Apple556 Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 Hi, im skitzophrenic and really depressed. Recently I havent been able to stop pacing. My life is in shambles and Im not sure if a relationship will help me but its my only hope of happiness. I assume people arent attractive to people in such down possitions in life. Maybe, im the only one and its a reflection of self. I sure hope so. All I know is if I went back in time and met someone as depressed and unable to clean up after myself, as myself, I probably would be turned off by them. Like I said, maybe I'm just looking at a shallow reflection of myself. I sure hope so. Either way I understand. But I am just looking for a realistic goal for myself. I really want lady friend and I think thats the only chance for me to have 2 percent of the normaly daily amount of happiness to return to my life. Only 2 percent because im so depressed and I dont know what anything can do to help me. I'm very loving but I cant even clean up after myself. There is no way I will find the energy to be able to clean up after myself or get a job. (I live off of social security.) Is there any hope for me? I'm also very shallow in the sense that I only like very attractive girls.
Enchanted Girl Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 Okay, if you're going to be really shallow about it, then expect people to be really shallow towards you and not give you the time of day. And also, why aren't you trying to help yourself in other ways? Your problems will not go away, as you pretty much admitted, once you get a girlfriend. They will still be there and they will affect her, too. Yes, people can date flawed individuals and people who are struggling, but the problem is, it's not likely to work if you're not doing anything to help yourself. If she loves you, she'll want to help you and if you don't help her help you then you two will just get so frustrated that you eventually break-up. I'm not saying you have to do anything extreme, but you should be on medication for your schizophrenia and possibly depression and talking to a psychologist about your problems. I know you have no job and are on social security or whatever, but I know someone on welfare and they are still able to see a psychologist. The government funds those kinds of things for certain people because they want to help you become emotionally healthy enough to be able to get a job and stuff like that. I don't know the details about how to apply for that, but I know it exists.
Lorelai Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 If you're having an exacerbation of schizoaffective disorder, which is what it sounds like right now, first take a deep breath. When you're depressed, you're seeing the world through the exact opposite of rose-colored glasses, and that includes how you see yourself. It's kind of like the warning in car mirrors -- things, including yourself, are likely much better than they appear. Second, contact your psychiatrist and tell them the meds aren't working. Sure, you may not be in active psychosis at the moment and that may make you think the meds are working appropriately, but they aren't for the affective disorder... and if your mood gets too low you are going to start experiencing psychotic features purely from severe depression. Not every pill is going to work the same way on every person. You have the right to have appropriate treatment, and that includes finding the right drug combination. It's going to take trial and error, and there may be some bumps on the way, but I'm serious here. You need to talk to your psychiatrist, and if he does not grasp just by talking to you that you are in a major depressive episode right now (stating you have depressed mood, ahedonia, fatigue, psychomotor agitation, and feeling worthless -- I bet you're not sleeping or eating normally either.... all of that displayed in just one message!) and DO something about it to help you, you need to see a different doctor. Also... if you're feeling suicidal or if you are already noticing the symptoms of an impending psychotic episode, don't wait until the AM. Get to the ER and get checked in. Depressive psychosis is *extremely* dangerous because of the risk for self-harm, and I want you to be here posting for a long time to come.
ConfusedAsUsual Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 Hi, im skitzophrenic and really depressed. Recently I havent been able to stop pacing. My life is in shambles and Im not sure if a relationship will help me but its my only hope of happiness. I assume people arent attractive to people in such down possitions in life. Maybe, im the only one and its a reflection of self. I sure hope so. All I know is if I went back in time and met someone as depressed and unable to clean up after myself, as myself, I probably would be turned off by them. Like I said, maybe I'm just looking at a shallow reflection of myself. I sure hope so. Either way I understand. But I am just looking for a realistic goal for myself. I really want lady friend and I think thats the only chance for me to have 2 percent of the normaly daily amount of happiness to return to my life. Only 2 percent because im so depressed and I dont know what anything can do to help me. I'm very loving but I cant even clean up after myself. There is no way I will find the energy to be able to clean up after myself or get a job. (I live off of social security.) Is there any hope for me? I'm also very shallow in the sense that I only like very attractive girls. Come on, for real?
