I think I might die from my broken heart

[BrokenHeart14]

What do you do when you all you can do is cry? When you wake up from the two hours you are able to sleep every night with a pit in your stomach and you're afraid and anxious and you can't focus? I think it might kill me, I'll die of my broken heart.

 

J and I were together for five and a half years. We met as friends and immediately connected in a way I had never connected to a guy before... all of my friends had traditionally been other chicks my age (I'm now 36). J is 8 years younger, a guy's-guy. Didn't matter. We became absolutely inseparable.

 

Cut to two years later. I was dating some guy from Italy. And J finally opened his eyes and couldn't stand the idea of someone else with me. He told me he loved me and wanted to be with me. I of course, being a romantic who was already harboring feelings for him, dumped Mr. Italy, and launched into a relationship with my best friend.

 

It was awesome. Because we were building on a close friendship, we knew all of each others quirks, all of the things we loved about each other.. but added passion and adoration and a commitment that most married couples don't have. We fought, we made up. We hung out and watched seasons of 24 and ate Chinese food and ribs. We made our own perfect little world. We adored each other. He proposed on bent knee last October.

 

Four months ago, he went overseas to take care of his sick mother. We spoke every day. We wrote emails. We tried to keep it together. But me? I'm horrible and selfish and I wanted him with ME, and I made him miserable by crying on the phone... I just missed him so much. I couldn't help it. I cried every time we spoke for a month. And he finally couldn't take it anymore - I was miserable and bitchy and I picked fights with him and made him miserable until finally called me one day and asked me to please not call him anymore. He couldn't function through my misery and neither could I. He said - if it's meant to happen, it will happen. But if it's not and you're meant to be with someone else you need to find him... we can't live with all this sadness day in and day out. It doesn't mean it isn't real. But the situation is untenable.

 

That phone call, June 7th 2010 at 7.50am, broke me.

 

Three weeks later, I posted a status on my Facebook page that only he would understand, to let him know I was sad and thinking of him. His status responded. Our only contact has been through Facebook statuses. He has statused a beautiful a tribute to me, has statused "I adore you, I really do" (a week ago!) and referred to me as "the woman I love". And so many other things. And he still has "In a Relationship" on his page.

 

He posted on my sister's page that he called her to say hi. (he used to love playing with my little nephews)

 

But last week, the statuses stopped. They were the only thing keeping me sane - knowing he still loves me. Still thinks about me. But now there's nothing. And I know it's insane to torture myself with stalking his Facebook page, and staring at pictures of him, and reading letters and notes he wrote me -- and I haven't looked at anything all day today. But I miss him so much. I talk to him in my head all day constantly. I want to share my experiences only with him. He is the other half of me.

 

I'm trying to be good and to realize that this THING isn't going to happen anymore, and I need to move on emotionally. But I still have these unbearable visceral reactions.... I think of him in my sleep... He occupies my subconscious... I feel sick and so tired and he is just so MISSING TO ME. There isn't a single aspect of my life that he didn't touch. And now nothing is quite right anymore.

 

I just can't believe he's gone. The pain is unbearable.

 

I beg you...please help me.

 

 

(I just think this bunny is cute. It sort of makes me smile through the tears. and J and I love bunnies. Bunnies are our thing. See? Everything leads back to him....)

[confused&inlove1]

I entered a post just today titled " My boyfriend's mom is ending my relationship" I can only say to you that there is nothing worse, than having constant anxiety following your every move and thought because of the loss of a partner. I also picked allot of stupid fights with my bf and now if could take it back I would. But at the time, I was picking those fights I wanted was attention and time im sure you can relate. Its horrible because Finding someone you can be at peace with is special thing . I understand how you feel Im also loosing sleep, my appetite and hope that I will ever be happy again in my life. In time each day will be more of your own, at least thats what I hope for.

[redmelon]

Ugh. You made him feel guilty while he was taking care of his dying mother?! Horrendous.

 

He is doing what anyone should do when they have an ailing parent. If he didn't, it would show poor character. He doesn't want to be there, he feels it's his duty. Show some compassion.

 

Honestly, if I were him, I don't think I would forgive you. If someone made me feel EVEN WORSE in that situation than I already did, I wouldn't want them in my life either. You should have been be supporting him, being a soft place for him to land. It's his mother, for god's sake.

 

Good luck. I'd think you'd need to demonstrate remorse, clear understanding and explanation of your behaviors, and a visible propensity for permanent change, to have a snowball's chance in hell with this man.

[Thorgs]

I know the feeling all too well. I actually looked up dieing from a broken heart last night and it's possible BHS - Broken Heart Syndrome.

