wtfisthis Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 (edited) Our relationship was rocky for a good 6 months and she decided to move out after living with me for a year. She moved back to her parent's house 3 months ago stating that we are just on a little break from each other. Around that time, she has been busy with work because she is military. I was also busy with my military career also so we both agreed to work on the relationship after our military careers settled down within those 3 months. We both agreed that we both were at fault for the relationship failing but I wanted to make sure we work on it so we can get back to our wedding plans. Through out the 3 months, she has been responsive to me but felt a little cold. She stopped saying "I love you" and took off my engagement ring. She gave an excuse that when she was sweeping, the rocks gave her a blister. I checked out her finger and found a blister there so I didn't think nothing of it. We went on military training for about a week so last night she stayed over since it was a far drive to her parents and we went to hang out with our co-workers. She was better responsive with me and we danced and hung out like nothing ever happened. I felt great! When we got home she quickly passed out and fell asleep next to her. In the morning, we made love. The whole week was good since we were responsive to each other even if we were both in uniform. We even talked about things like marriage and kids. When she went to go to the bathroom to take a shower, I checked her cell phone because I had a feeling I would find something. My instincts were right, I found text messages from someone named "Gentleman" with texts saying how much he misses her and other comments. The last text was the Friday morning before we went on training. My heart dropped. She was playing and lying me this whole time. Seems like this has been going on for a month and her actions towards me was like she was trying to make me feel at ease so she can do her dirty work. I am so pissed, betrayed and feel worthless right now but I don't know how to approach her since we have a relationship workshop in about week which she also claimed that it should help out in our relationship. It is sponsored by the Army and I cannot get out of it. What do I do?! I've been talking to friends before I found those text messages and talked to them about my relationship problems and most of them told me to break it off but its so hard. I don't know if I can ever trust her again... ------ EDIT: What pisses me off more is that she is divorced. Her ex-husband cheated on her and she went into depression for about a year. I just cannot come to believe that she would put the pain of getting cheated on someone else when she experienced it herself. Edited August 10, 2010 by wtfisthis
cookie2 Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 You should dump the skank immediately. Yes it is hard, as most of us here have found out, but it is necessary. You surely can cancel the relationship workshop if you're not in a relationship!!
InceptorsRule Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 Sorry dude, but if she's already cheating on you she's worthless to you as marriage material. DO NOT get married to her. Count yourself very lucky you found this out before not after the wedding. I mean if you can bring yourself to keep having sex with her, that's up to you. Oh yeah get tested for STD's. DO. NOT. MARRY. HER. UNDER. ANY. CIRCUMSTANCES. You will rue it and regret it. You don't think you are lucky that you found this out but BOY ARE YOU LUCKY YOU FOUND THIS OUT.
Bryanp Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 I would tell her that you know all about her cheating and you do not stay involved with cheaters. Great now you need to get tested for STD's. She was playing you for a fool. Good riddance to her.
karnak Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 ------ EDIT: What pisses me off more is that she is divorced. Her ex-husband cheated on her and she went into depression for about a year. I just cannot come to believe that she would put the pain of getting cheated on someone else when she experienced it herself. She may never really have loved you. She probably used you as an emotional crutch to get over her own divorce and the feelings for her husband. Many women and men do that, unfortunately... using another person as a sort of "teddy bear" who'll help them overcome their grief and fear of being alone. That's what many people keep forgetting, unfortunately. If you really love someone, you'd rather hurt yourself than hurt the one you love. Women and men may cheat on the ones they love. But they couldn't live with the guilt it causes them. If you can hurt/cheat/fool the person you're with and be ok with it --> then there's no love involved. Sorry. This was just a vent.
NancyBotwin Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 Did I miss something here? You've been engaged for 4 years? Doesn't that tell you something? Sorry, this relationship was not meant to be. I'm sorry you found out that way.
misternoname Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 Look on the bright side...at least this all happened BEFORE you got married! No messy divorce to deal with. Run like the wind.
