Jump to content

troubled in Canada

markandrew

By markandrew
in Coping

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

markandrew Member

markandrew

Posted
Posted

Hi, new here. I did a search to find a group which discusses relationship issues and so I'm here.

 

I am somewhat troubled with something which happened a few months ago.

 

I helped a neighbor (and friend) move from Maine to Colorado. She's 62 and I'm 53. Her daughter(31) is a business person in Denver. I knew little of her since we had rarely talked, so what I knew of her was from her mother and articles in magazines about her. The goal was to relocate there and we were to both live with her daughter while we each got ourselves settled in somewhere. I felt kind of out of place. I admit that I was fond of the daughter (quite beautiful, spiritual and talented) and maybe she sensed it, I was never out of place though with my words or actions only because I knew she would not be interested in an older man so I tried to be a friend. I tried to be a gentleman in every way.

 

I'm a talented person also, business minded, so when I left for CO I wanted to offer her to develop products in line with her business ( I wanted to invest time towards her projects). For the past few years, I had taken care of her mother (poor and ill) in hopes she would see me as a reliable friend and someone she could count on. I also had the feeling she had a negative impression of me from the start and I wanted to change that. I never felt the time was right to talk business with her.

 

So a few months ago (after 2 months in CO), the mother and I had a fight, in which she told me "why would we help you, you're not family". It really insulted me that she would say something like that, especially after all the things I had done for her. I'm a loner, peaceful and friendly person. It's not as if I was trying to rip off her daughter with rent money. I'm not sure why she said that.

 

So immediately after she said that, I just packed my things and left without saying a word. I didn't even tell her daughter I was leaving. I didn't call or write afterward.

 

Maybe I should just drop it, stop thinking about it. But it's constantly in my mind. I feel bad to have left the way I did. I feel like I did something wrong. They have no way of knowing where I'm at so they wouldn't be able to contact me if they wanted to. But in a way I feel they would want me to.

 

I hope this all makes sense, (or maybe it doesn't..lol).

 

I was hoping maybe someone could tell me what they would do if they were in my shoes.

 

Thanks for listening,

 

Mark

bonpaw2008 Established Member

bonpaw2008

Posted
Posted

Aw M - sorry that you went through that. Sounds like the mother is the one with the problem. I know that you want to say that you are sorry and make everyone like you again but it doesn't sound like that would help. Just know that you did the best thing for the mother when you could, and that you never did anyting to the daughter to make her think any less of you.

 

Let it go and find someone to help that will be nice to you and help you back.

 

Good luck!!

  • Author
markandrew Member

markandrew

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Hi bonpaw and thanks, nice answer

 

Deep down I know that's what I have to do. It does make me sad though, I have a hard time to get over the insult.

Mark

bonpaw2008 Established Member

bonpaw2008

Posted
Posted
Hi bonpaw and thanks, nice answer

 

Deep down I know that's what I have to do. It does make me sad though, I have a hard time to get over the insult.

Mark

 

You are a good person, don't stop being good because of one bad situation :)

  • Author
markandrew Member

markandrew

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Thanks for taking the time. I appreciate that you saw in my post that I was a good person. Time will heal, I'll get over it. See you soon. Mark

D-Lish Established Member

D-Lish

Posted
Posted

Maybe the mother was reacting to her gut instinct that you found her daughter more enticing than her? A feeling not disputed by you...

 

Don't underestimatre a woman's instinct, or her capacity to lash out if she feels slighted...

 

Just trying to convey another perspective...

  • Author
markandrew Member

markandrew

Posted
  • Author
Posted

It would be another long story, but I think you're partially correct in your perspective. I don't think I was that obvious but women do have fine tuned emotional antennas. I knew my feelings were out of place but I wasn't acting out on them either. I can hold my place, I just wanted to be a friend, I knew the feelings would eventually fade away and I'd be ok.

 

Maybe to them, or her it was obvious.

D-Lish Established Member

D-Lish

Posted
Posted
It would be another long story, but I think you're partially correct in your perspective. I don't think I was that obvious but women do have fine tuned emotional antennas. I knew my feelings were out of place but I wasn't acting out on them either. I can hold my place, I just wanted to be a friend, I knew the feelings would eventually fade away and I'd be ok.

 

Maybe to them, or her it was obvious.

 

I'm betting it was obvious to the mom. It would be obvious to most women, despite the fact that you think you hid it from her. Women are def in tune to such things... Radar.

 

If you felt something, anything- the mom picked up on it, I guarantee it. You may have thought you were being subtle, but both of them probably picked up on it. It would explain the sudden expulsion.

  • Author
markandrew Member

markandrew

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Actually, I think I couldn't take it anymore. I just left because the whole thing felt awkward. You're probably right in that they sensed it. Probably better the way it is now.

 

Thanks both for the input, got to shut down for the night.

take care

Mark

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...