Author Apple556 Posted August 11, 2010 Author Posted August 11, 2010 Well people call me the nazi, Sense Im proud of my german blood. But it seems like yall are the nazis. Pushing me, like everyone else, that I can make it went I clearly can not. And I assume that last poster is calling me shallow? I can accept that my lifestyle is not attractive, but you are shallow as a person of life if you think everyone can just find super strength and always push through their problems. Just like my Doctor it seems like you all are the same. You expect me to find an answer to my problems. And just like Doctors once someone like me buckles under pressure and dies from a tumor or something else subconciously created to end my suffering (Im not suicidal) you will just sit there and say, "Well thats to bad he didnt have the strength." So last poster, if you going to call me shallow, be the first one to reflect on yourself.
Lorelai Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 Come on, for real? If he's not, it's some of the most tasteless trolling I've seen, because there are people out there who are suffering from what he is describing, and it's far from a laughing matter. It doesn't just jeopardize the life of the patient, but sometimes other people too -- look at Andrea Yates.
Author Apple556 Posted August 11, 2010 Author Posted August 11, 2010 This is what I hear: "I know people that eat bullets and spit them out and find jobs. You should work. Be stronger. Its your fault you can not find a way to fix your problems." My only response would get me banned.
Lorelai Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 Well people call me the nazi, Sense Im proud of my german blood. But it seems like yall are the nazis. Pushing me, like everyone else, that I can make it went I clearly can not. And I assume that last poster is calling me shallow? I can accept that my lifestyle is not attractive, but you are shallow as a person of life if you think everyone can just find super strength and always push through their problems. Just like my Doctor it seems like you all are the same. You expect me to find an answer to my problems. And just like Doctors once someone like me buckles under pressure and dies from a tumor or something else subconciously created to end my suffering (Im not suicidal) you will just sit there and say, "Well thats to bad he didnt have the strength." So last poster, if you going to call me shallow, be the first one to reflect on yourself. Sweetie, your doctor should be *helping* you to find an answer to your problems, not just telling you to pull yourself up by your bootstraps. If that's all your doctor is doing, you need a new doctor. If your doctor isn't listening to the fact that you are obviously in a major depressive episode right now, you need a new doctor. Having a mental illness has nothing to do with a person being either strong or weak -- is a breast cancer patient weak because they can't cure their cancer by themselves? No. You say you're not suicidal, but you exhibited passive suicidal ideation in the same sentence by saying death would relieve your suffering. If you feel my insistence on begging you to please either get your doctor to prescribe something that works or get a new doctor is being a Nazi, I'll take it as a compliment -- because I'd rather be pushy if it will help save a life or prevent more mental anguish. And if your mood becomes low enough, and psychosis comes into the picture, it really wouldn't matter if you're suicidal right now or not -- because you won't be in complete control of your actions.
Author Apple556 Posted August 11, 2010 Author Posted August 11, 2010 (edited) Sweetie, your doctor should be *helping* you to find an answer to your problems, not just telling you to pull yourself up by your bootstraps. If that's all your doctor is doing, you need a new doctor. If your doctor isn't listening to the fact that you are obviously in a major depressive episode right now, you need a new doctor. Having a mental illness has nothing to do with a person being either strong or weak -- is a breast cancer patient weak because they can't cure their cancer by themselves? No. You say you're not suicidal, but you exhibited passive suicidal ideation in the same sentence by saying death would relieve your suffering. If you feel my insistence on begging you to please either get your doctor to prescribe something that works or get a new doctor is being a Nazi, I'll take it as a compliment -- because I'd rather be pushy if it will help save a life or prevent more mental anguish. And if your mood becomes low enough, and psychosis comes into the picture, it really wouldn't matter if you're suicidal right now or not -- because you won't be in complete control of your actions. No your a pre-historic war officer. You wont accept that I simply cant make it. Im not suicidal and I have no idea why. Maybe I have been tortured by a secret society for so long that I just want to see what the end judgement of everyone on earth is. Either way I'm not suicidal. But like I said, your problem with me and you is you just cant accept that there is just no help. Edit: From the statements I have recieved I am starting to redevelope my second opinion on what all the worlds problems are caused by. I can not say, due to such prejudice and hypocracty of a group of people that claim they want equality but wont let me state my opinion with my rights of free speech, so I wont say. Because I want to be here to maybe find a girlfriend and not be banned. Edited August 11, 2010 by Apple556