 

Although I'm a guy...but I'm a sensitive guy.

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/video/die-broken-heart-9822743

Start at 2:45

Edited August 11, 2010 by Thorgs

[Sambo]

Listen to me CAREFULLY

 

YOU ARE NOT GOING TO DIE...... IT ONLY FEELS THAT WAY.

 

THIS TO SHALL PASS.

 

REPEAT THIS OVER AND OVER AGAIN IN YOUR HEAD.

 

THIS TO SHALL PASS, THIS TO SHALL PASS....

 

In a few weeks you will feel a little better and then in a few weeks more a little better.

 

I know it hurts but you must force your mind to focus on yourself and YOUR happiness.

 

See yourself happy, see yourself feeling good and if you are spiritual seek GOD now and build your relationship with him.

 

I know you hurt and I know exactly how you feel but in 30 days your going to feel better and you must believe that !!!!!

 

My prayers are with you and there are lots of good people in here that will help you through this.

 

You are not alone and you will be fine.

[Thorgs]

I agree with Sambo, it will pass over time. The first week is usually the hardest. Although I'm still depressed from my break up, the pain is no where near what it was when I first got kicked to the curb. No contact has helped a lot, but I feel if I saw her again, I could go right back to square 1. Stay NC.

[skydiveaddict]

Brokenheart, you MUST stop looking at his fb page. You will never heal if you dont. I know just how you feel to be broken inside like this. My ex dumped me right after I got home from the war. All the time I spent over there I kept holding on knowing she would would be there for me when I got back, and then poof, she was gone. No explanation, no phone calls no texts, nothing. I was crushed. I stil am, but I'm getting over her and you will too. Hang tough, you can do it.

[BrokenHeart14]

Thanks everyone (well, almost everyone). It really helps to hear that others are going through the same thing... being so broken gives you tunnel vision, I think, and you never think you are going to get better. Your words have made a difference to me, here at 4am (and yes, i'm up for the day). Still hanging in - no peeks at FB, no pictures. It's a triumph, small but real. (and Thorgs - really? Broken Heart Syndrome? oh no!)

 

On the other hand, RedMelon - wow. I'm not sure where or why you decided that the best response to an post from someone in obvious, intense pain was a flame, but to clarify: his mother isn't dying. She never was dying. Dying=dying. Sick=sick. She's (thankfully) better already. Her illness was the impetus for his visit, not the reason he stayed there. And unless you have a magic mirror, you have no CLUE about what went on - you assume that I was insensitive didn't support him and... what was it? I should "show some compassion"? What makes you think I didn't? We were together for years, he was my FAMILY. And you assume I didn't show compassion?? You jumped to a conclusion so far from the text and tone of the original post that it's staggering. You are either projecting a situation from your own life onto my post, or you just have an intense need to be judgmental.

 

In either case, you're far worse off than I am.

[welikeincrowds]

I'm not sure where or why you decided that the best response to an post from someone in obvious, intense pain was a flame

 

It is a rare post in the section of this forum that is not coming from obvious, intense pain. Mostly everyone, if not absolutely everyone here, is working through a difficult event in their lives.

 

For that reason most can understand where you're coming from, me included. But I must admit I am surprised by your combative reaction to redmelon's post. To gather that his mother was dying from "he traveled overseas to visit his ill mother" is a completely reasonable inference.

 

This is a forum where people offer support and advice to help you. Redmelon's opinion was perhaps frank but it was earnest, and of course you can choose to take or not take whatever advice you'd like. But I find some irony in the fact that Redmelon's advice to "think less about yourself and more about what your boyfriend is going through" caused you to write a particular rebuttal about how hurt that suddenly made YOU feel.

 

What is striking about this is how emotional this all is for you. Crying every day for a month because your boyfriend has taken a necessary and likely difficult trip overseas. Becoming furious when someone on a support forum offers criticism that makes you uncomfortable. "We made our own perfect little world." These to me are not signs of something positive.

 

The fact is that you made mistakes in this relationship, and now you are broken up. This is simply what you told us, and furthermore this is true of any person in any breakup. That isn't to say that there should be blame to place here or there, but you'll never make sense of this if you aren't willing to openly discuss the mistakes you may have made. Again, it's the degree of your emotion that concerns me here. It's as though you were threatened. I don't think you should trivialize any of this under "this is just the way to deal to flames." This website is a magic mirror, for all of us, and that is why we come here.

