exclusive. Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 I told my ex tonight, that we need to take a prolonged break from contact because whilst she doesnt care for me anymore I cant care for her, its just too much. So, even though shes the dumper shes deleted me from facebook, blocked me and deleted me from Skype. I dont understamd why she has taken it upon herself to do that... maybe someone could shed some light for me? However, I am with all you others now that are going to find it tough so feel this thread as a place to come and chit chat, ask me questions or ask my advice. Good luck to all of us!
Username37 Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 Welcome to NC. I'll first start off by saying it's an emotional roller coaster. I've been on NC for about 2 months already and it's been crazy. I've been tempted to text and call my ex but so far I haven't (she broke it 4 times) My ex is still on my FB, it's just that she put me on restriction instead of block. This happened 3 weeks into my NC. Just keep posting here and reading our stories about NC and all of that and you should be fine and NOT fall into any mistakes we have done. Good luck to ya and again, welcome to the club We're going to be fine.
Author exclusive. Posted August 9, 2010 Author Posted August 9, 2010 I will be using my thread to write blogs of my daily dealings. I think it will help, thank you for your post
Don Ho Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 Exclusive, you need to read more before you act. The idea of No Contact is NOT telling them what you told her. You do not tell them you can't be friends or you're taking a break. The idea is to disappear and let them wonder where you went, to give you and emotional break and them time to think about it without your pressure. No matter, it's done. I think you need to go complete NC and No Response. Move on. Start dating. Find another.
Author exclusive. Posted August 9, 2010 Author Posted August 9, 2010 Exclusive, you need to read more before you act. The idea of No Contact is NOT telling them what you told her. You do not tell them you can't be friends or you're taking a break. The idea is to disappear and let them wonder where you went, to give you and emotional break and them time to think about it without your pressure. No matter, it's done. I think you need to go complete NC and No Response. Move on. Start dating. Find another. I disagree Don, I know what it means... it depends on the reasoning behind NC. Either, - its for yourself in order to move on and get on with your life. - Its your last move to get your ex back because you hope absence makes the heart grow fonder. Mine is a touch of both, I can't have my ex constantly treating me like dirt and then relying on me to boost her ego when she is feeling down. I have told her what im doing, because she needs to know shes being a cock to me and that im not going to stand for it. Whether she knows or not, either way she will miss me or she won't and the answer as to whether we were meant for each other will be answered.
Thierro Posted August 9, 2010 Posted August 9, 2010 Welcome to the family, exclusive. Nice to meet you. How are you feeling? Well, don't be bothered to try and figure out her reasoning. It consumes your thoughts way too much and it leads to nothing. Can you give us some more details about your situation in general?
Author exclusive. Posted August 9, 2010 Author Posted August 9, 2010 Hey Thierro, I started a thread previous to this asking for everyones 2 cents but to put it brief, my ex... after a really fun and loving relationship just finished with me one day for no reason and reckons she doesn't love me anymore but is desperate for my friendship. I've got NC because I can't lose my feelings for her and in return, she doesn't respect me. So I've done it so she can realise what a life without me feels like and hopefully that will give us both answers good or bad. Nice to meet you too :-)
YellowShark Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 (edited) Hi exclusive, No Contact is when you've decided to never go back. It is a method of healing for YOU. It means you are 100% committed to move on, and therefore you must delete them, block them, erase them, and go totally "Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" on them. No "friendships," NOTHING. THE REASON FOR THIS IS FOR YOU TO HEAL AND GET OVER THEM. I am on 3 months of NC - (after a 7-year relationship) - and frankly the first two months really sucked BIG TIME! Now that I am in the third month it's getting much much easier, and I see a future ahead without her. The trick I used to stay NC was a visualization... "I am a submarine hiding under the North Pole under radio silence." Edited to add.. It ALSO means no asking mutual friends or family members how "the EX" is doing." That will just set you back a whole bunch. And also be prepared for "the EX" to break NC, it's happened to me twice and it really screws with your head. So if you are REALLY done, you don't reply to their communications while you are in NC. Edited August 10, 2010 by YellowShark
Lost Fish Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 Welcome exclusive. I have been with a similar woman who after a break tried to use me as her fall back guy for (too long) a while. I realized I couldn't handle the constant disrespect and used feeling of being her emotional crutch. So I eventually came to the same conclusion as you and went NC. I don't think it totally matters whether or not you tell the other the reasoning why you are vanishing from their lives. I will also report that it can be a ride of a lot of ups and downs for you - as your mind adjusts to them no longer being around. One thing you have to be vigilant of is the mind tricking you and starting to make her into someone she wasn't. In those moments of weakness when you really miss her and want her back, remind yourself of the reasons why you are where you are right now. The real test will come when she breaks NC to check in - and whether or not you can stay strong. Because it will happen, it always does. If you do want her back then you must accept nothing less than her coming back in a sincere way where she truly shows you she wants to work on whatever issues drove you apart. Anything less and you are selling yourself short. And even then you have to truly decide if it is the right thing to try again. Stay strong brother, and know you are on the right path.
