crazycatlady Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 I got into a slight debate over wedding bands on facebook a couple of weeks ago. Several of the posters were saying that if you don't wear them, for whatever reason, you were up to no good and your marriage was a sham. I'm curious about what everyone thinks. For the record, no I don't wear a band, neither does my H. I hate jewelry and decided that I didn't need to conform to society's norm. H lost his years ago and we didn't replace it for basically the same reason. CCL
quankanne Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 he doesn't wear one, never has – when we met/married, he was an airplane mechanic, said that a ring could cost him a finger if it got caught in a tight place, and has only worn one briefly. But, since he doesn't really wear jewelry of any sort (save a necklace with a medallion from my mother), it's cool. me? I wear it if I remember to put ON jewelry before I go out, because I'm not big on wearing jewelry either! However, when I go on trips, my rings come out, though it doesn't necessarily mean I'll wear 'em 24/7. there's no mistaking that we're married, though ...
NancyBotwin Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 Marriage was a sham? I don't know about that. There are a lot of people that get married that can't afford wedding bands. Are their marriages shams? Are they up to no good?
young&inlove Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 My husband and I both wear our bands. It isn’t to "conform" though. It is our way of a reminder. I had his engraved, and he got mine for me because I really wanted it even though we were in a tight place with money. It shows that we are committed to each other. I don’t think that you have to have a band or anything to remember that though. I think whatever works for you then go for it. Ps.... NancyBotwin.... I LOVE your name.
InceptorsRule Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 I take mine on and off if my weight fluctuates a little because it gets too tight. Also if I do exercise or yard work my hands swell and the ring becomes very uncomfortable. My wife never removes hers. As far as I know.
redtail Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 ... Several of the posters were saying that if you don't wear them, for whatever reason, you were up to no good and your marriage was a sham. ... I think that a ring on one's finger has little to do with how faithful one plans on being nor does it indicate the quality of a marriage, good or bad. Personally, I've been married twice, I always have worn a wedding band, I never take mine off. My ex said she didn't either, but since the guy she had an affair with was married to someone else at the time as well, what difference did it make?!
maybebaby Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 I don't think that not wearing one means you are up to no good. My fiance and I both wear silver bands and we have since very early in our relationship and those rings will be our wedding bands after we're married. I bought his and we got it engraved, he made mine in a high-school art class 15 years ago and after wearing it for a few weeks put it on a chain in a box where it stayed until he gave it to me. What are the odds that his fingers in 11th grade would be the same size as mine are now? I think for us it's just a symbol and while I wouldn't be heartbroken if he wouldn't wear one I do kinda like that the women, and men, he works with everyday see right up front that he's taken. To each their own though and I think that people that don't wear them should totally have that right and that it isn't particularly strange and certainly isn't wrong.
mark982 Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 my wifes wore hers since day one. has only takin it off when doing yardwork,those kind of things. i work in a heavy industrial enviroment(melt steel) where wearing a ring could easily cost you a finger or more,if it catches right. there's a few guy walking around the mill who wish the wouldn't of wore a ring.
finding_serenity Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 i am married but dont wear wedding band, me and h didnt bother buy, ive an engagement ring but dont wear it. i dont like rings or bands, theyre like miniature handcuffs...
1qkblugt Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 My husband can't wear his because of his occupation. He is not allowed. My father and brother can't wear them in their line of work either. My husband does wear his on the weekends if we have a special event to got to because he really likes his LOL I wore mine for the first year we were married then got pregnant with my son.. Then didn't wear one for seven years LOL Last year hubby splurged and bought me a really nice band that i have been wearing ever since.
BellaBellaBella Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 Sometimes I wear mine and sometimes I don't. It is more a function of how I am feeling. I have always had a problem wearing rings, they have always been itchy. Not my wedding rings, just any ring. Mostly, I wear them if we are going somewhere more formal. Which isn't often, like twice a year.
Author crazycatlady Posted August 11, 2010 Author Posted August 11, 2010 I don't think the rings are anything more then a symbol, I don't consider then a shackle or a ring in the nose or anything. However I did get a little resentful that I had to wear the ring (its funny I don't even now why I used band in the title) or else I was up to something. I went on a little tirade because it started with men and then someone went on to say both people, and how they are all up to no good yadda yadda yadda. And I know it comes up on other threads about if the MM/MW wear their bands with their APs. So band or no band people who cheat will cheat no matter what. So this was my little tirade lol. I don't need a ring to tell someone I'm married, my voice is perfectly capable of doing that. I don't need a ring to show my committment to my spouse, my actions speak for themselves. I don't need a ring to remind me of my love for my husband. A ring doesnt make a committment, a ring doesn't keep love strong, a ring doesn't prove a marriage. People keep committments, people keep love strong, and people prove a marriage. The ring is just something the jewelry stores have convinced everyone they need, the more expensive the better. CCL
What_Next Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 Well I can say from personal experience that when used as a sort of weapon they can inflict some severe pain. In my particular case several months ago after discovering what I mistakenly thought was a EA my wife was having I took my band off in anger. I kept it off for a few months and my wife had taken it and kept it. It REALLY hurt her and she was quiet about it. Later on during our seperation she took hers off. I didn't notice at first but when I did it had an impact on me. Since our reconciliation I've kept mine on and she has kept hers on. Sure they are only symbols, but in the traditional sense they are more than just symbolic. However, traditions are ever changing.
