2sure Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 I was OW a few times. In each case there was no expectation that they would leave their wives. To the best of my knowledge each of them were still engaged in regular sexual intimacy with their wives. I was single. At the time, I thought this type of no expectations relationships suited me. Once or twice I felt I was in some kind of love. In each case, the men knew that I was available to date others. Because I was and did. But while I was involved with a man I was never able to seriously pursue a relationship with another man ( read: single man). its because, despite my then comfort level with being involved in infidelity... I was/am naturally monogamous. I think thats why so many OW who try to meet and date available men while still in contact with their MM ...cant shake loose of their feelings for MM and cant develop chemistry with another.
In_Repair Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 (edited) OWoman and 2Sure, I meant someone who you seek a monogamous relationship with. If that isn't your goal, then it doesn't apply. If I'm not in an exclusive relationship with someone, I'm pretty much a man-slut, so I understand the dynamics of a FWB or casual sex/dating partner. In this forum though, I doubt that too many people currently see themselves that way, and it seems that most desire a monogamous LTR with their AP. Edited August 12, 2010 by In_Repair .....
2sure Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 OWoman and 2Sure, I meant someone who you seek a monogamous relationship with. If that isn't your goal, then it doesn't apply. If I'm not in an exclusive relationship with someone, I'm pretty much a man-slut, so I understand the dynamics of a FWB or casual sex/dating partner. In this forum though, I doubt that too many people currently see themselves that way, and it seems that most desire a monogamous LTR with their AP. Uh yeah, thats what I said: "I was/am naturally monogamous. I think thats why so many OW who try to meet and date available men while still in contact with their MM ...cant shake loose of their feelings for MM and cant develop chemistry with another. "
In_Repair Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 Uh yeah, thats what I said: "I was/am naturally monogamous. I think thats why so many OW who try to meet and date available men while still in contact with their MM ...cant shake loose of their feelings for MM and cant develop chemistry with another. " Okay, I read your post the wrong way. It seemed to have a different meaning, for some reason, the first time I read it.
2sure Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 Hey, I dunno, maybe I meant something else the first time I said it.
jennie-jennie Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 Jennie, I'm not sure what that meant with the little rabbits, but I think you probably understand where I'm coming from. I interpret the rabbits as "You go, girl!" I never considered there might be another way to interpret them, but maybe there is? Anyway, that's what I meant: You go, girl! :bunny:
wheelwright Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 Strangely, I read this OP differently to many. Because I found it impossible to sleep with or kiss my H during the A, and for a long time after the A I could not do these things with my H without feeling I was being unfaithful to xMOM, even though he through me under a bus with cherries on. It's about the feelings, isn't it? I don't know if I would have minded him having sex with his W during the A. He didn't (Yes, I'm one of those OW who believed it, because I was also a WS and it was true for me). But he slept with her post-A and during reconciliation, and boasted about it to mutual friends! And then told me he thought about me when he did it (yuck ). If he had slept with her, but not been emotionally reconciling, I think I might have stood it. I think I believed xMOM when he said about the no sex, because his voice was so incredibly bitter when he said it (yes, this should have been a red flag to the forthcoming big fat bus!). Mind you, that's why I couldn't do it with H during/post-A - MOM was in my head. Post-A I would try (part of reconciliation right) when drunk and manage to keep xMOM at bay from my thoughts but wake up disgusted with myself. Which never happened when I slept with xMOM. So I guess in short, two lovers for me, either in it or as OW, is a headf***.
bentnotbroken Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 Hey, I dunno, maybe I meant something else the first time I said it. :lmao::lmao:My laugh for the day.
In_Repair Posted August 12, 2010 Posted August 12, 2010 Hey, I dunno, maybe I meant something else the first time I said it. I just skimmed over your post the first time and assumed it was in agreement with OWomans post. Sorry.
Fallen Angel Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 Because I am monogamous by nature. It is part of who I am. My heart can only belong to one person at a time and where my heart is, my body follows. So to have a sexual encounter with someone other than my sweetheart would not nessecarily be cheating on my sweetheart per se, but cheating against my own natural emotional make-up. I am free to see anyone I want at anytime I choose. I just choose not to.
OWoman Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 OWoman and 2Sure, I meant someone who you seek a monogamous relationship with. That was what they wanted. But they were prepared to settle for something else, as they presumably saw it as a means to an end (however erroneously, because that wasn't what I wanted). They WERE monogamous - it's just that I wasn't.
Ellin Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 I think thats why so many OW who try to meet and date available men while still in contact with their MM ...cant shake loose of their feelings for MM and cant develop chemistry with another. That's a very interesting proposition. I wonder what are the odds of an OW freeing herself from the emotions which keep her in the A by going out and dating others.
In_Repair Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 (edited) That's a very interesting proposition. I wonder what are the odds of an OW freeing herself from the emotions which keep her in the A by going out and dating others. I don't know about OW, but it helped me as an OM. I couldn't see falling into that trap where, as an AP, I would have to make my whole life revolve around the limited schedule of a MW. Edited August 13, 2010 by In_Repair ...
2sure Posted August 13, 2010 Posted August 13, 2010 Yeah, when I was seeing married men - even though I wasnt expecting a full on relationship, and even though I was not head over heels in love...I was dating -but with , I felt, disappointing results and I realized... I wasnt emotionally available, I wasnt going to have chemistry with any of the available men I dated... Because like it or not, emotionally invested or not...I was monogamous by nature. So, by being involved with MM, I could think I was free to persue other interests, but as long as I was with MM ...I really wasnt.
GreenEyedLady Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 Have any of you who have been in an A feel like you have to be faithful to the person, I mean, its almost crazy, yet I find myself being faithful to a man that goes home and sleeps with his wife every night, urghh! I can't sleep with someone else when I love another. And mine didn't sleep with his every night. I have to say I'm glad that he is in the profession he is. GEL
TinaniT Posted August 14, 2010 Posted August 14, 2010 I felt I did because we discussed it and came to that agreement, and both of us abided by it
carrie999 Posted August 15, 2010 Posted August 15, 2010 We're all here, so monogamy has flown out the window. If you're involved with a married person who isn't separated, you can't expect them to be "faithful." In some cases, that person won't ever be faithful.
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