howlong Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 I am having such a hard time getting over my ex, I think about him everyday, all day. I've read everything out there about what to do, keep busy, be social, etc. etc.... but I can't quit re-living all my woulda, shoulda, coulda's.....and I can't quit regretting all the contact I made after the breakup. It's almost been two full months, the longest I went without making contact was three weeks, my last email to him was 6 days ago. All in all I've sent 9.....with no response (and throw in some texts when I had been drinking as well ) We were only together for 3 months. He had been chasing me for 6 years, got me, said he loved me after only a month, introduced me to his 4 year old after a month or so, didn't want to loose me, wanted to have me "forever", was always trying to get me to commit to going to Vegas or something for the weekend (but I rarely have a full weekend w/o my son), talked about the future, everyday he said that he loved me, wanted me, needed me, missed me so much it hurt, "what have I done to him?", etc etc....then we had one big fight (not infidelity or anything), and everything changed...he wasn't all lovey dovey anymore, he didn't look at me the same way (before, he would look at me/stare at me with this smile on his face when I wasn't even looking, like he just felt so happy/lucky or something)....anyway, after that issue, we saw each other less, he text me less, he didn't say he loved me or missed me, when it was a multiple times a day, every day thing before.....it's like one fight was a deal breaker. The last time we actually went out and did something together after the fight, he got pretty drunk and was mentioning that he was bitter and had issues (in hindsight, I guess he was trying to warn me)....We broke up soon after that night. A few days before the breakup he was "confused", saying he didn't know the status of the divorce I was going through, he hadn't met my son yet (duh..too early, and my son is older than his), didn't get to see me whenever he wanted to, etc....then when it came down to the actual day of the breakup, we had plans to talk in person, instead I get the dreaded breakup text....says "I can't do this anymore and feel that I'm not giving you what you need. I will leave it up to you if you want to be friends" (which in my opinion, didn't 'jive" with his "confusion" a few days before)....needless to say, I was hurt/devastated/pissed...I ended up driving to his house and confronting him, which did not go over well...at all...but he did say that he never said he didn't love me, he's doing this so I can move on, because he just doesn't think it's going to work in the future. I just don't get it (it's like Jekyl and Hyde) and I stew about it all the time, I've never really got a clear understanding of the true reasons he had and I regret all that I did afterwards when I was devasted, that has I'm sure left the impression that I am extremely needy and maybe a little crazy....but I was so blindsided. Two months later and I still want to cry at times, and constantly have an empty feeling in my gut. I miss him terribly. I don't know what I'm looking for here on this forum....I've gotten all the "getting over them tips" out there....what I really need is a psychic or a mind-reader (LOL) to tell me what the hell happened here!! As far as I know, there is still nobody new in his life...so that doesn't seem to be the issue. UGH....I just want to stop hurting, stop thinking about him, stop missing him....PERIOD. I wish we would have never happend. Sometimes I want him back, but I know I've pushed him too far away....Sometimes I'm just pissed and hurt....Sometimes I can accept it's just over and it just wouldn't work anyway. I'm all over the place and so tired.
smk Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 Hey long - one thing you will get is peoples experiences, and support for days when you are feeling down, and the motivation that things do get better... I am sorry for what you're goig through, it gut wrenching and all of us here are or have been through it... Random question though was your ex a Gemini? My ex was and she seemed to have a lot of tendencies to yours and I went through some similar moods before we broke up... One day she loved me, the next day she couldn't say it, and 4 days later we split up... When you mentioned the drink thing I remember my ex doing something similar, she got drunk and said things along the lines about how she loved some guy she dated years ago, yet we broke up because her reasons were that her dad didn't approve of me cos of skin colour... It's not easy but it will get better, try and stay NC and focus on you, that's the best I can tell you... Be strong we are all here for you...
Author howlong Posted August 10, 2010 Author Posted August 10, 2010 No, he's an Aries....I've been to another sight that focuses on Signs & Love...they say that's just a typical Aries. The chase is over, he got me, he's done now and moving on. I do believe some of that stuff, but I also believe that people are all different, different personalities and life experiences and it can all affect this sort of stuff.
smk Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 I don't really believe in all that stuff but thought it may lighten up your mood a little... As I said we have or are all going though this right now, and just be strong - it will get better over time...
