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Why would she give me her number but not answer?


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Posted

First off let me say thanks to all the feedback everyone has giving me. So let me talk about this a little more and what I plan on doing.

 

So I got her number on a Friday night. I didn’t call her until Sunday night because I’ve grown up hearing that you should never call a girl right away. It makes you look desperate and of course any sign of that will be a big turn off. I left her a voice mail saying that I wanted to take her to a comedy club sometime over the weekend if she was free. I laid out part of the date over the voice mail because frankly I feel that a comedy club would be an awesome first date when compared to the usual such as dinner, drink, a movie, whatever. I wanted to give the impression that I was fun, which I am, and not an average joe. Not saying that a comedy club is all that fun or creative but better than most first dates I can think of.

 

The thing that really gets me about this whole situation and why I posted all this is because when I asked her out, she asked for my number. A few minutes later I get a text from her saying to save her number after I leave. I’m thinking if she wasn’t interested then why would she text me saying to save her number with a smiley face at the end? She could have just gotten my number and left it at that. If she wasn’t interested wouldn’t that make more sense?

 

So got the number Friday night, called Sunday night, now its Wednesday afternoon and still no reply. I’m thinking this; just chill out till Friday, order some food that night while shes there and when I go in to pick it up she’ll have to face me because she is the one who takes the money. While I’m paying I’ll ask her how shes doing, start a little convo and towards the end I’ll throw out the fact that I called her on Sunday. Now theres no escape. She has to tell me what going on and why shes hasn’t called me. Being face to face again with her will give me a better idea as to whether she is interested or not, especially after I mention that I called her on Sunday. If she doesn’t respond with something like “because I don’t want to talk to your stupid ass” or “I’ve been chilling with my guy friend Tom all week”, and she says something more like “oh I didn’t get your call” or “I’ve been meaning to call you back”, then I’ll ask her straight up for that date and when shes free. I’ll arrange a date with her that night. Hows that sound?

 

But again, the part that gets me is that she texted me “hey its so-n-so, save my number :)” . She didn’t have to do that and could very easily told me she had a boyfriend, shes not dating, or just took my number and never did anything with it. Or maybe shes a complete bitch and gets off to torturing nice guys like me. And no I’m not afraid of rejection and yes this girl is worth my time and energy. Shes adorable and something about the way she talks makes me think shes girlfriend material. And I like Buddha too. I actually have one tattooed on me. With all that said, please continue with the discussion.

Thanks!

:love:

Posted
Hows that sound?

 

'Hey, this food bites but a man has to eat something. How about I take you to a real restaurant after you get off work?'

 

Over the top? Yeah, likely :D

 

The idea is focus on *now*; forget about last Sunday. It's history. In fact, you've already forgotten it since you've been out with a couple other ladies this week. Focus on what's in front of you. Good luck :)

Posted
First off let me say thanks to all the feedback everyone has giving me. So let me talk about this a little more and what I plan on doing.

 

So I got her number on a Friday night. I didn’t call her until Sunday night because I’ve grown up hearing that you should never call a girl right away. It makes you look desperate and of course any sign of that will be a big turn off. I left her a voice mail saying that I wanted to take her to a comedy club sometime over the weekend if she was free. I laid out part of the date over the voice mail because frankly I feel that a comedy club would be an awesome first date when compared to the usual such as dinner, drink, a movie, whatever. I wanted to give the impression that I was fun, which I am, and not an average joe. Not saying that a comedy club is all that fun or creative but better than most first dates I can think of.

 

The thing that really gets me about this whole situation and why I posted all this is because when I asked her out, she asked for my number. A few minutes later I get a text from her saying to save her number after I leave. I’m thinking if she wasn’t interested then why would she text me saying to save her number with a smiley face at the end? She could have just gotten my number and left it at that. If she wasn’t interested wouldn’t that make more sense?

