Inflikted Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 I've known this one girl since we were both little kids, and I've just been crazy about her since the moment I met her. I was extremely shy, though, and aside from a few cute little moments we had together, nothing ever really happened. Got back in touch with her a few years ago, now that we're both in college, and I found a lot of those feelings come rushing back. Being the inexperienced dope that I am, I got carried away, and ended up pushing her away. I backed off in a big way, partly because I was incredibly embarrassed, and partly because it made things incredibly awkward. I haven't even had any direct contact with her in over a year, but for whatever reason, I still think about her from time to time (enough to bring me down). Today, I just found out indirectly that she's in a relationship, and now it's bugging me even more. *sigh* I don't know why I can't "get over" her. I feel so pathetic being so attached to a girl that I'll likely never be anything to. But I don't get it. I don't understand why I struggle with my feelings for her so much, to this day, still. :/
Fouts Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 Get out and meet some other people. You're obsessing over nothing.
skydiveaddict Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 You can't let go because you love her. It's the same for me and a lot of other people here
welikeincrowds Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 Old feelings have a very powerful hold on us. They're seductive, but they aren't what you want. They come from the past, and will keep you from becoming the man you want to become. I wish I could articulate this point better as I am speaking from a similar experience.
McGrupp Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 wow u noobs give horrible advice besides the pirate guy, look man you never had anything with this girl ever. she's probably really pretty and at one point gave you attention, but you freaked her out for whatever reason acted weird. its ok firts forgive yourself. 2nd there are literally billions of other women out there wwho whould be happy to touch your penis. please go out and meet them and get off facebook or whatever it is that lets you know she has a boyfriend.
skydiveaddict Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 (edited) wow u noobs give horrible advice besides the pirate guy, look man you never had anything with this girl ever. she's probably really pretty and at one point gave you attention, but you freaked her out for whatever reason acted weird. its ok firts forgive yourself. 2nd there are literally billions of other women out there wwho whould be happy to touch your penis. please go out and meet them and get off facebook or whatever it is that lets you know she has a boyfriend. so there is no possibility that he really loves this girl? And don't call me a noob. I have over twice as many posts as you Edited August 11, 2010 by skydiveaddict
ALombard Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 Well he's right Skydive. This guy literally said he never really had anything with this girl. If anything he was at most a "good friend". Also, this site is about helping others. Telling the guy who is probably "in love" with this girl doesn't help his situation. Seriously people, stop. You're just going to feed into his already crappy state of mind. Now to you Inflikted. I understand the shy guy disease. I was once a shy guy. This is going to sound harsh, but get over it. Just put yourself out there and who cares what people think. Most likely you will never see them again. Being shy blows, and it really hinders your ability to meet new people and date. Get over this girl because honestly there was never anything there. You're just really overly obsessing over someone who probably doesn't even think about you anymore. That's reality.
bonpaw2008 Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 Old feelings have a very powerful hold on us. They're seductive, but they aren't what you want. They come from the past, and will keep you from becoming the man you want to become. I wish I could articulate this point better as I am speaking from a similar experience. To elaborate on what We said, you romantized this girl and what "could be" with her. Love is about knowing someone, their faults and greatness and still loving them anyway It bugs you because you wanted your shot with her, and for whatever reason it didn't work. Go get some more experience with some girls and get that self-confidence up. She will be a distant memory when you physically have something to hold on to....
Author Inflikted Posted August 11, 2010 Author Posted August 11, 2010 Whether or not I "love" her, or still have "real" feelings for her, I don't really know. But does it make a difference? Mentally, I accepted a long time ago that I screwed things up royally between me and her, probably beyond repair. Yet, for some reason, I can't get my emotions on that same track, I can't put her out of my mind for good, or stop wondering about the "What if...?"'s. Maybe I feel like I just never got proper "closure" to that whole situation. I dunno. As for "getting out there" and "dating", well, I don't really see that as an option. See, I wouldn't call myself "shy"; rather, I'm more introverted, and socially awkward. Still, I have plenty of opportunities to "meet" girls (heck, I'm in college, and I have a part time job that has me working with the general public), but there's something about me that really prevents me from "clicking" with girls in that way. I'm not sure what it is, really. And I'm not saying that to put myself down; I think I'm a pretty good guy, overall, but there's just some unknown "quality" I seem to possess that apparently always puts me in the "friends" tier, rather than the "possibility for more" one. I've driven myself nuts trying to figure out what this "quality" is, but for the life of me, I can't put my finger on it. It's become frustrating, and more than it's worth, so I've basically given up on the idea of dating or "meeting someone special".
Author Inflikted Posted August 11, 2010 Author Posted August 11, 2010 To elaborate on what We said, you romantized this girl and what "could be" with her. Love is about knowing someone, their faults and greatness and still loving them anyway That's kinda the thing, though, I mean, I was never cooking up these elaborate fantasies of what life would be like with her. And truthfully, I do think I got to know her pretty well, growing up. She wasn't just some girl off in the distance that looked pretty and caught my eye. I got to interact with her enough to know her "pros" and "cons", and I always thought she was pretty cool despite those things. I just never really opened up to her, because I always considered her "out of my league". It wasn't until a couple of years ago that I had to go and open up my big mouth and make things all weird and awkward between her and me.