Chrome Barracuda Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 Do you know the real reason, she was divorced from her first husband or is that what she told you??? Hmmmm. I wonder. Because it doesnt make sense, knowing what she went through, then turn around and do the same damn thing to you!?!? WTF. My advice dont get married, get your ring back. keep dating if she wants to rebuild trust but dont get married to this woman.
2long Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 If you can't get out of the relationship workshop, bring the affair up in discussion. If nothing else, it can help other participants avoid a similar problem (maybe even stop someone from getting married, who's being betrayed). You don't want 2 start a life and a family with someone cheating on you before you're even married. -ol' 2long
Author wtfisthis Posted August 10, 2010 Author Posted August 10, 2010 Did I miss something here? You've been engaged for 4 years? Doesn't that tell you something? Sorry, this relationship was not meant to be. I'm sorry you found out that way. Sorry, I meant to say that the relationship was 4 years. We were engaged for a little less than a year.
Author wtfisthis Posted August 10, 2010 Author Posted August 10, 2010 (edited) Do you know the real reason, she was divorced from her first husband or is that what she told you??? Hmmmm. I wonder. Because it doesnt make sense, knowing what she went through, then turn around and do the same damn thing to you!?!? WTF. My advice dont get married, get your ring back. keep dating if she wants to rebuild trust but dont get married to this woman. She was actually kinda forced to get married because she got pregnant while they were dating for about 3 months. At that time, she was still in college and her mom wanted her to abort the baby. She did that and her husband didn't like the idea. So throughout the year, her husband and her's relationship became really cold. He ended up cheating on her seeing single mothers and taking care of their kids. I guess to make up for the lost he had... When she found out, she went through a great depression. She even had to deal with the divorce and making the marriage nulled by the catholic church while we were in Iraq. Even while in Iraq, she was "seeing" another guy, I guess to cope with the divorce. He was sweet to her but in all, all he wanted was to have sex with her because of course both of them were far away in the middle of nowhere. Come to find out, he was married and was telling her lies. I think this also devastated her. While this was happening too, I was trying to get with her but at that time I knew little of their relationship. It is when we got back from Iraq she found a strong interest for me and we started dating. Out of all this ****, I cannot believe she would put someone she loved in the same position......I feel so damn betrayed after I knew her story and then caught her cheating...... Edited August 10, 2010 by wtfisthis
Chrome Barracuda Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 She was actually kinda forced to get married because she got pregnant while they were dating for about 3 months. At that time, she was still in college and her mom wanted her to abort the baby. She did that and her husband didn't like the idea. WTF!!! I would be pissed about it too. He probably had so many F-ing high hopes for his young family and got around to having a child with his wife! a baby that she killed because her mother told her too! and let me guess this is the same mother that forced her to get married!?! WHAT a CONTRADICTION! Dude your better off, dont believe a word that comes outta this woman's mouth. She's damaged goods mentally and all you'll be doing is coming back here crying about how she repeated the same things and hurt you, years later. I think killing that baby led him down the path. You dont kill a man's baby that wants a child. It'll screw them up. believe me on that. One way or another. Her mother sounds like a real charmer im sure.
