sbradford2 Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 I finally found out why my significant other does not visit or call since he moved out. I went over on Saturday and I saw that he was talking to another woman on the telephone. While I was there she called over and over again. And I got upset and said that I am going to child support because I cannot take anymore of this. Now I feel as if she thinks she has won. I want to communicate with him because I miss the family life that we once had but I don't know what to do. I don't want to face him because I am so hurt that I know its going to show. So how do I do this. I think what he wanted was to be able to come back home if things didn't work out the way he wanted them to. He says that he wants to work things out but needs time and space. I am afraid that if I let go that I am doing exactly what it is that the other woman is wanting me to. But I don't understand how can he leave a 17 year relationship with 2 kids involved for someone that he barely knows. He will not call me or come by. Even though he lives around the corner. I want to talk with him but am unsure of how. I have been thinking about writing a letter but I do not want him to feel as if he can still see this woman and have me to. How should I handle this?
Beeotch Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 Boundaries.... The point of No Contact is to be able to set healthy boundaries for yourself, or that is what it should be anyway. That is really the solution to this and other situations, setting healthy boundaries. If you need to speak to him or want to express your feelings, by ALLL means do so! Nothing is degrading or wrong in that. However, you should beforehand set your boundaries. For example, he needs to meet certain standards before you see him or unless this, this and this occurs you will not do this action, you will not do xyz etc. The boundaries are for yourself. Decide what you want and don't want and deserve and then you can interact with him insofar as it does not cross those boundary lines you set for yourself. I know how upsetting, painful and confusing this all is; however, when someone (your ex) is going through an irrational and selfish time, NOTHING makes sense to them. No amount of reasoning, especially not begging, etc will work. So you often need to say your piece and leave this person to really run themselves into the ground without you being there, until they can come to a more stable, understanding place on their own.
Sambo Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 Do you want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with you? If he loves you and wants to be with you HE will come back to you if he doesn't he never really did and you deserve better. I'm sorry and trust me I know how hard that is to hear because I was exactly in your shoes 1.5 months ago and she left for a guy she only had 4 dates with and rejected my engagement ring for him. So I know your pain and I know that it's a hard thing to deal with but you must accept the reality of the situation. How much do you love yourself and more importantly how much more will someone else love you over this person. The answer is A LOT MORE .... I finally found out why my significant other does not visit or call since he moved out. I went over on Saturday and I saw that he was talking to another woman on the telephone. While I was there she called over and over again. And I got upset and said that I am going to child support because I cannot take anymore of this. Now I feel as if she thinks she has won. I want to communicate with him because I miss the family life that we once had but I don't know what to do. I don't want to face him because I am so hurt that I know its going to show. So how do I do this. I think what he wanted was to be able to come back home if things didn't work out the way he wanted them to. He says that he wants to work things out but needs time and space. I am afraid that if I let go that I am doing exactly what it is that the other woman is wanting me to. But I don't understand how can he leave a 17 year relationship with 2 kids involved for someone that he barely knows. He will not call me or come by. Even though he lives around the corner. I want to talk with him but am unsure of how. I have been thinking about writing a letter but I do not want him to feel as if he can still see this woman and have me to. How should I handle this?
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