Author Inflikted Posted August 12, 2010 Author Posted August 12, 2010 Is it wrong that I sometimes wish I'd never met this girl in the first place? I mean, I'd probably be so much happier, right now, not being so hung up on some girl. Know what the real kicker is? I almost didn't meet her. We met as kids, at school, and I wasn't originally going to be attending that school, but stuff happened, I ended up there, I met and fell for her on the first day, and I ended up miserable because of it. What an awful twist of fate.
cookie2 Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 Is it wrong that I sometimes wish I'd never met this girl in the first place? I mean, I'd probably be so much happier, right now, not being so hung up on some girl. Know what the real kicker is? I almost didn't meet her. We met as kids, at school, and I wasn't originally going to be attending that school, but stuff happened, I ended up there, I met and fell for her on the first day, and I ended up miserable because of it. What an awful twist of fate. You can't say what would have happened if you never met her. Maybe driving to that other school you'd have been in an auto accident and be dead. Chaos theory and all that...
Author Inflikted Posted August 12, 2010 Author Posted August 12, 2010 You can't say what would have happened if you never met her. Maybe driving to that other school you'd have been in an auto accident and be dead. Chaos theory and all that... Hah, that's a bit extreme, don't ya think? I dunno, but I don't think my current situation is a whole lot better. Who knows when, or even if, I'll ever fully let go and move on from this whole thing? I can't exactly feel proud of having wasted so much of my life tormenting myself over a girl I'll never be with.
BiAxident Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 Hah, that's a bit extreme, don't ya think? I dunno, but I don't think my current situation is a whole lot better. Who knows when, or even if, I'll ever fully let go and move on from this whole thing? I can't exactly feel proud of having wasted so much of my life tormenting myself over a girl I'll never be with. I think what you said right there is of crucial importance. I was in your same situation, socially awkward teenager, never had any girlfriends. When I was about 13 I met a girl on-line, and we got to know each other and hung out at various social functions. She was two years older, really cute, and pretty much out of my league. But, we were good friends, and she enjoyed my company. Eventually, we had a fling and I became obsessed with her for a period of 6 years. During that time, I failed several college courses, didn't pay attention to trying to develop any sort of career, all because I figured "if I don't have her, none of that other stuff matters..." Well guess what? After 6 years of obsession, we finally started dating. And you know what happened? All that time I wasted came back to bite me in the ass -- she left me because I wasn't "professional" enough and didn't have any real goals. Had I just buckled down in the first place and kept my wits about me, things probably would have turned out very different, and much happier.
skydiveaddict Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 (edited) Hah, that's a bit extreme, don't ya think? I dunno, but I don't think my current situation is a whole lot better. Who knows when, or even if, I'll ever fully let go and move on from this whole thing? I can't exactly feel proud of having wasted so much of my life tormenting myself over a girl I'll never be with. Don't kick yourself over this. I know the other guys don't agree, but you fell in love, you got rejected and it hurts. I feel the same way you do. It happened to me. But you will get through this, just like I'm doing. I was dating a girl, we were in love supposedly' the minute I got home from the war she vanished. No phone calls, texts, emalis nothing. It crushed me. It still does Edited August 12, 2010 by skydiveaddict
Author Inflikted Posted August 12, 2010 Author Posted August 12, 2010 I think what you said right there is of crucial importance. I was in your same situation, socially awkward teenager, never had any girlfriends. When I was about 13 I met a girl on-line, and we got to know each other and hung out at various social functions. She was two years older, really cute, and pretty much out of my league. But, we were good friends, and she enjoyed my company. Eventually, we had a fling and I became obsessed with her for a period of 6 years. During that time, I failed several college courses, didn't pay attention to trying to develop any sort of career, all because I figured "if I don't have her, none of that other stuff matters..." Well guess what? After 6 years of obsession, we finally started dating. And you know what happened? All that time I wasted came back to bite me in the ass -- she left me because I wasn't "professional" enough and didn't have any real goals. Had I just buckled down in the first place and kept my wits about me, things probably would have turned out very different, and much happier. I get the message you're trying to get across here. Fortunately, the rest of my life isn't on hold because of this issue. I'm still pushing forward with my education and future career prospects, I'm not letting that stuff pass me by. But I feel like I've missed out on so much in the whole "social/ dating" side of things. I'm sure it'll come as no surprise to anyone here that I've never even been on a single proper "date", let alone gotten anything more. It's incredibly frustrating, and worse yet, the more trouble I seem to have in this area of my life, the more my mind wanders back to thoughts of the girl I made this topic about in the first place. And hell, I don't mean that in a shallow kind of way. It's just so hard to want to experience that kind of intimate relationship, but to know that I'm already closing in on my mid-20s, and I haven't even started dating. Makes things feel so bleak, and hopeless, yanno? I don't want to think about a future where I'm a perpetually single hermit, probably still hung up on the same girl who, by then, will probably have a family of her own, and whatnot. But that seems like the inevitable destination I'm moving towards.
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