Lorelai Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 No your a pre-historic war officer. You wont accept that I simply cant make it. Im not suicidal and I have no idea why. Maybe I have been tortured by a secret society for so long that I just want to see what the end judgement of everyone on earth is. Either way I'm not suicidal. Active suicidal ideation is saying you're going to blow your brains out. Passive suicidal ideation is wishing for the end judgment on earth or that a tumor will grow to relieve your suffering. Glad to hear you aren't planning on blowing your brains out at least. But this post added yet another symptom of a major depressive episode -- hopelessness. But like I said, your problem with me and you is you just cant accept that there is just no help. No, I can't accept that, because there is. Just what have you tried? Ever tried Clozaril (helps with the negative symptoms of schizophrenia like the inability to feel pleasure and lack of motivation)? The Zyprexa/fluoxetine combination known as Symbyax? Abilify, with or without an antidepressant at the same time? Geodon, which has a mood-boosting effect as well as anti-psychotic actions? Fanapt? I'd assume you have at least tried Haldol, Risperdal, Seroquel, Navane, Stelazine, etc before saying there was no help. You feel there is no hope and no help because you are depressed right now. That is not entirely grounded in reality. Edit: From the statements I have recieved I am starting to redevelope my second opinion on what all the worlds problems are caused by. I can not say, due to such prejudice and hypocracty of a group of people that claim they want equality but wont let me state my opinion with my rights of free speech, so I wont say. Because I want to be here to maybe find a girlfriend and not be banned. Getting a girlfriend is not going to fix your problems any more than someone telling you to put a smile on your face and "fake it til you make it". And while I'd have no problem at all dating someone with schizoaffective disorder, the only way I could do it would be if they were working with their doctors and at least trying instead of being resistant to treatment. Why? Because, if you haven't guessed from what I've said in this thread, I majored in psychology in college. I've got a helper complex -- great for therapy, not good in relationships. It's impossible for something to work out between two people when one of them is both lover and therapist. And if you don't start working with your doctors, any girlfriend you get is going to be put into the role of therapist, not lover. I'm not bumping this thread anymore after this. But I am saying this very clearly -- you need your medication adjusted or changed. It is not an insult. It is not a judgment. It is not a suggestion that you are weak. It's not a desire to "restrict your free speech". It's a stone cold fact, and unfortunately it's not likely this is going to get through to you. I think right now you're already too far into the exacerbation for you to have enough insight. I hope that I'm wrong. But if I'm not, you'll be in the hospital soon getting your medication adjusted inpatient unless you talk to your doctor. I'll pray for you.
Author Apple556 Posted August 11, 2010 Author Posted August 11, 2010 Active suicidal ideation is saying you're going to blow your brains out. Passive suicidal ideation is wishing for the end judgment on earth or that a tumor will grow to relieve your suffering. Glad to hear you aren't planning on blowing your brains out at least. But this post added yet another symptom of a major depressive episode -- hopelessness. No, I can't accept that, because there is. Just what have you tried? Ever tried Clozaril (helps with the negative symptoms of schizophrenia like the inability to feel pleasure and lack of motivation)? The Zyprexa/fluoxetine combination known as Symbyax? Abilify, with or without an antidepressant at the same time? Geodon, which has a mood-boosting effect as well as anti-psychotic actions? Fanapt? I'd assume you have at least tried Haldol, Risperdal, Seroquel, Navane, Stelazine, etc before saying there was no help. You feel there is no hope and no help because you are depressed right now. That is not entirely grounded in reality. Getting a girlfriend is not going to fix your problems any more than someone telling you to put a smile on your face and "fake it til you make it". And while I'd have no problem at all dating someone with schizoaffective disorder, the only way I could do it would be if they were working with their doctors and at least trying instead of being resistant to treatment. Why? Because, if you haven't guessed from what I've said in this thread, I majored in psychology in college. I've got a helper complex -- great for therapy, not good in relationships. It's impossible for something to work out between two people when one of them is both lover and therapist. And if you don't start working with your doctors, any girlfriend you get is going to be put into the role of therapist, not lover. I'm not bumping this thread anymore after this. But I am saying this very clearly -- you need your medication adjusted or changed. It is not an insult. It is not a judgment. It is not a suggestion that you are weak. It's not a desire to "restrict your free speech". It's a stone cold fact, and unfortunately it's not likely this is going to get through to you. I think right now you're already too far into the exacerbation for you to have enough insight. I hope that I'm wrong. But if I'm not, you'll be in the hospital soon getting your medication adjusted inpatient unless you talk to your doctor. I'll pray for you. I would just repeat what I have said. But I wont. There is no point in being a broken record with a broken record.
