teanoranges Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 Today was the first day I got a straight-up confirmation of my ex still being with his new girl. It was kind of jolting sitting next to my friend when another person came up to say hello. even more surprising when they told me they heard a lot about me, at the end of the whole convo.. not realizing I was his ex... It was kind of humiliating even though it shouldn't have been. I don't really know why I felt that way. Even worse though is how much I miss him. Just the friendly aspect.. having someone around, someone to talk to. I never feel as anyone listens to me anymore.. and I still don't have any friends that I feel THAT comfortable around. and I feel like he hates me. even though they reassure me that only great things are said.. and I could see it in the persons face when they realized it. I miss him. I don't understand why we can't be friends.. but I do. And his sorry self respects me too much to break my NC as I asked him not to. I just want to disappear. I want to go live somewhere. I want my memories erased. 9 months and I feel like someone died.
bonpaw2008 Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 Today was the first day I got a straight-up confirmation of my ex still being with his new girl. It was kind of jolting sitting next to my friend when another person came up to say hello. even more surprising when they told me they heard a lot about me, at the end of the whole convo.. not realizing I was his ex... It was kind of humiliating even though it shouldn't have been. I don't really know why I felt that way. Even worse though is how much I miss him. Just the friendly aspect.. having someone around, someone to talk to. I never feel as anyone listens to me anymore.. and I still don't have any friends that I feel THAT comfortable around. and I feel like he hates me. even though they reassure me that only great things are said.. and I could see it in the persons face when they realized it. I miss him. I don't understand why we can't be friends.. but I do. And his sorry self respects me too much to break my NC as I asked him not to. I just want to disappear. I want to go live somewhere. I want my memories erased. 9 months and I feel like someone died. Aw Tea - not a good day for you huh? Sorry about that, it is always hard when people talk about them and remind us of them. This guy should just be a distant memory to you now, sounds like you have a lot of ties to him still (friends, etc). Find someone else to have those friendly things with, you are not ready to have that kind of relationship with him because you are still pining for what used to be....
Thorgs Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 Trust me, being friends with an ex makes it 1000 times harder to deal with and recover the break up. I miss my ex like crazy but to be friends with her would be a living hell. Not because of who she is, but because it's not the same and seeing her enjoy life w/o me would kill my heart. Stay no contact Tea...we will all get through this one way or another.
mickleb Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 Today was the first day I got a straight-up confirmation of my ex still being with his new girl. It was kind of jolting sitting next to my friend when another person came up to say hello. even more surprising when they told me they heard a lot about me, at the end of the whole convo.. not realizing I was his ex... It was kind of humiliating even though it shouldn't have been. I don't really know why I felt that way. Even worse though is how much I miss him. Just the friendly aspect.. having someone around, someone to talk to. I never feel as anyone listens to me anymore.. and I still don't have any friends that I feel THAT comfortable around. and I feel like he hates me. even though they reassure me that only great things are said.. and I could see it in the persons face when they realized it. I miss him. I don't understand why we can't be friends.. but I do. And his sorry self respects me too much to break my NC as I asked him not to. I just want to disappear. I want to go live somewhere. I want my memories erased. 9 months and I feel like someone died. Sorry you're having a difficult time, tea. It sounds as though the issues are not really about him, though. Sounds like you need closer friends in your life, like your self-esteem is struggling at present and that you need to be feeling more fulfilment in your life, generally. I can understand why your mind might go to missing him but I hope that you can think about those things that are missing in your own life (totally separate to his). Take care. x
Author teanoranges Posted August 11, 2010 Author Posted August 11, 2010 thank you guys alot!! I really needed that kind of support. I'm definitely not going to throw away my progress on NC. and I too know that this is more about my need, and my desire to feel wanted. I do have awesome friends and I love them with all my heart... but I guess something inside me craves someone to really really feel that I mean something... sounds very selfish, I know. I guess I need outside approval because inside, I never feel good enough. there's always a 'I should' then I beat myself up more because I shouldn't be thinking like that! haha! funny, right? I know I have a lot of digging to do but my mind just takes me in circles.. wish I had the money to talk to a professional.... or go back to college for it.. oh well.
Thorgs Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 We are our own worst enemy. I am the same way. Way to critical about myself.
McGrupp Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 you need new friends homegirl people who dont know your ex or care about him. look around, any friends who are social connectors (ie know a lot of different people) that you can hang out with and meet some new people? say yes to people who are different if they ask you places. join a club. stuff i all did to change my life.
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