Bitterman24/7 Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 Our relationship was rocky for a good 6 months and she decided to move out after living with me for a year. She moved back to her parent's house 3 months ago stating that we are just on a little break from each other. Around that time, she has been busy with work because she is military. I was also busy with my military career also so we both agreed to work on the relationship after our military careers settled down within those 3 months. We both agreed that we both were at fault for the relationship failing but I wanted to make sure we work on it so we can get back to our wedding plans. Through out the 3 months, she has been responsive to me but felt a little cold. She stopped saying "I love you" and took off my engagement ring. She gave an excuse that when she was sweeping, the rocks gave her a blister. I checked out her finger and found a blister there so I didn't think nothing of it. We went on military training for about a week so last night she stayed over since it was a far drive to her parents and we went to hang out with our co-workers. She was better responsive with me and we danced and hung out like nothing ever happened. I felt great! When we got home she quickly passed out and fell asleep next to her. In the morning, we made love. The whole week was good since we were responsive to each other even if we were both in uniform. We even talked about things like marriage and kids. When she went to go to the bathroom to take a shower, I checked her cell phone because I had a feeling I would find something. My instincts were right, I found text messages from someone named "Gentleman" with texts saying how much he misses her and other comments. The last text was the Friday morning before we went on training. My heart dropped. She was playing and lying me this whole time. Seems like this has been going on for a month and her actions towards me was like she was trying to make me feel at ease so she can do her dirty work. I am so pissed, betrayed and feel worthless right now but I don't know how to approach her since we have a relationship workshop in about week which she also claimed that it should help out in our relationship. It is sponsored by the Army and I cannot get out of it. What do I do?! I've been talking to friends before I found those text messages and talked to them about my relationship problems and most of them told me to break it off but its so hard. I don't know if I can ever trust her again... ------ EDIT: What pisses me off more is that she is divorced. Her ex-husband cheated on her and she went into depression for about a year. I just cannot come to believe that she would put the pain of getting cheated on someone else when she experienced it herself. She gaslighted you, took off her ring, and cheated on you and you guys are about to get married. Wow, all I got to say is that you'd be making a big problem if you marry her. Dump the trash. Bottom line she's probably using you as an emotional crutch to get over her divorce.
Bitterman24/7 Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 She was actually kinda forced to get married because she got pregnant while they were dating for about 3 months. At that time, she was still in college and her mom wanted her to abort the baby. She did that and her husband didn't like the idea. So throughout the year, her husband and her's relationship became really cold. He ended up cheating on her seeing single mothers and taking care of their kids. I guess to make up for the lost he had... When she found out, she went through a great depression. She even had to deal with the divorce and making the marriage nulled by the catholic church while we were in Iraq. Even while in Iraq, she was "seeing" another guy, I guess to cope with the divorce. He was sweet to her but in all, all he wanted was to have sex with her because of course both of them were far away in the middle of nowhere. Come to find out, he was married and was telling her lies. I think this also devastated her. While this was happening too, I was trying to get with her but at that time I knew little of their relationship. It is when we got back from Iraq she found a strong interest for me and we started dating. Out of all this ****, I cannot believe she would put someone she loved in the same position......I feel so damn betrayed after I knew her story and then caught her cheating...... She was a fool for listening to her mother about killing the baby. She didn't necessarily have to marry him in the first place, even if she was going to kill it. Seems like she was a bitch from day one even though she didn't deserve to be cheated on. If I were him, I would've just left instead of trying to "heal" with other baby mamas. She has a lot of **** that she needs to deal with and now it is confirmed that you are nothing to her but a temporary cushion until she changes the furniture. You definitely need to leave her so that she can work on her problems. You should also contact your superiors to discuss your situation with her because she may be unfit to perform well based on her issues.
Mimolicious Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 Better now than later. Saves you the cost of a wedding and the cost of a divorce because it will end in one. If you do go to the workshop, I say you bring it up in front of everyone. Let's see how she's going to like them apples! Your fiance is def not wife material. Get your ring back and move on. I know that this is easier said than done but save yourself while you can. Good luck!
piscis Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 (edited) Maybe I will sound crazy but are you completly sure she is cheating? doesn't she deserve the benefit of the doubt? Or maybe he text messages were so obvious (which is a little unclear at the post) I do not want to hear vain but I am redheaded which is particularly uncommon in Mexico City so there are several co-workers who call me beautiful. About 2 months ago I was very ill and was hospitalized and there were several coworkers that sent me messages as: Beautiful when are you coming back? Beautiful i miss you I have no one to eat with (we have he same lunch schedule) and I am not involved with any of those men. My only point here is doesn't those 4 years deserve a long talk where you tell her how you feel and why you had the intrusion to look in her cell phone and listen to what she has to saiy abou the whole mess. another suggestion why do you not really take the course as an opportunity to fix something. (you are just wondering how to get off it and maybe is just what you need when you need it) And if after that talk you do not trust her, or believe her theb go ahead end it and find someone you can trust Just a thought Edited August 10, 2010 by piscis
Dexter Morgan Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 Look on the bright side...at least this all happened BEFORE you got married! No messy divorce to deal with. Run like the wind. EXACTLY!!! wtf, you dodged a huge bullet here, consider yourself lucky. Some of us on this board weren't so lucky an wish we had the knowledge of what our X's, and some that aren't X's, were like before we did them the honor of marrying them. and if she is in the military, she doesn't know the first damn thing about honor and needs to finish her service and get out.