Enchanted Girl Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 You don't actually believe that there is no hope for you. If you did, you would kill yourself. There is hope and you know it deep down inside. With the exception of ConfusedAsUsual, we are not making fun of you. I was harsh when it came to my not being shallow comment, but you should treat others how you want to be treated and being shallow is not the way to go here. Let your struggles in life make you a better person. Don't fall for the pitfalls and faults that so many other people do. Anyway . . . Do not make assumptions about any of us. I am not going to get into it because I don't talk about it with anyone and I'm especially not going to talk about it on an internet forum, but I was severely abused as a child. I will hold those mental problems, very extreme mental problems, that have set me apart from other people and made them unable to understand me, to some degree for the rest of my life. I don't usually speak about them because I don't like standing out. I know how hard it is to face this stuff, but you have to do it anyway. The alternative is suicide because if you're not helping yourself, you're just going to get worse and struggle more. Do not make excuses because you're not hurting *us* when you do that, you're just hurting yourself. I didn't tell you to get a job. I didn't call you a loser. I did nothing of the sort, so don't say that I'm making fun of you or that I'm some cruel person of the world out to get you because I'm not. You came on an advice forum and we're giving you advice and trying to help you. No one said facing your problems was a picnic. It absolutely isn't, but they'll control you anyway, even if you ignore them.
Author Apple556 Posted August 11, 2010 Author Posted August 11, 2010 Its people like you that send me to the mental hospital even after saying I can not handle the stress of going there. People like you dont realize that someone in my situation should be handled with care and not a forceful statement saying "I must go to the hospital". Forceful statements like that would give me a reason to want to die, more so than it would be to help me.
Author Apple556 Posted August 11, 2010 Author Posted August 11, 2010 You don't actually believe that there is no hope for you. If you did, you would kill yourself. There is hope and you know it deep down inside. With the exception of ConfusedAsUsual, we are not making fun of you. I was harsh when it came to my not being shallow comment, but you should treat others how you want to be treated and being shallow is not the way to go here. Let your struggles in life make you a better person. Don't fall for the pitfalls and faults that so many other people do. Anyway . . . Do not make assumptions about any of us. I am not going to get into it because I don't talk about it with anyone and I'm especially not going to talk about it on an internet forum, but I was severely abused as a child. I will hold those mental problems, very extreme mental problems, that have set me apart from other people and made them unable to understand me, to some degree for the rest of my life. I don't usually speak about them because I don't like standing out. I know how hard it is to face this stuff, but you have to do it anyway. The alternative is suicide because if you're not helping yourself, you're just going to get worse and struggle more. Do not make excuses because you're not hurting *us* when you do that, you're just hurting yourself. I didn't tell you to get a job. I didn't call you a loser. I did nothing of the sort, so don't say that I'm making fun of you or that I'm some cruel person of the world out to get you because I'm not. You came on an advice forum and we're giving you advice and trying to help you. No one said facing your problems was a picnic. It absolutely isn't, but they'll control you anyway, even if you ignore them. Can I get a woman or not. What is the deal? I have had enough advice about how you all know more than I did about my own problems. Can I get a woman or not?
Enchanted Girl Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 Its people like you that send me to the mental hospital even after saying I can not handle the stress of going there. People like you dont realize that someone in my situation should be handled with care and not a forceful statement saying "I must go to the hospital". Forceful statements like that would give me a reason to want to die, more so than it would be to help me. If that was addressed at me, I didn't say that you had to go to any hospital. I just said that you needed to take medication and talk to a psychologist. I also don't expect you to be instantly cured either. I don't expect you to be perfect and I don't expect you to handle everything perfectly either. I don't expect it to be easy. It's always easier to give advice in these cases then to actually do something. All you've done is put words into my mouth. Read what I said again. Breath in and out. Calm down and realize that I don't hate you and that I'm not typing here wishing evil on you or making fun of you. I also don't think that everyone deserves to be loved, so I'm not trying to say you don't, quite the opposite. I never even said you couldn't find a girlfriend, you can, you'll just be happier and it will be easier if you do this. This is a sensitive topic for you, I know, but try to relax when you read our responses. Do not expect us to be attacking you or that's all you'll see. Like I said, when you call things hopeless, you don't hurt ME. You hurt yourself.
Enchanted Girl Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 Can I get a woman or not. What is the deal? I have had enough advice about how you all know more than I did about my own problems. Can I get a woman or not? In my opinion, anyone can find someone who will love them. Will you be happy and will your problems be fixed? No. Also, me reassuring you that it can happen will not make it happen.