Stung Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 I guess I can understand where your debate partners are coming from IF they were talking about a couple that has always worn their rings and taken the symbolism of it seriously, and then one member of the duo is spotted out and about in suspicious circumstances without their ring. I think a lot of people would wonder about that, assuming they even noticed--which I probably wouldn't. Our rings are highly symbolic to my husband and I. We had them especially made and engraved and neither of us has taken them off since the day we put them on. I love my ring and what it symbolizes. But that's us. Honestly I could not give a rat's ass what anybody else chooses to do about rings in their marriage. There's a whole panoply of approaches to the issue and not one of them is really any of my business.
blizzard Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 I think that you are less approachable (as being single)wearing a wedding band. Which puts you in less of a position. Sometimes less of an uncomfortable one. I also believe that they do represent a meaning, a feeling, a bond...when I saw he had removed his...I removed mine for forever it was the emptiest feeling that I had felt. There are cases in occupations where yeah you can't wear them. But if your husband and wife always has worn it...and then decides to remove it for whatever reason or supposingly loses it I would say you have much reason to doubt.
maybebaby Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 After reading all of the most recent responses I would have to say that I agree with the fact that if someone always wears their ring and then doesn't wear it one day that is more suspect or at least has more impact. I know that if my fiance suddenly took his off I would assume something was going on be it an affair or a lack of love. I know that if I took mine off he would feel the same way and would be alarmed because I wear it all the time, every day, and I love a chance to tell people that he made it. I treasure it and if I stopped wearing it, for whatever reason, it would be obvious and a big deal. I love my ring and his, I love that their symbols, I like being out with him in public and when people see my attractive mate they also see that not only are we touching and acting lovingly we also have on rings that make it clear we've made the decision this is what we want to do forever. I think it's different if you can't wear it at work or if you guys never started or got into wearing them. When my fiance was married before he never wore his ring because it was uncomfortable. When I was married before my ex wore his ring most of the time and I went several years without wearing mine because after I had a baby it just didn't fit anymore. It's all about context and the presidents set in the relationship about rings.
carhill Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 Stbx and I always wore our rings while together. Once we separated, I did experiment a bit and concluded that women seemed to approach more or be more open to approach (socially) when I wore my ring, which was consistent with when stbx and I were together. After that, once I stopped wearing it for good, the dynamic changed to a more circumspect status. If I get married again, I'll wear a wedding band simply because, to me, it's a public symbol of our 'connection'. That's a personal preference. YMMV
blizzard Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 (edited) I also want to add... If your spouse does "lose" his ring and makes no attempt or cares to replace it for whatever excuse...be doubtful. It's a lie. If your spouse lost his/her ring...you would soon be off to get another...it maybe a cheap one but it would wear just fine. And they would have no jive about doing so. That's honesty. Edited August 17, 2010 by blizzard
threebyfate Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 No rings might be evidence of no commitment or looking for partners and it might not. H and I wear ours 24x7. But then the ex-H who cheated on me, wore his 24x7 even for a year after our divorce and you can imagine how meaningful it was for him.
ColdFox Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 I had a really hard time taking mine off after my husband died. I left it on for a year and really only took it off because my mom kept telling me it was time (she was probably right) but now I keep it in my jewelry box beside my bed along with my engagement ring. They're sentimental and I will keep them even if I get remarried, and give them to my son someday. I wear another ring on that finger now that I bought myself, a pretty cocktail ring with my son's birthstone. I know people who have different things with their rings, though. A friend of mine is allergic to most metals so she doesn't really wear jewelry, she wears a wooden ring sometimes but most of the time nothing. Another friend works in the hospital and never wears her ring because she's always washing her hands and taking those gloves on and off.
Snowflower Posted August 17, 2010 Posted August 17, 2010 I had a really hard time taking mine off after my husband died. I left it on for a year and really only took it off because my mom kept telling me it was time (she was probably right) but now I keep it in my jewelry box beside my bed along with my engagement ring. They're sentimental and I will keep them even if I get remarried, and give them to my son someday. I wear another ring on that finger now that I bought myself, a pretty cocktail ring with my son's birthstone. Your post almost made me cry. I'm very sorry for your pain and I hope you find love and happiness someday, if you haven't already. I like your avatar, by the way!
ColdFox Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 Your post almost made me cry. I'm very sorry for your pain and I hope you find love and happiness someday, if you haven't already. I like your avatar, by the way! Thank you for the kind words. I am still working on finding a new way in the world. I love that picture too, my cousin is a photography/graphics buff. My hair is a bit shorter now, tho.
Eeyore79 Posted August 18, 2010 Posted August 18, 2010 My father was married for forty years and never wore a wedding band; he's just not the type of person who wears jewellery. My mother, however, always wore a wedding band, and continues to wear one even though she's divorced - she says it prevents people asking questions or hitting on her. It would be important to me that my spouse should wear a wedding band, because I feel that it displays his commitment to me and sends a clear message to any woman who might take a fancy to him (and vice versa, any man whose eye I caught could immediately see I was off limits). My friend isn't married, but he's in a serious LTR, so he wears a wedding band because he wants girls to know he's taken - imo displaying your unavailability is the major reason for wearing a ring.
Gfkr2 Posted August 20, 2010 Posted August 20, 2010 I wore my wedding band non-stop for over 25 years. During this time the band imprinted an impression on my ring finger even though I took it off of good 8 months ago The impression of the long departed wedding ring is a sobering remeinder of my failed M, and my wife's cheating:mad: Never again.
worlybear Posted August 24, 2010 Posted August 24, 2010 I wore my wedding band non-stop for over 25 years. During this time the band imprinted an impression on my ring finger even though I took it off of good 8 months ago The impression of the long departed wedding ring is a sobering remeinder of my failed M, and my wife's cheating:mad: Never again. Me, too ! I have a permanent wedding ring mark after taking it off (28 years). It's taking some getting used too- Have thought about buying a signet ring to wear on that finger as it feels bare... and I could buy it /choose it myself to symbolise moving on-maybe then I can focus on the future...not the past.
Recommended Posts