HopeLove Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 I wished I could help you but I'm afraid I can't. The only thing I can say to you is that I feel for you and hope you can recover soon. Take care of yourself.
Username37 Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 Random question though was your ex a Gemini? I think you're thinking of my ex haha And to the TC. We got your back. We're all family here. Stick to NC and take care of yourself
Author howlong Posted August 12, 2010 Author Posted August 12, 2010 Trying so hard to fight the urge to text him...ugh I can't wait to be over this!
spriggig Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 You didn't say what the fight was about. With that, you might get some insight.
Lost Fish Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 Oh my dear howlong, I feel for you. Sending you strong hugs and healing peace... I have a couple comments that may provide some insight / comfort. First off, he chased you for 6 years? Why did it take so long for you to finally commit to him? I'm wondering if he may have become so used to the chase of you that when he finally found you in his arms, he didn't really know how to feel anymore. I get a sense that he is extremely insecure about his own feelings. Did he suffer abandonment in his past - perhaps in his childhood or a previous partner? It's like he was afraid of how close you two became so he severed all ties before you left him, to save himself the pain later - it's unhealthy thinking - but your story has that feel. People with abandonment issues sometimes behave in this way. Secondly. Of course you should be pissed and extremely hurt! Good for you to drive over to his place to demand an explanation! Also, if you feel you need more closure then by all means ask him. I would suggest writing him a long email. Then you can choose your words properly. Also, it will give him time to process your words and say exactly what he means. Also, don't expect him to give you all the clear answers, or any answer at all. But you will feel better for having written it. Then once you click that 'Send' button - go completely NC. You are OK feeling the way you feel right now. Let me say that again because it's important: It is OK to feel how you are feeling right now. Let yourself fall apart. Let yourself go slightly crazy. Let yourself get extremely upset and mad and angry. Know that your emotions are ok, and yours to have. You have to walk through these dark times to get to the better days ahead. Because there will be. USE THIS FORUM! There are so many good people here who are going through exactly the same type of situation you are enduring. We understand your pain and know how it can feel. We know that feeling when you get to the point that you can barely get through the pace of a normal day. But you have to keep smiling through the sadness - keep putting one foot in front of the other even when you're completely broken inside - and hold onto the faith that someday down the road it will get easier. Because it will. Lastly, in my own opinion - this guy is toxic. I have a feeling he's not done with you yet, and I have a hunch he may do another 180 and try to work his way back into your life. Then you will be washed over with confusion / relief, and the question of "do I take him back after what he's done?" Be good to yourself, and know that how you are feeling right now is alright. There is no easy way to do get through these rough times. Like others have said here, you just have to kind of ride it out, like a boat lost in a stormy sea. Have trust and faith that it WILL get easier. Best of luck to you. Hope to see more posts/updates from you in the coming days/weeks.
Author howlong Posted August 12, 2010 Author Posted August 12, 2010 First off, he chased you for 6 years? Why did it take so long for you to finally commit to him? I was married, actually going through divorce now. I get a sense that he is extremely insecure about his own feelings. Did he suffer abandonment in his past - perhaps in his childhood or a previous partner? Not sure, but I would assume so since he said he was "bitter" and "had issues". I would suggest writing him a long email. Then you can choose your words properly. Also, it will give him time to process your words and say exactly what he means. Been there, done that, no response. You are OK feeling the way you feel right now. Let me say that again because it's important: It is OK to feel how you are feeling right now. Let yourself fall apart. Let yourself go slightly crazy. Let yourself get extremely upset and mad and angry. Know that your emotions are ok, and yours to have. You have to walk through these dark times to get to the better days ahead. Because there will be. USE THIS FORUM! There are so many good people here who are going through exactly the same type of situation you are enduring. We understand your pain and know how it can feel. We know that feeling when you get to the point that you can barely get through the pace of a normal day. But you have to keep smiling through the sadness - keep putting one foot in front of the other even when you're completely broken inside - and hold onto the faith that someday down the road it will get easier. Because it will. Thank you...this part made me cry unexpectedly, but in a good way. I have a feeling he's not done with you yet, and I have a hunch he may do another 180 and try to work his way back into your life. Then you will be washed over with confusion / relief, and the question of "do I take him back after what he's done?" Not so sure about this, he's a VERY stubborn, strong-willed man....I think once he's made a decision, he's very good at sticking to it....and that actually breaks my heart to think about/realize....even though, like you said, he sounds "toxic"...unfortunately doesn't make it hurt any less or make me miss/want/love him any less. Thank you so much for your insight....your words actually helped me resist breaking NC last night...I was tempted to send him a text...I was going to say "Look, I love you, I don't NEED you, but I want you"....I'm glad I didn't, he wouldn't have responded and it would hurt (more).