 

So got the number Friday night, called Sunday night, now its Wednesday afternoon and still no reply. I’m thinking this; just chill out till Friday, order some food that night while shes there and when I go in to pick it up she’ll have to face me because she is the one who takes the money. While I’m paying I’ll ask her how shes doing, start a little convo and towards the end I’ll throw out the fact that I called her on Sunday. Now theres no escape. She has to tell me what going on and why shes hasn’t called me. Being face to face again with her will give me a better idea as to whether she is interested or not, especially after I mention that I called her on Sunday. If she doesn’t respond with something like “because I don’t want to talk to your stupid ass” or “I’ve been chilling with my guy friend Tom all week”, and she says something more like “oh I didn’t get your call” or “I’ve been meaning to call you back”, then I’ll ask her straight up for that date and when shes free. I’ll arrange a date with her that night. Hows that sound?

 

But again, the part that gets me is that she texted me “hey its so-n-so, save my number :)” . She didn’t have to do that and could very easily told me she had a boyfriend, shes not dating, or just took my number and never did anything with it. Or maybe shes a complete bitch and gets off to torturing nice guys like me. And no I’m not afraid of rejection and yes this girl is worth my time and energy. Shes adorable and something about the way she talks makes me think shes girlfriend material. And I like Buddha too. I actually have one tattooed on me. With all that said, please continue with the discussion.

Thanks!

:love:

 

Thanks for clearing up the waiting until Sunday thing. You have to strike while the iron is hot. You waiting until sunday to contact her was a big f*ck you to her in my book. There is a good chance she sees it the same way. Even if she doesn't see it as a F*ck you by waiting until sunday you only gave her time to forget and not care about who you were. I was a GREAT SIGN that you got that txt... why oh why didn't you txt her back that moment and start trying to get her to hang out after work or the next day

 

Please for the love of mike do not ask her about why she never called. Just ignore that ever happened and ask her out again. Just be like Hey lets get lunch tomorrow. then be silly flirty and fun about it. Don't guilt trip her.

 

By the way you comented on one of my pics with samurai... I forget who that is in the pic... I just randomly came upon it and liked it so put it in my album on here

 

'Hey, this food bites but a man has to eat something. How about I take you to a real restaurant after you get off work?'

 

Over the top? Yeah, likely :D

 

The idea is focus on *now*; forget about last Sunday. It's history. In fact, you've already forgotten it since you've been out with a couple other ladies this week. Focus on what's in front of you. Good luck :)

 

I think insulting her work food in a joking way is a bad idea.

 

The rest of your advice is great. He will look like such a loser if he tries to get her to explain why she didn't call him back. He just needs to focus on the here and now and ask her out again.

Posted
I think insulting her work food in a joking way is a bad idea.

 

I agree and, hence, 'likely, over the top'.

 

I'm trying to get the OP to be less serious. Dating is supposed to be fun. Women rarely care about offending a man's sensibilities, if my 51 on this rock are any indicator. He needs to lighten up and take charge. Own it and enjoy :)

Posted
I agree and, hence, 'likely, over the top'.

 

I'm trying to get the OP to be less serious. Dating is supposed to be fun. Women rarely care about offending a man's sensibilities, if my 51 on this rock are any indicator. He needs to lighten up and take charge. Own it and enjoy :)

 

My advice is have fun with women. So we are on the same page with that.

 

I really don't understand why so many guys treat this stuff so seriouse and think about confronting women of why they didn't call back ect...

Posted
My advice is have fun with women. So we are on the same page with that.

 

I really don't understand why so many guys treat this stuff so seriouse and think about confronting women of why they didn't call back ect...

 

I have had guys confront me on that issue before. And if I was interested, I'd call back. Just like the men who don't call me back and there's plenty, LOL, just not interested...we live and we learn. If the OP wants to confront her, might as well do whatever makes us feel better...that's what I say. Beyond that, there's a difference between confronting and straight stalking...or simply bothering way too much. It is annoying when someone doesn't get the hint, and it really bites to be the one who doesn't get the hint, too. Personally, I get very curious about why guys react the way they do at times, I think it's natural for anyone.

 

But I get what your saying, we should be able to bounce back easier from a measly phone call, but if only the real world went like that...

Posted

game playing.

 

what you do is just forget about her, in the mean time if she does call back a week or 2 later and you answer, ask "who is this?" and claim you never met her.