Author exclusive. Posted August 10, 2010 Author Posted August 10, 2010 Inspiring message Lost Fish, thank you.
Author exclusive. Posted August 10, 2010 Author Posted August 10, 2010 Okay, so here goes my blog... Day one Not a great start, it's a big music festival where I live in two weeks and I bought my ex's ticket and her brothers for them on my card (they gave me the money) and so I got contacted by my ex this morning because her controlling mother is wondering where the tickets are, she asked if I could send over the confirmation email to keep her mum at bay. Grrrr... Im not an arsehole so I did simply forward to email, and replied "Check mail" I know its not the best of starts but I felt I couldn't avoid this without being an arsehole, and two arseholes dont make an angel. I was quite pleased I kept it very brief though, and haven't made any contact since. I've thought about her a lot, but I've gotten on with my day - apart from posting the tickets to her, hopefully that is the last I hear. I miss her a great deal, but when someone only wants you for their ego boost - you gotta say no!
EmptyPromises Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 good for you. STAY NO CONTACT. TRUST ME. youll regret breaking it. I went 2 months no contact, my ex came crawling back, i took him back, was mistreated again and now im back to square one. Dealing with the pain and heartbreak all over again. NEVER LOOK BACK.
EmptyPromises Posted August 10, 2010 Posted August 10, 2010 ps the first week is always the hardest...at least for me. by the time you get to the second, third, fourth week you will feel yourself become happier and free. youll still think of her but you wont have that intense pain in your heart or stomach that you had the first couple of days. blah i wish i had kept no contact! im on day one as well!
Author exclusive. Posted August 11, 2010 Author Posted August 11, 2010 Day 2 This will probably be in 2 parts, as Im only halfway through the day and Im already writing. I think I should explain my situation a little more; I graduated from University last month in Interior Architecture & Design. Best day of my life by a long shot but because of the recession I havent found a single job advertisement that wants years and years of experience that graduates just will not have. Secondly, I also found out recently that one of my best friends I have known for almost 10 years has contracted Ewing Sarcoma, a horrible form of cancer. He's only 22 for christ sake!! But we find out if the cancer has spread this week. So at the moment, I am stuck at home thinking about a million different things. I have had a hard day because my ex and I were always there to catch each other when we fell and during our relationship we helped each other through A LOT. So I have been thinking of her most of the day and spent myself lying in bed. Earlier I found myself bursting into tears because of everything wrapped into one. I keep visualising her laying on my bed giving me one of her smiles and telling me things are okay.. I dont like it. Luckily, I have football later on tonight with my friends so that will distract my mind for a few hours. Unfortunately though, going to bed is the worst time for me... a silent room and plenty of quiet to fill with negative thinking. Joy.
BigProc Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 Hey, hope you're ok. i'm going through exactly the same thing. Me and my ex split up 3 month ago but only started nc 4 week ago.I owed her money and she turned up at my door out of the blue for it Monday. I didn't mind giving her the money, but it set me back to square 1 . I hate the night times because they are so quiet and lonely. All I keep thinking about are the good times. Like you I play football on an evening, but all the things I enjoy dont seem as enjoyable at the moment. I hope it gets better for both of us. She doesn't seem to give a s*** now as she is back with her ex and happily moved on.
Author exclusive. Posted August 11, 2010 Author Posted August 11, 2010 Don't envy her mate, she doesn't know what love is. Anyone who throws away one love for their ex is an idiot. FACT. Chin up, what position do you play at football? Looking forward to the season starting?
BigProc Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 Centre mid or up front m8. Had our first friendly monday night. We won 3-0,i got the first . Not very fit though, I was blowing out my arse at end of game lol. Think we need a few more friendlys before start of season, I wa Knackered . Didn't think i'd enjoy monday night but i loved it which is good, especially after seeing the ex for first time in weeks. I split up with someone a couple of years ago, I was with her 5 years (got dumped then as well, must be doing something wrong ) and I found it a lot easier than this.