Author Apple556 Posted August 11, 2010 Author Posted August 11, 2010 If we were all curable jesus would come down and save us and there would be no murders anymore. ANYWAY!!!!!! (X2) Back to what I was saying.... Is there anyway I can find a woman. So here are my pictures. http://i301.photobucket.com/albums/nn74/apple556/me2.jpg?t=1281512195 [COLOR=#0066cc]http://i301.photobucket.com/albums/nn74/apple556/me1.jpg?t=1281512278[/COLOR][url=http://i301.photobucket.com/albums/nn74/apple556/me2.jpg?t=1281512195][/url]
Enchanted Girl Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 You should definitely smile in all your pictures. You have a great smile. =) I don't think you'll have any problems when it comes to the looks department from what I've just seen.
Author Apple556 Posted August 11, 2010 Author Posted August 11, 2010 (edited) You should definitely smile in all your pictures. You have a great smile. =) I don't think you'll have any problems when it comes to the looks department from what I've just seen. Well thank you Can someone also please answer if I could find a girl if I am this depressed? Edited August 11, 2010 by Apple556
elaina Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 (edited) Can I get a woman or not. What is the deal? I have had enough advice about how you all know more than I did about my own problems. Can I get a woman or not? Apple, a woman isn't "to get." A woman is a person, same as you are. Enchanted Girl did give you good advice, as well as others who do care and show they care by responding to your thread with advice. Having a girlfriend isn't going to solve how depressed you feel and how you need to get how you are feeling taken care of by listening to your doctor and taking the medicine you need. That is not a bad or mean thing. I have friends who have bipolar who have to take lithium and other meds. When they take them, they are not depressed and they are fun to be with. When they don't take it, they hurt people's feelings much more than when they do take it. When people are depressed and have a disorder like bipolar, it makes life really hard for others who care for them. One friend takes medicine only because he wants his wife to be happy, and he knows that he hurts her by how he treats her when he is not taking his medicine, so even though he'd rather not take medicine, out of love for his wife, he does. It's not a bad thing to love someone enough to take medicine in order to help the relationship be a delight for both people in the relationship. Before getting a girlfriend, it's important to realize that a girlfriend is not just to satisfy your desires; it's important for you to care for her too. Edited August 13, 2010 by elaina
JLGirl Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 Apple, I suffer from Bi Polar Disorder and many of the same traits as you, trust me when I say finding relationship for the purpose of making you happier wont help. Our moods and our condition only make a relationship harder, its takes a special person to be able to deal with it. If you are already going into the search with limitations like beauty sorry my friend you are waisting your time. What if everyone has limitiations like you and theres were not to date people withmental illness? Self Righteousness is not a good thing. And being a sufferer sometimes you do need to hear the truth, I understand people with your condition our condition should be treated with a little more care so to speak but my therapist also said people shouldnt enable you to wallow in your own self pitty, we have the ability to make things right just take us a littler longer to get there...... PEACE! P.s Surely you of all people should know that judging others is bad form!
Lorelai Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 Apple, I suffer from Bi Polar Disorder and many of the same traits as you, trust me when I say finding relationship for the purpose of making you happier wont help. Our moods and our condition only make a relationship harder, its takes a special person to be able to deal with it. If you are already going into the search with limitations like beauty sorry my friend you are waisting your time. What if everyone has limitiations like you and theres were not to date people withmental illness? Self Righteousness is not a good thing. And being a sufferer sometimes you do need to hear the truth, I understand people with your condition our condition should be treated with a little more care so to speak but my therapist also said people shouldnt enable you to wallow in your own self pitty, we have the ability to make things right just take us a littler longer to get there...... PEACE! P.s Surely you of all people should know that judging others is bad form! I do apologize if it sounded like I was being judgmental. I wasn't at all. I was very worried. I've known many, many people who have suffered from bipolar, schizophrenia, and the combination of schizophrenia with a mood disorder of any stripe (technically known as schizoaffective disorder, whether the mood disorder is bipolar or major depressive disorder). I worked in the field for a time, and I know others on a personal level. Every person has the right to quality mental health care without being judged. That includes a doctor who listens to the patient when the meds aren't working or are having too many side effects. If the doctor doesn't listen, fire them and find one who will -- don't give up, because help IS out there. But the only way to get that help is to try, and to be honest with your doctor when things aren't working.
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