 

guys 1, girls 0

  • Author
Posted

Yes I'm having fun with this. As hard as I'm trying to pull the right moves and say the right things, and as much as I hope the outcome consists of a date, I'm enjoying all this and making sure to learn from it. Though there plenty of girls out there, I haven't seen one that I wanted to date his bad in a while. And I need a date. Everyone at my job asks me why I don't have a girl. I guess because I'm decent looking guy so to them it's strange that I don't have anyone. The truth being is that I don't go much anymore cause all my friends are drug addicts so I rarely ever meet girls.

 

But thanks again for everyones feedback. It will be a big help. But I'm just going to do this **** and see what happens. I think the most important thing fir me to do it to not worry about it and just do the damn thing. If it don't work out, it will be a long time before I see a girl like that again, but at least I tried my best:D

Posted
Yes I'm having fun with this. As hard as I'm trying to pull the right moves and say the right things, and as much as I hope the outcome consists of a date, I'm enjoying all this and making sure to learn from it. Though there plenty of girls out there, I haven't seen one that I wanted to date his bad in a while. And I need a date. Everyone at my job asks me why I don't have a girl. I guess because I'm decent looking guy so to them it's strange that I don't have anyone. The truth being is that I don't go much anymore cause all my friends are drug addicts so I rarely ever meet girls.

 

But thanks again for everyones feedback. It will be a big help. But I'm just going to do this **** and see what happens. I think the most important thing fir me to do it to not worry about it and just do the damn thing. If it don't work out, it will be a long time before I see a girl like that again, but at least I tried my best:D

 

I hope you hold onto this confident who cares what happens I'm just going to enjoy chasing this girl attitude. its great!

 

Seriously when I was single I had fun asking girls out even if they acted scared or anoyed when I did.

 

You seem a little to invested in this girl though. I gaurantee if you just open your eyes a little you will see girls at the mall, park, library, coffee shop who are just as attractive to you. The more women you hit on the greater chances you will hit it off with one.

 

Remember no silly waiting rules. The only rule I believe in is holding back on saying things like "I like you" or "I love you" and that is more out of respect for myself knowing that you can't really love or like some one untill you know them. Really all you are feeling is "I like the way you look" and that should be show through actions not words like flirting, touching, and KISSING on the FIRST DATE.

  • Author
Posted

I still don't understand why she would give me her number though when she really didn't have to. If I was in her position I would have just took my number and left it at that. So confused.

 

Stay tuned for the answers and the climactic ending tomorrow night.(?)

Posted
I still don't understand why she would give me her number though when she really didn't have to. If I was in her position I would have just took my number and left it at that. So confused.

 

Stay tuned for the answers and the climactic ending tomorrow night.(?)

 

The only way you will ever get an honest answer to that is if you end up making her your gf. Then you can go back and ask her. If you ask her at this point it will just be awkward and make you seem imature/anoying.

 

I will stay tuned for the update. BE YOURSELF, the confident version of yourself and just say and do what comes to mind.

 

If it were me I'd say something along the lines of "You need to hang out with me tonight" and if that didn't work then "Well lets get lunch tomorrow I'll call you around 11:30" then you just call get her address and take her to a nice lunch.

 

MAKE SURE YOU KISS HER ON THE FIRST DATE. no excuses... if the date is ending and you havent kissed her yet... then kiss her before you say goodbye... on the lips... do not ask... just kiss.

 

Use the awkwardness of other people watching like co workers and customers in your favor. She will feel bad to keep saying no infront of all those people. I mean if you can get her alone great... but you may have to ask her out infront of people... don't let that stop you.

 

Remember this is all fun and a good story either way. It doesn't even matter what she says or does. The only reason you're scared is because you want it so bad. Just forget that and enjoy. Stop caring

Posted

This is all, and I mean all you have to do:

 

Take a cute co-worker, friend, or relative to lunch. There. Where she works. Be as friendly as ever to her. If you introduce your lunch partner do it without a title . No this is my friend, co-worker, cousin - just a name. You havent lied or implied anything.

 

She will chase you down.