Sambo Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 Welcome exclusive. I have been with a similar woman who after a break tried to use me as her fall back guy for (too long) a while. I realized I couldn't handle the constant disrespect and used feeling of being her emotional crutch. So I eventually came to the same conclusion as you and went NC. I don't think it totally matters whether or not you tell the other the reasoning why you are vanishing from their lives. I will also report that it can be a ride of a lot of ups and downs for you - as your mind adjusts to them no longer being around. One thing you have to be vigilant of is the mind tricking you and starting to make her into someone she wasn't. In those moments of weakness when you really miss her and want her back, remind yourself of the reasons why you are where you are right now. The real test will come when she breaks NC to check in - and whether or not you can stay strong. Because it will happen, it always does. If you do want her back then you must accept nothing less than her coming back in a sincere way where she truly shows you she wants to work on whatever issues drove you apart. Anything less and you are selling yourself short. And even then you have to truly decide if it is the right thing to try again. Stay strong brother, and know you are on the right path. Great post !!!! I'm in the similar situation as you guys except mine already has a new bf and they are discussing marriage so she says. I try and remind myself that I deserve someone way better but she's played with my head pretty good and cornered me into thinking I'm immature for not staying friends. The only reason I have to remain friends is some financial strings but to be honest if those were not there I would be 100% NC. I love her deeply and I want her back but only under better terms.
fearthepinkmist Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 Yeah I don't get that either. Mine deleted me as a friend... I was like wtf you don't get to do that I do! You don't get to be mad or upset I do! Yeah totally don't understand that concept at all.. sorry bout that just letting you know there are other people out there that feel the same
Author exclusive. Posted August 11, 2010 Author Posted August 11, 2010 I personally realised today though, that she has done me a favour by blocking me. I know that if it was my power to do the blocking and unblocking, I would be constantly checking her page for answers or for things to upset me but because I can't, as she has control, Im not able to and in a way... rests my mind from even thinking about her FB page. So really, shes aiding losing me.
Don Ho Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 Hey Exclusive, listen to you after just a few days of NC and posting on LS! You sound like you've got your head back on your shoulders and you're "getting it". I would not have told her I was going NC, but it's done so it really doesn't matter at this point. Keep soldiering on. If she does come back during NC and if you decide you want to try again, keep in mind NOT to rush back into a relationship and deal with her differently. If you haven't already, I encourage you to go read some David DeAngelo, especially about "reconciliation" Hang in there, you're doing better.
fearthepinkmist Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 Yeah that is true. I would never have deleted him I would have checked his crap all the time... even if I wasn't contacting him just to understand. It does kinda help because I have no choice. That is kinda why I think he did it. Also why I think he broke up with me because he thought it was better for me I guess.. that is all you can think after crap like that. It is good that if that is why she did it she did it for you. To respect you. You know?
Author exclusive. Posted August 11, 2010 Author Posted August 11, 2010 Hmmm Fear, dont make them out like their doing us a favour. That is definitely not why she blocked me, she did it for her... not me. If they were nice people they would work things out with us. Not dump us and disappear for our sakes. Centre mid or up front m8. Had our first friendly monday night. We won 3-0,i got the first . Not very fit though, I was blowing out my arse at end of game lol. Think we need a few more friendlys before start of season, I wa Knackered . Didn't think i'd enjoy monday night but i loved it which is good, especially after seeing the ex for first time in weeks. I split up with someone a couple of years ago, I was with her 5 years (got dumped then as well, must be doing something wrong ) and I found it a lot easier than this. Im a striker, but my team currently put me right midfield because I have only just joined this season from University. Banged myself a hat trick Sunday friendly just gone so think I can safely say I have cemented my mark. and in terms of the premiership starting this week... COYS!!
Author exclusive. Posted August 11, 2010 Author Posted August 11, 2010 Day 2 - Part 2, end. Okay, so for some reason every bloody little thing is reminding me of my ex Jessica today/tonight. It's driving me round the bend! Every advert, tv programme, facebook status, picture...somehow relates to a memory of her. Anyone else having this at the moment? URGH! Anyways, I have stood strong and havent made contact. Hopefully, this will pass soon as is it is bloody not enjoyable. I have a busy weekend coming up, so I shall set my sights on that!
Thierro Posted August 11, 2010 Posted August 11, 2010 Day 2 - Part 2, end. Okay, so for some reason every bloody little thing is reminding me of my ex Jessica today/tonight. It's driving me round the bend! Every advert, tv programme, facebook status, picture...somehow relates to a memory of her. Anyone else having this at the moment? URGH! Anyways, I have stood strong and havent made contact. Hopefully, this will pass soon as is it is bloody not enjoyable. I have a busy weekend coming up, so I shall set my sights on that! Funny, isn't it? Everything being a constant reminder of her. It's like something is deliberately rubbing it in your face all the time.
Recommended Posts