IfiKnewThen Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 There is no point in telling my story. it all seems like it is truly over now and maybe has been for some time. i just got the news today from what once was my LDR that he met someone from mexico. he himself is mexican (i am not)...and she is nearer his age. i was 18 years his senior. and they are of the same culture and she is his aunts cousin..but not related to him. for 3 months i have tried to reach his heart and he has been cold and distant and resolved to not being with me. but i had still hoped so hard and prayed so hard. i wanted 1 window of opportunity. he says he just met her this weekend. she came over and he drove her and his aunt and cousins back down to mexico. prior to this i have been with him for 10 whole years and all he did was promise me a life together everyday. we spoke morning noon and night and visited with each other and went across the country with each other. i was/am sick sick with a disability and it got worse during out time together because i took an over the counter medicine that gave me horrible side effects and basically helped ruin my life more. this injured my past and current affliction even more. he blamed himself or thought i blamed him because he recommended the medicine i took when i had a bad stomach pains that wouldn't let up. i couldn't see or get to a dr. fast enough before self helping myself with this medicine and due to insurance issues. so i took this medicine for my stomach and it made my other condition spiral. of course been so much worse off now i was irritable and cranky and sad...and it all came out in our relationship. he still said he didn't care and wanted to be with me and was going to move up to me. but then one day...when he was going to do something with his friends that i didn't normally want him to do..(but I didn't protest at all either)....he said he wasn't going to go with them on this thing all month long (again even tho i didnt protest)..then at the last minute while we were supposed to play a game online together i he got up and up and went out with his friends and left me sitting at my pc...clueless. we weren't even arguing. he just said..sorry i am going don't stop me. i didn't stop him, but i was hurt and shocked and asked him why did he lie to me and just not tell me what he REALLY wanted to do? Ps we haven't been together since. he got cold distant..etc. i kept asking him did he meet someone..what was wrong. all he said was NO he didn't and that he was sorry. i said i forgive you. just come back to me. and he never did. then i found out 3 months prior he went on a site asking for advise (not this site) about how to get deal with a woman 18 years older than him who he had been with for 10 years who was sick and not meeting his needs. he befriended her and they met...but he claims all the did was hug and he spent time with her behind my back. and was evaluating what to do with me. i was hurt when i found out (he finally told me this) but told him i forgave him and understood that i had not been good to him in my irritation with my illness and that i was deeply sorry and i loved him and wanted another chance now that my eyes were wide open. that i loved him and always loved him and know when i am wrong and want to do beyond better. but he kept saying "cant we be friends" so then finally i said yes and settled for that. but he never would even act as a friend. barely ever called. didn't play internet games. never opened up to me. didn't watch tv with me like we used to. stopped watching our shows. was going out all the time drinking. etc. so i told him i would love to come visit him which is a very hard thing for me to do with my disability. (trust me ) and he said he would like that and was surprised i would risk it. a plane is NOT good for my health. this illness is brutal. so bad i don't even want to talk about in unless its in PM. anyway, i told him i had to practice with altitude...going up in a high building. to see how my health reacted to it. it was all for it and call a weeeeeeeeeeee bit more often. then it tapered off again and then we went to take his family back home from their visit. he didn't call all weekend and i didn't call him. i was not one of these woman...calling and texting. i cant even text. i stink at it. anyway, i was in touch and was always loving and made sure i was NOT demanding. so when he came back he wrote me and asked me if i practiced by going in a tall building to prepare for altitude changes. i called him at work and told him i couldn't afford to go in one building that charged a lot of money to get to the top and was looking for a free building just as tall. i asked him if it was still OK to come. he said i cant talk now i am in a conference. so he called back and his first words were...i met someone this Friday and told me the rest about her. ................sighssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss my heart is breaking sooooooooooooooooooooooooo sooooooooooooo bad. i feel such a range of emotions and i think i am still in shock still from the past 3 months. i have been in utter depression but held out hope. he is so casual and aloof about it all. as if he never promised me a thing for 10 years and wasn't in my day for 10 days 24/7. i think i almost blacked out. my mind went blank and i was numb. i dread all the feelings to go thru after this. i pray God saves and helps me. please God make this pain stop. i calmly then told him how much i always loved him and still do and that even though i wanted to be friends...and ...oh yeah he said i could still come down there. i said ..i don't think i can do that now. i asked him