lovebugguy Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 I came from a family where there is another woman involved and it really had a lot of bad effects that can't be easily forgotten. I could say that most of the terrible things I had to go through with my parent is because of the fact that there is another woman involved in the equation. My question is, would you ever sympathize with the OW (or OM)? I ask this because I know I won't, based solely on personal experience. And I think that people always have a choice to do the right thing, and being involved with a committed person is not one of them.
bentnotbroken Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 Clarification? Do you mean I could I sympathize with the person or the acts they are comitting? ( I have had a shot today and my mind is fuzzy? Help)
Woggle Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 I don't blame the guys my ex was sleeping with. They were down here for a week or a few days and got some easy sex. I can't hate on that. She is the ones who is unfaithful.
White Flower Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 I came from a family where there is another woman involved and it really had a lot of bad effects that can't be easily forgotten. I could say that most of the terrible things I had to go through with my parent is because of the fact that there is another woman involved in the equation. My question is, would you ever sympathize with the OW (or OM)? I ask this because I know I won't, based solely on personal experience. And I think that people always have a choice to do the right thing, and being involved with a committed person is not one of them. You come into the OW/OM forum and ask a question laced with judgment? Good luck with that. OK, I'll play anyway:cool: My dad had an OW. I was young and disliked her for years and years. But she was who my dad loved. He left for her, but then my mom had a stroke and my dad came back to take care of her. For 7 years. The OW waited. Then they lived for a very happy 18 years or so. She tended to him on his deathbed right alongside my sister and myself. This woman loved my dad, took care of him, and what's more important to me is that she made him happy. Finally, years later, I could put my dad's happiness ahead of my own. That's love. When you can see that, you will be healed of all the pain you're going through. Unless of course you're not telling us everything...like she blew up your car or killed your dogs. Then I'd hate her too. But I wouldn't hate her for loving your dad the way he needs her to.
Silly_Girl Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 I came from a family where there is another woman involved and it really had a lot of bad effects that can't be easily forgotten. I could say that most of the terrible things I had to go through with my parent is because of the fact that there is another woman involved in the equation. My question is, would you ever sympathize with the OW (or OM)? I ask this because I know I won't, based solely on personal experience. And I think that people always have a choice to do the right thing, and being involved with a committed person is not one of them. As your post is based only on your personal experiences (!) I wonder who you blame (most). Did the OW in your life hold a gun and force someone in to a relationship with her? Was she always told the truth and never confused or misled about the status/future of the relationship. Just curious as she must have been quite a character to have such an impact on you.
pureinheart Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 I don't blame the guys my ex was sleeping with. They were down here for a week or a few days and got some easy sex. I can't hate on that. She is the ones who is unfaithful. Plural Woggle? Wow...no it wasn't them...so sorry Woggle (((((hugs)))))
pureinheart Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 You come into the OW/OM forum and ask a question laced with judgment? Good luck with that. OK, I'll play anyway:cool: My dad had an OW. I was young and disliked her for years and years. But she was who my dad loved. He left for her, but then my mom had a stroke and my dad came back to take care of her. For 7 years. The OW waited. Then they lived for a very happy 18 years or so. She tended to him on his deathbed right alongside my sister and myself. This woman loved my dad, took care of him, and what's more important to me is that she made him happy. Finally, years later, I could put my dad's happiness ahead of my own. That's love. When you can see that, you will be healed of all the pain you're going through. Unless of course you're not telling us everything...like she blew up your car or killed your dogs. Then I'd hate her too. But I wouldn't hate her for loving your dad the way he needs her to. As your post is based only on your personal experiences (!) I wonder who you blame (most). Did the OW in your life hold a gun and force someone in to a relationship with her? Was she always told the truth and never confused or misled about the status/future of the relationship. Just curious as she must have been quite a character to have such an impact on you. I'd say to the OP to let it go....I know easier said than done, although it's healthier for you:)...the OW is not your problem....
BB07 Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 I came from a family where there is another woman involved and it really had a lot of bad effects that can't be easily forgotten. I could say that most of the terrible things I had to go through with my parent is because of the fact that there is another woman involved in the equation. My question is, would you ever sympathize with the OW (or OM)? I ask this because I know I won't, based solely on personal experience. And I think that people always have a choice to do the right thing, and being involved with a committed person is not one of them. Interesting question and one that has been discussed here by me and others. I am the daughter of a father who was a serial cheater. The first and main OW I found about when I was about 11. Their relationship went on for at least 15 years.......and yes I hated her when I was young but since have realized that my blame was misplaced. I myself was a willing OW for about a year, and just recently found out that I again was an OW which was completely unknown to me for almost two years. In answer to your question, yes I sympathize and feel that I would now that I'm an adult even if I hadn't been on this side of the fence. Most MM use a lot of trickery and false promises and lies to suck women into the triangle. I have no doubt that my dad's main OW was a victim of his lies and manipulation and her own bad judgment. The bigger wrongdoing lies with the MM/MW in my opinion, although OW/OM certainly carries part of the responsibility.
OWoman Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 My question is, would you ever sympathize with the OW (or OM)? Yes, I do. I have a great R with her, and she's my kids' "favourite" grandparent. We're great friends and my only regret is that my father didn't D sooner to be with her.