karnak Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 [/b]WTF!!! I would be pissed about it too. He probably had so many F-ing high hopes for his young family and got around to having a child with his wife! a baby that she killed because her mother told her too! and let me guess this is the same mother that forced her to get married!?! WHAT a CONTRADICTION! Dude your better off, dont believe a word that comes outta this woman's mouth. She's damaged goods mentally and all you'll be doing is coming back here crying about how she repeated the same things and hurt you, years later. I think Chrome is right. I don't know your wife, but what from what little you told us it seems that she has severe issues. Think about it.
Author wtfisthis Posted August 11, 2010 Author Posted August 11, 2010 I confronted her this morning before she started her work day and she claimed it was "nothing" and she wasn't with him. She claimed to be "vulnerable" during that time. She also said that she didn't have sex with him at all. She just needed comfort during that hard time when SHE moved out which I found to be a load of **** since I needed some assurance and support too and held my honor to fight through this to make things better. We both have a dog which we really love and while I am stuck at home taking care of him and all the other **** I have to do around the house, she goes to another guy... to be honest, I don't know what to believe at this point and there are no excuses. I straight walked away from her and she chased me through the parking lot. She even stopped me from getting in my car and driving off. She said she still cares about me but how?! How can I trust that or anything she says?! And Dexter you are right, there is no HONOR in this. She takes care of the soldiers and our unit well and suffers because of it but not take that same HONOR and live the same army values in our relationship, it really disappoints me. I kept my integrity high, and made sure I lived by those same army values. I rather fail with honor than succeed by fraud.
Onto Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 Those that were cheated on, often are the cheaters in the next relationship and vice versa. People who either cheat or get involved with a cheater have some relation to cheating that often stems from childhood.
seibert253 Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 She's lied, disrespected you and all you stand for, and is continuing to do so by saying it was "nothing". BS, it's called cheating. Right not I want you to get down on your knees and thank God that you found this out BEFORE you got married. Jesus has truly just given you a gift. Insight into your fiance's true nature. Take advantage of this gift. She needs to go. You deserve better.
seibert253 Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 Almost forgot to thank you for your service to our country. God Bless.
Bitterman24/7 Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 I confronted her this morning before she started her work day and she claimed it was "nothing" and she wasn't with him. She claimed to be "vulnerable" during that time. She also said that she didn't have sex with him at all. She just needed comfort during that hard time when SHE moved out which I found to be a load of **** since I needed some assurance and support too and held my honor to fight through this to make things better. We both have a dog which we really love and while I am stuck at home taking care of him and all the other **** I have to do around the house, she goes to another guy... to be honest, I don't know what to believe at this point and there are no excuses. I straight walked away from her and she chased me through the parking lot. She even stopped me from getting in my car and driving off. She said she still cares about me but how?! How can I trust that or anything she says?! And Dexter you are right, there is no HONOR in this. She takes care of the soldiers and our unit well and suffers because of it but not take that same HONOR and live the same army values in our relationship, it really disappoints me. I kept my integrity high, and made sure I lived by those same army values. I rather fail with honor than succeed by fraud. She's gaslighting you. She's just trying to damage control the situation. Its more than likely that she also had sex with him if she knew him for a while. Usually EAs lead to PAs most often. You still need to get ready to leave her and talk to your superiors.
spriggig Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 ...since I needed some assurance and support too and held my honor to fight through this to make things better...She said she still cares about me but how?! How can I trust that or anything she says?!.. There are women who will do the same, stand their ground and fight for love and honor. She is not one of them and she has proven this time and again base on what you have said in this thread. If the trust is gone, the relationship is dead. This is not the woman you are looking for. Move along.
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