that gut of yours. The whole situation doesn't sound right to me either.

[Zale]

Cheers Carvidep, it's nice to know it comes off that way... I'm not entirely taking that demand at face value either. It still kills me, she's been everything to me for a slight while now... and over just like that.

[gracegrace]

Zale, I registered for loveshack just so I could reply to your post. I also met my boyfriend on wow, and it has been challenging to say the least. I don't know what is going on with the all or nothing threats, but I do know that most times things are said in great moments of pain that we regret later...things we do not mean. I wish I could ease your heart...but I know that time will pass, and if you two are in such love, you will find a way to work things out. I was in her shoes once, and I found it very scary. So scary that sometimes I would say things very similar to what she said. I had to know now, I needed validation now...and if I couldn't get it, then I wanted it over....not because I didn't love him, it was because I just couldn't take the pain of uncertainty, and yes, insecurity. I think I have sworn to myself that I am going to quit playing wow, delete all of my characters...several times over the past 2 years. I didn't. We are still together, and we have a challenging, but also wonderful relationship. Things might be different in your case, but just know that sometimes an end...just isn't really the end...unless you really want it to be. So, just take a breath, relax a bit, wait. Something new will happen tomorrow...or the next day.

[LisaLee]

I'm sorry, I am a bit confused. Are she and her husband still together?

[Zale]

Heh thanks Grace, nice to know WoW-spawned love can work out to some degree. This ''all or nothing'' vibe I keep getting landed with is what frustrates me, she's always had issues with being alone but I can't exactly force myself to be comfortable with meeting this soon. Nightmare :/

 

And no Lisalee, she's not, she re-registered her MSN and everything in her maiden name and the divorce is currently in progress. We've not talked about him since.