vahna Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 My boyfriend who lives with me, has been slowing down lately on the way he used to communicate. We hardly text anymore when he's out, and he barely calls me either. Can moving in together cause communication to halt when not together? Nothing else has changed. He's extremely loving, affectionate, and caring towards me. Also, he doesn't text around me. He texts when he's out, or when I am in the bathroom or something. I'll see his phone vibrating and tell him, and he'll check, but not respond. Should I be concerned? Is that a red flag? He's not exactly secretive about it, it's basically always been that way... i just never understood why he doesn't text when I am with him.
Feelin Frisky Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 Dialog was meant to be interrupted by life. This texting phenomenon is screwing with people's ability to get used to the ebb and flow of real reality. I can't say why he does or doesn't do this or that. There's no book of etiquette or educational commitment to address this undesigned social development intrusion. And yes, things often change when people start living together--many times romance starts to ebb and in truth, I think wanting someone is often more pleasing than having them. (Words borrowed from the original Star Trek series where Spock has to fight for his wife against Kirk only for her to favor a third party.) It is an insightful view I have long seen to be true as people begin to take each other for granted once commitment and moving in together takes place. Texting is even more of an intrusion on the maturity of embracing healthy detachment that makes for the ins and out of romance.
flying Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 (edited) I find this interesting, because I would have said that not texting around you is a sign of politeness and thoughtfulness. I wouldn't want someone to be texting around me all the time when we're supposed to be hanging out. In the same vein...I don't see why he'd need to call/text you when he's out with friends, either. Maybe he's just enjoying his time with them? I agree with Frisky that the texting thing is really altering how we communicate and enjoy time with one another - it's like constantly interrupting what you're doing to do something else and then go back and do this and then do that...why not just enjoy where you are for a bit?? /rant. Unless you're saying you suspect him of sneaking around or something? Do you have any other reason to have those suspicions, if so? Because if not, I'm really not seeing the red flag here. Edited August 10, 2010 by flying
TwoForgiving Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 The texting issue could or could not be a problem. It could be politeness or it could be something else. One of my exes stopped texting in front of me and I came to find out much later that those messages were from the woman he was cheating with. She would write him about what she would do with him the next time she saw him and she knew that if he didn't answer that he was with me. Talk to him about it.
Author vahna Posted August 11, 2010 Author Posted August 11, 2010 Thanks guys. I was just a little bothered by it because my ex DH was secretive. I am with a good guy. He loves me and has no problems showing it. It's just the texting and he does check it in front of me, just hardly ever responds. Or his phone will ring, and he wont answer. He told me even when he's out, he hardly answers for certain people. I'm going to trust him, and go by his actions when he's with me and hope for the best. It's all I can do, right?
Sophia8 Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 My boyfriend who lives with me, has been slowing down lately on the way he used to communicate. We hardly text anymore when he's out, and he barely calls me either. Can moving in together cause communication to halt when not together? Nothing else has changed. He's extremely loving, affectionate, and caring towards me. Also, he doesn't text around me. He texts when he's out, or when I am in the bathroom or something. I'll see his phone vibrating and tell him, and he'll check, but not respond. Should I be concerned? Is that a red flag? He's not exactly secretive about it, it's basically always been that way... i just never understood why he doesn't text when I am with him. From reading this I do not see any problems with this behaviour, unless you have other reasons to believe that he is keeping something from you. When he is out with friends etc and having a good time, he's not going to text/phone you all the time unless maybe his plans have changed or he's going to come home later than normal. As for not texting whilst he's around you, I would say that that is politeness. I do something similar to him, I always check my phone when it goes off because it may be my family and they are important to me. However, if it is not them and the text is not urgent I do not reply when I'm with someone whether it's a partner or a friend.
Recommended Posts