 

Now, I'm not saying its honest. Just saying it will work.

Posted

OP, the conundrum is being attracted enough to want to ask her out on a date versus caring enough to let the response matter to you. It's a psychological equation which computes differently for each of us. For some, it's easy. For others, a painful conundrum. I learned to focus more on the 'I'm after a good time and would enjoy some company, perhaps yours', rather than 'will you go out with me on a date?'. That focus works for my psychology. Yours will be unique to yourself. The hard part for some is disconnecting the 'want' which impels you to ask her out from the intrinsic true real world value of her answer. There are emotions which are attached to each part of that dynamic. Some men compartmentalize emotion better than others. Knowing yourself and your 'style' is the best path to a healthy acceptance of *all* of the emotions involved.

 

Hope it works out :)

Posted
This is all, and I mean all you have to do:

 

Take a cute co-worker, friend, or relative to lunch. There. Where she works. Be as friendly as ever to her. If you introduce your lunch partner do it without a title . No this is my friend, co-worker, cousin - just a name. You havent lied or implied anything.

 

She will chase you down.

 

Now, I'm not saying its honest. Just saying it will work.

 

This sounds like a crazy plan which is right up there with waiting to call her back.

 

Seriously if he had a pretty co-worker or friend who was willing to go out with him then that would already be a date? He says he is not dating any one now.

 

Yes being seen with and socializing with pretty women does have a way of getting you approved by other women. (he seems like a cool guy)

 

But as I said I doubt this guy has the ability to do that with anyone other then a sister of his or something. And really does he want his sister around while he hits on women.

  • Author
Posted

I like that advice 2sure. Now if only I had a cute girl to take there I would. Like I said, where I come from everyone is on coke so I've seperated myself from them and a lot of oppurtunities like going out and meeting girls has been missed.

 

And Green and I don't know about kissing on the first date. Sure I would love to but if she's not into it the idea and I just lay one on her it might prove disastrous, even if the date is going really well. I'm am down with the idea with one on the cheek at the end of the night.

 

I'm def gonna try to secure a date that night. No am gonna call u later and we'll set something up. We'll make plans that night

Posted
I like that advice 2sure. Now if only I had a cute girl to take there I would. Like I said, where I come from everyone is on coke so I've seperated myself from them and a lot of oppurtunities like going out and meeting girls has been missed.

 

And Green and I don't know about kissing on the first date. Sure I would love to but if she's not into it the idea and I just lay one on her it might prove disastrous, even if the date is going really well. I'm am down with the idea with one on the cheek at the end of the night.

 

I'm def gonna try to secure a date that night. No am gonna call u later and we'll set something up. We'll make plans that night

 

Well with the KISS you just try. She'll dodge your kiss and say she doesn't kiss on the first date or some crap if she doesn't want to. Just the fact that you tried to kiss her will show her you mean business and that will be attractive to her even if she dodges.

 

I'm glad you learned your lesson on "I'll call and we'll make plans" you make the plans in person and use the contact info as a tool only not as the main means of asking out. Read what I wrote above about making the plans. Just make the plans for that night or lunch the next day. Don't make plans that are too far out if you can help it.

  • Author
Posted

So I made progress tonight. Don't kno if I got her for sure. But it's late and I'm kinda drunk. I'll have a full report tomorrow for those who are interested. Thanks everyone!

Posted

Green is pretty damn on the money especially with asking a girl out on a date via voicemail. Nononononono baddddd idea! You want to get her on the phone, talk to her a bit, get the subject onto something positive to get her into a positive mood then ask her out. Leaving a date request on a voicemail is not a good idea. The guys chase not the girls. And specifically applying things girls do in this situation will never work for a guy (most girls do not chase guys at all).

Posted
So I made progress tonight. Don't kno if I got her for sure. But it's late and I'm kinda drunk. I'll have a full report tomorrow for those who are interested. Thanks everyone!

 

You'll never know if you got her for sure... even if you marry her you won't know for sure lol.

 

I look foward to the story I will hear tomorrow.

