Dying Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 (edited) This post has been deleted. Edited August 10, 2010 by Dying
Beeotch Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 First off, in response to you saying that you couldn't not contact him for a few days so how would you manage months. The GOOD news is that like a lot of things in life it is actually more difficult when you just start but overtime you get accustomed to it and then it becomes significantly easier. Everything just happened and is fresh, your feelings are completely normal but also skewed. Please remember that. You don't need to deny your feelings or pretend to be stronger than you are, as that actually makes you feel WORST. However, it does help to realize that a lot of how you feel now and think is transient and with time there does come clarity! I have been where you were a year and a half ago, granted we were not engaged neither did we actually live together, but nevertheless all the feelings you're feeling, I've felt them so I completely empathize. I'm here to say though, that today, I am not only HAPPY we broke up and can see why things played out as they did, but I would have had it no other way and have learned and grown so much and have had a revolution since then in my entire being! I could never have imagined that initially, but it did happen. I always tell people now, that break ups happen to throw a wrench into something that was broken, not working properly, would have ended horribly or stop you in your tracks so that you can work on something in YOUR life. That is the truth, and when you know that, you can start to search your life and get on that great journey of renewing yourself. I thought my ex and I had a great thing going on, probably would have ended up married to him right now, but you know what? After our break up is when I realized soooooooooo much was wrong or could be better within myself and within him and with what I want that I would have NEVER seen had we been together. Break ups are NOT a death sentence but a blessing to take a step back for various reasons. You CANNOT lose what belongs to you so really there is no need to be afraid. Your ex admits to having issues and things to fix within himself. It is a blessing although it hurts! He is admitting this and the BEST gift someone can give you, is to work on themselves if you guys want a chance to work out successfully later on. We all have a sense of neediness and belief that we did XYZ and this person owes us...but that's not love. Loving yourself means you want the BEST and loving someone else means you want them to be their best and have the best too. Anything else ISN'T love. Clean up the final loose ends and really believe that this is not the end of your life...but an opportunity to go in a better direction! I think the idea is true that a lot of people hold on to their ex NOT because they are that great but out of fear they won't find anyone else. Which is the truth...if you knew for a fact that you would meet someone a million times better you would be KICKING your ex out the door Well not really, because regardless a friendship was built and I DO understand that you feel like you are losing that.....but your ex was decent enough to admit he wanted a friendship later on down. That is the difficult truth, that it is nearly impossible, if you had a deep/intense relationship to just smoothly slide into being friends...that is delusional and ends up CHAOTIC! Trust me, I tried it...my bestfriend tried it...many people here tried it...9/10 times it is a big, fat, fail! Reason being is we're not honest with ourselves, going the "friend" route is the biggest lie we tell ourselves. If a friendship should result, it can only happen later. This person will be fine, you will be fine. If you believe in prayer, I do, I's pray for their well being but know it is not up to me to be their crutch nor their mine or to check on them daily.It's broken for you to go your own way. You have relied on him for so long as you said, now it's time for something else and HE has realized that he needs to do for himself too. It HURTS, no question but it gets better and there is a reason to this chaos in your life that becomes CLEAR as you keep working through things. It will take time to get on your feet...but find a support system, get together with friends, use Love Shack, buy books, join a group/club etc and do all you kind to find the lessons in this time in your life. You will be completely fine
Not strong enough Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 Well, i really don't know whats going on, but it seems like u and your ex broke up, and your having a hard time not contacting him. I don't know the situation, but if he doesn't have ill feelings towards you, then i might try to talk to him. If its been months, i wouldn't say rush into talking to him. But i might make some contact. Being on good terms helps a lot. I'm starting to not like my ex very much because of the way she has been acting. I personally don't like the games. I can't tell if shes truly being spiteful by what she's doing. Trying to make me jealous, or honestly doesn't realize it's irritating me. If she is being spiteful then let it be, but if she really isn't trying to be, then it would be a lot better if we talked and set up boundaries. Like i said i don't know what ur situation is exactly but, if you think u can talk to him, then i would, after a few months, it's really not going to make it any worse, it might give u some sort of closure.
Author Dying Posted August 10, 2010 Author Posted August 10, 2010 It's only been a few days. and he said he doesn't want me to contact him. seems like he's doing the best he can to just erase me from his life, but at the same time said that he still cares about me and that he's gonna miss me
Nikki Sahagin Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 Dying, as someone who felt suicical over my breakup at the beginning, I can promise that you will get through this! Its always hard at the beginning, worse than hard, its impossible to put into words. It is our own little personal hell. But you can do this, we all really have no other choice. Just keep on going, keep on going, I promise you can do this!
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