TigerCub Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 I came from a home where there was never an OW/OM to deal with (that I knew of), and so for the longest time, I took the stance that you do with regards to them. The thing is, they're not as we stereotypically think - like the OW just went hunting for a MM to ruin his marriage and just have her fun. These situations just happen. And I would NEVER have understood that until I got into that situation. I never wanted to be the OW because I always viewed them as I described in the paragraph above. But that's not how it all happened with me. I see what you're saying, and I'm sorry that your dad's affairs had such a negative effect on you, but in all truth, that's on him, not her.
Woggle Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 Plural Woggle? Wow...no it wasn't them...so sorry Woggle (((((hugs))))) To this day I don't know how many guys cheated with. I know a lot of tourists got very lucky when I was married to her. I have been tested for diseases though and I am clean.
Owl Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 I had (still have to a degree) a good bit of sympathy for OM in my own situation. Let's face it...at the end of the day, he was devestated by the loss of his relationship with my wife. Regardless of right/wrong concepts, or any of that...I knew full well he was probably equally as devestated by the end of the whole situation as much as I was...just for different reasons. Do I think it was as a result of his choices/actions? Yes...but that doesn't mitigate the pain he went through. Does it mean that I regret the outcome of the situation? Nope. But the bottom line is...in a lot of cases...everyone involved gets hurt in an affair. Maybe not always...but a lot of times all three people walk away hurt to varying degrees.
bentnotbroken Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 To this day I don't know how many guys cheated with. I know a lot of tourists got very lucky when I was married to her. I have been tested for diseases though and I am clean. :eek:WOW! Wogs, you are so blessed to be rid of her and with your wife.
herenow Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 (edited) Its funny how the MP is never blamed. Be careful with the word never. This statement is 100% false. I, like many BW, blame my H 100% for his choice to have an affair. I don't blame the OW at all. However, I have absolutely no sympathy for her either. Why should I? Just like my H, she made the choice to have an affair. I save my sympathy for people who don't cause their own misery. Edited August 11, 2010 by herenow
CrayonAngel Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 Not to go too off topic here but I'm seeing a pattern here on LS lately. There are lots of people involved in A's or affected by them (children) and I see ALOT of people who are in the same situation their parents were in..cheating..thinking its okay. There is no way in hell this can be healthy..but it just goes to show how much your parents affect you. Even years down the road. My dad cheated on more than one occasion...then when my mom threw him out, he went to live with one of the OW. I didn't blame her at all, but I sure didn't respect her for the fact that she was always all over my dad like a little school girl, right in front of our faces, right after the D, and she always bad-mouthed my mom. Back then I didn't know it but she was very insecure, and probably had mental issues. I blame my dad. But at the same time I can look down at the women(even friends of my moms) who knew he was married and thought they would go ahead and throw their morals out the window..for the sake of their egos.
Gfkr2 Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 I came from a family where there is another woman involved and it really had a lot of bad effects that can't be easily forgotten. I could say that most of the terrible things I had to go through with my parent is because of the fact that there is another woman involved in the equation. My question is, would you ever sympathize with the OW (or OM)? I ask this because I know I won't, based solely on personal experience. And I think that people always have a choice to do the right thing, and being involved with a committed person is not one of them. Let's see..the OM is banging my WW, hurt my teenage daughter and is unwilling to tell his BW the truth about his A. No. I would never sympathize with this POS.
Dexter Morgan Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 My question is, would you ever sympathize with the OW (or OM)? under only one circumstance. where the OM/OW was lied to and told the MW/MM wasn't married....and then promptly ended the relationship with said MW/MM.
White Flower Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 Not to go too off topic here but I'm seeing a pattern here on LS lately. There are lots of people involved in A's or affected by them (children) and I see ALOT of people who are in the same situation their parents were in..cheating..thinking its okay. There is no way in hell this can be healthy..but it just goes to show how much your parents affect you. Even years down the road. My dad cheated on more than one occasion...then when my mom threw him out, he went to live with one of the OW. I didn't blame her at all, but I sure didn't respect her for the fact that she was always all over my dad like a little school girl, right in front of our faces, right after the D, and she always bad-mouthed my mom. Back then I didn't know it but she was very insecure, and probably had mental issues. I blame my dad. But at the same time I can look down at the women(even friends of my moms) who knew he was married and thought they would go ahead and throw their morals out the window..for the sake of their egos. Yes, there are LOTS of people involved in As. It has always been and will always be. When I had my own A I divulged it to all of my friends. I couldn't believe this, but ALL of them had been involved in an EMA on one side of the triangle at some point in their lives except one, which was last week. ONE person in 5 years never had any involvement in an A. I'm pretty charismatic in person, am told all the time, and people have always confided in me, but usually once I open myself up to them. Then the flood gates open. I was so surprised to hear just how many lives were affected by As, it was mind-boggling. So, knowing this, I would suggest to the OP to try to ask around in person in a non-judgmental way what your friends think about this. You might be surprised to hear less judgment than you would normally think. Keep in mind, if you put out a judgmental statement, nobody will open up to you, not honestly anyway. I won't go into all the learned lessons and reasons people get involved in As, but there is almost always a reason; not necessarily a justification, but a reason. It may even take us years to figure out. I truly hope you, the OP, find peace with this someday soon.
Author lovebugguy Posted August 12, 2010 Author Posted August 12, 2010 Sorry for not getting stuff clear from the beginning. What I meant was the OW is aware of the whole situation; that the man is married with kids. And that the woman, despite knowing about it, still decided to carry on with the affair. I know the man is also to blame here, as what some of you said. Thanks by the way for all your responses. They helped open my mind more. Appreciate all the feedback.
Recommended Posts