Author howlong Posted August 13, 2010 Author Posted August 13, 2010 Once again I'm having to fight the urge to text or email him. I know it won't do any good, only harm if anything....but there's always that teeny tiny bit of hope in my heart that it will work. I know this is dumb....I'm going to continue to fight the urge, just came here to vent about it, as it really does help.
HeavenOrHell Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 Forget the birthsign bullsh*t, I'm an Aries and I wanted to be with my ex forever, it's him who left me after 18 years. Took me 6 or 7 months of depression and crying every day before I began to move forward, had to stop all contact for a while though, I'm now with someone else, this doesn't mean I have stopped thinking about him or caring about him, we are still friends and meet up once a week, he is with an ex friend of mine which I predicted, and at times it does hurt but not to any great extent. But in some ways our break up has changed me forever, in some not so good ways, like it's affected my self esteem and I feel cynical about relationships now, in some ways it is easier to stay single. But in some ways it has changed me for the better. I don't think it will be long until you start to move forward, 3 months isn't long. No, he's an Aries....I've been to another sight that focuses on Signs & Love...they say that's just a typical Aries. The chase is over, he got me, he's done now and moving on. I do believe some of that stuff, but I also believe that people are all different, different personalities and life experiences and it can all affect this sort of stuff.
Author howlong Posted August 13, 2010 Author Posted August 13, 2010 Forget the birthsign bullsh*t, I'm an Aries and I wanted to be with my ex forever, it's him who left me after 18 years. Thanks for that, I hear ya and I like to forget that BS too....I really don't think you can generalize anybody like that...especially when it comes to matters of the heart.
Author howlong Posted August 14, 2010 Author Posted August 14, 2010 Damn...I messed up....again!!! I text him the following: "I dont need you anymore, but I stil want you despite what has happened, in spite of whether you have "issues" or are "bitter"...I'm tired of missing you. I guess I'm going to have to go ahead and drink your beer? And you know I don't like beer..." the beer thing is a joke from when we weren't dating, just flirting. Ugh what have I done...
HeavenOrHell Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 Don't text him hun it just keeps you stuck in the past unable to move on, I didn't start to move on at all until I stopped contact for a while.
Author howlong Posted August 15, 2010 Author Posted August 15, 2010 Went on a date last night with a very nice guy...I noticed at the end of the night that the ex had hardly crossed my mind....but by the very end and on my way home, I missed him and felt like crying. Baby steps I guess....I just wish I understood how someone who "loved" you so much, could dump you and cut you out of their life completely just like that.
Author howlong Posted August 24, 2010 Author Posted August 24, 2010 The last few days I had finally got to the point (I think the date helped!), that I felt I didn't WANT to hear from my ex....then last night he texts me, after over two months! It's like ex's have a "sixth sense" for when you're finally getting over them! Ridiculous!
Author howlong Posted August 24, 2010 Author Posted August 24, 2010 And how did you respond? You didn't, right? I almost didn't....then I did. I decided to do it, but be completely indifferent and short. Didn't ask him anything, like why now? what do you want? etc. etc. Here's how it went, it was rather a ridiculous attempt on his part to either relieve his guilt for being an ass or a booty call! lol His first text – Where’s my beer. And no it’s not in my ass if that was your response (He’s been texting me “where’s my beer” for YEARS, it was his way of flirting when I wasn't single) I didn’t respond, so I get this….. His 2nd text – Now I don’t get a response. It was a pleasure knowing you even if I didn’t make it seem that way. (I also, about the same time, got an email that simply said “Goodbye”….) So I finally respond… Me- I drank it Him- Thank you for taking care of it cause it was getting warm Me- Yeah, it taste like s**t… Him- Are you talking about the beer? Me- Yes, it was warm and it was beer so that = s**t Him- Switch to hard liquor Me- No, warm beer is growing on me I’ll just stick with it. Him- Warm beer it is. Have a good night. Me- Goodnight Seriously, it was RIDICULOUS and I'm positive he was drunk.
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