 

Green is pretty damn on the money especially with asking a girl out on a date via voicemail. Nononononono baddddd idea! You want to get her on the phone, talk to her a bit, get the subject onto something positive to get her into a positive mood then ask her out. Leaving a date request on a voicemail is not a good idea. The guys chase not the girls. And specifically applying things girls do in this situation will never work for a guy (most girls do not chase guys at all).

 

I must be really out of it as when I started reading your post I read... Green is a pretty damned monkey...

 

Bottom line asking a girl out in person and setting the details out in person is best. "lets go out tonight I'll pick you up" in person is the best... then you only use the contact info as a tool. If you have to ask a girl out on the phone but never ask her out in voice mail. Voice mail msg should just be your name and call me back.

Posted
Green is pretty damn on the money especially with asking a girl out on a date via voicemail. Nononononono baddddd idea! You want to get her on the phone, talk to her a bit, get the subject onto something positive to get her into a positive mood then ask her out. Leaving a date request on a voicemail is not a good idea. The guys chase not the girls. And specifically applying things girls do in this situation will never work for a guy (most girls do not chase guys at all).

 

The voicemail thing is right, though I find it funny how men speculate on these things. "Get her into a positive mood" --- this is as bad as some of the sales jokes that say if you make somebody laugh, they'll buy a 10,000 ad campaign from you. No. They won't. Not unless they're going to buy it anyway or you bring something else to the table, too. (Laughing totally works well in dating in terms of being an attractive partner, because most people like funny partners in life, but creating some sort of positive mood artificially isn't some random psychological need.)

 

Asking someone out directly, whether on the phone or in person, works best because they don't overthink, you see their real reaction, and you don't seem wishy washy, like you do if you ask somebody an important question via text or voicemail. I think one should never ask out, break up with, or ask for commitment via text/email/voicemail/smoke signals/etc. Because it's stupid. You're fearing rejection and denying yourself the access to the real, immediate response.

 

Giving them less time to think about it and making the date soon works because people tend to overthink or see shiny things that distract them.

 

But it's not like you can somehow associate yourself with shiny, positive feelings and score a date off of it.

Posted
The voicemail thing is right, though I find it funny how men speculate on these things. "Get her into a positive mood" --- this is as bad as some of the sales jokes that say if you make somebody laugh, they'll buy a 10,000 ad campaign from you. No. They won't. Not unless they're going to buy it anyway or you bring something else to the table, too. (Laughing totally works well in dating in terms of being an attractive partner, because most people like funny partners in life, but creating some sort of positive mood artificially isn't some random psychological need.)

 

Asking someone out directly, whether on the phone or in person, works best because they don't overthink, you see their real reaction, and you don't seem wishy washy, like you do if you ask somebody an important question via text or voicemail. I think one should never ask out, break up with, or ask for commitment via text/email/voicemail/smoke signals/etc. Because it's stupid. You're fearing rejection and denying yourself the access to the real, immediate response.

 

Giving them less time to think about it and making the date soon works because people tend to overthink or see shiny things that distract them.

 

But it's not like you can somehow associate yourself with shiny, positive feelings and score a date off of it.

 

Truthfuly some girls fall so hard for me (when I was single) that I could do everything wrong and still suceed. Everything wrong includes being smelly, loud, childish, calling a lot or to little... having a conversation about abortion and gay marriage and then constantly asking the girl if she had fun... also sitting far away and being distant like on some job interview.

 

The fact is many men go through life completly sucking at everything romantic... they can barely get boners, they have bad sex, they don't know how to kiss... and things work out great for them.

 

i think you just have to keep that in mind to have perspective.

 

I'm interested to hear the UPDATE tomorrow and pick that apart.

Posted
So I asked out this really cute girl that works at a place I like to eat. In response she told me that she works a lot and she doesn't kno when she could go out but she asked for my number so I gave it to her. A few minutes after I leave I get a txt from her saying to save her number. So I'm thinking this is a good sign.

 

So I call her up a couple days later but she doesn't answer, so I leave a voicemail saying that I'd like to take her out to this place and that if she's interested she should give me a call. Well it's been a few days and I never got a call back.