 

I may be absolutely wrong, and this could all be just a misunderstanding coming out of a difficult situation, and that's the reality of responding to a partial story over an internet forum. But I think it would be a mistake to not seriously consider everything that is being said to you, including the idea that you were seriously at fault by mishandling this overseas trip, and that it says something deeper about the nature of your relationship. These are the things we are all trying to learn how to address because ultimately we are all here to heal and to grow.

[BrokenHeart14]

Thanks for your input. It was polite and insightful. But if you reread redmelon's post - it is just nasty. "Ugh"? "Horrendous"?

No. Sorry. I thought I would hear some differing opinions, certainly. And yes, I'm ready to hear them - I NEED to hear them. The way you phrase your post, for example, is completely different and completely acceptable. But to have my actions reduced to an Ugh! Horrendous! and yes, the ever popular - "snowballs chance in hell"? If you disagree with my post - Ask a question! Get clarity! Or disagree respectfully.

Ugh?

No. I respectfully disagree with your conclusions. Hope we can still be friends.

[Dying]

I know exactly how you feel... it doesn't feel like this much pain should even be possible without it surely leading to death. My heart has been literally constantly racing for the past month through break ups and makeups, and my stomach is in a constant knot with a lingering feeling of nausea. the only relief i feel is in the few minutes when i'm able to dose off and I dream of him saying that it was just a big mistake. Then I awaken, and so does the pain, even more intense than before.

[Jamie_w]

I know exactly how you feel... it doesn't feel like this much pain should even be possible without it surely leading to death. My heart has been literally constantly racing for the past month through break ups and makeups, and my stomach is in a constant knot with a lingering feeling of nausea. the only relief i feel is in the few minutes when i'm able to dose off and I dream of him saying that it was just a big mistake. Then I awaken, and so does the pain, even more intense than before.

 

I dont want to come on here having a go but you are clearly not stable.

You have pushed him away because you werent in control of your feelings and were too needy.

You are now conquering this by being even more needy. You NEED to get your life in order. Shape up and accept what is happening and ask yourself if you are going to break down or you are going to carry on and fight it.

 

There is no way he is going to get back with you in this state and from what i gather of the relationship previously you have scared him to death.

 

For your own sake, for the sake of trying to get this to work, take a look at what you did wrong in the relationship , accept it and then give yourself space. Take a month and do not contact him

 

Otherwise and i give you my 100% guarantee , you are going to **** this into the point that there is no way you will ever reconcile

 

good luck

[Dying]

you don't know anything about my relationship or anything about me, so i would really appreciate it if you wouldn't judge me. i do know what i've done wrong in the relationship, and i've come to terms with it. if you don't have anything constructive to offer then i would appreciate you not passing judgment. i was merely expressing my feelings about a situation that you know nothing about. and for your information, i have not tried to contact him or come back to him begging. just because i'm understandably in pain right now does NOT mean that i'm "not stable" or needy. i never said anything to imply that i'm not trying to move on or get my life in order. please keep your judgments to yourself.

[Thorgs]

My advice is to go NC. Trust me, its hard as hell but its a million times better than staying in touch and just being constantly reminded of what you can't have. Please trust me on this, I am begging you!

 

Feel free to look up my thread I started in the "Second Chance" section. You will see the pain I am going through. Best wishes!

[Jamie_w]

you don't know anything about my relationship or anything about me, so i would really appreciate it if you wouldn't judge me. i do know what i've done wrong in the relationship, and i've come to terms with it. if you don't have anything constructive to offer then i would appreciate you not passing judgment. i was merely expressing my feelings about a situation that you know nothing about. and for your information, i have not tried to contact him or come back to him begging. just because i'm understandably in pain right now does NOT mean that i'm "not stable" or needy. i never said anything to imply that i'm not trying to move on or get my life in order. please keep your judgments to yourself.

 

I wasnt talking about you, i was talking about the woman who started the thread

[Dying]

Then why would you quote my post?

[Dan Kohn]

I know exactly how you feel...I wish I would die of Broken Heart Syndrome and just get it over with:(

[redmelon]

I stand by my post. I think it's was terrible to make him feel guilty and be what you called "selfish" while he was caring for an ill parent. Your selfishness was hurtful enough to your significant other that he couldn't speak to you any longer - but I am the one out of whack, sure.

 

I am sorry I didn't sugar coat it enough or tell you what you wanted to hear. I gave what I thought were straight forward and honest opinions, and also my advice on how to proceed if you still wanted to try and salvage the relationship.

 

I think you are the one projecting, in this instance. I do hope that your situation works out how you'd like it to, and I am sorry you are hurting. I am sure he is, too. As I said before, good luck, in all sincerity.