if he just wanted me physically and he said he thought about me being down there and being physical but that no..there was more to it than that and was looking forward to our time together..friendship. i confessed i had still had hope and couldn't put this girl and him on a shelf in the back of my mind and just carry on like nothing. that i didn't want to risk getting physical or just plain feel closer and get more hurt (if that's even possible). he said i you sure you don't want to think it over.... i said i am sure. i don't think i can hack this. he said they really hit it off. 6 hours in a car together talking etc. i know he HAD to have been with her longer. his uncles from mexico have been there for at least 2 weeks working on their house. he said it was just this friday and since i asked him to tell me if anything ever happened so i wouldn't go into shock again like i did when he up and left me at my pc ..(he said let play our game and then when i went to look at something on my terrace) and came back to the pc he was in the car driving to his friends. i was gone all of 1 MINUTE Afk. so i told him no more shocking me. so he told me he met this mexican school teacher. he said he really wasn't involved with anyone else during the 3 months. and wasn't really into the older woman who was my age...that he had met online who answered his advise ad. but not he has feelings for this girl he met this friday (yeah right) 3 days ago. but i do know it doesn't take long to know you have chemistry with someone. i feel so left in the dirges i told him how much i had lost...my future with him, his friendship..even his prayers the prayers we prayed together during me getting another disability from those stupid over pills. all he says is " i am sorry"................ its so hopeless. i asked him to please tell me for closure...what i could have done in between the time he left me and this girl. and he said ..i don't know and didn't want to answer me. then said maybe nothing. i asked him when he "lost" it for me. and he wouldn't tell me. he was always so quiet about his feelings. he always used to act like everything was OK when he felt it wasn't and then he would hurt me with not moving here or coming...etc. then he would say..i am sorry..i love you and lets try again and i would. or i would said i am sorry lets try again and we would. and we never missed a beat. but secretly he was always dissatisfied and thought wanted something better than this. i think his b/f (male ) who missed hanging out with him encouraged things too. but he is independent so he still had a mind of his own it just that friends can add insult to injury long distance. but it wasn't the friend. i am just saying. he hung up by him saying i have to get back to work..rather angry and cold b/c he didn't like me asking the questions that made him uncomfortable. i wasn't going to go into a story like i did here. i am sooooo so sad/depressed/shocked/hurt/ angry at myself for not giving back in the relationship like i could have because i let this darn illness take me down. crying here. i am so upset the the tears and crying inflame my head and make my stupid illness worse. that's why i vented to him so much the last 2 years but he said it was ok. because it made me much more symptomatic to cry. and i had so little outlets for my stress because so many things exacerbate this darn illness. food, noise, etc. i couldn't see a therapist either b/c i had a very bad experience with one many years ago and i done and wont trust them anymore. he agreed and understood b/c this illness is so sensitive and tricky. and flares up soooooooooo easily. and can get and stay worse. so he wanted me to vent with him so not to cry or whatever. he knew i couldn't go out much since this horrible side effect that was more than "side"..started. he was beyond his years. he was a writer..and thinker...sensitive .. worshiped God AKA prayed with me..was like born again...he was intelligent and knew what he was doing. why did he mislead me? even if he got to a breaking point. why didn't he talk to me so i could fix it. he did say he was scared to talk to me when the weight for him got heavy with my troubles or attitude somethings. i do get that but i was making so many changes already. and if you only knew how much i gave myself. he didn't go out of this empty handed. i thought he cared and had a conscienous. my God forgive me i cant type anymore/typos etc. he turned into a cold self serving...i dont care if i told you one thing and did another person. ps hes back in a LDR but not as far as i was. he can drive to her . hes in texas..shes in mexico.(about 5 6 hour drive?) i was in the northeast like 1200 miles away ? and he saw me often enough. i did visit him in the past too before i got to sick to take trains and fly and i dont drive. i am so sad. i pray God takes this pain away. i keep crying all the time now and welling up with tears...and the whats if's in my mind.
TheEdge1980 Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 I've always believed LDR's never work out. It seems you put so much effort into this and now's he's changed... Your situation really is worse than mine, I think.
Author IfiKnewThen Posted August 10, 2010 Author Posted August 10, 2010 LOL ya think edge? well gee that made me feel better well at least you made me smile for a second. yeah, my situation really stinks. and i didnt even send you the details of the condition i have and the rest of the story. i want to send it to you in PM, can you set up an email address (contact ) within LS? if its too much trouble i understand. please write back. thanks theedge!
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