 

Since I never got any reply from her, I’m really unsure as to what to think or how to act. Does this mean shes not interested? But that wouldn’t make sense because she gave her number to me. Is she playing some sort of game with me where I have to chase her down to get that date? Maybe she was too busy to reply or maybe she lost her phone, but I doubt it. So can anyone decipher this for me and tell me how I should approach this further?

 

As some posters have read that she isn't into you BUT she did ask for YOUR number AND she told you to save it.. This isn't the case where you asked for her number and she gave it to you because she was too scared to reject you.. I would say give it 3 more days max and then txt something simple if you don't get a reply and say "hey whats up how are you doing ?" by posing a question you are offering her to input and reply instead of making a comment which can be avoided.. I say if you do that and she still doesn't communicate with you then just drop it and don't contact her again and move on to be honest.. That's just my 2 pennies on it..

Posted
I created a thread like this a couple of weeks ago and the general response was that she didn't know how to reject you but she gave you her phone number out of courtesy.

 

This chick asked HIM for HIS number and then said to save it.. It's not like he approached her and got her number, she took his math down..

Posted
This chick asked HIM for HIS number and then said to save it.. It's not like he approached her and got her number, she took his math down..

 

at that moment in time she was into him. Things may have changed now. Only time will tell.

  • Author
Posted

Ok so here is what happened, I called the resturant up to order from food, not just to talk to her, and sure enough she answered. I know her voice but I asked if it was her. She said yeah and asked who I was. I'm thinking eww this is a bad sign. Did she really not know who I am? Is she just sayin she don't know to send me a hint? Has she forgot about me already?

 

But anyways I tell her it's me. I just said what's up and told her I was trying to get some food. I was hoping she would sound a little more enthused to knowing I was on the other end but she didn't. I'm now thinking of the likelihood of me getting that date in a percentage and that percentage is going down.

 

So I get there, stand at the counter and hope she comes by to ring me up. She finally comes around, we lock eyes and in that instant I'm hoping for a smile and a "hi" but I get neither. The percentage is going down in my head again. She instead goes straight to the phone to talk a customer.

 

When she gets off the phone I say what's up and ask her if this place has got her working all weekend in hopes of her saying she's free saturday night and then I could set up the date. She responds that she has to work all weekend and that she just got another job. The numbers are rolling back again in my head because I assume she knows what I'm trying to get at and she is making excuses already. But I ask her if she's to busy to get dinner this weekend. She didn't say no or yes, but I get more of the same response from her and that she also goes to college full time. But I tell her congrats on getting the new job. Though I feel like I'm getting rejected, I begin to feel like she's starting to open up to me. I wanted to talk to her more but sure enough the phone rang and she ended talking to customers the whole rest of the time I was there.

 

So I end up leaving feel pretty dissapointed that I didn't get a chance to talk to her more and defeated because I felt like she was really stacking on the excuses to get me off her back. But in the car ride back home I realized that I had forgot how great of a guy I am. When I think of rejection I think "oh there must be something wrong with me" but there isn't at all. I'm just fine. If she doesn't want to go out that's cool, but I realized I shouldn't blame myself for that. That mentality is probably one of the best thing s I ever thought of for myself.

 

But im not giving up yet. I really wanted to talk more to her so I text her a little later on. I tell her something like "if ur really that busy I know u got to go out and eat and have fun sometime or ur going to go crazy. I understand working two jobs and going to college full time is tough because I've been in the same boat ( I'm trying to relate here). But whenever u feel a need for a break I would love to take u out sometime and get to kno u better". And then I then I said I couldn't help but ask her out because I found her that adorable.

 

To my surprise she texted back! She said she's sorry she couldn't do anything because she's so busy but maybe next week sometime. But she also said she has training to do all next week at her new job where she actually told me what it was. But we texted back and forth a few more times so with that I felt like a made progress. Progress in that I'm not just a stranger anymore and that she actually acknowledged me.

 

I'm done writing for now because I've been typing this up on a freaking iPhone. But I put this whole situation in perspective and I'll share that and more of my thoughts this afternoon when I get to be in front of a real keyboard.

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